Blood Moon

EDWARD

I had to control myself not to run after Alec. I knew he was right, I couldn't be seen by one of the Volturi. That could cause me a lot of problems, but most importantly, it could be a problem for Alec, too. And that's the last thing I want. 

So, I run back home. There's still a killer on the loose. Sebastien. I doubt he will only pass through Forks and not harm anyone. It's a good thing there're no shifters anymore, one less problem for us. But, the Quileute elders will probably blame us if something happens. Even though we have honored the treaty, they don't trust us.

When I'm close to our house, I start to walk. I don't know what to say, now that I'm back. I almost made a mistake that could cost us everything. I was away for weeks but so much has happened. I fell in love for the first time. I can't deny it anymore, but I can't tell them. Not only because he's a part of the Volturi, Carlisle lived with them for a while, but he left because he couldn't accept their ways. But, because there was nothing to tell. We can't be together, there's no story or happy ending for us. I have to be realistic.

I'm staring at our front door now. If Alice saw it happen, there's no point in hiding anything. She'll know that while they were worried about me, I was falling hard for one of the most ruthless members of the Volturi. I know that's not all Alec is, not anymore, but they don't. I'm afraid what they'll think of me. 

I open the door and step inside because there's no time for my personal problems. There is a real threat roaming these forests right now.

Before, I can say anything or call out for anyone, I'm engulfed in my mother's arms. I didn't realize how much I needed this. I tighten my arms around her.

"Edward, you're back!"

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I know me leaving caused her a lot of pain.

"Don't apologise, son. It's okay."

"Where's Carlisle?" I can hear him in his study and I know he can hear me. In a flash his arms are around both of us, and I can't help but remember the first time I left and came back to them.

"We were worried about you."  He thinks.

"I didn't mean to worry you. But, I couldn't stay." I said after they let me go.

"The prodigal son returns!" I hear Emmett's booming voice before I feel his pat on my back. "Welcome back, bro."

"Thanks, Em." I smile despite my mood. Emmett really is everything you could want in a brother.

When Rosalie is walking down the stairs I nod at her. "Rose."

"Glad you're back." She says and despite our problems, I know she means it.

Alice and Jasper are coming from the backyard. There's an unusal space in between them, but I don't pay much attention to it. There are more pressing matters.

"Listen, I hate to come back with bad news. But, we have a situation. A rogue vampire is in Forks, I smelled him in the forest." I decide to tweak the truth a little to leave Alec out of iit. "I came across his victim on the way, I am sure he'll cause trouble."

"One? We can take him!" Emmett says always ready for a fight.

"Maybe this guy can solve one of our problems." Rosalie says, her voice dripping with venom. Usually, her glares are directed at me. But, this time Alice is the one in her sight.

Alice snarls at her with no hesitation and I feel like I'm missing something.

When I focus on her thoughts all I see is Bella Swan. For a moment I'm even more lost than before. What does she have to do with this? Is Alice afraid I won't be able to control myself? Has she seen anything?

Then I realize most of the images are visions of her with the girl. Together.

"Alice, what is all this?" I ask. Even though I'm seeing it, I can't quite understand it.

"It's very simple. Alice fell in love with a human." Rosalie spits out, still glaring.

"Rose, shut up for a second!" Alice is much more collected than this. I can't think of another time she raised her voice.

"I will not! Not only did you fall for a human. But, she is Edward's singer. He left so he wouldn't ruin everything and now you're doing exactly that." I think that's the first time Rosalie was on my side in any way.

I don't really know what side I'm on. It's impossible for Alice to be with Bella, she's human, and what about Jasper? They were together for so long, they loved each other so much, how could that change? But, I learned first hand that the matters of the heart are complicated. And everything can change with a snap of a finger.

I'm about to calmly ask Alice to explain this with her own words, when I see a memory in her mind. It's recent. She is talking to Bella in a restaurant and she is telling her entirely too much about her gift, the memory changes and they accidentally touched hands, she felt the cold. Then Bella is talking about the legends, the Quileutes legends, Alice tells her they're only myths. But, she is not convinced, even Alice is not sure if Bella believed her. Now, that's a problem.

