Chapter 1
The same window in the library, the one with the view of the physical sciences building. She sat reading books she wasn’t allowed at check out in the Medical Libraries restricted access room.
They were all very old research papers, Anya jokingly considered them to be ancient tombs. She wore a thin blue face mask to filter out some of the dusty air, sat in a desk chair next to the window reading and re-reading a statement made in this academic article.
‘Post traumatic growth can be accompanied by an increase in well-being, but distress and growth may also coexist. Positive changes can occur in several domains.’
Anya knew that clear as day, it still stuck with her however. Healing isn’t linear.
Her laptop dinged, notification of an incoming email. Anya expected it to be a student for the lab she’s TA’ing for asking for an extension on a paper, or some complaint to that accord.
Instead, an email from someone with a university of Miami address…[email protected]. She opened it up to a photo of a group old friends standing it what seemed to be…Disneyworld? The message below it read,
__________
ANYA WE MISS YOU!!
Swans brought his family and Curly to come visit me! He got us Disney tickets, we’re out in Orlando all weekend!
__________
Anya read and re-read the sentence over again. She recalled an email she received from Swansea months prior detailing this exact trip he planned to surprise Daisuke. She had been invited, but would have to fly in separately as opposed to the road tripping in Swanseas family’s RV. Curly lived in proximity to them and could be picked up and driven along but Anya…
She couldn’t afford that kind of plane ticket right now, not on the meger wage the university allotted her per semester.
She knew if she told Swansea it was for financial reasons he would push to pay for her travel expenses. That would make her very uncomfortable. Anya had lied and said she had an important exam that day and couldn’t make it.
Anya took a long time to absorb the photo. She almost couldn’t believe how far they had all come.
Curly was the first to catch her eye, as he is for most people. With extensive medical intervention the man was able to stand upright on carbon fiber prosthetics, and had successful enough reconstruction surgery. He didn’t look like the same, but he was the Curly they all knew and cared for.
Years of physical and mental therapeutics finally brought him back, the man was a walking miracle. He was modest about his achievements, but the fact that he was living at all was a feat in and of itself.
Anya couldn’t help but pat herself on the back a little, she had managed to keep Curly alive for half a year with no skin. She was but a small stepping stone in his healing journey, but proud nonetheless.
Swansea was same as he ever was. He had recovered physically from the malnutrition and side affects of drinking that much mouthwash. He found himself on the straight and narrow again and even retired early, living out his days with his wife and dog.
Swansea had saved all of their lives, reprimanding Jimmy and getting the gun out of his grasp before he could take an attempt on Swanseas life too. The man was considered a hero.
Daisuke was all smiles. Well, on the unparalyzed side of his face. Daisuke also shouldn’t be alive today; he took an axe to his facial tissue but not his brain. The blade was too dull to make a clean precise cut, instead bluntly cutting is skin open but keeping his skull nearly intact.
Daisuke was now half a lopsided smile and drooping eye. He had permanent nerve damage and a gash across his entire face, it scarred a bright angry pink. Anya assures him constantly that the scar will fade down with time. He was a handsome young man, the blow to his self esteem was particularly harsh.
Swansea’s wife and dog were in the photo, glued to his side. Anya missed Swansea wife.
Swansea wife was the first person to look Anya in the eyes and take her story seriously. She told Anya awful tales of a nasty ex-husband before she had found Swansea. Anya told her her everything about Jimmy. They spent hours together just taking over cups of coffee in Swanseas family’s living room.
Anya considered Swansea wife to be a second mother of sorts. An older woman she could always depend on when she needed that kind of support. It tugged at Anya’s heart, she suddenly really wished she was in Florida right about now.
She could almost imagine herself in that family portrait. She’d fit perfectly between Curly and Daisuke. Anya could be meeting Mickey Mouse right now and instead was sitting in a dusty library.
Then she really thought about it…
Anya might have some fun but in reality, she still needed personal separation from the enmeshed family that has become of the final crew of the Tulpar. It was sweet and definitely beneficial for Curly and Daisuke’s recoveries, but most certainly not always conducive to her own healing.
Anya could never feel the same kind of trust towards Curly as she had before he ever brought Jimmy onto their ship. Jimmy’s presence had changed Curly’s demeanor and caused a wedge between his and Anya’s friendship at the time. Then after the stunt he pulled turning a blind eye to Anya’s suffering? Not reprimanding Jimmy before he crashed the ship?
