Feuillemort

the sun stings so i’d rather dream of you

~
whether we fall in
or completely fall out
you and I will
always have a story
- r.s oceans

~

The hug caused her too much pain that she wanted to lose consciousness. But she couldn’t burden Sana into carrying her to the helicopter. What she did though is to push Momo away and look at her like she grew another head. Momo looked at her with pain in her eyes.

“Sunshine,” Momo tried to reach out again but Sana held Jeongyeon’s hand. She stopped and looked at their interlocked hands.

“Momo, we’re in a hurry,” Sana said. Jeongyeon took a deep breath and kept her eyes on Sana. Momo felt alienated. She wanted to scream that Jeongyeon was her fiancee. That Jeongyeon was hers but it’s been years so she stopped herself.

“I’m uneasy,” she heard Jeongyeon whisper to Sana. The girl nodded and looked at Momo.

“I’m sorry for calling you out of nowhere. But can we just go to the city hospital first? It’s kind of an emergency,” Sana asked with a soft tone. Momo couldn’t help but sigh before she stepped aside. “May I ask why you suddenly hugged Jeong?”

Momo hopped inside the chopper and made sure that everyone’s safety belts were secured. She wanted to hold Jeongyeon’s hand but when she looked, she saw that Sana and Jeongyeon’s hands were already interlocked. “You don’t remember me?” Momo whispered. It was loud enough to be heard by the three of them.

Jeongyeon knew that the mysterious girl was asking her, not Sana. She shook her head, “I don’t believe we’ve ever met, Miss.”

The simple sentence broke her heart. It was worse than when Sana suddenly disappeared. Well, Momo never got hurt by it anyway. “I’ll tell you when you’re okay,” Momo smiled. Even through all the emotions she was feeling, she still smiled.

On the other hand, Sana was busy looking at Momo’s bracelet. She noticed it way before they ever called off the wedding. She was too uncaring to even ask Momo what it meant but now that things are complicated, she wanted to ask. Although Sana knew better than to ruin the silence that was around them. Jeongyeon kept rubbing her thumb across the back of Sana’s hand. It brought her comfort but she knew that Jeongyeon was doing that because she was feeling sick due to the loud noise caused by the chopper.

“Just a little bit more,” Sana whispered. As soon as they landed, Mina was already waiting for them. Momo hopped out and helped Sana. She was about to help Jeongyeon but the girl reached out to Sana instead. It’s like Jeongyeon’s world solely exists for Sana.

“What happened?” Mina made sure that Jeongyeon was secure on the stretcher before facing Sana.

“She woke me up and told me she couldn’t smell anything. She started panicking. But it’s weird because before sleeping, she even told me that she liked the way I smell,” Sana explained. Momo felt another pang on her chest.

They slept beside each other.

“I’ll need to run some tests again. You can stay here for the meantime,” Mina went inside, leaving Momo and Sana in an awkward silence.

“Coffee?” Sana pulled her to the cafeteria and bought two coffees. As they sat in front of each other, Sana broke the silence once again, “She doesn’t feel anything. No emotions. She’s apathetic.”

“What are you saying?” Momo took a sip of coffee and tried her best to avoid eye contact with her ex-fiancee. She knew that Sana was talking about Jeong. She knew it very well. But she couldn’t accept the fact that the Jeongyeon she met today was far too different from the Jeongyeon she loved and was about to marry.

Sana gave a tired smile, “You… you were supposed to marry Jeongyeon, right? She’s the reason why we never worked out in the first place.”

A tear dropped from Momo’s eye, “I’m sorry.”

“No need to say sorry. But I do have a lot of questions since she told me that everyone from Abyssal Island already died,” she replied. 

“You’re wondering how I survived? The day before our wedding, I went here in the city to get my gown. Jeongyeon didn’t come with me because she’d see my gown and that’s bad luck. On my way home, I met the Hirais. Their daughter just died and they want to adopt me. I declined because I told them that I will be getting married. Mom, Mrs. Hirai, wanted a little more time with me since I looked a lot like their daughter so they brought me to the boat. That was the last trip going to Abyssal that day. And then as I boarded, I was the lone passenger, a huge explosion happened. I wanted to go there. All I could think of was my family and Jeongyeon,” Momo started crying. Sana was hurting as well. She could imagine how Momo felt that day. And only to meet Jeongyeon who doesn’t remember her.

“I’m sorry,” Sana reached out and held Momo’s hand. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting. But Momo,” she took a deep breath and continued, “I love her now too. Well, at least I think I do.”