"She suspects. Alice, she suspects what we are!" I exclaim. My thoughts are running wild. If we are exposed the Volturi will come for us. He will have to.

"I haven't told her. It's under control!" Her voice gets higher.

"You told her about your ability. That's hardly normal." I try to reason without losing it. 

"Edward, I know this complicates things. But, I love her. I can't be without her." She tells me through her mind and I can see her future with Bella. There's a contrast between them. Bella is entirely human and in some of them her features changes into ones of an adult. Alice remains the same, but they are happy. I don't remember seeing my sister this happy and I can't find it in myself to ruin this. I don't get to have my love story. But, maybe Alice can.

"How do you feel about it?" I ask Jasper quietly. I have to consider his feelings, he is just as important as Alice to me.

"It was hard at first, but I'm learning to accept it. Also, it seems the future holds a surprise for me." I can tell he is hurt even though he's trying not to show it. But, he's telling the truth and he wants Alice to be happy more than anyone else.

"You should keep an eye on her, then." I tell her and try to show my support. I can see the gratitude on her face.

"You have got to be kiddig me! Am I the only one concerned about our family?" Rosalie is screaming now. Emmett is by her side trying to calm her down. He is the only one who can.

"Rose, please. We protect and support each other. Everything will be alright." Carlisle says calmly, every bit the head of the family that he is.

"I hope you know what you're doing." She says before leaving.

Emmett knows she wants to be left alone for now. So, he invites Jasper to wrestle outside. I know he's been doing this to keep Jasper spirits up. Emmett really is the best.

Esme went upstairs with Carlisle after giving me a fond look.

"I have to thank you." Alice says softly.

"For what? I didn't do anything." I asked, confused.

"For resisting it. You didn't have to, none os us would have blamed you if you didn't." I can see flashes of what I thought about doing to Bella when I first smelled her scent.

"I would have. I don't regret leaving, but knowing what she is to you, I'm really glad that I did." I didn't regret leaving for other reasons, too. 

"I missed you." I smile at her. Alice and I always understood each other the best. 

"Did you see anything? When I was away, did you look for my future?"

"My visions were all over the place that day. I saw you leave to Alaska, I tried to see you coming back, but you hadn't decided, yet. And then I got a bit caught up in my and Bella's future. Jasper's too." 

"His future is blank?" I asked after she showed it to me.

"We don't know why, yet. I am certain he's not going to get hurt. But, I keep checking on it to be safe." Her voice changed when she mentioned Jasper. There's worry in it and love. But, I heard Alice talk and think about Jasper numerous times. I can hear the the changes in her voice. 

"How are you to dealing with all this?"

"It's complicated. It's harder for him. My feeling changed the moment I saw her in my future. He-" She chokes up, like she feels hurt just saying it out loud.

"He still loves you." And she feels like it's her fault he's going through this.

"I love him, too. But, it's different now." She looks in the direction that Jasper left.

"I can't lose him. He's still very important to me." She thinks and I put my hands on her shoulders.

"I wouldn't be too worried about that. You're connection is special, even if it's not romantic anymore." She smiles at me but I can see the worry in her eyes, but I still have to ask.

"What are you going to do about Bella?"

"I don't intend on telling her what we are. At least, not yet. In my visions, I tell her after she graduates." Her eyes sparkle when she mentions her. Even though she saw it before it happened, her love is very real.

"You have to be careful, Alice. We both know the future can change like that." I snap my fingers.

"I know. Trust me, it's under control." I only nod because I don't have anything else to say.

"There's something different about you." She puts her hand on my chin, so I look into her eyes. Good thing she isn't the one that can read minds.

"What do you mean? I haven't changed in decades." I say as a matter of fact.

"I am not sure. But, there's something." I just shake my head like what she said it's impossible. But, I know she's right. I don't know if the something is the taste of love or the pain of not being able to have it.

But on the bright side, she didn't see me meeting Alec, me falling in love with Alec. That's good. I'd rather keep that for me, a memory to be treasured. But, I have a request.

"I need a favor." She nods at me to continue. "Can you try to avoid seeing my future, please?"

"I don't understand. Why? You never asked that before." She narrows her eyes.

