Unfinished Goodbyes

Boring. 

That was what Stacey thought as she held back a yawn. She was in a reserved room at La Cabrera, a steak house in Makati with Jhoanna and her American companions.

The discussion was all about the technical side of the government project they were going to be involved in. Their target was to supply generator sets to Northern Luzon.

She already knew Jhoanna. She only brought her along so that she could be familiar with the issues that were going on between them and their partners. She didn’t have time to explain her projects to her, so she was there at that moment and forced to listen.

And countless times, Aiah came into her mind again. It was like a ghost returning from the past she had tried to forget. She took a deep breath. How could she forget her?

Stacey and Aiah were both dean’s listers at the private university they attended. She is a varsity basketball player and she is the muse of the entire second year.

The only difference between them is that she comes from a wealthy family in Cebu. Her parents own a large school and hospital in addition to a market in neighboring towns and an export business of agricultural products obtained from their own land.

While she is the youngest child of a government employee couple. She has four siblings. They have all graduated except for the one she followed. They may not be rich, but it can be said that they are at least enjoying life. With the help of her siblings and her parents' salary, she was able to study in college.

They also have two hectares of land in Quezon where her father plants rice and they earn a little to add to their daily expenses.

Her major is Business Administration. Aiah is a Multimedia Arts major. She is a year older than her, but that did not hinder the attraction they felt for each other. It started when she was crowned “Miss Business Administration” during her first year of college.

From then on, she became close to her. She proposed to her and she accepted. She became her inspiration. She loved her very much. This was her first and last love. When she graduated from college, she was in her second semester of pursuing a master’s degree at the university they attended.

“Congratulations, sweetheart.” She gave her a soft kiss on the lips. They were left in the living room of their small but comfortable house in Phase 6. 

“Thank you. You’ve been wonderful to me all these years.”

“That’s because I love you so much.” She hugged her and stroked her hair lovingly.

“Mama is inviting you to come to Cebu. All expenses paid. Regalo raw niya sa ‘yo.”  

“Nakakahiya naman.”

“Cum laude ka, you deserve the best.”

“Nahihiya na ako sa inyo. Masyado kayong mabait sa akin.”

“You’re going to be my wife and you’re telling me na nahihiya ka sa akin?” She looked at her and then took one of her hands.

Her eyes widened when she saw a small box in her palm. 

“Open it.”  

Her hand trembled as she opened it. A ring with a large diamond in the center caught her eye. Around it were sparkling red stones. 

“There’s an inscription inside.”

Her eyes blurred as she read the inscription. Always, Aiah. Their eyes met as she looked at it.

“Be my wife... always.” She kissed her and then took the ring from the box. She was speechless as she put it on her finger.

“My engagement ring.” She couldn’t help but look at it. “I love you so much, Aiah!” 

“And I love you more.” She hugged her.

She returned the hug with a double hug. She had no words for the happiness she felt at that moment.

“Aiah, may trabaho na ako!” Stacey was so happy when they met at Jollibee in SM North EDSA that day.

"I know you'll make it. Ano'ng posisyon mo?"

"Administrative assistant." She was excited as she told her. "Hindi ako makapaniwala, magtatrabaho na 'ko!"

"I bet you are." She smiled as she watched her. "And I also have good news for you."

"What?" She took some french fries and ate them.

"Hindi lang ikaw ang may trabaho. I was offered a teaching position that I could not refuse."

"Really?"

"Actually, matagal na nilang inaalok sa akin iyon. Hindi ko lang tinanggap dahil gusto nila ay full-time. Ngayon, they finally accepted me on a part-time basis. I'm teaching English in the College of Fine Arts."

"This is great!"

"And this calls for a celebration." Their eyes met. She even held her hand. "Stacey, it's time."  

She didn't move. She knew what her gaze was indicating. In the four years they had been together, she had never once forced anything on them. Sometimes, they reached a point where they could barely contain themselves, but they managed to get through it.

"Ngayon na?"  

