Congratulations, Sterling!
Without the Fellowship position, April knew she would have to work even harder to protect her secret. She had plenty of extracurriculars to distract her. Extracurriculars that felt required despite their elective status. Being gay in her town meant that she couldn’t explore her own thoughts very well. It was all God, all conservative all the time. There was little acceptance of liberals in her community, she would be treated as much like a leper as she would be if she were found in the closet. So she had found some… alternate venues through which to internally process her queerness while keeping her glowing reputation intact.
Before her next class, April sat on the grass with Hannah B and Ezequiel, her back to the building. Ezequiel played on his phone while Hannah B played her guitar and sang. She could feel Sterling approaching before was even close. Because, ever since the day they had met, and even after Sterling gave her away, April had absorbed the knowledge of Sterling’s schedule. Often a curse for April who did not enjoy memory lane with the friend who abandoned her, today it was a blessing. Now was exactly the time every day that Sterling and that growth she called her twin sister always walked by April’s little grassy area. Without a word to Ezequiel or Hannah B, April got up, turned around and walked directly over to Sterling and Blair, her signature smirk settled haughtily on her face.
Sterling had her hands hanging loose and her head tilted down as April studied her. “Congratulations on Fellowship, Sterling.” She elongated Sterling’s name patronizingly and told her that she thought that she was going to get the position herself. If they had still been friends, maybe she could have admitted her pain at losing the position. How much it meant to her to be a leader in their church community. What she stood to gain by having the position, even what she had lost by it being taken from her. But instead, she just listed all the extracurriculars she was already taking that would be keeping her very busy. Young Republicans was a way to be in good standing with her community while also learning politics. Forensics allowed April to debate things from multiple angles and form opinions on her own while still appearing sufficiently conservative for onlookers, despite having some doubts. Latin Club taught her how to study the Bible from its original language, this allowed her to understand the nature of mankind to misinterpret and helped her become closer to God. Through this she even recognized that he created her as she was, a lesbian and he would never smite her for it.
And the Straight-Straight Alliance. She said this with the straightest face she could muster, attempting a bigoted gleam in her eyes. Straight-Straight Alliance was her idea with Ezequiel and it was the best-kept secret in the school. A safe place for queer kids, the club’s genius was in that it never talked about attraction or feeling different but its selection process was highly sophisticated. It was a place for queers to talk to other queers about anything except for sex, it just wasn’t advertised that way. Bigots were ejected from the group immediately and always given reasons that they could not connect with their hatred for why they were booted. April loved her extracurriculars as they were the only fresh breath she allowed herself in her stunted backwards community. Because every single one of them could give her the appearance of exactly the straight conservative Christian housewife that she was expected to be.
Blair retorted something about the straights already being aligned but April barely noticed, her eyes locked on Sterling instead. “That’s really good for you April.” Sterling said as politely as she could. April wished she could tell Sterling of her genius in finding a safe place for herself amidst all the bigotry in their city. But that wasn’t possible.
“Yeah,” April replied wistfully. “It is.” She hoped the self-satisfaction on her face showed Sterling how much she didn’t need the Fellowship position. She couldn’t beg her for the position, she just had to accept that it wasn’t possible for her to have it and move on. Jennings, Blair’s obnoxious sentient mop of a boyfriend ran over to them and immediately began making out with Blair against Sterling’s back. Horrifically self-absorbed behavior aside, watching two people make out was always a point of disgust for April. They were so aggressive and open about their attraction to each other, and knowing that wasn’t possible for April, at least not for a very long time, always pissed her off. But before April could say anything about how gross it was, how unbecoming of Christians or whatever excuse she decided to give for needing the straightness out of her face in that moment, Sterling was pushed over the sidewalk by the distracted couple and dropped her bag on the ground.
April rolled her eyes as Blair took two seconds to apologize. Then rolled them even harder as Blair assured her entitled mophead that Sterling forgave him, and continued to be enamored with the greasy selfish dude-bro. April knelt down to help Sterling pick up her things, gently placing the items in the bag, her hand coming so close to Sterling’s she almost felt eleven again, holding hands with Sterling and talking about life together on a walk at recess, small hands warm and soft, fitting perfectly.
“Thanks.” Sterling said timidly, pulling April out of her sweet memory. April tried her best to ignore the pain she felt knowing that Sterling would think she wouldn’t help her when she was in need. She wished she could just say that she was happy to help an old friend, or a current friend, or even say something about how they never talked anymore. Sometimes being apart from Sterling was physically painful for April, but she would never let anyone know that. Life apart from Sterling was now inevitable and it was even worse when she was close because April knew they could never have what they used to.