"I know, but these past weeks I had a lot of time to think about my life. And at the moment, I don't really want to know what's in my future." Or what isn't. If I don't see myself alone for eternity, I can keep the hope that me and Alec might meet again someday. I'm sure knowing I'll never see him again will hurt more than the doubt.

"You're going to to tell me what made you want that?"

"I'd rather not." I simply say.

"I will try my best, okay? But, if I think you might be in danger, I'll look."

"That's fair. Thank you."

"No need to thank me. What are sisters for?" She hugs me.

After my conversation with Alice, I go up to my room. I run my hand through my cd collection, but can't decide what to hear. Turns out I'm not in the mood for that. I lie down on my couch and close my eyes. It's a shame I can't sleep, I'd really like to dream right now. 

But, I start to imagine a scene in my mind. I'm in the meadow, that one I like to go to be alone. There's purple flowers everywhere and the sun is shining on my skin. Proof I'm inhuman. There's nothing new about that. But, I imagine someone else in the clearing with me. He is walking towards me. Alec is dressed in light colored trousers and a white shirt. So, different from his black suit and cloak. The sun also shines on him, but for me, he looks beautiful, so beautiful that I long to touch. He sits down next to me, his hand is caressing my face. His eyes are still red, but they're gentle. I almost imagined us kissing, but I couldn't. That scene in my mind was perfect, but it wasn't real. I could never have that. He can't leave Volterra and I will never be able to have him. I thought my existence couldn't be worse, I was wrong. In that forest with Alec, I was sure I could have a different future, one filled with love and happiness. But, life is cruel and so is death. And now I have a future of imagining what my life could have been ahead of me.

Could things get any worse?

Turns out they can. They really can. It's been a few days since I went back to school. If I thought it was purgatory before, now it is absolute hell. I tune out my classes as usual, but now my thoughts are filled with images of the dark haired vampire who changed everything. Is he still here? Did he find the rogue vampire and left already?

Sometimes I try to listen to the student's thoughts to distract me. I am really desperate. Their thoughts are either boring or they're talking about Bella Swan. Still. But, this time Alice is there, too. They can't understand a Cullen befriending the new girl. We don't socialize with them, for their own good. And most of them don't feel comfortable being close to us. It's their fight or flight instinct acting subconciously. But, Bella Swan doens't seem to have that. In our first biology class I decided to apologise to her and introduce myself politely, for Alice's sake. I tried to breath her scent in again to see if I could control myself this close to her. To my surprise it wasn't as bad as that first time. Even the monster couldn't be bothered. It seems the only thing that matters to me is the one I can't have. Even blood can't make this pain go away.

Bella doesn't mind talking to me. She is not afraid for some reason and she doesn't seem bothered by my behaviour when we first met. Of course, I can't be sure. I still can't read her mind, it's just silence to me. I'm not as bothered by it as I was. To be honest, I don't care anymore. What I find myself missing is that humming, that one melody that was in Alec's mind when he was trying to keep his thoughts hidden. I catch myself humming that in my mind a lot. 

I can't read Bella's mind, but when I mention Alice I can see her eyes light up. She does have feelings for my sister. Even though I should be worried about the problems this could cause, I'm glad. Maybe, they can make this work. If we are lucky and do things right, Alice may not have to tell her about our condition anytime soon.

I'm walking out of class with Bella, we're still talking, mostly about Alice. I don't mind, she wants to know more about my sister and I don't really have anything else to say.

"Do you wear contacts?" Bella asks suddenly. 

"No." I didn't think about my answer, I was confused by the question.

"It's just, you're eyes were dark the first time we met, now they're almost golden." 

"It's uh- a trick of the light." I managed to say before walking away. Stupid. I have to be more careful. I have to admit, not being able to know what she's thinking, it's a real disaventage for me.

When the last bells rings I'm waiting outside for my siblings, Standing close to my car, Bella is on my eyesight, but I'm not thinking about her. There's only one thing in my mind. I grind my teeth. I have to stop thinking about him. Sometimes it's a good feeling when I think about the way he made me feel. But, most of the time it causes me pain, if I keep this up I'll lose my mind before the next decade.

