Blood Moon

EDWARD

When I ran away from Forks and Bella Swan's blood, I did not expect to end up here. Following one of the most dangerous members of the Volturi on a hunt. On my own free will. Alec's is tracking down someone that broke the Volturi's rules. We have been running for a week now. Whoever they are, they sure know how to erase their tracks. Sometimes we catch a faint smell, but he's never close enough for me to hear his thoughts.

We stopped running for a while and now we're just walking in silence. Suprisingly, that's not all we've been doing. Alec does talk when he wants to, and I have to admit he's doing a marvelous job in distracting me. Maybe, even to good of a job. I haven't thought about the human I wanted to kill in days, her smell seems to have vanished from my memory, but now all I think about is Alec. He tries to keep me out of his mind most of the time and I'm not trying to invade his thoughts anymore, but sometimes he slips and I catch something that leaves me confused and intrigued. I want to know more about him. I can feel that he is in a bad mood, my guess is that he's homesick. The Volturi rarely leave Italy, he must hate being so far away. But, he is not very keen in talking about himself, so I ask about the one we were hunting.

"Who are we tracking, again?" I ask for the hundreth time, probably.

"I already told you, someone that broke the rules and must be punished." His tone is condescending. The first few times he spoke to me in that tone I felt anger and regret at my decision to follow him, now I just roll my eyes.

"I know that part. Care to elaborate some more?"

"That's not necessary." He answers without turning around. 

"I think it is." I say firmly.

"I know it isn't." I swear he sounds bored. In his mind there's a constant humming of a tune. How can someone be so good at hiding his thoughts?

"Alec, stop." He doesn't so I quickly grab his arm to turn him around. Despite my speed I try to do it softly. I barely grasp at his suit jacket when he's turned around on his own and has a firm grasp on my wrist. He is not trying to hurt me, but I'd have to make an effort to make him let go. I don't do it, though. I let him keep his hand on my bare wrist.

"Do not test me, Edward. I am not in the mood." He says through gritted teeth. Now that I have a good look on his face, I realize his eyes are black. Oh.

I have been so caught up in trying to understand him, I didn't even notice he hasn't fed since I started to tag along. We did stop along the way and he told me to feed on the few animals we encountered. When I left him to hunt on my own I thought he'd do the same. I didn't stop to question the fact that we are in the middle of a forest and I haven't smelled any humans for miles.

"You haven't fed since I joined you." I say quietly. He drops my wrist and turns around. "Why didn't you feed when we stopped for me to hunt?"

"What? Were you goint to share with me?" He says mockinly. The few times we discussed my family's 'vegetarian' diet, he was always dismissive. Like the mere thought of feeding on animals disgusted him. But, after the conversation was over there were always an echo of my words on his mind, like he was considering it for a second. I never mentioned it.

"Of course not. I am not going to impose my habits on you." I try to keep things friendly because I can feel the anger on him. The hunger.

"I'd like to see you try." He scoffs. He is just so infuriating sometimes. I'm about to answer with something to get on his nerves for a change when the smell hits us. Human.

What are the chances?

His head turns on instinct but he doesn't make a move.

"Go ahead." I simply say, my anger forgotten when I think about how hungry he must be. I don't know why, but I care about this asshole.

"I don't need your permission." He snaps. I always thought I was patient. But, Alec makes me question myself in more ways than one.

"Dammit, Alec. I know you don't. I am not ordering you, I am simply telling you to feed. You can't track anyone for the Volturi if you're weak." I know he will not let this go the moment I close my mouth. He doesn't care that I raised my voice, but I called him weak because I knew he would hate it. I can't read his mind but I feel like I know some crucial things about him.

On the first day we met I discovered he doesn't like feeling incapable, or weak, for that matter. Which made no sense to me at first. Everyone knows he is one of the most powerful members of the Volturi. Our kind cower in fear of his ability. As the days went by, when I tried to ask things about himself, I'd catch glimpses of his life with the Volturi. They passed as quickly as they came, but I could make out situations where he felt understimated, looked down upon. People feared Jane the most for being more sadistic. And the others thought he was nothing without his ability. He felt useless when they went out to carry out the Volturi sentences. That's the reason why he demanded to do this alone. I never said anything about it, because I knew he would be even more careful with his thoughts and I wanted to know more about him.

