The Corner

“Ms. Danvers? Your items have arrived. I set them in your office.” Eve smiled as she hustled past me.

“Ok? Thank you?” I barely got the words out before she disappeared around the corner. “Items. Please don’t tell me it’s flowers.” I gripped the brown paper bag with my lunch tighter. I’d skipped my daily lunch with Winn to run to the library for research materials and just hide in the massive aisles of old books. I wasn’t used to technology and having everything at my fingertips. I liked slowly walking through rows and rows of books, little piece of paper in my hand with numbers scribbled on it. I liked sitting at a scarred wooden table and flip through pages, feeling the rough edges of paper on my fingertips.

I also wanted to escape the office buzz about Lena’s cover story and the media blitz the reveal of her as CEO was causing. I was receiving phone calls asking for tidbits, or blurbs from other magazines. Half of the floor I was on had stopped by my office, congratulating me. And everywhere I turned, it was Lena, Lena, Lena.

This morning after the sixth congratulation and seeing the numbers of it being the second top selling issue, I rushed out, shooting Eve an email I was on another research trip. I felt smothered until I entered the city library, finally taking a huge breath as I was two seconds away from falling apart.

I glanced at my palm as I pushed my office door open, I still had half moon marks in the skin from clenching my fists so tight, I almost drew blood.

One step in my office and I spotted the two matte black garment bags hanging over two black shoe boxes on the coat rack I never used. “Shit.” I completely forgot I had the meeting with Cat’s stylist. But, I would have to thank Eve for taking my do not disturb request seriously. I had no emails, texts, or missed phone calls aside from two missed calls from Alex. I tossed my bag to the floor and set my lunch on the corner of the desk before moving to the garment bags. A simple note was stuck to the first one.

I knew you’d evade trying on dresses. I’ve done the work for you. Just pick the color. I’m partial to the blue. Cat

I huffed, tossing the note into the garbage can before unzipping the first bag to reveal a pale lavender dress. I squinted before unzipping the second. A dark blue strapless gown stared back at me. The top had sharp angles that lead into soft curves around the waist and hips. It was elegant, subtle and probably a perfect fit. I loved it immediately, even if it would show more skin than I was currently comfortable with. At least it was a darker color, I wouldn’t stand out and could hide in the shadows of this stupid gala.

I zipped the bag up and turned to my desk, ready to devour the corned beef sandwich. Sitting down, I opened my laptop to fire off a thank you email to Cat. She might be a ball buster, but for whatever reason she was cutting me considerable slack. I was pretty sure no one else in this entire building had dresses hand picked and delivered to their office.

Then again, I was somewhat being forced into this horrid gala where my ex was the host and guest of honor.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Alex. She answered one ring in. “Please tell your assistant I’m authorized to contact you any damn time I want to. She wouldn’t let me past the lobby when I stopped by two hours ago. Said you were occupied with research.”

“I was at the library. You know there’s no signal in that place and that’s why I like it. Plus, I know you could hack into my phone, lock onto the GPS and find me in a second.” I unwrapped my sandwich, my stomach growling at the sight. “I need help.” I rushed the words out.

“I can have a tac team at your door in thirty seconds, who do I have to fuck up? Winn? Did he hit on you again? Or that gross security guard who always licks his lips when he sees you?” Alex growled the words out.

I chuckled. “No tac team necessary. I um, need help getting dressed.” I picked at the corner of my sandwich.

“Dressed? I think at thirty five you should’ve mastered the art of putting pants on.”

“Alex.” I rolled my eyes, feeling my heart drop at the mention of my age. Where the hell did time go? It literally felt like I blinked and ten years disappeared like I was changing the channel. “I know how to put pants on and tie my shoes. That was the only good thing you ever taught me.”

“Well, you did come to the Danvers family a few years late.” She chuckled. “So, what kind of dressing do you need help with?”

“A dress. I have this gala Cat is making me go to for work. It’s formal dress and it’s been a lifetime since I last wore a dress and did the whole hair and makeup thing.” I rubbed at my temples. “Right before I left Berlin, I hadn’t worn clean clothes in over three weeks, let alone comb my hair and wear heels.”

