4
Cassandra leans against the wall panting heavily.
Her sight is blurry, her ears are ringing, there is literally nothing in her that doesn’t ache right now.
The adrenaline is slowly starting to leave her body, replaced by the numbness, the alert of the fight slowly quieting down.
She looks down at the bodies at her feet, of the three men who until a couple minutes ago dragged her into this basement to attack her. They are colleagues in some ways, or she should say were at this point. Agents like her, just doing their job.
She is not proud of what she has done, she never is, taking a life is difficult and gives her no pleasure. But it’s different this time, because she has never needed to put down another agent, and she had no choice, they were trying to kill her and Elsa.
Elsa.
In the commotion she forgot she wasn’t alone. Panic fills her throat, making more difficult for her to breathe. “Elsa?”
She looks around the basement erratically, the neon sign of the emergency exit barely lightening the surroundings, and squeezes her eyes to spot her. “Elsa?”
There is no answer.
“Elsa!”
“I’m here.” She finally responds, and Cassandra sighs in relief, heartbeat loud in her ears, bumping her head with the wall behind her. She sees Elsa sitting against the door, her fists clenched to her chest. Her hair is a mess, the locks escaping her elaborate braid, there are also dark stains on her skirt, most likely blood. Cassandra approaches her as quickly as she can, that is not much, because she is drained from the fight. She is not sure she would be able to walk properly if she wasn’t leaning with her hand on the wall.
She stops to scan her body, but Elsa doesn’t appear injured, just a little shaken maybe.
She is probably not used to violence like Cassandra, and this wasn’t a fistfight like the one with Adira, she must be in shock, after seeing three men die before her eyes.
A part of Cassandra is ashamed Elsa had to witness her doing something like that.
She carefully lowers herself at her level, putting a hand on her arm. At first Elsa flinches, once she recognizes her, she starts to relax a little under her touch, much to Cassandra’s relief.
“Are you alright? Are you hurt?”
For a moment she thinks she hasn’t heard her, but then her voice comes, even if a little hoarse. “I’m fine.”
Her hands twitch, then she briefly glances at her ruined dress. “It’s… it’s not mine.”
“Okay… okay, good.” Cassandra finally lets go of the wall and stands on her own, still wobbling a little. “We have to get out of here, can you walk?”
“What about… what about them?” She points at the bodies, her shoulders tensing as her eyes fall on them again. Cassandra grips her forearm to shift her attention back to her. “Don’t think about them, look at me now.”
She doesn’t.
“Elsa, look at me.” She reaches out with her other hand, so she can let her hold on her, or maybe she is the one holding on. It’s a blur at this point. “I need you to focus and tell me if you are okay enough to walk. It’s important, we can’t stay here.”
Elsa finally turns to her, and takes the hand extended to her, finally standing up and taking back control of herself. “I… yes, yes I am okay.” She replies firmer. “I can walk.”
“Good. We have to get back to the suite before anyone sees us.”
Elsa appears in some sort of daze, her eyes flickering on Cassandra as if she can’t see her properly. “There is blood on your face.”
Cassandra’s hand shoots back up at her face, but she stops when she feels a cold touch on her cheekbone, Elsa rubbing it gently with her thumb. “It should be gone now…”
“T… thanks. Let’s go.”
Not trusting her to walk on her own, she clutches the hand in hers and opens the door, leading the way. Luckily for them, the hallway is clear. Cassandra walks ahead, her pace steady, with Elsa trailing after her, standing straight.
The spy is perplexed, she is reacting surprisingly well despite what she has seen in the last hour, not everyone manages to be this unfazed. She settles to keep an eye on her for the time being, maybe she hasn’t fully realized what’s happened. People respond differently to violence and trauma.
When they are finally back in their room, Cassandra feels free enough to breathe properly, and lets herself slide to the ground, releasing Elsa from her grasp.
The diplomat doesn’t even spare her glance, stumbling to the bedroom and sealing the door shut behind her.