I was so caught up in cursing my existence I saw it almost too late. Tyler lost control of his car and it was going to hit Bella. For a second, I thought about doing nothing to protect our secret, there's a lot of people around us. But that thought vanished as soon as Alice's face appeared in my mind. The future she showed me, I could see that being destroyed the moment that car hits her. Alice would be broken and I can't have that. Her blood being spilled and me not being able to control it in front of the whole school was a background thought. Alice came first and I acted.

At an inhuman speed I was by her side, pushing Bella away and putting my hand out to stop the car. I could hear Bella's heart beating loudly, but she was looking at me and I knew this would have concenquences.

And here are the consequences. Bella was alright, she was examined by my father and ready to leave the hospital. Carlisle gave me a look when we were leaving, he knows we might not be able to explain this. But, I tried.

"Bella, I was standing right next to you." I tried to be convincent.

"No, you were by your car, I saw it."

"You hit your head." I tried to reason with her. Please, just let it go.

"My head is fine." 

"No one's going to believe you." I said dropping the act. I was angry, not at her, but at myself. I screwed up.

"I wasn't going to tell anyone. I just want to know."

"I hope you like being disappointed." I said and walked away. Alice passed me on her way to Bella. I gave her a look, trying to apologise, but she just shook her head. I could see the vision she had of me telling Bella more than I should. And I can see the new one, where Alice will have to tell her the truth. She will try to deny it at first but Bella has figured it out on her own, she knew of the Quileute legends, Alice knew she didn't really believe they were just myths like the decendant of Ephraim Black. It was only a matter of time and my slips made her case.

I should have been more careful. I should have chosen my words better. But, my mind has been elsewhere since I came back. I can't really focus on anything else but him.

I run back home but change my mind and go to the meadow. They will have questions for me and I need to be alone for a while. I lie down on the grass and close my eyes.

I'm angry at myself. At Alec. At Bella.

If I haven't met her that day, if her blood didn't smell so sweet to me, I wouldn't have left and I would have never met him. They say is better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. Right now, I disagree. We barely had time to love, but I feel broken without him. We spent mere weeks together, he was infuriating most of the time. This is pathetic. I shouldn't miss him this much. And because of him, I've been distraught. I could have preventend this. I could have been better at lying to make Bella believe we were human. Alice was doing fine in that department, but I came back and ruined evertything in a matter of days.

I spent a few hours lying down in the meadow, anger coursing through me. I stopped blaming Bella after a while, it's not her fault I wanted to kill her that day. Alec takes a center stage in my mind, my anger directed at him. Why did he have to make me fall for him? Why did he have to be so beautiful? Why was his voice so ingraved in my brain? I could hear all our conversations like he was standing next to me.

I wish I never met him. That thought echoed through my mind for a long time. I tried to imagine how it would have been if that were true. But, I just couldn't. As my anger subsided, I knew I'd never want that. Even if I never see Alec again, I'd want to remember everything about our encounter. Because of him I know that I can love, something I had given up on a long time ago. He gave me a purpose for my immortality, the fact that I have all the time in the world gives me hope. Hope that we will meet again.

The thought of seeing him again gave me confort. For a while, then I felt like a lovesick teenager. I screwed things up for my family, I almost exposed us in front of a school and all I can think about is my love life.

Would you look at that? I have a love life. 

Stop, Edward. That's notyour priority. 

I make my way back to my house. I need to deal with the mess I created. And I need to stop thinking about Alec, I doubt he's thinking about me, too. 

I barely stepped into the house and Rosalie is already in my face. Her glare is particularly scary today. When she opens her mouth to speak, I raise my hands in surrender.

"I know I screwed up. It's my fault and I take responsability for my mistakes. There's no need to start the name calling, I'm doing that for you, already." I tell her trying to be spared from her stream of curses.

"I doubt your words are as colorful as mine, but good." She smiles but it is anything but friendly. At least she is not screaming at me.

"Where's Alice?" I ask.

"I've been asking myself the same thing. I have words for her, too. Most of them are 'I told you so.'" Poor Alice.  

