Bookworms

It was like any other day, Scar was returning books to their rightful place. After some time, it had started to take a toll on his legs. He needed to sit down soon and allow himself to recover. It had only been 3 days since he had last seen Grian but to Scar it felt like an eternity. His feelings have been all he can think about and not knowing what they truly mean has driven Scar up the wall.

Just as he had sat down at the checkout desk, when he saw a familiar face walk through the door. Grian had walked in with a big smile on his face and the gifted book bag slung over his shoulder. Before he can even say hello, Grian has placed all three books he checked out, down on the counter. Scar stared down at the books before looking up at Grian again with a puzzled look. “Did you not like them? You’re bringing these back kind of early.” Scar gathers them up in his hands to scan for return.

“No, of course I loved them, it's just that I finished them.” Scar stopped for a second and looked back at Grian in a look of disbelief. The reaction on his face must have been something because before he knew it Grian was laughing at his reaction. Almost belly laughing at him.

“No, you’re joking. That’s why you’re laughing right? You’re laughing cuz you didn’t actually finish all of these?” Scar lifted the books up in utter shock trying to get an answer out of Grian that wasn’t just giggles or laughter. Grian had such a contagious laugh that he could feel himself chuckling a little.

Through his laughter, Grian managed to respond that he had in fact finished all of them. His laughs soon slowed down and he began to breathe normally, focusing again. “Sorry, it’s just the way you looked at me was hilarious. All that laughing almost made me sick.” He leaned up against the counter, shifting his weight.

“Tell me how you did that right now. How did you read all of these so quickly?” Scar was genuinely baffled and flipped through one of the books. Granted, all the books were decent sized, not thick but also not thin. Scar even opened each book only to find that they all had a decent font size. Just one of these books would’ve taken Scar the same amount of time it took Grian to read all of them.

“Well, technically I only read two of them, the other one I had already read before and just wanted to skim through it again.” Like that made Scar feel any better. Two books in three days is still a lot. Scar was just picturing Grian in his head just speed reading. Picking up a book, flipping through and putting it down in exchange for another one, over and over.

“You are something else, Grian. What’s your words per minute? 500?” Grian chuckled, meaning Scars joke landed pretty well.

“It’s a bit embarrassing but I ended up pulling an all-nighter finishing the first book because I couldn’t put it down. The other one I took my time with and it took me a bit more time.” Grian gives a nervous chuckle. Scar knows what it’s like; he’s been there before. Books that leave you guessing one chapter after another that you just can’t stop until you understand everything. “It was just so good! There was no way I could stop reading y’know?”

“Alright, I get it, who's the culprit? The romance, horror or fantasy?” Scar laid the books out in front of Grian like he was choosing the mugshot of who attacked him like in those detective shows. Grian pointed at the horror. “Ah, I see. Were you trying to figure out who the murder was?” He makes eye contact with Grian as he lets out a small laugh.

“Yeah, it was a pretty good one. I’m not too big of a fan of plot twists because they’re usually predictable or they’re so unpredictable it literally makes no sense. It can be annoying, but I heard good things about this book and decided I had to give it a try. The author did so well with hiding their twist but also, after the reveal, you realize there were clear signs all along. I loved it.” Grian continues to talk about it in more depth and Scar listens. Scar hadn’t stopped thinking about what Cub had said the other day and he intended to find out if his feelings were actually something more or if he was just fascinated with Grian. Everytime he thought about Grian or even just wished he could see him smile again, he felt strange.

“Well it sounds good! I might give it a shot, I’m not a big horror guy, but if you say it’s good I’ll give it a shot.” He sees Grians face light up.

“Definitely! I’m not usually a fan of horror myself, but this one actually had you caring about the characters rather than just turning it into a cheesy slasher film. The author took so much care into considering how they wanted an audience to perceive each character and how much of an impact each character played in the overall story.”

“Glad you liked it, it's now on my list of books to read.” Scar takes the book in his hands again and moves it to a place where it is no longer between him and Grian. Although it didn’t do much, it allowed Scar the option to lean on the counter where the book had previously been placed. It gave him just a couple more inches to get closer to Grian.

He hadn’t slept well the previous night. Despite his belief that his feelings are just friendly, he couldn’t stop thinking about it all and thus, lost sleep over it. He doesn’t know his own feelings. He knows he likes Grian, but he likes all of his friends. The difference with Grian is that Scar wants to know more. He wants to take Grian out for drinks or coffee and figure out what kind of a person he truly is. Everything about Grian sent a small spark of electricity throughout Scars body that he didn’t know what to do with.

“Sorry for ranting, how’s your day been going, Scar?” Grians question knocked Scar out of his thoughts.