Momo shook her head, “I know. You know, it really hurts to see Jeongyeon hold someone else’s hand but it’ll hurt me more to see her alone. If she doesn’t love me anymore, I’ll be okay with it. Although it will hurt as hell.”

It was almost too painful to bear. Momo wanted to freeze time so she could stop feeling as well. But it was impossible. What matters now is that Jeongyeon’s alive and she’s having troubles with herself. It doesn’t matter if she can’t have her. But as long as Jeongyeon is okay then Momo will be okay as well.

When Mina returned, Jeongyeon was following behind her. As soon as the girl saw Sana, her face lit up. She walked towards Sana and sat beside her, “Stay with me.”

The throbbing pain returned. Momo faked a smile and looked up to Mina, “We’re waiting for the results. For now, let’s relax. Come to the VIP area. It’ll be quiet there compared to here.” The doctor led them to the VIP area and offered the couch.

Jeongyeon looked at Momo, “Can you tell me why you hugged me earlier?”

“Jeong, are you sure you can handle this?” Sana placed a hand on Jeongyeon’s leg, worried that something might trigger the girl and cause her pain.

“Mina’s here,” Jeongyeon smiled at Sana. “You’re here. I’ll be fine.”

Momo took a deep breath because she knew that once Jeongyeon was set on something, she wouldn’t stop until she got it. She removed her bracelet and gave it to Jeong, “It’s yours. You gave it to me before you proposed. I think you could call me your ex. I mean, I’m sure you don’t want to be in a relationship with me now, right?” she looked at the interlocked fingers. Jeongyeon cleared her throat and urged her to proceed. “Sana will tell you how I survived but the ring you have on your neck. That was my engagement ring. You gave it to me. I told you to keep it safe when I went to the city to get my gown. But I never got it back,” Sana looked away and just listened. In her mind, a thousand scenarios happened. She started questioning what if the explosion never happened. Would that mean that Jeongyeon and her wouldn’t meet. She’d be stuck alone. She wouldn’t know how it feels to genuinely want nothing but the best for someone else.

Momo continued telling Jeongyeon and the rest their story.

~

The final three hours at the restaurant are always the hardest. Last minute orders are a pain in the ass. It was exactly what was happening because right before the last two hours a woman came in and ordered almost everything on the menu.

“Excuse me, madam, I don’t mean to offend but are you sure that you want to order everything? It’s eight in the evening,” the waitress asked. Jeongyeon was busy tallying the inventory when the master host approached her about the situation.

“Yes. I apologize if it’s a little late. My caterer backed out and I need food for tomorrow morning’s event. I’m planning to freeze everything and reheat them tomorrow,” the girl sounded like she was about to break down.

Jeongyeon approached them and said, “No need to wait for tonight. Where is the venue? We will cater it for you.”

“Boss,” the head chef was about to complain but Jeongyeon’s decision was fixed.

“It’s at the next block. How much will it cost?” Momo stood up and bowed. “I will give you the money you want.”

“No need for such. Just the amount you were going to pay for your former caterer. We will be there by three am to cook. You may leave your contact number so we can contact you tomorrow,” before Momo could say anything, Jeongyeon turned around and went to the door. She turned off the sign, signaling that the restaurant was closed already.

True to her words, Jeongyeon and the rest of the crew were at the venue at three am. They served the best tasting food Momo ever tasted. She went to Jeongyeon and greeted, “Hi! I haven’t introduced myself but I’m Momo. Hirai Momo. I’m an event organizer. The food is amazing!”

Jeongyeon nodded, “Thanks. Yoo Jeongyeon. I’d shake your hand but I’m still cooking.” a small woman went to Jeong and asked for another serving, “Chaeyoung, make sure nothing spills.”

“No problem, big sis,” the small woman left and served the food she asked.

“Don’t you have guests to assist, Miss Organizer?” Jeongyeon wiped her hands and faced Momo.

The event organizer’s breath hitched. Jeongyeon was mesmerizing. She had short hair and expressive eyes. Momo wanted to keep staring at it. “I..”

A smirk appeared on Jeongyeon’s lips, “Cat got your tongue?”

Momo blushed and walked away. Since that day, Momo has been returning to the restaurant to eat (but actually see Jeongyeon). When Jeongyeon asked her for coffee, she agreed. Under the stars of the Abyssal Island, Momo confessed her feelings. At first, it was a crush but then Jeongyeon continued to show her a different side which made Momo fall in love. Jeongyeon was aloof with other people but she laughs a lot when she’s around Momo.