There was a heavy pause before Alex spoke. “You know you don’t have to go. Cat might be your boss, but you can literally take a job anywhere in this world. You don’t need Catco.”

I shrugged. “I know. But I’ve never quit anything.” I winced as the words fell out before I could catch them. “Quit anything after that day.” I leaned back in my chair, pulling off my glasses to rub my eyes. “I’m crazy to go along with this, I know. I’ve had enough Lena in the last few days to drown myself, but maybe this is the closure I need. Maybe one of my therapists was right. Facing my past head on could get me to let go.” I sighed. “I think she was talking about PTSD and not a broken heart, but she was the first? I don’t know, Alex.”

“I hate that woman is back in your life. You barely got home and before you can take a breath, and get your head above water, Lena fucking Luthor saunters right on in like she never left. Leaving you clenching your fists so hard I can hear the tendons creak. I don’t like her. Where’s the gala? I’ll call in a favor and have the entire building condemned.” Alex hissed the words out.

“I could leave. I have two offers sitting in my email. One from London and the other in Gotham. But I like the sun and blue skies here, and my family is here. You, Eliza.” I swallowed hard, spinning in my chair to look out the window. “I’m tired of running away.” My voice was soft as I spoke. “Will you come over tomorrow after work? Help me get dressed and look like a lady?”

“I’ll be at your apartment at six.” Alex huffed the words out. “After this gala, will you talk to me? Tell me anything? What happened between you and Lena and the last ten years? I love you, Kara and miss you. I miss my sister.” I knew mentioning PTSD and therapy would throw Alex for a loop, but I had to be open with her. I didn’t want to hide anymore. I’d done that for the last ten years and it left me emptier than ever.

I smiled, blinking back tears. “Saturday night. Movies, snacks, fluffy blankets.”

“Throw in some beer and it’s a date. I’ll see you tomorrow, kiddo.”

I hung up and tossed the phone to the desk, and stared at the sandwich no longer hungry. After a few moments, I stood up, grabbed my laptop and walked out of my office. As I passed Eve’s desk, I smiled. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be on the roof working on my article.”

“The roof, Ms. Danvers? Is there something wrong with your office?” She looked genuinely concerned, reaching for the phone. “I can have maintenance down here immediately.”

I waved a hand at her. “Everything is perfect. It’s just too quiet. I need noise.” I held the smile. “I shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours.”

“Of course, Ms. Danvers. I’ll notify security.” She turned to her laptop, typing away. “The roof access is the third door on the right and you will need this.” She slid a white access card across the desk. “Keep it if you’d like.”

I blushed, taking the card and palming it. “Thank you, Eve.” I walked away before I made things even more awkward. I rushed to the roof access door and ran up the stairs, the barrage of the city sounds flooding my ears as I opened the door. I felt my heart and mind relax as the senseless noise chased out the heavy thoughts I’d let settle in too deep.

Finding a spot near the edge of the roof, I sat on the floor and leaned against one of the skylights jutting out of the roof. And as I opened my laptop, I wondered if I should find a therapist in National City. I couldn’t keep bouncing to the silence of the library and the loud skies of National City to find balance.

Hopefully I could find one who didn’t know who Lena Luthor was.

XXXX

Friday night.

“Kara! Are you stuck? What the hell is taking so long?” Alex hollered from the living room as I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror, clenching my jaw.

The dress was a perfect fit within an inch of my life. So perfect, it unnerved me to look at myself in the mirror, stare at myself. Something I’d avoided for a long time, looking at myself. I was older, that was for sure, older than I felt. I was leaner, and had muscles in places I didn’t think I could have them. A fun byproduct of eating non processed foods, carrying my weight in gear and running across the world and running away from a broken heart. My jaw twitched as I faced the woman I’d become, physically, and clueless to where all the time went. The last time I really took a hard look at myself was the morning of my flight to Thailand. I fought waves of anxiety in the airport bathroom, staring at a broken baby faced kid, eyes still red from endless nights of sleepless crying. I didn’t have the edges I did then, and wondered if that kid was still inside of me somewhere.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down as Alex continued to yell at me to hurry my ass up.