"I'm not weak." He is inches away from me in a flash. His eyes are pitch black. His mind is not only filled with the sounds of blood pumping through the human's veins but with graphic images of what he wants to do. "I am much stronger than you because I feed on those pathetic humans. Even now, when you're eyes are golden and mine are black, I could still end you without effort."

He has his hand on my throat and is pining me to a tree. "Tell me, how does it feel to know, that even though you abstain from human blood, monsters like me are still lurking in the shadows, ready to rip them apart? Does it make you feel useless and idiotic? Your effort to keep your humanity means nothing." He spits the word humanity like it's poison. This is his retalliation for my comment. I hurt him with my words, now he is doing the same. I see right through him. This is an act. Something to scare me so I'd leave, probably. It's not the first time he said things to remind me he is dangerous. Even though I am a predator just as much as him, he goes out of his ways to remind me he's the apex predator here. 

I know that he is trying to get a rise out of me and in the past he was sucessful, but I keep calm now. I will not let this façade fool me anymore. 

"Are you done with this scene?" I say without any bite to it. "Just go feed."

His hand on my throat, despite being there to scare me is not squeezing hard enought to hurt me. Another proof that all this is just an act. I stare into his eyes, they are not staring at me with anger anymore. 

We stay like that for seconds, but it feels like an eternity. He lets his hand drop and it's gone before I can say anything else.

I slid down the tree and sit on the ground. This is so frustating, I've never met anyone this complicated before. One moment he is smiling at me and the other he is trying to prove he is the worst monster to walk this earth. It's ironic, really, I tell myself I'm a monster all the time, but when he does it to himself, I hate it. I want to prove him wrong somehow. And I have no idea why. Why am I still here? I feel like I've been asking myself that on daily basis, but I still can't find it in me to leave.

The truth is, I want to get to know him. I'm having all these feelings, I've never had before. I feel this flutter in my stomach everytime he smiles at me. Is this what people call butterflies? He is an enigma I want to solve.

I must have lost my mind.

While I was questioning my sanity, I felt the human's smell fade. That's weird, I was expecting the smell of blood to assault my senses with the human's screams. Did Alec drag them away from me, so I wouldn't hear it? That's ridiculous, why would he go through that trouble when minutes ago he was making sure I knew he was going to tear them in pieces? So confusing. I never know what to expect of him. Worst part is that knowledge thrills me instead of scaring me.

Alec walks slowly into my view moments later. He is impeccable, not a hair out of place or a drop of blood anywhere on him. His eyes being the only confirmation that he actually fed. 

I'm about to get up and continue to follow him on this hunt and pretend the last few minutes didn't happen, but then he is sitting down cross legged in front of me.

This time his thoughts are open and he's inviting me to hear it.

"I'm sorry ." Even on his mind, his words are soft, like a whisper.

"It's alright. You were hungry." I say quietly. I don't want to disrupt the silence.

"That doesn't excuse my behaviour. I was out of line and said things that were uncalled for. You offered to help me without asking anything in return and I'm doing nothing but being rude."

"That's not true." I say, louder this time, high enought for a human to hear. "Yes, it was uncalled for. But, I asked to come so I could be distracted, you didn't have to let me come along. I'm sure that's not something the Volturi allow."

He doesn't say anything this time and all I see on his mind is me sitting down in front of him. He is focused on me. I don't know how to feel about that.

"Also, you have been many things. Sure you were rude sometimes, but when you're not being a complete pain, you're very nice to be around." I really want him to open up to me. To drop the mask he has on. 

"I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered." His laugh is like music to my ears and for the first time in a long time I wish I was near my piano. I want to turn that sound into a melody. 

"Why do you do it?" I asked after the echos of his laughter disappeared. "Why do you push me away, like you wish I wasn't here and then moments later your being kind again?

"Because, I can't get used to it. I hate that I like having you near me so much."  He eyes are staring at the floor now. "It's easier if you just get fed up with me and leave, then I can go back to Volterra knowing there's nothing else for me."

"I don't understand. I thought you were eager to go back home." He laugh is humorless now, I don't like this one as much.