After a few minutes Cassandra raises and starts ripping her clothes, which are long wrecked by now, until she is left in only her underwear. This way it’s easier for her to see the damage: she’s covered in bruises, her left arm and both legs are a battlefield, and considering the punch she took in the face before she could stop it, her eye will be turning blue soon. But overall, she is fine, she has been through worse, she’ll recover in no time.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like a bitch when she moves.
“Fucking men...”
Cassandra wakes up with a startle, she must have dozed off for a few minutes or so, her head ringing like a bell.
When her sight gets clearer, she recognizes the shapes of Zhan Tiri and her henchmen, until her eyes settle on a very familiar silhouette, and her blood runs cold. She gives a forceful tug at her ties, it’s desperate and useless, but she tries anyway, they will have to give in at some point.
Her action catches everyone’s attention, mostly Zhan Tiri’s, smirking at her with too much teeth.
Seriously she really gives me the creeps.
And then, surprisingly untied, as polished as ever, there is Elsa.
She shouldn’t be here, she should be safe, miles and miles away. The fact they have managed to get to her makes Cassandra want to throw up.
“Oh agent Knight, how wonderful, you are awake. We were just talking about you.”
“This… has nothing to do with her. Let her go.”
“Oh but dear, I didn’t have to go look for her. She came to me.”
Cassandra stills.
“As I was saying…” Zhan Tiri goes back addressing Elsa, “she is alive obviously, in one piece… more or less.”
Elsa shoots a brief glance to Cassandra, but it’s too quick, gaze already turning into a glare directed at the woman in front of her. “You hurt her.”
“I had to, a little. She put up quite a fight…” she shakes his head like she is talking about a child, “but if that’s any consolation to you, she gave trouble to four of my men before being knocked out.”
And I would have kicked their asses too, if you hadn’t drugged me before, bitch.
“She was being difficult about the location of the Moonstone. She needed… a nudge.”
The reply comes like a snap. “I have it.”
“Elsa.” Outrage and warning are dripping from Cassandra’s tone, but the blonde doesn’t appear affected. “Don’t. I got this under control.”
Elsa finally turns to her. “Clearly.”
“Seriously. Walk away now.”
“It’s not an option.”
“It is if you put yourself at risk because of me. Whatever you are planning to do, it won’t work. It’s not worth it.”
I am not worth it she means to say.
“Not now, dear. The adults are talking.” Zhan Tiri shushes her. “Besides, I highly doubt neither of you is going anywhere any time soon.”
“There is no need.” Elsa sighs, her attention back to her. “As a British diplomat, and the highest authority of our government here, I have every right to dispose of the Moonstone as I please.”
She straightens her back, looking as much as the politician that she is. “I have come to bargain. As you mentioned before, this has never involved the UK in the first place, it’s a matter between Russia and the US. You can have the Moonstone, do whatever you wish with it, sell it to the best bidder, use it for your own gain… but let her go.”
She wakes abruptly, she is pretty sure she heard a scream.
She doesn’t waste a second, launching herself out of bed and running into Elsa’s room, ready to punch something. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
She finds Elsa grasping the sheets around herself, as she pants for air, her forehead covered in sweat. The moment she sees her, she starts collecting herself, trying to slip in her usual controlled self, but the frown in her brow gives her away. “Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m fine…”
Cassandra is starting to think that every time she says it, she doesn’t really mean it.
“Are you sure?” She gets closer, but not too much to startle her, she is obviously in distress, she doesn’t want to scare her more.
Maybe Cassandra underestimated her ability to deal with something like that.
Maybe despite all she has been through, Elsa is not as unaffected as she thinks she is.
“It was just a nightmare, nothing… nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep.” She tries to dismiss it, but she is not convincing, she keeps rubbing her face to wipe the sweat off her, moving unevenly, like she expects something to happen sooner or later.
Cassandra should leave, she is not sure she is even capable of being helpful, she is the last person who could comfort someone. But she can’t leave her like this, she can’t be on her own right now.
Then suddenly the blonde’s face falls into a pained expression. “I am so sorry… I have been so insensitive, I was so focused on me that I left as soon as we got back, and I didn’t ask you how you were. Are you okay?”