“Alex, relax or I’m making you come with me as my plus one.” I slipped out of the bathroom, fidgeting with my hair. “Can you help me with this mess? I haven’t done anything outside of a ponytail in a minute, I’ve forgotten how to tame this birds nest.” I smiled sheepishly at my sister, watching her eyes grow wide at the sight of me.

“Holy shit, Kara.” She stepped forward, a smirk growing. “That must be some competitive salary Cat threw your way, this dress has to be a few thousand dollars on top of the custom tailoring.” She stood in front of me, her smirk turning into a grin. “Wow.”

My cheeks burned as I tipped my head down. “You’re making me feel awkward.”

“Ha. You do that all on your own.” Alex motioned for me to turn around. “Let me take a look at this hair. I can probably do a cute braid or simple updo.”

“Just make it nice looking, and don’t use eight cans of hairspray. I still have nightmares from junior prom and sticking to the pillow.” I sucked in a slow breath, pressing a hand against my stomach as the nerves began to flicker around. “Remember when I forgot to wash off the mascara? I woke up with my eyes glued shut. It took a dozen doughnuts to get me to stop crying and Eliza spent the day giving me makeup tips? I still won’t wear the stuff.”

I felt Alex’s hand fall to my shoulder, her fingertips resting right against a still tender spot. I took in a slow breath, about to take a step away.

“Kara.” Her voice trembled with tears.

I stepped away from her hand. “I should probably dig out that shawl Eliza gave me. It might be cold later.” I cleared my throat, knowing what was coming.

“Kara, what happened?”

“I think it’s in the box marked blankets and things. I should work on unpacking this weekend, and not just my books and coffee mugs.” I glanced over my shoulder. Alex stood in the middle of the living room, her eyes glassy as she blinked back tears. I gave her a tight smile. “It’s nothing, Alex.”

“Bullshit, Kara.” She tipped her head down, wiping at her eyes. “I’ve been in enough situations to know the difference between nothing and large still healing scars. Ones that still show where the stitches were. Your shoulders, were you shot?” Her voice broke on the last syllable.

I clenched my jaw again. “I’m fine. I’m here. That’s all that matters, Alex.” I swallowed hard, looking at the ceiling as the truth pushed hard up my throat. “They will heal and fade into nothing. The human body is good at that.”

“What happened before you ended up in Berlin? The last track I had of you, you were outside of St. Petersburg.” She looked at me with a hard, watery look. “Does this have anything to do with the militant group you were chasing across Russia?”

I closed my eyes. “Can you please just do my hair, Alex? I don’t want to dive into this right now.” I opened my eyes, giving her my own hard look. “I promise, we’ll talk later. But now, now isn’t the best time. I have to be at this stupid gala where my stupid ex-girlfriend is the host, and keep it together. And I only have so much together to give each day, and I’m slowly running out.” I clasped my hands so she wouldn’t see them start to shake. “I just want to get today over with.” I half whispered the words out before looking right at my sister. “Please?”

Alex sighed, shaking her head as she motioned for me to sit on the couch. “Tomorrow. Coffee and brunch. I’m not going to poke and prod for everything, but just give me something, Kara. I can’t lose you again.”

I smiled, blinking back tears and nodded. “Tomorrow.” I sat down on the couch, letting out a shaky breath as Alex started on my hair, filling the air with the latest FBI office gossip. I knew she was holding back, but doing it to make me feel comfortable. A trick she’d learned when I fell into her life at thirteen as her new adopted sister. I reached back, grabbing her wrist, and squeezing. “Thank you, Alex.”

She patted my shoulder. “Don’t thank me yet, I still have the a few boys itching to write Luthor a shit ton of traffic tickets.”

I chuckled, feeling the knot in my stomach ease a little. “Just as long as you don’t swoop in and raid the place for serving liquor without a license.”

