Sudongtober 2020

Handong fiddles with the little box in her pocket, desperate for any way to relieve some of this nervous energy before Bora can notice something’s wrong. She’s somehow managed to keep everything a secret for the past few months since she bought the ring, the last thing she wants to do is blow all that planning only hours before it finally pays off.

"Nervous?" 

Handong snaps out of her staring contest with the floor to look up at Siyeon standing next to her. Biting her lip, she nods with a sigh.

Siyeon laughs a little, ruffling Handong's hair. Just enough to convey the fondness but not enough to mess up Handong's meticulously styled red locks. 

"Don't worry, it's all taken care of. Honestly in a way you've got the easy part tonight. All you have to do is sit back and wait until I tell you to go for it." 

Handong nods again. Her friend isn't wrong, per say. They've had this planned for several months now, deciding which show to do it at, where they should be seated in the crowd, when it would fit in the setlist, everything. 

Still, as much as it calms down the rational side of her brain - the part that did all the planning - it doesn't do much to stop the nagging voice in the back of her mind. The one that's all too happy to remind her of her insecurities and of the sheer number of eyes that'll be on her later tonight.

Siyeon seems to pick up on this lingering tension, dropping down into the seat next to her. "Don't tell me you're actually worried she'll say no?"

Handong shifts in her seat. "I wouldn't say… worried..?" She trails off at the skeptical look from her friend.

"Dongie." Siyeon places her hand on Handong's back in reassurance. "C'mon, look over there." She makes a subtle gesture towards the other side of the waiting room, and Handong's eyes follow, landing on Bora. She's in her own world with Yoohyeon, the sisters bickering back and forth. No doubt it's over something trivial as per usual.

A fond smile slowly blooms across Handong's face without her even really realizing it. She can’t help it. Four years with this woman and she still gets butterflies without her girlfriend even having to try. Even from - she laughs as she figures out what she’s actually looking at - choking out her little sister for calling her an idiot. 

Siyeon chuckles, playfully poking at the smile. “See? Feel the way you light up just looking at her? That’s how she feels about you too. You have nothing to worry about.”

Warmth spreads across her cheeks. “Oh, stop,” Handong says, swatting at the hand still poking her face. It still doesn’t make her lovesick grin fade though, it still staying in place as she watches the siblings across the room make up from their fight and immediately pivot back into playful clinginess. She swears hanging out with those two can be like watching a tennis match with the way they bounce back and forth between rivals and best friends. 

“It’s not…” Handong sighs, finally bringing her attention back to Siyeon even though her gaze stays on her girlfriend. “I don’t think it’s that I’m as worried about.” 

Siyeon’s eyebrows furrow slightly, probably trying to figure out what else would be on Handong’s mind today. But it’s only moments before realization dawns on her. “It’s the crowd, isn’t it?” 

Handong tenses again under Siyeon’s hand, and the older woman knows she’s on the right track. “You’re nervous about everyone watching you, right? And… maybe whether or not Bora will like it?”

She relaxes, some of the weight sliding off her shoulders at the slight relief of someone else vocalizing her worries. Leaning over, Handong lets her head fall on Siyeon’s shoulder as her friend wraps an arm around her. 

“Oh, Dongie… I’m not even gonna address that second part, because I think we both know that’s not something there’s even a question about.” 

Handong scoffs a little at that, trying to act offended. But really, it’s a fair point. Deep down she knows that. It’s the whole reason she’s planned this out in the first place. She knows her girl. It just isn’t quite enough to stamp out the doubt. That nagging voice in the back of her head always has something to say. Thinking something someone else has done is cute or romantic can be different from actually wanting it to happen to you, it says. And it stays there, weighing on Handong’s thoughts no matter how many times she fires back with the knowledge that Bora would love it happening to her, thank you very much. 

“But as for the crowd,” Siyeon continues, snapping Handong back out of her thoughts, “I think that’s just normal. I know I still get nervous and I’ve been performing in front of crowds like this for years now.”

“That doesn’t exactly make me, someone who has not been doing that, feel much better.”

“Hey,” Siyeon chides her, bumping her with her shoulder, “let me finish, you dork.”

Siyeon ignores Handong’s indignant ‘hey!’ to forge on. “As I was saying, despite that, just looking at Minji whenever I find her in the crowd makes it all go away.” 