Elsa Arnaldr is truly a mystery, Cassandra can’t still quite place her: she manages to balance an almost cold rationality, with a stubbornness and a determination that lead her to the most unexpected and dangerous actions. She is unpredictable in every way, yet the sure thing is that she is unmistakably selfless, only driven by her wish to help, to do the right thing.
She would never do anything that would possibly harm someone else. And that’s what makes her different, that’s what makes her good. Except that the way she keeps putting aside her own wellbeing in favor of the others’ might be remarkable, but at the same time concerning.
“I am perfectly well. Don’t worry about me. But you…” she tries to sound soothing, “You went through… something tonight. It’s perfectly normal to feel… weird.”
Elsa snaps her head at her. “It’s not… I don’t… I don’t feel… weird. I’m fine.”
“You are not.” Cassandra comes to sit at the foot of the bed. “You… you experienced something traumatic and-”
“This isn’t the first time I had to deal with violence.”
“But this is the first time you saw someone die. Someone getting killed.” She sounds harsh, but she can’t sweeten this for her, denying reality won’t help anyone.
She didn’t notice when she came in, but Elsa’s hair is loose, she doesn’t think she has ever seen her in anything but her braid or some other complex hairstyle. Yet now it is, she sees her passing her fingers through it trying to calm herself down, ruffling it even more. She doesn’t know why she is paying attention to something so futile in a moment like this.
Elsa leans on her hand, hiding her face behind it. “I don’t know what you must think of me right now.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think.”
“It does. You… are not the only one who cares about this mission. This means a lot to me too, the Prime Minister gave me this task, and there is a lot at stake, and I won’t… I have… to be professional. I can’t let this… thing, that happened, get in the way... I’m should to be prepared, I’m supposed to be able to deal with every complication.” She is rambling, her hands shaking, she even starts faintly mumbling something to herself. But it’s very quiet, something about concealing, not feeling, Elsa keeps repeating it over and over again.
Cassandra’s heart clenches at the sight. She had always known that the mask Elsa put on since the moment she met her was just a façade, but seeing it fall and shatter is a whole other matter.
Truth is, she never thought of it this way, she never thought that this mission was as much an opportunity and a responsibility to her as it is to her. Even if since the beginning they told her that she couldn’t do this alone, that she would have to count on someone else. She never fully wrapped her mind around the idea, that she was not on her own this time, until now.
She has never felt the need to reach out to someone until now either.
But she wants to, because she hates seeing her like this, she really hates it. She very much prefers when she tries to make Cassandra open up to her, and she is hesitant, like she doesn’t know how it’s done either. At this point Cassandra would even take one of their conversations about politics, where Elsa attempts to walk her through it, and despite Cassandra sighing and rolling her eyes at every sentence, she never gives up. Her face softens, resigned but fond, because she knows that even between complains, Cassandra listens to all.
She would do anything to see her anything but like this, to take away her fear.
She puts her hand on her knee, it’s her way to offer her an anchor to reality. “Listen, there is nothing wrong about how you are feeling.”
Her face emerges from her hand. “But-”
“No.” Cassandra squeezes. “This isn’t something anyone can shake off like it’s nothing. It changes you forever. So no, I don’t think bad of you because seeing someone die got you shaken, actually, I would be more worried if you didn’t feel a thing.”
Even if it’s dark, Cassandra can still see her clearly, the way her face twists. “I wish I didn’t.”
“No, you don’t.”
She nods after a while, hugging herself and stroking her own arms with a sigh. “I don’t know how you do it. How you manage not to let it affect you.”
“Just because I do it often, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me. I simply hide it better.” She tilts her head. “I am not as ruthless as you think I am.”
“I never said you were ruthless.” Elsa’s tone is much firmer than before. “Maybe a little rough around the edges… but you are a very gentle person.”
Cassandra snorts. “No one… has ever called me gentle before.”
“Doesn’t make it less true.”
“Oh no, there are a number of reasons why it’s not.”
“Sorry to break it to you agent Knight, but you are actually a good person. You’ll just have to accept it.”
If Cassandra was still struggling to shake sleep off her, now she is definitely awake, even more alert.
Worse, she feels exposed in some ways.