“Is that happening?” I heard the slight excitement in Alex’s voice. “Because if it is…”

“Relax and focus on making me presentable.” I laughed again as my sister went on a rant about nailing Lena to the wall for minor offences. While I silently hoped I’d be able to escape the night without speaking one word to Lena.

XXXX

The gala was held in the heart of the National City University library, the place had become an elegant gathering of people who probably never spent a second hunched over borrowed books, desperate to make ends meet and get that elusive college degree. The gala was opulent without feeling overly opulent and for a second, I smiled at how it reminded me of Lena when we were together. But that smile faded the moment I walked into the room and felt all of the eyes in the room on me. I knew it was the dress and the way it forced people to look at me, but in many ways, I wondered if people knew who I was and my attachment to Lena. No matter how distant it was.

Luckily, I found a corner bar and took residence there, hiding in the shadows and nursing a whiskey. I wanted nothing more to pound back shots to chase away the icky feeling hanging around my stomach and shoulders, but I knew what would happen if I had too much. I’d let go and the memories would rush back and I’d slip slide into a night of nightmares and sobbing uncontrollably. “Great way to manage your PTSD, Kara.” I mumbled to myself as I leaned against the bar top, scanning the crowd. All of National City’s highest and mightiest was here, along with a few guest appearances by the elite of Gotham and Metropolis. Some would know who I was, some would think I was just a straggler who stepped into the wrong ballroom. I’d happily take the later.

“You come here often?”

I cocked an eyebrow, looking at the handsome man who sidled up to the bar next to me. “No, I don’t actually.” I gave him a soft smile, turning back to staring out in the crowd and counting down the minutes before I could leave and not make it rude.

“You’re Kara Danvers, right?” He scooted closer, grinning at the bartender handing him a Manhattan.

I sighed hard, fixing my glasses. “Yes, and I won’t apologize for whatever devastating article I may have written that compromised any of your enterprises.” I turned to look at him. He was okay looking, in that wannabe superman way. The dark hair, the dark blue eyes and the tuxedo tailored to fit around his biceps a little too perfectly. I’d come across his type a million times over the years. Rich boy who wanted to get me into bed so I’d write a dashing article about them or the family business. I fell into that trap once in London, and learned my lesson. Don’t sleep with the beautiful when you’re a journalist. All they want is your byline, not your heart. But this guy, he looked painfully familiar and I couldn’t place him in the sea of faces I’d encounter over the years.

He chuckled. “I heard you were a tough one.” He held up a hand. “Before you tear me a new one and leave me with a shattered ego, I just wanted to say you’re one hell of a journalist. Because of your work, I was able to redirect much of investments. Moved them away from the assholes using my money to enslave people, and invested in companies like Craidhe Tech. Companies who will actually change the world.” He held out his hand. “Caleb Atkinson.”

“Of Atkinson Industries?” I clutched my drink harder.

He shrugged. “The one and only.”

“Hmm.” I turned out into the crowd. “Last I heard your name pass across my desk, you and Ms. Luthor were announcing your engagement.” I swallowed hard as my heart dropped into my stomach. This gala was a bad fucking idea and I was silently drafting up my resignation letter to Cat. Tomorrow I’d book a flight to the Aran Islands and spend the rest of my years writing a novel I’d never finish, in a cabin by the sea. No people, no nothing, and certainly nothing about Lena Luthor.

“That must have passed across your desk a bit ago. Lena and I…”

Caleb was cut off as the crowd parted and Lena appeared like a God damned angel falling from the sky. She wore a deep burgundy colored dress that hugged her curves like they were hiding a secret I already knew. Her hair was up in a perfect updo, showing off the angles age had graced her with, and her eyes. They literally sparkled in the ambient light, making them almost glow an emerald green. I swallowed hard and slammed back the whiskey, wincing as it burned every inch it slid down my throat. “Excuse me, I need to find the bathroom.” And the nearest exit.