Handong rolls her eyes, playfully pinching Siyeon’s side and making her squeak in surprise. “Please, I thought this was supposed to be you comforting me, not trying to prove you two are just as disgustingly cute as Bora and I.”

“What? No!” Siyeon laughs as she squirms to avoid more pinches while still holding on to Handong.

When their laughs quiet down and they settle back into their previous position, Handong feels Siyeon get serious again. “What I meant is, this is a big day. For both of you. And it’s Bora. The girl you’re head over heels for. When it gets time for you to ask that question… there won’t be anyone else in that crowd. It’ll just be you two. Your brain won’t have space for anything else.”

During Siyeon’s little speech, Handong’s eyes find their way back over to her girlfriend (as they so often do). Her fond smile returns when she takes in the scene, all five of the other people in the room now gathered together. The other members of the band, Yubin and Gahyeon, along with Minji, Siyeon’s girlfriend, having rejoined Bora and Yoohyeon now that they could without risking being involved in their chaos.

Siyeon’s words calm her quite a bit. It’s always been easy for her to fall into the whirlwind that is Kim Bora. She can see how that same thing would happen for something as meaningful as her plans for today.

“Thanks, Singnie.” Handong says, her soft voice full of sincerity. 

Siyeon gives Handong’s shoulders a squeeze in acknowledgement. “You got this, Dongie.” They both settle into the calm afterwards, just enjoying each other’s companionship.

Seeming to sense Handong’s eyes on her, Bora looks up. A bright smile lifts her lips at seeing her girlfriend staring. She tilts her head like a puppy not long after, apparently picking up on Handong’s unusual mood. Immediately she makes her way over.

“Something up?” She asks, standing in front of Handong. Bora is more attentive to those around her that she might always seem, and even more so when it comes to Handong. It’s this exact trait that’s had Handong so concerned she’d give away the surprise at some point over the last few months. 

Thankfully, Handong knows her girlfriend, and therefore knows exactly how to get her distracted and content. 

She pouts and opens her arms to the shorter woman. “You’re too far away.” As expected, Bora’s face immediately lights up at the prospect of cuddles, especially ones initiated by Handong being the clingy one instead of the other way around. 

Siyeon pats Handong’s back as one last bit of encouragement before standing up. “Aaand that’s my cue to leave. Have fun and keep it PG you two, please.” She laughs off Bora’s light shove and her protest of “like you and Minji are any better at keeping your hands to yourselves” before making her way to the group on the other side of the room. 

Wasting no more time after that, Bora plops right in Handong’s lap. She picks up Handong’s arms herself to drape around her right where she wants them, making herself comfortable in her new seat. Once Bora is settled in, she hums contently and plays with the fingers of one of Handong’s hands, letting Handong shift a bit and press her cheek to Bora’s back. 

No words are needed. The soft I love you, and I love you too entirely felt in the ease of how they settle into each other’s embrace, and the comfort that comes with it.

Siyeon’s right. This is a special day for both of them, and Handong will be better off enjoying it the best she can than worrying it away. She holds Bora tightly around her waist and lets her girlfriend’s warm presence overwhelm any nerves, easily chasing them to the back of her mind. 

-----

It’s a bit weird for Handong to be out in the crowd while the band performs, since she usually is in the back with the other stylist to help with outfit changes and makeup touch ups and whatnot. But it’s not the first time she’s let her coworker practice taking charge so she could watch, so she’s thankful for that to deter any suspicion from Bora about why they’re just in the audience tonight.

It’s a bit unusual for Bora as well, but for her it’s because her busy career as a renowned choreographer doesn’t let her come see the shows anywhere near as often as she’d like. It shows in the excitement rolling off of her before the concert begins, and how it only grows with each song performed throughout. 

Thankfully, the novelty and excitement of getting to just enjoy her friends’ incredible performances is enough to distract Handong from the fast approaching performance she will have to put on soon. But it all comes roaring right back into her mind when she realizes halfway through a song called “Jazz Bar” - one of the band’s more laid back numbers, and Bora’s favorites - that holy shit, it’s next. 

She pats down her pockets, checking for the millionth time that day to make sure the little box is still there, and sighs in relief when it is. 