"If anything, I was eager to leave." He says but doesn't elaborate. It's very hard to get to know him like this.

"Alec, I'm making an effort stay out of you're head. Not that it would make much of a difference since you keep your thoughts in check. But, I want to know what you mean when you throw these cryptic things at me." I leaned forward crossing my legs, too. If I reached out I could put my hand on his knee. As much as I want to, I don't.

For a moment I thought he was going to ignore me and start running again. But, he sighs, it's more for show than anything else.

"Edward, this past week, everytime you mentioned the Cullens, I was overwhelmed with rage. I couldn't understand why you called them family. My mom this, my father and my siblings that. We're vampires, we have covens or clans. I thought it was stupid to pretend you were anything more than that." His tone was calm and I didn't understant where this was going, but I kept quiet and waited for Alec to continue. "But, as the days went by, I realized I wasn't angry. I was jealous. Jealous because I don't have that. Individuals that actually care about me."

"But, you've been with the volturi for centuries. Surely, you have a bond. What about your sister?" Alec and Jane were actually related by blood. Even if he didn't feel a connection to the others, she must be different.

"I love my sister. Even when we were still human, I always thought we had the strongest bond that anyone could have. We joined the Volturi and I thought I had everything I could ever want, power and immortality. And it was enough for a long time. But, these past decades, I have started to feel this emptiness, like nothing can satisfy me. Not even blood. And then I started to realize my fellow companions were just that. It was like I was living on a haze, drowning in blood and lust, drunk on power, I never noticed how much those people I lived with despised me. For a long time, they were scared but that faded. Even with my gift, they see me as weak. Aro too, without my gift I am nothing to them. Jane is different, she is completely loyal to their ways. When she realized I wasn't as invested in it as her anymore, she changed. She doesn't look at me like she used to."

I was about to say something but he raised his head to stare at me with those crimson eyes.

"I made sure I came alone on this hunt, because I needed distance from Volterra and everyone. And then I met you, with your golden eyes and your morals. We all look down at you and your diet. But, you have so much more to live for than I do. What a hit to my ego. My perfect existence was already crumbling down and you came along and turned it all to dust. Just the confirmation I needed that I've been wasting my immortality." 

His mind is more open now and I know he is showing it to me. I can see flashes of his existence, gladly serving the Volturi for centuries and then his world is darker and he has no purpose. His sister's love stars to fade too and he feels alone. I can't help but think about the time I rebelled against Carlisle way of living and the feeling of dread when I decided to come back, not knowing if they would forgive me. I probably would feel exactly like Alec if they didn't take me back. I would be nothing without my family. But, even their love and support isn't enough sometimes.

"Thank you for trusting me." It's the first thing I say after his mind goes blank again. The tune he keeps humming is back. "I am very grateful for my family, but I too feel that emptiness, like there's nothing else in this world for me. But, the good thing about immortality is that you have time. If you're not happy with your existence now, change it." I put my hand on his knee this time. I was surprised when he put his own hand on top of mine.

"Even if I knew how. Even If knew what I want, I could never leave." His words are so quiet like he's afraid someone else will hear them. "The Volturi would never allow that. My gift matters to them. Aro loves to collect us. That's why he is so obssesed with you and the seer, your sister. It would give a bad impression if members of the guard could just leave when they thought fit. He would rather have me killed then let me go." He squeezes my hand. Just the thought of Alec being harmed, dead, makes me nauseous, if that's even possible. He makes me feel things only humans can. Breathless, like my heart is beating loud in my chest.

"I wish I could do something to help you." I say as quietly as he did, I don't want to ruin this moment. This is the first time he's been completely honest with me, the mask is gone and I can see him. He is beautiful. I am glad he can't read my mind, because the image of his lips on mine is all I can think about. That's the first time I allow myself to acknowledge that desire. But, is not the right time. That would probably drive him away from me. Still, I want to give him some confort, before I can stop myself I'm throwing my arms around him. I felt him freeze and I do the same. We are a bizarre statue in the middle of the forest. When he moves again is not to push me away, but to hug me back.

"You already are." He whispers and I pull away, reluctantly. Being this close to him has made me realize I've been in denial all this time. Alec doesn't just intrigue me and I am not here just to forget about the human. I like being near him. More than I want to admit. I don't think I'm ready for that, yet.

