people do not understand that my peace begins and ends with you
people do not understand that my peace begins and ends with you
~
hold me in your arms
even if i am fragile
like a dream.
-alexandra vasiliu
~
Mina cleared her throat. Sana took a step back and smiled, “So… are you guys in the mood for dessert? I made pudding the other day.”
“It smelled delicious. I want some,” Jeongyeon started walking towards the dining area again. The doctor curiously watched how the scene unfold in front of her. Sana’s blinding smile hid the pain her eyes were screaming to the people around her. Mina noticed the subtle anxious gestures that the girl was making but chose to remain mum about it. It is not her nature to force someone to open up to her.
They reached the kitchen. Sana was busy getting the pudding from the fridge but she still initiated the conversation, “How did you know? You were stuck inside the study room the whole day.”
Jeongyeon leaned her chin on her hand and pointed at her nose, “I have a sensitive sense of smell. I can smell even from a kilometer away.”
Sana’s mouth made an ‘O’. She chuckled and served the pudding to them, “I forgot, you’re a special case. I keep thinking you’re just a cranky landlady.”
The comment made Mina laugh, “I’m sorry. It was too funny that I couldn’t control myself.”
Jeongyeon rolled her eyes, “And you’re the loud tenant I have.”
“I’m your only tenant,” Sana teased.
“Why did you shout earlier?” Jeongyeon asked. Mina caught Sana’s shoulders tensed up. She continued to eat her pudding.
The caretaker shrugged, “Nayeon was being petty again. How can you stand her, Mina? She’s just loud and that’s it.”
“You make it sound like you’re not a loud person as well, Sana,” Jeongyeon finished her pudding and placed the container in the dishwasher. “You’re the loudest person I’ve met.”
“Oh?” Sana smirked. “And how many people have you met?”
Jeongyeon stopped walking and looked at Sana with an annoyed face, “I don’t know. I’m a patient with amnesia, remember?”
“Now you’re just being cranky. Want Sana, the loving care taker, to hug that mood swing away?” Sana continued to piss Jeongyeon off but Mina only watched as if she wasn’t there at all. Everything in front of her was so foreign. Jeongyeon was interacting with someone as if she was normal. Not that Mina thought she was but the situation was different. Jeongyeon was a special case and Mina wants to make sure that everything runs as smoothly as possible for Jeongyeon to live in peace. It was the least she could do as the girl’s doctor.
Mina stood up, “I should really get going.”
Before the two could react, thunder roared. It was louer compared to when Sana and Jeongyeon played in the rain. It sounded like the rain was going to be unforgiving. Sana looked at Mina, “You should sleep here for the night. Even the boat driver. He can sleep in the living room.”
Mina wanted to say no but Jeongyeon spoke, “I agree with Sana. Just stay here and be safe rather than risking it. I don’t want another doctor.”
That night, Mina slept beside Sana. They didn’t talk much because the girl stayed inside the study room until past midnight.
~
The next morning, Mina woke up with the smell of breakfast being cooked. She quickly took a shower and went out to help Sana. She found both Jeongyeon and Sana by the counter. The latter was teasing Jeongyeon as always.
“Come on, Jeong. Why did you hug me? Were you concerned?” Sana placed the cooked eggs on a plate. She looked at Jeongyeon again, “Are you starting to feel something for me now?”
“You assume too much,” Jeongyeon kept shaking her head. She noticed the doctor, “Good morning, Doctor Myoui.”
“I told you, call me Mina. It’s fine since we’re not in the hospital,” she explained. Sana gave her food and then sat at her usual seat. “Thank, Sana.”
“Sure thing,” the girl started eating. Sana and Mina talked about the latest collection that Nayeon endorsed.
It was when Jeongyeon put her utensils down that they stopped, “It’s bland.”
“What?” Sana took another bite of what she cooked. “It tastes okay.”
“Do I look like I’m lying then?” Jeongyeon snapped. She shoved the plate and stood up.
Mina interjected, “Jeong, room one?”
The tallest among them nodded and proceeded to the consultation room. She dropped herself on a chair and covered her eyes with an arm.
“Mina, I can’t taste anything,” Jeongyeon told the doctor.
“How is that possible?”
The girl glared at her, “I don’t know! I could taste even the tiniest piece of salt and it would taste as if a whole teaspoon was included. You’re the doctor here! Tell me why the hell can’t I taste anything!”