Caleb gave me an odd look as I half saluted him and skittered away before Lena caught sight of me. I half ran down the hallway to escape into one of the many aisles filled with books. I could hide there, catch my breath, and count down the last thirty minutes before I made my exit. I’d then go home, write the stupid follow up article and throw in the names I’d spotted and call it a night with greasy pizza and bad TV shows.

I snuck into the aisle of medieval history reference, found a stool and sat down as graceful as I could, the skirt was extraordinarily tight, making it difficult to sit like a lady. I huffed, leaning against the shelves, reading the spines across from me.

A wave of exhaustion settled over my body, I was tired. The transition into a normal quiet life was harder than I thought. Every day I could get up and walk to the corner for coffee, and then safely walk to my office and sit behind a clean desk, was hard to absorb. I felt out of place in clean clothes and in a safe office in a city that wasn’t constantly filled with the sound of air raids and gunshots. I reached up, running a hand over the scar on my shoulder. It was still healing, and would take a while. The doctor told me to expect pieces of the bullet to push it’s way out of my skin. They’d removed as much as they could, but some of it they had to leave, or risk infection. I closed my eyes, pressing my fingers against the ridge of raised skin, the sounds of that day, the smell of blood and cordite filled my nose. The hot sting and the white hot pain that followed burned across my skin, giving me goosebumps.

“Still adhering to the two hour rule?”

I flinched at the sound of her voice right behind me and stood up slowly, smoothing out the front of my dress. “I, um, just needed to step away for a moment.” I turned to Lena, fake smile on my face. “This is a lovely event, Lena.”

“Thank you.” She glanced at he shelves around us. “You don’t need to stay the full two hours for my benefit, Kara. I’d hate for to stay any longer, especially if you’re uncomfortable.” She looked at me, her eyes flickering to the dress in a way that sent a shiver up my spine. I knew that look, and it always brought me to my knees before. “I can have a list of guests sent over for reference along with the charities tonight will benefit.”

I fidgeted with the small matching clutch I brought. “Thank you.” I cleared my throat. “I should go back down and make a final lap.” I went to step past her.

“Caleb and I.”

“Are none of my business.” I smiled. “Your business hasn’t been mine in a few years, Lena. As long as you’re happy, that’s, well, that’s what’s important.” I awkwardly waved at the sounds of the gala. “I should get back, you too. You’re the host, and as Lillian always said, the host shouldn’t mingle with the help.” I frowned as the words spilled out, wishing and cursing my stupid mind for tapping into the bitter section. She was ten years ago, move the fuck on, Kara.

 Lena gave me a tight smile, nodding. “And I haven’t spoken to Lillian since that night, Kara.” She looked up, her eyes softening. “Can I buy you a drink? I think there’s a bit I need to fill you in on. The last ten years have been years full of change.”

“As much as I’d love to take you up on that offer, I can’t.” I bit the inside of my cheek as years of anger and resentment collided. “I don’t want to do this, Lena. Revisit and hash up the past. I came here to start over and find my place in the world after being lost for years. I can’t, I won’t, Lena. If I do, it could get nasty. I might say things I won’t regret, things that hurt. You and I, we’re the past. A past I’ve spent ten years running…trying to forget.” I let out a slow breath, forcing a smile on my face as my stomach threatened to spill the whiskey back on the floor in front of us. My body was trembling. I wanted to spew all the hurt and pain I carried because of her, but I also wanted to spew out the nights I dreamt of her, the way I would only love her like I loved her. But I made a promise when I woke up in Berlin. I was done. I was done running, hiding, stifling myself with the past. Yes, I loved her, I was utterly in love with the woman standing in front of me, and she consumed me. “We live in the same city, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s a big city and I’m not the only reporter who can cover the excitement of a Luthor in it.” I took a breath, looking up at Lena. He big green eyes had turned glassy, telling me every one of my words spoken had hit their mark. “It’s been ten years, people change, Lena. I’ve changed.” I took a step to brush past her when the air filled with a series of loud pops and cracks.