All things Anya would keep to herself. She hated feeling so angry over this still, it was quite unlike her. If she ever had a real heart to heart to Curly over her personal gripes with his inaction at that time, the man might go into cardiac arrest. He is still so fragile, she couldn’t hurt him like that. Not after everything he’s already been through.
She was equally upset with Swansea for similar reasons. A few months after the ship had crashed Anya had begged him for help and extra protection around Jimmy. The drunken bastard came through sometimes but ultimately was too caught up in this alcoholic relapse to take care of Anya too. She understood that his relapse was something she couldn’t even begin to imagine. Anya couldn’t fault Swansea for that in her heart of hearts.
Daisuke was innocence. It was a miracle any of them are alive to tell the tale, especially Daisuke. He was the only person who could get caught in an industrial vent fan and take an axe to the face and still come out smiling somehow. His resilience was admirable.
He had been completely unaware of the circumstances in which why his world had crashed and burned down around him. He shouldn’t have been involved in any of this to begin with.
Anya sometimes saw her own causality similar to Daisuke’s circumstance. She was just there to do a job, and instead was pushed into the worst of situations.
That’s what the others told her at least. Anya would never admit to anyone what her true fear was. She had always blamed the entire accident on herself. Sometimes she wonders what would have happened if she had just kept quiet like had Jimmy told her to…it was no use dwelling on. That wasn’t her reality.
Anya was years removed and yet everything still stung as if it had happened just yesterday.
She send Daisuke back a generic message,
__________
Miss you lots, catch up soon! Ttfn,
Anya Musume (she/her) University of ____, Medical Research Studies
__________
The official automatic email signature at the end of her easygoing message made her chuckle. Daisuke knew her well, Anya wouldn’t respond to him if he hadn’t sent it to her college email address. Anya made herself quite hard to get ahold of these days.
Mostly because she was busy writing her dissertation, but moveover for safety. Anya as well as the entire crew has and continues to be harassed insecisly by news outlets and true crime junkies alike. If she had one more influencer cold call her and ask about Pony Express she was going to pop her cork.
Anya kept that part of her life as on the down low as possible. She’s had a few students she taught approach her with news articles and questions about the Tulpar rescue mission and adjacent investigations.
She always kept details extremely vague. Anya had never publicly accused Jimmy of his actions against her, never took what remained of Pony Express to court over it on her own. At the time had just eternally grateful to be saved and have her feet flat on a planet again.
Daisuke’s parents were ultimately the ones who sued Pony Express for all they’re worth, they shared some of the wealth around. It’s how Anya had paid for her bachelors degree. She was a proud recipient of an undergraduates degree in Nursing with a minor in psychology.
Anya sat in minimal court hearings and wasn’t forced to testify against Jimmy’s actions. Something deep in her wanted to get up on that witness stand to rip Pony Express and the monster they let loose to compete shreds. Whenever she tried to write any semblance of a victim impact statement, she froze up.
Anya knew how often court settings were condemning to victims of such crimes. Jimmy had been killed and any evidence had been miscarried in her failed suicide attempt. She deeply feared tacking her assault onto the lawsuit would only ruin their chances at suing Pony Express successfully. That her side of the story might muddy up their case.
The amount of times Anya had been already turned away by others led her to the false understanding that no one would give her the proper time of day. Jimmy’s personal crimes against her were unfortunately something she would decide to keep to herself, albeit regretfully.
With Anya’s racing thoughts her heartbeat quickens, she is becoming sweaty and feels a phantom kicking inside of her ribs. The signs of her oncoming panic cause her to take a prescription bottle from her bag.
Anya hated taking pills, but some medications won’t be covered by insurance if she opts for liquids, if they are even available at all. Anya takes a beta blocker, wincing the entire time as it goes down. It would soon manually slow down the physiological reaction she was having.
So Anya once again tries to turn off the constant chatter in her mind and decides bury her face into a book. She couldn’t live in the past anymore, she was working toward her future. So was the rest of the crew, she wanted to make them proud of her too.
Anya was to defend her final dissertation to a board of doctors and scientists in just a few short months. It was nerve wracking but invigorating, she was finally about to achieve her biggest dreams.
Anya would walk across that strange this spring and officially be known as Dr. Musume.
Had a nice ring to it, no?