“I can’t do anything here but check your stats,” Mina told her in a calm tone. “We have to go to the city.”
“No,” Jeongyeon slammed her hand on the desk. “I will not leave this place. The city is too loud. I hate it there.”
“We don’t have much of a choice, Jeong. I need those machines to scan your brain. Then we might find a solution as to why your sense of taste suddenly disappeared,” Mina removed her stethoscope and sighed.
“I refuse,” the girl stood up and walked away.
Jeongyeon found Sana inside the study room, reading a medical book. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
Sana lowered her head, “I think my cooking was too terrible that it caused you to not taste it. I’m sorry.”
She pulled Sana and patted her head, “It’s not your fault that I can’t taste anything. It will never be your fault for taking care of me.”
~
When morning came, Sana continued to push herself to cook meals for Jeongyeon to eat. She made sure to put enough seasoning so that the girl could taste it. She took it to the heart when Jeongyeon said that it wasn’t her fault. Everything inside her screamed that it was.
“Good morning,” Jeongyeon sat down at her usual seat. She looked at the table full of food, “What’s the occasion?”
Sana smiled, “I cooked different kinds of foods. I was up around four am.” Jeongyeon nodded so she continued, “I think if you’d taste everything there, you’d get your taste buds back.”
The girl smiled, “Thank you for your effort.” Sana was so busy getting water from the fridge that she didn’t see how Jeongyeon’s cheeks turned red and then returned to normal.
When she sat in front of Jeong, she patiently waited for the girl to say something regarding the taste of her cooking. Sana’s heart raced in an irregular beat. She was excited yet she feared that maybe Jeongyeon’s lost of taste was permanent.
Jeongyeon looked at her with tired eyes. It was actually the first time that Jeongyeon ever looked at her like that, “Sana, it’s still bland.”
She took a piece from Jeongyeon’s plate and ate it. “It tastes okay! What do you mean?”
The way the Jeongyeon winced in pain because her voice was a little too loud reminded Sana that everything was still fine. Just a little worrying but still fine, “It’s fine. I can live without it.”
Mina arrived. The doctor didn’t leave because she wanted to monitor Jeongyeon’s condition. Although the blonde thought it was unnecessary, she didn’t complain. Mina only wanted to help so Jeongyeon just shrugged and left.
“Sana, can we talk for a moment? It’s about Nayeon,” the doctor led them inside the consultation room. “This room is soundproof so I want to talk to you here.”
“What’s wrong?” Sana sat in the chair and looked at Mina with worried eyes. “Did something happen to Nayeon?”
The doctor shook her head, “No. I made that excuse because I want to talk to you about Jeongyeon.”
“Why? Is this about her taste buds?”
Mina nodded, “Yes. She won’t go with me to the city. She wants to just let things fall where they may be. I will leave today because I know she’s uncomfortable with my presence. But do you mind convincing her to go to the city? I need to run some tests because what happened is not something we see everyday. For three years, Jeongyeon has had an extreme sense of taste. She could even taste the slightest bit of salt included in the food but to have her not taste anything might be something alarming for her. She’s a special case, Sana, and I understand that you think of her like a normal person but she’s different. At the end of the day, she’s not normal.”
Sana remained quiet. She thought about how Jeongyeon smiled the first time. How it felt for her to have the girl smile like that. When they played under the rain, Jeongyeon almost looked at par with Aphrodite herself. Sana would give anything to have Jeongyeon laugh like that again.
“For some reason, Jeongyeon listens to you. Now, when I leave, do everything you can to make sure that she agrees to go to the city. I will leave my hospital phone here so you can contact me anytime. I will arrange everything if needed. By doing this, you will be helping her,” Mina stood up and touched Sana’s shoulder. “Let me know.”
When Mina left, Sana continued to weigh her options. She didn’t want to go back to the city because it might cause everything to go to waste but she also didn’t want to leave Jeongyeon in that situation. She sighed.
“That was deep,” Jeongyeon was leaning at the wall by the door, her hands crossed. “What’s with Nayeon?”
Sana gave her a weak smile, “Nothing much.” she stood up and walked towards where Jeongyeon was standing, “Shall we take a stroll outside? You look like you could use some vitamin D in you.”
Jeongyeon walked beside her. The quiet atmosphere between the two of them was relaxing. Sana took another deep breath and then started talking, “I can’t stop thinking about your situation.”