"If you want to."

Her brow furrowed. It wasn't hard for her to think. "I know I will not regret it." She stood up and took her hand. They didn't say a word until they got into her car.

She had memorized every corner of Aiah's apartment. She nervously went up to her room and locked the door. She went to the bathroom and there she took off all her clothes.

They had shared many hot kisses and hugs. She felt no remorse if she agreed. They loved each other so much that she was ready to entrust herself to her.

She did the things she knew she should have done. She was trembling while in the bathroom. She didn't know if it was because of the cold water or the feeling of dread that was enveloping her being as she was about to give in.

She looked at herself carefully in front of the mirror after taking a shower. Soon she heard Aiah knocking, forcing her to leave the bathroom.

"Stacey? Sweetheart?"

"Stacey, you don't have to do this. If you don't want to... then we're not going to do it." The anguish in her voice was obvious. "Just open this door, okay?" 

She smiled and her nervousness completely disappeared. She looked at the ring that was a sign of Aiah’s love for her. Her smile widened even more.

She was stunned when she opened the door and saw that she was only wearing a thin towel.

"Masyado ka namang mainipin," she said with a seductive smile.

She didn't move; she just looked at her.

"Ano? Are you just going to stand there?"

"Stacey—" She grabbed her by the arm and then pulled her in. She locked her in a tight hug and then gave her a hot kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Their lips finally melted.

After six months

"Hanggang kailan ka do'n?" Stacey couldn't hide her sadness as she helped Aiah pack her things.

"Mga three months. Hindi lang talaga ako makatanggi kay Kuya dahil ngayon lang naman siya humingi ng favor sa akin. Pagkatapos naman ng kanilang honeymoon ay uuwi na agad sila rito ng asawa niya. Then I'll go back here to finish my studies." 

"Parang biglang-bigla naman kasi." She walked away.

"We were shocked too. Nagpakasal na pala sila ng long-time girlfriend niya sa Hong Kong nang hindi man lang namin alam. Masama nga ang loob ni Mama because they didn’t even get to witness the wedding."  

"They're planning to have a big wedding when they come back. Susunduin kita rito at sabay na tayong babalik sa Cebu." She closed the suitcase after she finished filling it with clothes. "Sweetheart, don't look so sad."  

She looked at her. "I can't help it, Aiah. Ngayon ka lang mahihiwalay sa akin after all these years. I'm really going to miss you."  

"Sinabi ko naman sa 'yo na sumama ka na sa akin. Mag-leave ka sa trabaho mo. Uuwi naman tayo after three months."  

"Alam mo namang kasisimula ko pa lang, and I'm really enjoying my job."  

"It's only three months, Stacey." She approached her. "Tingin mo ba gusto ko 'to? Nahihiya lang ako dahil my family is expecting me to help in the business. That's why I'm working hard to finish my PhD so I can run our school."

"It's also for the both of us. Besides, mabuti rin siguro na kahit na paano ay malaman ko ang pasikut-sikot sa mga negosyo namin. I guess I'm the only one in the family who has no interest in running it."

She knew that her sulking was unreasonable, but she couldn't shake the sadness and reluctance to let her go.

"Kapag hindi pa ako nakabalik after three months, I'll send you there. Doon ka na lang magtrabaho sa akin." She winked at her.

"Hihintayin kita."

"Dapat lang." She kissed her tenderly. "I'm going to miss you."

"I’ll miss you too." She hugged her. 

"Anong oras ang flight mo bukas?"

"Five in the morning. Huwag mo na akong ihatid at mapupuyat ka lang." She kissed her again.

“Akala ko ba three months lang? Bakit nag-extend ka pa?" Stacey's blood pressure was high while talking to Aiah on the other line.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Pero I'm really busy here. Andaming iniwang commitments ni Kuya kaya hindi ako makakaalis agad. Nagkausap kami kanina and he told me that Jane, his wife, is having difficulty with her pregnancy. Hindi niya ito maiwanan. Stacey, ilang buwan lang naman."  