I flinched, instinctively covering my head when the pops came like rapid fire and my mind took over, muscle memory took over. I dropped to my knees, curling myself into a tight ball, covering my ears as the sounds grew louder. I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head as my walls failed and I was transported back to that day. “No, no, no.”  I shivered as I felt the ice and snow under my body, the screams around me, the ground shaking as explosions rocked the city streets.

Hands fell to my hands, tugging them away as I fought to stay in a ball on the floor. A voice called my name, asking me to open my eyes. “No, no. Get away from me!!!” I shoved at the hands, scrambling to my feet as I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry, hazy and I couldn’t focus. All I could see was a shadowy figure coming towards me, trying to grab my arms. “NO!” I shouted, swatting the hands away, turning to run away when my heel caught the edge of the stool. I fell backwards, unable to stop myself, falling into the shelves, smacking my head hard on the corner of a reference desk pushed up against it.

The blackness swallowed me whole as I fell to the ground like a rag doll.  

XXXX

“Ow. Ow.” I woke up with my head feeling like it’d been run over by a truck and then shoved in a washing machine. I groaned, sitting up in my bed, cradling my head. “What happened?” I brushed the edges of a large bandage, slightly pressing on it and feeling the distinct outline of stitches. “Oh crap.” I opened my eyes and saw I was in my bedroom, and the sun was pushing past the edges of my curtains. I was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, not the fancy gown I’d started the night with. Scooting to the edge of the bed, I stood up with a wobble. My body hurt, ached and it felt like I’d gone a few rounds in the boxing ring. I took a few slow steps and walked out into the living room, desperate to find my phone and call Alex.

I moved towards the couch and froze when I saw a lump with dark brown hair scattered along the arm of my couch. I had to think for a moment, did I get super drunk last night and took someone home? While also managing to give myself a head injury that required stitches?

Then the lump moved, and Lena let out a soft sigh in her sleep.

I stumbled back, falling to sit on the arm of the char across from the couch. “Lena?” I winced at how raspy my voice was. Did I also scream my brains out last night?

The sound of my voice pulled her right out of her deep sleep, she sat up, brushing back her hair. “Kara? Are you okay? Do you need more of your pain pills?” She threw the blanket back, revealing she’d slept in her dress. A dress that was now wrinkled to hell and back. She padded across the room in bare feet. “I must have fallen asleep when you finally settled down. I apologize, I was to wake you every two hours and check your concussion.” She moved to the cabinets, grabbing a glass and filling it with water, she glanced at me. “I need to change your bandage, you’ve bled through that one.”

I reached up to the bandage with a shaky hand, feeling the damp spots of blood. “Um. Why, uh, why are you here?” I cleared my throat again, trying to chase the rasp away. “At my apartment?”

Lena walked over, handing me a glass of water and two orange pills. “Take this. It’s just Advil and you need to stay hydrated.” The look in her eyes unnerved me. She looked worried, almost scared.

I took the water and Advil for the simple fact my head was starting to pound. “You’re evading.”

Lena tipped her head down. “Alex will be here in the afternoon to watch over you.” She ran a hand through her hair, moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of me. “Do you remember anything about last night?”

I gripped the glass. “I went to the gala, stood in the corner, met your soon to be and escaped to the medieval history section. Then I guess I left, got super wild and probably fell down on my head. This is why I don’t drink.” I paused. “You can leave, Lena. I’ll be fine until Alex gets here.” I could smell her perfume and it was driving me crazy, so crazy, I wanted her to leave immediately before I fell apart. I didn’t really care to fill in the gaping holes of last night.

Lena nodded. “You don’t remember the fireworks? The stupid fireworks my PR team thought would be a stellar idea to celebrate the launch of my company?” She mumbled as she tugged her fingers, mumbling about firing a few people for tasteless decisions.

I shook my head, groaning when it hurt. “Honestly, I don’t remember anything past you cornering me in the aisle.” I slid to sit in the chair, pushing myself as far back as I could so I wouldn’t touch Lena.

Lena stared at me, her big green eyes filled with worry. “You had an episode. I think the fireworks triggered something. You hit your head when you fell backwards into a desk.” She paused, looking at me in a way I hadn’t been looked at since her.

“Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to reimburse you for the hospital bill. Or you can forward it to me and I’ll file it with my insurance.” I stood up, wobbling so much Lena stood up, grabbing my elbows to steady me.

“Kara, please.”

“I’m fine.” I went to pull away from her arms, only to have her gently tighten her grip.

“You’re not.” She paused. “I know you hate me, Kara. But I also know what you’ve been through, what has happened to you.” She swallowed hard. “Let me help you.”

I snatched my arms free, stumbling back but catching myself before I fell on my ass. “You don’t know shit, Lena.” I pointed at the door. “You can go, and I won’t ask how you found out where I lived. Just forget my address and we’ll be even.” I stumbled towards the kitchen, desperate for water or a stiff drink, anything to chase away this headache and the broken heart pounding more shards into my chest.

“I stitched you up while you mumbled on the couch. Mumbling about things that make my heart hurt, because I know who those people are.” Lena turned towards me. “I know every single person who’s ever hurt you, Kara, including me. What I did, isn’t excusable. I was young, stupid, and easily manipulated by my family.” She clenched her jaw as she fought back tears. “When I saw you at the station in New York, it was a sign.”

“A sign to come steam rolling back into my life? Getting my boss to force me to talk to you?” I scoffed. “You are a Luthor, so I’m not surprised.” I clutched the edge of my island, wishing the world would stop spinning. “You had ten years to find me, talk to me. Let it go, Lena. Let me go.” I swallowed hard, trying not to throw up as my head pounded.

A heavy silence fell between us, to the point I thought she left. I turned to see her grabbing her coat and shoes, discreetly wiping at her cheeks. She sniffled before turning towards me, standing taller. “Alex will be here within the hour. Please take it easy, Kara. You do have a concussion and should be careful.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew it would hurt too much. “Yep. I’ve had a few of these in my life, I think I have a handle on it.” I turned away, catching the dented tea tin glaring back at me. I closed my eyes. “I guess, I should at least thank you.”

I didn’t get the last word out before I heard my front door click shut.

XXX

I woke up a half hour later when Alex shook me awake. “What the fucking fuck happened last night?” She gently pulled me off the kitchen stool I’d passed out on, guiding me towards the couch. “I get a call this morning while I’m upstate, do you want to know who called me?”

“Clark? I know he’s your favorite cousin of mine.” I groaned when I sat down, Lena’s perfume all around me. “Or maybe it was grandma Danvers?”

“Lena Luthor. Lena God damned Luthor called me this morning, like in the wee hours of the morning to tell me that my dear sister had an episode, freaked out over fireworks in a library, tried to pull a runner and cracked her head open.” Alex glared at me, her eyes filled with angry worry. “I couldn’t leave since I was ass deep in a undercover mission. Then.” She huffs. “Then I get another call from her, and she sounds like she’s been crying and tells me you’re awake but need a babysitter. I had to take the company helicopter to get down here.” Her jaw twitched. “What happened last night? And before you feed me a pile of bullshit, I know the truth, but giving you the benefit to tell me first.”

I leaned my head back against the couch. “How did Lena know where I lived?”

“Since she owns the building you live in, it’s not that hard. Kara, what happened.”

I rolled my head to look at my sister. “I honestly don’t know. I was at the gala, met Lena’s future husband, and hid in the books at the library until I could leave. She found me and then the next thing I’m waking up with stitches and Lena sleeping on my couch.” I ran a shaky hand through my bedhead as a few strings of last night started coming back. “There were fireworks.” I swallowed hard. “Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit.” Alex leaned forward on her elbows. “Let me fill in a whole ton of blanks for you. You had an episode at the gala when the fireworks went off and freaked out. Lena told me you were screaming, running away from her and half murmuring in Russian begging for her to let you go. You tripped, took a header and smashed your head on a desk. Lena managed to stop the bleeding and sneak you out the back of the gala. She took you home after doing a quick search of your name in the Catco database, which she’s also part owner of. She then stitched your hard ass head up and stayed with you to keep an eye on you. I wasn’t due back until this afternoon, and she was going to stay, but that clearly went tits up.”