“What do you mean?” the taller girl continued to walk beside Sana. She could hear the girl’s heartbeat slowly speeding up. “You mean my sudden loss of taste in everything?”
Sana nodded, “Aren’t you bothered?”
“I couldn’t care less, actually,” Jeongyeon shrugged. What she said was true. Food was just a need to continue living but if she were to think about it, she didn’t need it in her life. It was her body that needed it.
“I care,” Sana stopped walking. Jeongyeon looked at her with a confused expression, “I want you to be okay.”
“I am okay like this, Sana. don’t worry too much,” she started walking again but Sana held her wrist.
Normally, Jeongyeon would flinch and jerk the hand holding her away. But there was a certain wave of warmth that travelled to her heart from the moment Sana touched her, “Why?”
“Jeongyeon, I care. Mina told me that she needs to run some tests in order to make sure that there wasn’t anything alarming happening to you. Please, let’s go to the city,” she couldn’t meet Jeongyeon’s eyes. Sana wanted to disappear.
Everyone I care about. They get hurt because of me.
“Do you want that? The city is loud, I’ll get migraine from all the noise there. But do you want me to go? Will that make your heart calm down?” the girl asked Sana.
Sana’s heart clenched. She felt pain inside her chest. She didn’t know why. But nonetheless, she nodded, “I want you to be okay.”
Jeongyeon looked up at the orange sky, “Okay. We’ll go there.”
She met the girl’s eyes, “If we go, you’ll get hurt by the noise. But at least we might get answers. After the check up, we’ll go back there. Me and you. I promise,” Sana smiled at her.
“I take your promise,” Jeongyeon looked away. There was a pinch in her heart that she couldn’t pinpoint where it came from. She just brushed it off.
~
Mina’s hospital phone rang when Sana was resting on her bed. She took it and saw Nayeon’s name on the screen.
“What?” she answered the phone. “I’m tired.”
“I’m sorry, Sana. I shouldn’t have said what I said but can you please reconsider?” Nayeon’s voice was tired. Since their fight, Sana has been thinking about their conversation. Nayeon wanted her to return to the city, saying she’ll be the one to protect Sana. But that doesn’t solve anything. She needed to stay lowkey for the meantime and then return to the city when everything was settled.
“You know my answer, Nay,” she told her. Sana proceeded to ask a favor to lend her the most soundproof van she has.
“I don’t have any of that. But try to call you fiancée. Pretty sure she has one,” Nayeon gave the phone to Mina. “So, how was it?”
“We’re going to the city. Let me call someone first and then I’ll text you the details,” Sana ended the call and dialled another number.
“Hello?” the familiar voice rang through Sana’s ears.
“Hi, it’s me,” her playful tone was back.
Sana counted to three, “HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AFTER CALLING OFF OUR WEDDING THREE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY!”
“Now, now, stay calm,” Sana tried not to laugh but the girl’s voice was so funny that she almost failed.
“Calm? Minatozaki, do you know what kind of humiliation my clan is currently going through?! My dad is furious! Why did you call it off?!” Sana’s fiancée was never loud in public but she saw right through the girl’s facade.
She suddenly became serious, “Because we do not love each other and deep inside that heart of yours, you are actually thankful that I called it off. That I took the hate while you got the sympathy.”
There was silence between them. She heard her ex -fiancée sigh, “What do you need?”
Sana smiled, “Okay, here’s what I need you to do.”
~
It was the night before they set off to the city. Sana was standing by the window and looking at how the moon shined against the dark sky. She noticed Jeongyeon walking in the garden and sitting at the garden set. She took her jacket and went out.
“Hey,” Sana waved at the girl who was already looking at her. It was like her heart stopped when Jeongyeon smiled and tapped the space beside her. “Why are you out here at this hour?”
“Tomorrow, we go to the city. It’s been three years since I last heard the noise there. My mind couldn’t rest so I decided to take a walk. Maybe the waves can calm me down,” Jeongyeon explained.
“Jeong,” Sana was about to apologize when Jeongyeon cut her off.
“Don’t. I told you, it’s not your fault that I’m messed up like this. No one knows why I survived, how I survived. I can’t live like a normal person. I should have died,” the girl said.