This time I focus on the sound around us, because I don't want to know what he's thinking. I am not ready for that, either.

He takes my hand gently and he is on his feet in flash, pulling me along.

"We should continue before we lose his scent." He lets my hand go the moment I'm on my feet.

"Hmm ?" It's the only thing that comes out of my mouth. 

"The man we're hunting." He smiles. "C'mon. I will tell you more about it on the way. Let's see if you can catch his thoughts."

This time he doesn't walk in front of me and expects me to follow. This time we walk side by side. 

Another week passes. We are getting closer to Sebastien, the vampire who's leaving trails of bodies across the country. The way he leaves his victims are making people question if it's really an animal that's attacking everyone. The Volturi don't want that kind of attention, so Alec is supposed to deal with him.

His smell is getting stronger but we still haven't managed to get close enough for me to hear his thoughts. Not that I'm complaining. I know that when we find him Alec is going to leave and everytime I think about that possibility my stomach sinks. After Alec was honest with me we've been talking more than we ever did before. We barely have moments of awkward silences now and we spend more time walking than running. That means we get to spend more time together and I'm grateful. I thought about asking if he was doing it on purpose, if he doesn't want this to end like me, but I can't find the courage. I'm afraid we will deny it. Truth is, I have no ideia what he might feel about me. I know he likes having me around, he did return my hug that time, but it's so hard not being able to read his thoughts. I have to confess I rely on that too much. 

Besides the fact that I promised I'd try go give him his privacy, and I don't intend on breaking that promise, he still hums that melody in his mind. Most of the time I'm not sure if he's humming it or I am.

We've been talking about my family for some time now. I started talking about living in Forks, why we chose that place and I even mentioned the treaty with the Quileutes. He wasn't interested on the shifters. He asked me to tell him more about my family and I was hesitant. After what he told me, I didn't want him to feel like I was rubbing it in his face. But, he assured me he wanted to know, so I told him. Even though I feel like there's nowhere I'd rather be than here, with him, I do miss my family. I left so abruptly, they must be worried.

I didn't want him to see sadness in my eyes and mistake it for something else, like me wanting to leave, so I started to tell him about our baseball games.

"It's one of our favorites pastimes. It's this game where-" After a long time of only me talking, he interrupted me.

"I know what baseball is, Edward. I do keep up with everything. It's not like I'm stuck in the past." His tone it's light, so I decide to joke around, too.

"Could have fooled me." I say running my fingers through his cape. "That's very modern, indeed." 

"I don't really have a say in that." I stop walking.

"Really? You can't even wear what you want?"

"This is supposed to differentiate us from others. So they know who we are just by looking at us. It doesn't matter. I barely even notice it anymore." He shrugs and starts walking again. With my speed I'm in front of him before he can take another step. 

"Alec, you're so much more than a Volturi. That's not who you are." I put my hands on his shoulders but still keep us at arm's length. He's tense like he usually is when we talk about the Volturi.

"I'm not so sure anymore. That's all I've ever been." He says looking down. His mind is open again and I see the sentences he's carried out in their name.

"That means nothing. You have emotions and cravings that go beyond Volterra and their laws. Maybe once you were just a part of the guard. But, not anymore. I should know, I saw it." I tap his forehead softly with my finger.

"I thought you weren't trying to read my mind." He teases me. He's much more playful, too.

"I am not. I see only what you choose to show me." I say and try to show in my voice how grateful I am for that. 

"How can you look at me like that after everything I showed you?" He is serious now, seaching my eyes for an answer.

"Like what?" I ask instead.

"Like I'm something special." 

"You are." Before he can ask me why and things get even more personal than it already is, I change the subject.

"Here, let's try something." I start to remove the cape that screams 'Volturi' and let it drop to the ground. "There. Now, you're just Alec." I take his necklace and hide it inside his suit. "Just a guy in a very nice suit." I joke. It works because he laughs and the tension on his shoulder seems to melt. 

I think that's probably my favorite sound in the world.

"And you are a guy with far less nice clothes." He teases while tugging my jacket. 

