Phone a Friend
Anya sat in lecture, she didn’t need to attend classes this late in her phd program but deeply enjoyed them, thus chose to voluntarily. It was a medium sized attendance of students and hosted by a professor she was familiar with.
Anya had done the readings for today’s discussion and was eagerly excited to partake when her phone suddenly began ringing. She messily took it out of her pocket and went to hit ‘Do Not Disturb’ when the caller ID caught her attention. Curly.
She promptly excused herself from the classroom and made her way down the hall as and picked up the phone.
“Curly? I’m here. What’s up?” She asked him matter of factly. Curly wasn’t much of a talker these day, she knew something was urgent if he felt the need to call to her directly.
“Anya I-“, his voice cracked from the other side. “I’m sorry to call like this I just. I miss you right now...” Certainly not the first sentence she expected to hear from him upon picking up. He sounded so small, as if he was on the verge of tears.
Anya looked around, she remembered the class she was missing over this phone call. She heard Curly take a shaky breath on the other end and decided to put her current plans aside, her friend needed her right now.
“I miss you too, it’s been too long. I’m sorry I’m not in Orlando with you all.” Anya admitted to him. She wanted to show some vulnerability back in hopes he’d feel comforted. He recropracoted, “I wish you could be too. How’d that test go?” Curly asked.
“What test?” Anya asked him with her whole chest. She had forgotten the lie she had told to get out of the trip.
Silence.
“The biochemistry exam you said you had to take yesterday?” He prodded.
Anya froze, caught red handed. She lied about the exam to cover for her financial struggles, she wasn’t about to admit that to Curly. Anya lied again, “Oh yeah! It went fine I did okay.”
Curly caught on, “You always told me tests were really hard for you, I’m surprised you had such an easy time?” He sounded skeptical.
Anya coughed into the mic, she had to think on her feet. “Yeah but thisonewasreally okay I was just fine.” She couldn’t concoct any plan out of this other than to just move forward with the conversation, “Anyways, what has you calling?”
Curly decided to drop it, not worth picking at that especially since he was experiencing his own crisis at the moment. He spoke gragily, “I’m in the bathroom at a restaurant, the others are still at the table...” He took a short breath and continued, “The waiter. He’s just some bum kid but he looks…well.”
Anya could tell Curly was having a hard time communicating, she let him take as much time as he needed. He finally got it out, “Well the guy looks an awful lot like Jimmy.” He signed.
Anya knew that one. She could recall plenty of public panic attacks over cashiers, bus drivers, everyday people who just so happened to remind her of Jimmy. She saw him everywhere, apparently Curly experienced the same torment.
“I completely understand, sometimes I swear he’s around every corner.” Anya related to him.
Curly continued, “Exactly! It’s so frustrating…I just want to have a nice dinner with Swansea and Daisuke and here I am crying in the bathroom instead.” He laughed as he finished, attempting to cope with humor as always.
That confirmed Anya’s fears that he was in fact crying on the other end. Anya wished she could reach out and hug him, being hundreds of miles away hurt sometimes. “I’m sure that was jarring for you. Did Swansea or Daisuke seem to pick up on it?”
Curly replied, “Not really. The waiter is definitely just a teenager, he just looks like Jimmy when he was a teenager. It’s giving me whiplash. I don’t think I can even eat anymore…”
Anya understood Curly’s situation like no other. There were bonded, both victims at the hands of the same sick man. They learned to rely on each other in that way. No one understood Jimmy like they could. Anya and Curly’s friendship was forged in blood, literally.
“You should tell Swansea how your feeling, I’m sure they won’t mind-“ Anya’s sentence was cut off by Curly interjecting,
“No! That’s not the point! I know they’d take the check and walk out for me it’s just…they shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to leave over this. I wish I didn’t feel this way!” Curly’s sentence ended in open sobs.
Anya teared up. Curly was perfectly putting a voice to her own frustrations. There were so many things Anya wanted to enjoy out of life that she couldn’t because her past experiences ruined them for her. He was upset by the was the principle of it.
“You worded it perfectly. It sucks to feel so broken, doesn’t it?” Anya attempted to chuckle to lighten the mood but immediately cracked and joined Curly in crying over the phone. This entire conversation hit her like a red hot poker, she hadn’t been prepared for it in the slightest.
Curly made a sound of confusion and then acknowledgement as they continued to cry over the call.