Sana was brave enough to hold Jeongyeon’s hand, “Don’t say that. I’m thankful you lived. It doesn’t show but I like it when we talk like this. It calms me down.”
Jeongyeon scoffed, “Calm? Your heart’s been beating like crazy since you came out of the house. How is that calm?”
The night was favoring Sana because Jeongyeon didn’t notice how she blushed, “Shut up. Stop listening to my heart, Jeongyeon. That’s rude.”
The ache in Jeongyeon’s heart returned when she noticed how their fingers were interlocked. She didn’t feel pain in her hand. The pain was in her chest and she couldn’t do anything. She wanted to keep holding Sana’s hand.
~
When the two arrived at the city docks, a black SUV was waiting for them. The driver got out and bowed, “Ms. Sana, we were sent here to escort you.”
“You’re rich?” Jeongyeon asked and then followed Sana inside the car.
“You can say that. But I don’t mind being an average person,” the girl replied.
The trip to the hospital was short because of the special plate number that the SUV possessed. Mina was waiting for them by the entrance of the hospital. Sana accompanied the girl. Since Mina was a favored doctor, she was allowed to bring Sana everywhere and anywhere Jeongyeon went. It lasted for hours. Sana kept looking around, as if expecting someone to come but she felt relieved when the clock struck three and there was no one who looked at her and recognized her.
“The test results showed that everything’s normal. I don’t see any possible reason as to why you’d lose your sense of taste,” Mina told them inside the consultation room.
Jeongyeon looked at Sana, “I told you, I’m okay.”
“Can we have one more stop before we go back to the island though?” she asked. The girl looked at Sana and then nodded.
Mina had to stay at the hospital which is why it was only the two of them who went to sa outskirts of the city and settled inside a restaurant.
“This place is safe, don’t worry,” Sana reassured the girl. Jeongyeon took a seat and looked at the menu.
“I’m not sure why you brought me here. If it’s because of the food, I can’t taste it so I don’t see the point,” Jeongyeon scanned through the pictures. Everything looked appetizing that it made her feel annoyed that she wouldn't be able to taste it.
“I know,” Sana held her hand again. “But my mother used to bring me here and I miss the taste of it.”
Jeongyeon noticed the sadness in Sana’s eyes. She wanted to ask but in a split second, they turned back to the gleaming eyes Sana always had.
Dinner was quiet. Too quiet, actually. Sana was so busy eating the ramen she ordered that she failed to notice that Jeongyeon was staring at her.
“Sana, why did you come to the island?” she asked.
Sana stopped eating and placed her chopsticks down, “Why are you asking me all of a sudden?”
Jeong shrugged, “I’m just curious.”
“Curiosity can kill, love,” Sana said those words with a cold voice. But she smiled again, “I needed work, why do you think?”
When they left the restaurant, the same SUV was waiting for them outside. Sana knew that Jeongyeon was gonna ask about the car again but she chose to ignore the question. When they reached the docks, the normal boat guy was there and waiting for them. Sana assisted Jeong off the car and turned to the driver.
“I’m thankful,” Sana gave a courteous bow and continued talking, “Tell her that I will contact her if I need anything else.”
The driver bowed, “As you wish, Lady Sana.”
Jeongyeon heard it but paid no mind. It’s not her business and Sana didn’t want to share yet so she doesn’t want to push the girl. What matters to her is that Sana chose to stay with her on the island.
The boat ride was in an awkward silence. Sana knew that Jeongyeon heard how the driver called her but chose to respect her wish that it’s not yet time to answer such questions. Aside from that, she still blames herself for what happened to Jeongyeon’s sense of taste.
When they got back to the island, they were still quiet until they reached the house. To her surprise, it was Jeongyeon who held her hand, “Sana, stop blaming yourself.”
Sana looked at Jeong and then broke down, “I’m so sorry.”
Jeongyeon was once again concerned that Sana was crying. She couldn’t find the answer no matter how much she thought about it. She had been thinking about it for days. Why did she hug Sana before? Why did she withstand the pain just so she could make sure that Sana was okay?
She couldn’t care less though. She pulled Sana again and hugged her. She gently rubbed Sana’s head and said, “It’s just taste, Sana. I can still feel you like this.”
For some reason, Sana was in so much pain because of what was happening with Jeongyeon. While on the other hand, Jeongyeon felt no pain with Sana between her arms. She closed her eyes and thought about how calming it was to hug the girl.