I shrugged. “Why are you all cool with Lena? You hate her as much as I do.” I sucked in a deep breath, staring at the ceiling as the memories of last night came back. The fireworks triggered me and sent me back to St. Petersburg. “Plus who has fireworks at a gala? In a library?”

“Kara, Lena and I had a conversation while you were asleep.” Alex paused, looking down at her hands. “I think you need to talk to her.”

I chuckled, sitting up to look at my sister. “I’m good on that, there’s nothing I have to say to her.” I glanced at the tea tin. “Nothing that would do either of us any good. She walked away from me, Alex. And for whatever reason, her coming back into my life is probably the universe telling me to close that chapter. Write the end to Lena Luthor and move on. She’s no one.” I choked on the last words, bitter with lies.

“Then at least let her talk to you.” Alex stood up, grabbing my half empty glass of water and filling it while she grabbed a beer. “I wasn’t a fan of her when you were together, thinking she was using you as a way to upset her snooty family. But I saw how much you loved her, how much room she took up in your soul and it worried me.”

“Thanks, but I’ve grown up.” I sighed, tugging on the blanket Lena used, fighting the urge to bury my nose in it. “I was a kid foolishly in love with someone so out of my league, I was too blind to pay attention to the warning signs.”

“How did you get out of the Ukraine after the plane crash?” Alex leaned on the island.

“A random research transport. They were scouting out potential camps and found me and the pilot.” I shrugged. “Random luck.”

“When you were blown up in Syria? How did you get to the Army field hospital when there was no military presence for miles and miles?”

“Um, there was some black ops contractors rolling through. They evacuated the entire village and my team with them. They dropped us off and were gone in the morning.” I sighed. “Alex, why are you bringing this up? I’ve been injured a handful of times, and you know about most of them, being the creepy spy, you are.”

“I wasn’t the only spy out there watching you.” Alex dug in her pocket, tossing a USB drive on the island. “You had a guardian angel watching over you for the last eight years. Every time you ever got into a serious pickle, you somehow managed to get out? This last time, you woke up in the best hospital in Berlin.”

“What are you trying to tell me? Did you somehow rope some of your CIA buddies into trailing me as I walked a dangerous line?” I scooted to the edge of the couch.

“The CIA wishes they had the resources Lena does.” Alex walked over, shoving the glass of water into my hands. “Lena spilled the beans, broke when I mentioned investigating the contractor in Syria. She’s kept tabs on you for years, Kara. Hoping one day you’d stop running ling enough for her to come to you.”

I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. “No. That’s a load of bs.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah it could be. But I also have the KGB report in that USB. The one that will tell me everything that happened in St. Petersburg that day you were shot.” She watched me tense up. “I haven’t read it, won’t read it. I’ll wait for you to tell me what happened when you’re ready. But it looks like your angel came in just in time that day.” Alex let out a slow breath. “Talk to her. Let her talk to you so she can close the chapter on you, Kara. Because the way I see it, she never ever stopped loving you and when word got out you were settling in National City, she moved her entire life here. You finally stopped running long enough for her to run to you.”

I blinked back tears, my jaw twitching as the emotions washed over me. “She walked away from me.”

I felt Alex sit next to me on the couch, sliding an arm around my shoulders. “Ask her why. I think she’ll give you the moment and give you an answer.”

I shook my head as the tears rolled down my cheeks. “What if I can’t? What if I can’t after all these years love her like I used to? What if the pain is too much to forget?”

“Maybe you need to stop living in what if’s and face her head on. You’ve faced the worst of the world and never flinched, I think you can face a tiny Irish woman.” Alex pulled me into her side. “I think you need to find peace, Kara, and it starts with her. Whatever the outcome, I think it’s time.”

I let out a slow sob as I fell into Alex, breaking completely apart.

It was time, no matter the outcome, it was time to face the woman I’d been running from and Kismet was telling me to run back to.