“Yeah, you think I wouldn’t help a fellow…” the sun reflected off a small square piece of foil on the ground, buried underneath the rest of Sterling’s things. An opened condom wrapper. She lifted her eyes from the ground and right into Sterling’s bright blue ones. “Christian?” she finished breathlessly. This changed everything. The condom wrapper meant that goody-two shoes, Miss Popular, Miss Super-Straight-Had-the-Same-Boyfriend-Since-Sixth-Grade Sterling Wesley was sexually active. April ignored the drop in her stomach at the knowledge that Sterling had been touched like that. One of the main aspects of leadership was sexual purity. You could not be sexually active if you were going to be a leader, it was part of the requirements for the position. The guilty look Sterling had in Fellowship that morning had returned along with her small mouth gaping as April quickly snatched the wrapper. She tried to steady her breath. This wrapper meant that the position for Fellowship was rightfully hers. That she could have what she wanted and Miss Perfect would have to be held accountable for her actions. She continued to look Sterling in the eye as she stood up from helping her gather her stuff. Then she called after Jennings, the condom wrapper secure in her bag, her eyes never leaving Sterling’s.
April knew that a condom wrapper was circumstantial and wouldn’t hold up in the court of law. Thank you Forensics. But the look on Sterling’s face said she had been caught red-handed and even though Jennings had no further corroboration to provide regarding Sterling’s whereabouts that weekend, April played it off as if they were getting along, faking a laugh and looking back at Sterling, a hint of challenge in her stare. Sterling couldn’t have the position if she was breaking the rules. So April resolved that somehow, she would build a case against her and get her ousted from the position. She could be sexually active with her precious dumb boyfriend for all April cared. But she could not have April’s leadership position while having the audacity to lie about it to the entire school.
After school, April met up with Ezequiel and Hannah B for Chick-Fil-A in the parking lot. She had no intention of telling them about the wrapper. Especially with the evidence being so sparse that it was Sterling’s. Plus, she needed to be able to control the outcome. She wasn’t necessarily trying to destroy Sterling’s reputation. She just needed to leverage the knowledge she now had in order to gain the title she needed to stay safe and in control.
She could see Sterling’s smile plastered on her face from the other side of the parking lot as the twins approached her car. This usually meant Sterling needed something. But Blair’s quiet and toothy grin had April on high alert. Blair was always snarky with a permanent glower whenever she was around April. These girls were clearly trying to manipulate her, while she had dirt that could destroy them. She faced them with a look of disinterest. But when they started talking about her dad she caught them in their lie. April’s daddy had flown on his helicopter to Hiltonhead ten days ago and here they thought they could convince her that they had seen him at his office on Monday. Amateurs.
She called them out on the lie and strode forward, gripping Sterling’s arm to turn her around to face her. "I don't know what you tramps are up to, but I know you're lying." she said with a snarl. Her eyes bore into Sterling's searching out any reasons she would have to lie about working with April's dad. Sterling didn't miss a beat, rising to the challenge, her eyes never breaking from April's. April raised her eyebrows and cocked her head, smiling threateningly. "You don't want to mess with me." she let her lips fall into an challenging grin. "Honey." The moment hung before them, suspended in the tension. April saw a flicker of worry and an appreciative smirk in Sterling's smile. They always got competitive in discussions, even when they were young. April pushed away the familiar feeling and forced Her expression to seem more dangerous. "Stay away from my family." Sterling was unflappable and Blair was stupidly grinning next to her the entire time, clearly fighting the urge to retort as she was usually so apt to do. They wished Ezequiel and Hannah B a blessed night, turned and walked toward their car.
Feeling put out by the conversation and a little heady from her earlier semi-accidental flirtation, April decided to threaten Sterling more tangibly. She broke the rules, she had to pay. She asked Sterling what Ellen or the entire student body would think of her for what she had done while pursuing the position of church leadership. The condom wrapper in her hand. April had been building care packages for homeless teens all weekend. Since homelessness disproportionately affected LGBTQ teens, April felt a lot of empathy for them. All that stood between having a home and homelessness herself was likely anyone knowing she was gay. She was able to take care of those kids as a Christian without outing herself. But Sterling had it so easy and her pastimes were so much more selfish than April's. April deserved that spot. The girls walked away, speeding away in their car a few minutes later. Whatever they needed to do must have been insanely important for them to race out like that.
When April opened the door to her livingroom, a figure was hunched in the dark, head buried in her hands. April's mom. And though it was muffled, April could discern sobs.
"Mama, what happened?" April asked anxiously, her hands coming to wrap around her mom in a gentle hug.
"It's your father, Darling. He's been arrested." April felt her mouth go dry, her stomach lurching, her eyes welling up with tears. Arrested. She knew her father could trend towards a violent streak at times. His self-righteous anger occasionally possessing him to grant a right hook to whoever he felt insulted him at the club. April didn't know what to do. She held her mom while her mom cried, unable to say what had happened. When she walked up to her bedroom, she took a look in the mirror, burst into tears and threw herself on her bed, her whole world falling apart around her.
Now she desperately needed the Fellowship position. If she was to quell any rumors, she would need that position of power and every little thing that came with it. Being in the closet was a stronger need than ever because now, the entire community would be watching her every move, scrutinizing her every waking moment.
There was no other option.
She pulled the condom wrapper out of her purse, placed it in a Ziploc bag and sealed it, sealing Sterling Wesley's fate along with it.