But Elsa doesn’t call her out further, she simply rests her own hand on Cassandra’s, the one still firmly clasped on her knee. “Thank you.”
Cassandra nods, withdrawing awkwardly, and twitches her hand without the other noticing. “Don’t mention it.”
She moves to stand, pretending to brush some dust off her pants. “If… if you need anything, you know where to find me.”
She is almost at the door, when Elsa’s voice makes her stop in her tracks. “Cassandra?”
Every time she calls her by her name, Cassandra feels a lightning bolt running through her body: it’s not her voice, it’s the way she says it, with a gravitas and a meaning no one ever showed.
Cassandra dreads and savors the way it makes her feel.
It’s not even intentional on Elsa’s part, it’s how she talks, another thing she is capable of doing, that manages to unsettle Cassandra. But this time she doesn’t sound at all like her usual self.
“Yes?”
“Can… can you stay?”
Of all the things Cassandra could expect, this was not one of them.
The disbelief must be evident on her face, because Elsa rushes to apologize. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. Please ignore me I…” she hides her face behind her hands one more time, closing her eyes. “It’s nothing… it’s okay, go. I’ll be fine.”
Cassandra should leave, Cassandra should run like hell.
For the past weeks she has been walking a dangerous line, on the verge of a cliff, and it would take only a little push to fall for the crash to be inevitable. She could try to pretend and deny it, but deep down she knows the truth. She still has time to stop before it’s too late.
But there is something, a pull, a craving, that always leads her to Elsa, that she can’t ignore, and that is proof that Cassandra is not as strong as she thinks she is.
“I don’t mind.”
It’s a lie obviously, she does mind, but not in a traditional way. She minds because this is another thing that is getting her closer to the famous cliff, but Cassandra has always been an adrenaline junkie.
“I don’t want to bother you, it’s just… I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“It’s not… it’s not a problem, really...” she pierces her lips trying to hide her restlessness, “it might do me some good not to be alone either.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
She can’t even look at her directly, she is afraid her emotions might be written all over her face, it’s not normal for her to be so open about how she feels.
She tries to lighten the mood with a snarky comment: “But I am taking the left side.”
Elsa stares at her dumbfounded for a couple of seconds, then her reply comes in a soft snort. “It’s all yours.”
“You are forsaking your own country’s orders, to bargain for the life of one agent?”
“Agent Knight is one of the best in the field, I am protecting an investment.”
Even if the word investment does sting a little, Cassandra knows it’s just an act, Elsa is not so insensitive, and she can’t let her go on with her plan. “Elsa, no.”
“Cassandra, stop undermining my authority.”
“Then stop being an idiot.”
“I am trying to save your life.”
“The mission is more important, you said that yourself.”
“I also said that priorities change.”
“You are risking the life of millions for just one life!”
“Because it’s not just one life, it’s yours!” Her voice raises, making impossible to ignore for everyone that she is not as uninvolved as she pretends to be, that this is more than a political trade for her. She closes her eyes, exhaling deeply, trying to compose herself.
“I’m almost sorry to interrupt this adorable lovers’ quarrel... but we have wasted enough time.” Zhan Tiri snickers calling them out. “Didn’t they tell you at training that one of the first rules is not to get involved? Considering your reputation, I assumed you knew. Maybe I overestimated your abilities.”
Every word is a blow for Cassandra. She wants to fight back, to snarl, but there is no point in denying the truth. Making a scene surely wouldn’t help her cause.
They stopped being subtle and professional a while ago.
She knew where this was going and did nothing to stop it, she can’t blame anyone but herself. She can’t even blame Elsa because she could never be mad at her, frustrated maybe, because she was supposed to be smarter than her, and leave while she still could. Instead she decided to stay, for her.
Despite how foolish it is, Cassandra can’t ignore how it makes her feel, she shouldn’t feel good about this, yet deep down she does. It’s a primal instinct.
“Then you have no reason to doubt my words. I will give the Moonstone to you if you let us be.” Elsa admits defeatedly, still remaining surprisingly firm. She outstretches her hand at her. “Do we have a deal?”
“Absolutely.” Zhan Tiri slides her own in hers and squeezes.