“Oh y’know. Just the usual. Reading, talking, and recommending. It’s been a lovely day and the weather has been very kind to us don’t you think?” Scar makes a small gesture to the windows. It was sunny and bright, the warmth of the sun made its way into his library, giving it more of a cozy feeling.

“It is very nice outside! I miss going to the beach with a nice book. I know that sounds like one of those silly things in a sappy rom-com but it’s actually so nice. The warm sand and air feels good while under a parasol.” Grian was getting excited again but in a more reminiscent way.

Seeing his opportunity to get to know Grian better, he decided to go for it. “Would you like to go today? It’s Wednesday so I close the library pretty early, once I get all done here we could go?” Scar tried to make his offer sound as calm and casual as possible, but he knew his voice was giving his nerves away. “Only as long as you’re not busy. We could make it like a book date?”

He looked up at Grian whose face had gotten a bit flushed at his last comment. “Well, I don’t know..”

Quickly trying to recover his statement, Scar thinks quickly. “I mean like, we pick a book and read it together? A date with a book? But like together? Like a double date with the same book?” Every word he says makes him feel more and more embarrassed like he accidentally started a fire but everytime he stomps on it to put it out, he just feeds the flames.

“No no, I get it, it’s just, I don’t know you all that well.” Grian gave Scar an awkward smile even though Scar felt his blood run cold. “Don’t get me wrong! You’re a nice guy Scar, but maybe we can do that another time? Maybe after I get to know you better?”

Although Scar feels disappointed, he smiles at Grian. “Of course! Don’t sweat it! I understand where you’re coming from.” Scar can feel the awkward air begin to build so he tries to smooth things out “So, then why don’t we start to get to know each other?” He gets up, leaning on his cane, today was a hard day on his legs. Sitting down would do him some good, but he couldn’t stop himself from lifting himself to his feet. He grabs a chair from an empty table nearby and brings it over for Grian to sit down in.

Scar was expecting more of a reluctant reaction from Grian, seeing as how he likes to keep himself a bit distant. Grian had proved him wrong though, smiling and as he sat down in the chair. Scar could finally feel some relief after having salvaged their conversation. It really lifted a weight off his shoulders.

Grian was right, they didn’t know much about each other. They met once and although they get along well, they really are still just strangers. Scar was moving too fast, Grian comes off as a passionate but closed off person. If Scar wants to take care of this relationship he’s building with Grian, he needs to take his time. Scar genuinely wants to be Grians friend. He could care less about whether or not they become something more. He’s not even certain if he likes Grian that way. The only thing he is certain of is that he wants Grian to be in his life. Even if they are just good friends, book buddies, or acquaintances, Scar knows Grian is becoming an important person in his life.

Scar sat back down, relaxing himself and getting prepared to start the conversation. “So, you obviously love books, but what’s your favorite genre?” It’s a simple question that can get things rolling.

“My favorite genre?” Grian took only a few seconds to think. His posture went from stiff and upright, to a bit more relaxed and loose. “I’d have to go with romance. Again, another cheesy thing, but you have to hear me out! It’s not just for the love and romance but the hardships those couples go through together and how hard they have to work to get to a place where they understand one another. The misunderstandings or the things that force them apart can feel so real and in the end grow them into a better couple.”

“I understand that, but don’t you get tired of reading the same things in a different setting?” Scar didn’t come off as rude in any way. He was genuinely curious.

Grian shakes his head side to side, his hair bouncing like Scar remembers when they first met. “No! Although it all ends the same with the couple falling in love, the journey to that ending is always different! They’re not just a copy and paste in a different color. These stories are always different! I never know if I like it more when the couple gets together or if the couple confess their love to each other right before one of them dies. It’s a bit morbid but it’s about their love for eachother and the tests their love has to face before they can be together! Even if sometimes, their love ends up being deadly.”

“That’s very interesting. Now tell me, out of all the romance tropes you’ve read, which one would be your least favorite.”

Without missing a beat, Grian answers quickly. “The cheating trope.” No more words are said after that. No long monologue about his emotions or why he hates it. Grian has proved to be a very passionate person about things he talks about and to not immediately go off into another spiel about it is odd for Scar.

Only letting a couple of seconds pass Scar picks the conversation back up. “So, can you tell me why you don’t like it so much?”