"Please, Rosalie. Refrain from doing that, Alice is really shaken up about the accident." Carlisle says as he walks through the front door. No doubt he's been hearing us from outside.

"Where is she?" Jasper asks from the top of the stairs before coming to stand in front of us. In a flash, Esme and Emmett are here to.

"She went to Bella's house. I'm not sure when she'll be coming back, they have a lot to discuss." Carlisle explains.

"I'm sorry. I almost exposed all of us." I say looking down, I don't want to see the disappointment in my father's face.

"Son, it was a tough choice but you did the right thing." He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Alice would have been devastated if anything happened to Bella." Jasper says and I can see he's worried. But, I also can see relief. He's glad Bella is fine, of course he is. 

"It was the better choice, really. If she bled and Edward went all vampire on her, that would have been a lot harder to explain." Emmett says, I know he's trying to help but the image of me biting her in front of all those teens, the monster taking control, makes me grimace.

"The good thing is, Bella's alright." Esme says trying to lighten up the atmosphere. That's no easy feat.

"I fail to see what's so good about it. It doesn't matter if she's alive or not, we're going to end up having to move or worse." We all understant the implicantions of her words. But, I can see what she thinks is worse. The Volturi finding out a human knows what we are and sending their guard to punish all of us. In Carlisle's mind I can see Aro, if necessary he will appeal to their friendship to save our family. But, in the others minds, they imagine the 'witch twins'. Jane and Alec. Coming for them with their dark mist and pain. They know of them from Carlisle, so the twins faces in their minds are not accurate. Least of all, Alec's. But, my own mind fixes it and I can see Alec's perfect face, the one I was mere inches away from, the one that's been etched into my memory, smiling sadistically while he tortures each one of them.

"Stop!" I can help myself from saying it out loud. They all look surprised at my outburst. I try to erase that horryfying image from my mind.

"Stop thinking about 'that'. It's not happening." I try to say it calmly. I don't think I succeeded. 

"I wouldn't be so sure." Rosalie says.

"C'mon, Rose. You're being a little paranoid. She's one human girl and the Volturi are far away. They won't ever know." Emmett says unbothered. That seems to assure everyone else. But, I know better. The Volturi could be very close. Despite the image of the twins I saw in their minds, I'm not worried about him. I don't fear him, I can't, not after feeling his gentle touch on my face. But, if Alec is still around, then the other member on the guard, that he said would come to check on him, is still here. I worry about them.

I consider telling them about that possibility. But, I'll have to explain how I know that. If I try to lie and say I saw Alec while I was making my way back home, they'll ask why I didn't tell them before. They'll know I was hiding something. I can't tell them the one they're afraid of, is the same one I fell for. I'm a coward. That's the truth, so I keep my mouth shut. 

Before, I can change my mind and actually tell them everything, Alice barges in looking worried and angry.

"There you are! I have a few words for you-" Rosalie starts but Alice is not having it.

"That can wait. We have another issue." She says and I look into her mind.

"The shifters." I say quietly. They are shifting into the wolves again. We thought they were extinct.

"The Quileutes are shifting again. They have a pack now."

"You have got to be kidding me." Rose says through gritted teeth. For once, I agree with her.

"How many?" Jaspers asks.

"I don't know. Billy Black and his son were in Bella's house. He's friends with Chief Swan. The boy doesn't know and he is not one of them, yet. But, his father warned me off. Told me to stay away from Bella and said his the reservation was protected again, like a threat." I understand her anger now and I know for sure she won't stay away from Bella.

"That complicates things." Carlisle says trying not to sound worried. Rosalie is about to tell Alice to forget about Bella, so all of our problems would go away. That won't be a pretty discussion, so I speak first.

"If that rogue vampire is still around and he attacks someone, they are going to blame us. And the shifters can actually harm us. We need to warn them now."

"You are right. We have to show them we are on the same side here." Carlisle says. "I will contact Billy again. See if we can meet face to face."

"Do you think that's wise? The shifters will be with him." As much as Carlisle wants us to be in peace, they are our natural enemies. And I'm sure they are not interested in our friendship.

"If we meet face to face, we show them we are not hiding anything." He says but I'm not convinced.