When Jeongyeon proposed, Momo cried in happiness. Jeongyeon’s family, including her little sister, Chaeyoung, all loved Momo so much and wanted her to be part of their family.

“I love you so much, sunshine,” Jeongyeon whispered as they swayed into the non existent music. Momo was busy listening to her fiancee’s heartbeat.

She hugged the girl as tight as she could, “I love you as much, sunshine.”

~

When Momo kept quiet, Sana looked at Jeongyeon. She saw how Jeongyeon’s eyes mirrored the same pain that Momo had earlier. She knew that even though Jeongyeon couldn’t feel anything, deep inside, she was relieving the love she shared with Momo. they had the right love at the right time but the world was unfair. Sana felt as if she was interfering with something when she saw how Momo and Jeongyeon looked at each other.

“You see, you were aloof even then,” Momo chuckled. “But you still loved it when I talked to you whenever you read. You’re still into reading now, I assume?”

Jeongyeon chuckled, something Sana didn’t expect, “Yes. Do you know my favorites? I want to reread them if possible.”

“Sure!” Momo took a pen and paper from her bag and wrote down all of Jeongyeon’s favorites. Those favorites that Sana wished she knew but she couldn’t because Jeongyeon doesn’t know them herself. It’s like she was suddenly brought to the past and saw how perfect Jeongyeon and Momo were for each other.

“Excuse me,” Sana stood up but Jeongyeon held her hand.

“Where are you going?” her voice was soft. As if pleading.

Sana cupped Jeongyeon’s face, “I want to pee.” that sentence was enough for Jeongyeon to let go and look at Momo again.

The faint voices soon disappeared. Sana dropped her head and leaned on the sink. She wanted to cry because she wished she knew the things Momo knew but it was unfair for her to demand something Jeongyeon didn’t know as well.

“You love her now?” Mina’s voice startled her. She turned around and saw the doctor leaning on the wall with her arms crossed, “It’s fine. I won’t tell Jeongyeon.”

“She can hear you, you know,” Sana chuckled bitterly.

“Nope. She’s too engrossed with Momo’s stories that she isn’t paying attention to her surroundings,” the doctor sighed. “The results came and shewed that nothing is wrong with her. But I have a theory.”

“And that is?” Sana crossed her arms and waited for Mina to tell her.

~

Momo brought them back to the island using the same chopper they used earlier. When they got to the island, Momo held Jeongyeon’s hand. Surprisingly, Jeongyeon didn’t flinch, “Will it be too much to ask for a hug? I just really missed you and I’m so glad you’re alive.”

Jeongyeon stared at her but then pulled Momo for a hug, “Thank you for being honest.”

Sana looked away. She wanted to leave. She wanted to scream. Then she realized that she wasn’t breathing until Momo pulled away from Jeong. “Thank you. If you need anything, tell me. I will do everything I can to help you, sunshine.”

“You can’t call me sunshine anymore, Momo,” Jeongyeon said. “We’re not together. I shouldn’t be your sun anymore.”

Momo nodded, “Right.” She looked at Sana who was looking at somewhere else. “You take care.”

When Momo left, Sana and Jeongyeon sat quietly at the dining hall while eating. Jeongyeon noticed that Sana had been avoiding her gaze. After eating, Sana quickly cleaned up and started washing the dishes. To her surprise, Jeongyeon stood behind her and placed her hands on both sides, trapping Sana in front of her.

“You’re avoiding me,” Jeongyeon said with a soft voice. She rested her forehead on Sana’s shoulder, “Please don’t avoid me.”

Sana froze and dropped the sponge, “J-Jeong, I mean, I’m not.”

“You’re distant. You haven’t smiled since we left the hospital. You’re not looking at me,” Jeongyeon wrapped her arms around Sana’s waist, back hugging her. “Are you jealous of Momo?”

Sana sighed in defeat, “Jeong, she’s your fiancee.”

“Ex. She was, I guess, my lover. But, Sana,” a sigh escaped Jeongyeon’s lips. Her breath went straight to Sana’s neck, making her shiver. “Aren’t we a thing?”

She turned around to meet Jeongyeon’s eyes. “Jeongyeon, you know the feelings I have?”

Jeongyeon nodded and hugged her tighter, making their faces go closer, “What about it?”

Sana looked at Jeongyeon’s orbs and then said, “I think I know it. Jeongyeon, I think it’s love.”