“No no no, it’s not that I don’t like it, I actually despise it. If I ever pick up a book like that I want to rip it in half. To me, I can’t stand how a person can let someone who cheated on them walk back into their life.” Grian folds his arms and turns his head to look out the window. “I’ve only read one book with the cheating trope that has ever turned out good. Other than that, most books I read the protagonist forgives the cheater too early or the writing makes you feel as though you should feel bad for the cheater. It’s all so disgusting and in a way makes me feel like the book is trying to gaslight me. I just can’t stand it.” Grian takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. “But other than that I tend to love all the other tropes. Forced proximity, friends to lovers, enemies to loves, friends to enemies to lovers, all of it. I think my favorite is the sunshine and grumpy characters. It’s just so cute how the sunshine character tries to put a smile on the grumpy character's face.” Grian relaxes again and turns back to face Scar.

“You know you’re a very passionate person, Grian.” Scar pulled one of his legs into his lap, holding it with his hands on his shin. “I think no matter what we talk about, you are going to always have something interesting to say back to me, and I think that’s why I want to get to know you more.”

Scar watched as pink flushed grians ears and cheeks. “Well, I have opinions and I think I like sharing them with you because you seem to care and you listen. I’ve never had anyone to talk to about this stuff. And when it comes to you, I don’t feel like I’m ever being judged for what I say.” Scar knee now, more than ever, that he did have a crush on Grian. His heart was on fire and it burned through every inch of his body.

He takes a deep breath, trying to stay level headed and cool. “I’m glad I can be that person for you, Grian. I love listening to how you talk about each book. You pay so much attention to detail and it shows in the way you talk.” Scar puts his leg down and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Grian leaned back in his chair with a small smile. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?”

Scar chuckles, “I’d be right here, in my beautiful library, talking to you.”

“You know he likes you right?”

“Mumbo! He does not, he’s just really friendly.” Grian had told Mumbo everything he needed to know about Scar. Grian didn’t just move here because he’d been here once before, but he also moved here because his best friend lived here and was looking for a roommate.

“Grian, he does too. He literally asked you out on a date, and is obsessed with listening to your weird book rambles. Not only that but he said if he were anywhere, he’d wanna be sitting there listening to you talk. He’s got it bad for you, Grian.” Mumbo was cooking dinner for them two. He was casually talking and making small glances to Grian trying to get him to understand what he’s saying.

“He likes to listen because he also loves books, Mumbo!” Grian is trying to deflect the conversation.

“All I’m saying is that he likes you, Grian. You obviously like him too, just admit it.” Mumbo turns to face Grian completely and smirks.

Grian took a second to collect his thoughts. He wasn’t sure. “I do, but I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship. Even if Scar is a nice guy.” Grian folds his arms and lays his head on the table.

Mumbo switched from a silly tone to a more serious one. “He might be good for you, Grian. Isn’t that worth the risk?”

“No. Because what if I’m not good for him? Not only that but I’m still in love with Keon.” Grian starts thinking back to what used to be. The reason he moved down here.

“Grian. He hurt you. You’ve got to let go of him.” Mumbo turns his back towards Grian. “You deserve better.”

“I’m sorry Mumbo but I can’t just throw three years in the trash like they were nothing!” Grian stood up, ready to defend himself.

“Grian!” Mumbo puts his cooking utensils down and turns to face Grian again. Giving him a caring but serious look. “He HURT you. I’m trying to be as kind as possible when I say these things because I care about you. But Grian, could you at least try? Scar seems like a nice guy. I’m not going to force you to do anything, but you need to get Keon out of that head of yours.”

“And what would you know Mumbo?” It felt like venom was spilling out of his mouth. The immediate regret that followed those words is that Grian is alive. Mambo was kind enough to take him in his home after his failed relationship and he’s defending the person who put him in this situation. Despite the regret, he can’t help but feel like Mumbo is attacking him. “You’ve never had a relationship long enough to understand what I’m going through. You don’t get to tell me how to feel.”

Grian knows Mumbo is right. Grian knows Mumbo well but he can’t help the lump in his throat that swells. He can’t bring himself to make eye contact with his friend, knowing his words must have hurt Mumbo. He hears Mumbo sigh, “You’re right Grian. I don’t. But I know you and I know that relationship hit you hard. I don’t want to fight Grian, but I’m not going to roll over and let you self-destruct over a man who isn’t worth your time.”

Grian can’t respond. He feels angry and sad and confused. Mumbo is a great friend but Grian hates how much he knows Mumbo is right. “Fine. I’ll try, but only because you asked me to.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Take your time, Grian. I’m trying to tell you, there is love out there looking for you, but you have to be willing to let go of that.. guy. He doesn’t-” Mumbo stops, reconsidering what he was about to say. He clears his throat before he continues. “Just ease into things okay? I’m always here for you.” Mumbo takes a deep breath, ending their conversation.

In their long silence, Grian is left to his thoughts. He likes Scar but does he want a relationship with him or does he just want to be friends? Grian knows that Scar means something to him, but is it a good idea to let him get too close?