"I'll go with you." Emmett volunteers a bit too excited about it. I just shake my head.

Carlisle goes up to his study probably to make that call. Emmett talkes Rosalie upstairs before she can say anything to Alice. The last thing we need is a fight inside the house.

Jasper and Alice leave to talk in private. I think they are getting used to being just friends, that's good.

"Edward, are you okay?" Esme asks. We worry our mother too much.

"Yes." I try to reassure her.

"You seem so sad since you came back." I don't know how to answer that. A mother does know these things.

"I'm just worried about everything. I'll be alright." I don't think she believes me but she nods anyway. She gives me a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

I sit in front of my piano but can't seem to play. It's not the right time. So, I just look at the keys while humming the melody in my mind. Alec's melody.

Even with everything that's going on, I can't seem to stop thinking about him. To be honest, I stopped trying.

"Why are you sulking?"  Emmett leans on the piano with his hand on his chin waiting for my answer. He probably heard me tell Esme I was fine and knew I was lying. Emmett is more perceptive than we give him credit for.

"I am not." I know he won't buy it, but I don't know what else to say.

"That's bullshit. And I know is not about what happened today, because you've been like that since you came back."

"I didn't know it was possible for you to be sulkier than you already were." He jokes and I laugh. They say it's better to laugh than cry. Since, I can't cry even if I wanted to, I might as well laugh.

"Neither did I." 

"You're making jokes. Now I'm sure something is wrong." 

"Nothing is wrong per se. It's just...feelings." That's the best I can do without actually saying what happened.

"I can't read minds like you. Care to articulate?" He gives me a reassuring smile. I could tell him about the falling in love part without mentioning with who. But, they will hear it and I don't want to give them false expectations. Esme has been waiting for me to find someone for decades, knowing love is causing me pain will hurt her. 

"Not really. I'll get over it." I try to smile but it's more a grimace than anything. Emmett doesn't push it, though.

"If you change your mind and want to talk about it. I'm here." He pats me on the back before going upstairs again.

I go back to, well, sulking, apparently. In a blink of an eye, Alice is hugging me from behind. I'm a little taken aback but I put my hand on the arms around my torso. Her head is resting on top of mine.

"Thank you for saving her." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry. You werent't supposed to tell her now." 

"Don't you dare apologise. It doesn't matter If I told her now or later. We'll be alright and that's because of you. She's alive because of you." She shows me that her visions haven't changed much. Their future is still intact.

"I'm happy for you." I whisper. She doesn't let me go and sits down next to me. Her arms still around me, her head resting on my shoulder.

"I hope you find happiness, too." I know she heard my conversation with Emmett. Even though I'm trying to keep it to myself, she knows I'm hurting. I guess she's known since I asked her to avoid seeing my future. 

Her mind is full of her love for me and I'm grateful. I appreciate the confort. Actually, I needed it, so I stay in her arms.

We stay like that for a while until we're disrupted by her vision. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but her wish for me to be happy caused her to look for it.

And I can see it in her mind, as clear as day, me in the meadow and Alec walking towards me. His clothes and the cloak, the only indication that it was real. His hands are on my face and Alice panics, she thinks this is a bad vision, one where the Volturi come for us. But, I know better, I felt that touch before. In the vision, he's about to kiss me and I really want to see that. I want that future.

And he does. Something explodes in my chest. Hope. 

It's over too soon and Alice's voice is incredulous, even in her mind.

"Edward?"  She's succinct but I know what she's trying to ask. 'What is this?' and 'How did this happen?'

I don't know how to put it into words. So, I just look at her, trying to convey everything I've been feeling through my eyes. 

"I didn't know how to tell you. I was sure that would never happen." My voice is barely a whisper. I'm waiting for a lecture, for her judgment, even. It never comes.

"Go." She put her small hands on my face and she's still looking at me like she always did. 

"It's goint to happen soon. Go find your happiness."

"It's not that easy." Hurt seeps in my words. Even if I see Alec again, nothing garantees that we can have a future. The Volturi will never let him go. 

"You have to try." She says out loud, her voice giving me the strengh I need.

I give her a quick hug before running out of the house. 

I have to see him, even if it's for the last time.