Anya piped up, “Listen, I get it and it’s hard. You can brave it the best you can, but there’s no shame in taking a step back.”
She wanted to address that as well as explain just how proud she felt in him, that he even reached out at all. There was once a time where Anya watched Curly lie his way through his psychological exams with dead eyes. Now he was seeking support and communicating.
“You can’t blame yourself for this, it’s a freak chance that some guy who happens to look like Jimmy is waiting your table. He is not Jim, and you don’t even have to look in his direction if you don’t want to.”
Anya was on a roll, she wanted to finish giving her two cents, “You can also just take the rest togo and eat it in Swanseas RV, and is that really so bad?” She finished.
Curly seemed to sit with her words for a moment, catch his breath and stop crying. “You’re right, I’ll give it a shot. Worst case scenario we leave, no harm no foul.”
Anya breathed a sigh of relief, she found just want to say to get Curly off the deep end. “That’s a good way to go about it I think. You know, you’re really brave for taking that trip at all.” Anya added.
Some silence followed before Curly’s response. “I really do wish you were here, Anya.” Curly had to cut the conversation short, “I’ve got to head back to the table. Text you later?”
Anya understood, “Of course. Keep me updated.”
With that the phone call ended, Anya once again talked down one of her old crew mates successfully.
Anya’s eyes were still wet. Once again she made someone else feel better at the extent of her own feelings. Anya wasn’t prepared to talk about Jimmy today. He was always in her mind but this was blatant, direct causation to her trauma and therefore sent her into a spiral.
Anya walked back to her apartment instead of going back into the classroom. A shame really, she had really been looking forward to discussing this week’s readings. She put them aside and cried with her head down, tears pattering onto her sweater. She wiped her face with her sleeves, snot glistened behind.
Anya needed to sit down, she was in the middle of an outdoor staircase and made her way to the furthest right side to sit with her head between her knees. She dug around her backpack for the panic medication she carried and slugged two of them down with some leftover herbal tea in her thermos.
Anya waited out her impending doom. It eventually went from a roaring tital wave to a distant fuzzy feeling in her chest, and then she was ready to tackle the walk again.
Anya made it home safely to her single occupancy studio provided to her by the university at a subsidized rent. It was dimly lit and had the occasional mouse, but it was home to her nonetheless.
She slumped off her backpack and shoes the moment she walked in the door. She always firmly locked the door and double checked the deadbolt before hanging up her keys. Anya dragged her feet across the room threw herself into the safety of her duvet cover, still fully dressed. She needed the comfort immediately.
Anya soaked in the initial bliss of finally being home and in bed before reality set in. Today, as far as she was concerned, was a setback.
Anya had missed class, picked up the phone to Curly which had every chance of being difficult, and cried multiple times over Jimmy. Hell, Anya even double dosed her panic attack medication because she was afraid to have an episode in public.
She might have done better than when she was on the Tulpar, but Anya was still a long shot from feeling normal. She begrudgingly pulled her laptop into bed with her and logged into zoom to watch the live meeting of the class she was currently missing.
Anya lasted until class ended before the anti- anxiety medication she took earlier lulled her to sleep. She had felt so exhausted from crying, the rest was much needed.
Anya fell asleep when the sun was up, and awoke after it had became dark. She sat up dazed and confused before checking her phone, it was 8:30pm. Multiple missing texts from Curly, she opened her phone up and read them.
Hey thank you for earlier. I stuck it out, we had a good time. That wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you.
Sorry to double text, just checking in
Goodnight, miss you.
Anya smiled to herself, at least if her day was a dud Curly was able to face his fears and won. She felt proud of him. She’d text him back in the morning, Anya had to grades to go input.
She rose to her feet and realized she had slept in her day clothes, Anya slumped off her jeans and sweater from and opted for a more comfortable t-shirt and pajama shorts. Next she slid on some fuzzy socks and her favorite pair of slippers.
Anya pulled up a delivery app on her phone and placed an order to the nearest greasiest fast food chain she could get a burger from. She put on the newest season of the Pitt, watching while she filled in attendance grades for the class she’s been a teaching assistant for.
Her anxiety for the day prior had subsided, Anya was finally at peace for the remainder of the evening. She watched reality television and ate her large double patty combo meal in the sanctity of her own safe space, curled up on the couch with her favorite throw blanket.
Anya had turned her loss of a day into a win of an evening, not perfect but she’d take it nonetheless.