The bridge of the song starts, picking up into a more upbeat swing section as Yubin leans over her drumset to provide some of her rare but treasured vocal lines, and Handong feels like she’s gonna be sick.

If she thought she had doubts back in the waiting room, it’s nothing compared to now. She looks over at Bora and Minji sitting next to her, dancing as much as they can in their seats.

Stupid, you’re just going to ruin Bora’s favorite song with this. What were you thinking? In front of this massive crowd? What if she’s not ready yet, think how uncomfortable you’re going to make her, forcing this intimate moment on her in front of all these people, in the middle of her sister’s concert? How could you-

Handong’s rambling thoughts get cut off when she realizes the last chorus is about to finish up. The accompaniment stops and the last “ooh” rings out, as usual, only for Siyeon, Yubin, and Gahyeon to start right back up with the instrumental. 

Yoohyeon’s look of utter confusion when she hears Gahyeon’s keyboard start back up, closely followed by Yubin’s drums and Siyeon’s bass, Handong admits it lightens her nerves a little.

The lead singer doesn’t give her a chance to question it though, Siyeon’s voice quickly filling the venue. 

“Alright everyone how are we doing after that last song?!” 

She pauses for cheers, and Handong tries to untwist her nervous stomach.

“Everyone feeling good, feeling the love in our own nice, cozy jazz bar tonight?!” Siyeon nods in satisfaction at the responding ‘yeah!’ from the crowd. “Perfect! I really want you all to feel that tonight, because tonight is a very special night for a dear friend of ours!” The crowd oohhhhs in response and Handong starts to slip out of focus.

It’s happening it’s happening it’s happening why didn’t you actually plan what to sAY-

Vaguely she hears Siyeon going on still, continuing to set the scene. Something about love in the air and the song, and how much she loves this friend of hers, and can’t wait to see her happy.

“Do you think she’s gonna ask Minji?”

Handong suddenly gets dragged back into reality by Bora’s eager whisper. She looks over, and sees her girlfriend absolutely brimming with excitement. 

“Seriously, do you?” Bora glances back at Minji, who’s watching the stage intently. “She doesn’t seem to have a clue. I didn’t think they were ready for this yet, but I don’t know who else it could be.” The smaller woman clings to Handong’s arm, shaking her slightly just from all the energy pouring off of her. “But it’s so cute! I didn’t know Siyeon had it in her, to be honest. I would’ve bet money on Minji asking on some romantic island getaway or something.” 

And suddenly, Handong isn’t nervous anymore. She couldn’t care less that she knows she’s about to feel so much more exposed than she’s used to, so many more eyes on her than she’s ever been comfortable with since she’s always been the one behind the scenes. Content to have peoples’ eyes on her work (makeup, outfits, etc) rather than her herself. Because this is about Bora. 

She smiles, genuine and bright. “I don’t know either.” Handong gestures towards the stage, “guess you’ll have to watch to find out, you don’t want to miss it, right?”

Bora gasps, not having thought of that, and quickly turns back to the front without another word. Handong takes her in - the way her anticipation is tangible, her whole body practically vibrating in her seat as she watches and waits. Handong’s mind plays the shout-whispered “it’s so cute!” she’d just heard over and over on a loop and it’s in that moment that Handong knows she made the right choice, and above all, knows she’s ready.

Just in time, apparently, because she hears her cue and suddenly she’s engulfed in brightness from the spotlight that swiveled towards them.

“-a very important question. Isn’t that right… Dongie!”

Bora gasps, her jaw dropping open in shock. Handong slips out of her seat to settle herself on one knee, grabbing the box from her pocket. Murmurs ripple through the crowd after their initial cheer - many surely whispering variations of ‘wait, their stylist? Oh my god that’s SuA!’ - but they remain mostly quiet to let the couple have their moment. 

Bora looks over to see Handong on her knee, and the reality of it seems to slam into her all at once. She jumps up, shouting “WHAT?” so loudly it echoes throughout the venue, even being heard over the soft “Jazz Bar” instrumental the band has kept going this entire time, earning some laughs from the onlookers. In a normal volume, she continues, looking at Handong in awe. “You did this?”

Her tone isn’t accusing, rather, it’s awestruck. Bora is completely caught off guard. “This isn’t… you. Not at all.” 