Tears welled up in her eyes. She looked down at her stomach. The IVF had worked. I'm two months pregnant, too, she wanted to blurt out, but some force stopped her. "I'm sorry. I thought makakauwi ka na rito next month and we'd be together again."

"Pati nga ang preparations sa kasal nila rito were forced to be put on hold."

"Kung nahihirapan si Jane, does that mean you'll have to wait a little longer until she gives birth?"

"Most probably."  

She closed her eyes at what she heard.

"Stacey, why don't you just resign and just work here? I miss you."  

"Missed me? Why have you not even called me for a few days," she said to her.

"Masyado lang akong busy. It's not easy to adjust. Sweetheart, think about it, okay? Pumunta ka na lang dito. Or if you want, magbakasyon ka during weekends para naman makasama kita."  

"What if I decide to stay there?"

"I have no objections. Hindi ba't yon naman ang suggestion ko? Kaya lang, paano kapag umuwi na si Kuya at kailangan ko namang bumalik diyan sa Maynila for my studies?”

She sighed. "I'm really upset."

"Don't be, sweetheart. Para naman sa ating dalawa ito, hindi ba?"

Those words didn't help ease the sadness she felt. "Sige na," her eyes were blurry as she said goodbye. If Aiah stayed in Cebu for too long, she might give birth before she knew about her condition.

"Stacey, don't be angry, okay?"

"I'm tired. I want to rest."

"Stacey naman. Intindihin mo naman ako." Her voice seemed to be getting annoyed.

When she hung up the phone, she didn't call her again. Her mind was confused as she slept that night.

Stacey's pregnancy could no longer be hidden. She needed to talk to Aiah, but she hadn't called since the last time she spoke to her.

She decided to do it in Cebu to surprise her. She didn't want Aiah to know about her condition only through the phone. She wanted to see how she would react when she found out that the IVF had worked.

Her trip was uneventful. The weather in Manila was bad and the plane she was on only calmed down after it passed Luzon. She was vomiting non-stop, which made her weak.

Carrying the only thing she had with her, she got off a taxi that took her to Cebu City. It was also crowded and in traffic. She didn't know where she could rest. The fast-food restaurants she passed were also full of people.

In the end, she just had the taxi driver take her to a pension house that she had also directed. There she was able to rest. It was already afternoon when she felt better. She tried to call Aiah at her office. Unfortunately, she wasn't there and the person she spoke to didn't know what time she would be back.

She waited for two hours before calling again. When she realized she still wasn't there, she decided to call her house. Her parents weren't there either, so she was forced to ask for instructions on how to get there.

She was so surprised when she unexpectedly saw a woman coming out of the pension house door. She was getting into an expensive car parked in front of the parking lot—it was Aiah.

And she was with another woman.

She opened the door for the woman, whom, upon closer inspection, she recognized as Janna Lim.

She could clearly see them whispering. Only then did Janna sit in the passenger seat and Aiah hurriedly headed for the driver's seat.

She quickly turned around and re-entered the pension house. From the glass door, she watched the car pull back. The glass wasn't tinted so she could clearly see the happy laughter of the two inside.

When the car was far away, she got out. She hailed a taxi and had the car they were in follow her.

It stopped at the Waterfront Cebu City Hotel.

She saw them enter a restaurant. It was surrounded by glass so she didn't dare to follow them inside. Her nervousness grew even stronger when from where she was hiding, she saw how Aiah was supporting Janna as she sat down.

She couldn't stand their sweetness anymore. She hurriedly got into a taxi and had it take her back to the pension house. She locked herself in there for two days and then returned to Manila.

When she got home, she found out that Aiah had called her several times, but she didn't bother to call her anymore. Everything was clear to her. She was in love with someone else.

She hadn't been able to go to the office for more than a week. She had lost her appetite for everything. She just locked herself in her room.

One night, she woke up with a terrible stomachache. When she stood up, she felt a thick liquid flowing down her thighs.