"That's not fair, I'm supposed to be a teenager in high school, this is how they dress." I pout but end up smiling anyway. We fall silent again, but it's confortable.

"Beautiful." He whispers after a while. Before I can ask what he means, he speaks again.

"You're beautiful." His fingers are caressing my face, running along my forehead to my jaw. I can't help but close my eyes. This is too much. I feel like electricity is traveling thought my body. He touches his forehead to mine and my breath catches. I freeze up, waiting for him to take the iniciative. I was sure he was about to kiss me and then we were both hit by the smell of blood. In a flash he was away from me, when I opened my eyes he was wearing his cloak again.

"It's him. We have to go." A second after he finishes speaking, he's running again. I follow him with rage coursing through my body. I hate Sebastien. Why did he have to ruin this now? We were so close. Now I can only imagine what his lips would have felt like on mine.

We passed the body he left on the way, but didn't stop. We were running for hours before his smell started to fade.

"How is he doing this? We lost him again." Alec was angry. I couldn't tell if it was because he managed to lose us or because he interrupted us. Maybe both.

"I can't hear his thought. Sorry, I haven't been much help to you." I run my fingers through my hair.

"You have been much more than that." He says looking at me, there's no anger on his face anymore. It looks like he might want to continue where we stopped. And I'd really, really like that, but I finally notice the smell around us. It's familiar. It's home.

"We are in Forks." I say panicking.

"Where you live?" He asks and I can see the disappointment on his. I would probably feel the same if I wasn't so concerned about my family.

"If Sebastien hunts here, they will blame us." I'm pacing now. I knew he would understantd, I did tell him about the treaty.

"Don't worry. I will find him and end this before he can do any harm." He grabs my hand in his.

"I'll help you." I'm about to start running again, but Alec's hand stops me.

"I'm afraid this is where we part ways." 

"No!" I say louder than I should. "We can't find him quicker together. I know I havent't been able to find his thoughts. But, I confess I wasn't trying too hard, I'm sorry I made you waste time-" I was rambling, the thought of being away from him making me feel like the floor dropped from my feet.

"Edward, listen to me." Alec put his hand on my mouth to shup me up. It works. "It's not yout fault. I wasn't focused on him, either. I just wanted to spend more time with you." He removes his hand from my mouth to hold the back of my neck instead. "When you asked to assist me back in Alaska, I would have agreed even if you couldn't read minds. Even then I just wanted you near, for some reason. I didn't understand why then, but I think I do now." I was about to lean in to kiss him myself. This is the confirmation that I needed, he does feel the same.

"You have to go." Before I could kiss him, he's stepping back. Away from me.

"Alec, wait, I wanted you near me, too. I-"

"I know. That's the problem. We both were enjoying each others company so much, we lost track of time. I'm sure they must have send someone to check on me by now. I can't let any member of the guard see you. I will try my hardest to avoid Aro, but if anyone else saw me with you, they would tell him. And he's already obsessed with your gift, I don't want him to get any ideas because we got close."

"It doesn't matter. I don't want you to leave." In a second I'm by his side again. Hugging him like we did that day.

"I don't want to leave you, either." His hand in on my hair and I close my eyes inhaling his scent. "But, we can't avoid it. I'd have to go back regardless. This way you won't be caught in the middle." He frames my head in his hands. "Go home. Tell your family to be on high alert. I will do my best to find him before he can cause you problems. And then I will be on my way back to Volterra." 

I'm sure if I could produce tears they'd be flowing down my face. I spent weeks with this man, but I've never felt anything remotely like this in a century. I was afraid to admit the words to myself, I wrote it off as curiosity and simple attraction. But, it's more than that.

"Alec, I-" I was ready to admit it out loud. To myself and to him.

"Don't. Please, don't make this harder than it has to. If I hear you say it, I won't have the strenght to go back to what my life was before I met you." 

I don't know what to say after that, there's a mess of words in my mind and I don't know how to voice them without doing exactly what he asked me not to.

He kissed my forehead softly. "I do, too." He tells me though his mind and before I can grab onto him to make sure he can't leave. Before, I can tell him we can make this work together, he's gone.

I want to stay there and never leave. Waiting for him to come back. But, there's a threat roaming these forests. And I have to warn my family.