Handong grins. “But it is you.” Her heart flutters at the way Bora’s expression gets even softer at that. “And that’s what matters to me. You matter to me.”

A stage hand reaches them, having run over holding a mic. Handong takes Bora’s hand, and a deep breath. That’s the final straw for Bora, and her hand flies up to cover her mouth as the tears start. It’s enough to make tears prick Handong’s own eyes. But she forges on, deciding the best option is to make it short and sweet.

“There isn’t enough time in the world for me to tell you everything I love about you, but I hope I can spend the rest of my life trying to. Kim Bora, will you marry me?”

Bora’s chorus of ‘yes!’ over and over doesn’t even wait for Handong to finish, but the mic does catch a few before she springs into Handong’s arms. Far away, Handong hears cheers, and Siyeon’s voice yelling “did you hear that everyone? she said YES!” as they bring “Jazz Bar” back completely to sing the last chorus one more time.

But really, all Handong sees, hears, and smells is Bora, Bora, Bora. Her girlfriend - fiancee - pulls back slightly to look at her, both still kneeling in each other’s embrace. Handong takes the opportunity to slide the ring on her finger and Bora chokes back a sob. 

Maybe she had something else to say, but she can’t remember anymore once Bora’s lips land on hers. They kiss with a fervor that Handong knows would lead to something more had they been at home. Once again, Handong is forced to admit Siyeon was right. She had nothing to be nervous about. And right now, the two of them might as well be the only two people in the world, much less the venue.

-----

They settle back into their seats what feels like hours later, though in reality had only been the rest of that last chorus again. The song ends - for real, this time - and the band stops to take a moment. Siyeon, however, takes the opportunity to tease her fellow lead singer.

“Yooh, are you ready to join us now?” She asks, a laugh already in her voice.

Yoohyeon, who’d been in tears for just about as long as the newly engaged couple had, turns on Siyeon. “Why am I the only one who didn’t know about my sister’s proposal?!”

Siyeon laughs. “Please, Yooh, we all know you can’t keep a secret to save your life!”

She balks at that, looking to the crowd for support when Siyeon prompts them to agree with her. When they voice their agreement, betrayal crosses Yoohyeon’s face before she runs over to hit Siyeon. Siyeon just keeps laughing through, continuing to yell into the mic “alright let’s give it up for the happy couple and celebrate!” She holds out ‘celebrate’ as Yubin counts off and Gahyeon’s guitar leads everyone into their upbeat song “Tension.”

Yoohyeon finally leaves Siyeon alone so she can join in with her bass, taking a few more moments to recover and wipe her face before adding in her own rhythm guitar. And if her voice cracks a few times, still overwhelmed with the tears from before? Well, a few more cheers for her sister then, because who can begrudge her happiness at seeing her family happy?

-----

The rest of the concert is both absolute bliss and agonizing anticipation. 

Handong revels in it. Bora can’t stay away from her, needing to be touching her in some way at all times. And whenever there’s a quiet moment, Handong catches her staring at her left hand as if still not fully believing the proposal was real. 

Minji leaves them be, joining in with them when they do get up to jump with the crowd or when they all sing along together. But for the most part she accepts her fate as the biggest third wheel ever for the rest of the night. Handong appreciates it. It can’t be easy sitting next to a newly engaged couple for an hour, especially before they have a chance to work all that affection out of their system. 

Because yes, they are still enjoying themselves. And yes, they do still want to see their friends perform and support them.

But, yeah. Maybe they’re just a little bit more eager than normal to get home and get some alone time together.

When the concert ends, the band and the crowd in turn offer them a final congratulations before dispersing. Bora clings onto her arm as they make their mandatory rounds, congratulating and thanking the band, and Handong’s cheeks hurt from how much she’s been smiling since “Jazz Bar” played.

-----

Once they make it home, Bora shows Handong just how much she loved the proposal, and just how happy she is, in the way that they only can when at home alone.

And Handong takes every chance she gets to hold Bora’s left hand, gently placing a kiss on it just to hear the way Bora gasps happily every time.

Because each time, she knows. It was all worth it to see Bora this happy. 

And she can’t wait to spend the rest of her life making more moments like these with each other.