Sudongtober 2020

“Okay, spill.” 

Handong jumps at the sudden intrusion of her thoughts. Rather than respond, she continues staring out the window, trying to regain the train of thought that had been derailed by the interruption. But alas, her companion doesn’t take the cue and quiet footsteps approach from behind. She sighs as Gahyeon, her longtime friend and often only confidant, stands next to her.

“Don’t act coy with me, we both know I can tell when something’s bothering you.”

Another sigh, and out of the corner of her eye Handong notices Gahyeon cross her arms. Seems she’s determined not to let Handong off the hook this time. 

“Perhaps the fact that it is bothering me, is exactly why I would not like to talk about it.” She looks over with a slight glare, hoping to make her point. Instead, the younger woman just raises her eyebrows.

“Wow, okay. Now you’re definitely not going anywhere until we talk. You never use your formal voice on me unless there’s way too much going on up here.” She pokes Handong’s head before dropping back to her earlier stance, looking at Handong expectantly.

Handong can’t help the small quirk of her lips at her friend’s antics. They’ve been there for each other for a long time now, and she knows the younger woman always has her best interests at heart. If there’s anyone who’ll listen to the mess in her head right now with empathy and without judgement, it’s Gahyeon. 

If only Handong could do the same for herself. 

Because that’s really the trouble, isn’t it? 

After the realization she’d had tonight… Handong already knows where she stands. Her world’s been flipped upside down, but she knows it. She can see all the rubble, and knows what she believes and will continue to believe as she moves forward.

It’s reconciling that with everything she knew before, everything she’d done before… that’s where she’s at a loss. Not to mention how she’s supposed to continue on living her life with the ones who’d taught her everything that she’d just had completely torn apart. 

Her family, her birthright, her title, her duties, her home… Goddess, what is she supposed to do now?

Silence stretches on between them as all of this races through Handong’s mind. Her friend knows her well enough by now that she knows her best bet is to wait. Handong needs to be prodded to say what’s on her mind or else she’ll bottle it up and move on, sure. But once she’s been prodded she needs the time to think before speaking or else she’ll shut right back down.

Handong takes a deep breath.

“I let her go.”

----- The Night Before -----

Handong makes her way through the crowd, effortlessly gliding between the cramped bodies. She’s never really liked the market squares, the sounds and smells of so many people in one place easily overwhelming her senses. Already sensitive, it doesn’t help that she spends most of her time in her quiet home with little company, her ventures into the world of man only happening once a lunar cycle.

As much as she dislikes it though, the crowd is perfect for what she’s here to do. Blending in is key when she’s out on a hunt.

Well, at least it is if one wants to be picky, rather than wait for a lone wanderer on the outskirts. 

Let’s just say Handong likes to have options.

Not that there have been many tonight. At least none that have caught her eye. The handsome merchant she’d made eye contact with an hour or two ago had seemed like a solid choice, but he seemed just a bit too high profile. Handong is confident in her abilities to remain undetected and blameless, but she still sees no need to draw too much unnecessary attention to any disappearances.

Handong dodges a couple drunks wandering past, scrunching her nose at the particularly offensive smell pouring off of them. Setting her shoulders with a huff, that’s when she sees her.

The woman cautiously steps out from an alley between two merchant stalls, and Handong’s first thought is how strikingly beautiful she is. She only really catches a quick glimpse of the shorter woman, but it’s enough to see her face. A face that completely outshines the bland and worn oversize travel clothes she’s wearing. 

The moment ends quickly. Glancing to either side of her, the woman hikes her hood up and dives into the crowd.

It’s the second thought Handong had, that has her following the woman before it even registers fully in her mind that she’s started moving.

That even from across the main merchant strip where Handong had been standing, the woman smells just as good as she looks. 

-----

Handong is patient, but even she can get frustrated sometimes. Especially when following a meal as intoxicating as this one.

And even more especially, when it starts to feel like it’s on purpose. 

She knows better, knows that the woman is just doing her own thing with her evening. Handong’s never been noticed by her prey before once she’s decided on a target. Tonight is no different. But the way the woman stays just out of reach, always talking with someone or mingling in a group, never venturing anywhere that could give Handong a moment to get her alone… 

Well, it’s annoying. 

Lingering by a group of men drinking merrily, Handong watches as the woman’s hood finally leaves the group of similarly dressed travelers to wander once more. She waits a couple beats to see that the woman is likely making her way towards a couple stalls further down the strip. Also surrounded by large groups of people mingling together. 

Handong rolls her eyes and excuses herself from the drinkers. This is turning out to be a longer night than she originally intended, but now that she’s committed she refuses to settle for less.

Keeping her eyes on the hood, now over chatting with another woman who’s weaving a basket, Handong approaches once more. Her search for another casual place to wait is interrupted, however, by an unfamiliar voice behind her.

“You have to try harder if you want to catch me off guard, sweetheart.”

Startled, Handong whirls around to see who could manage to sneak up on her. 

And comes face to face with the woman she thought she’d been tailing all night.

-----

Handong’s really starting to wonder how the hell she got here at this point. 

Once being discovered - again, something that has never happened to her before on a hunt - Handong thought the night would be over. Or at least, this part would be. She most definitely had not expected the woman, who’d introduced herself as Sua, to begin dragging her around the town.

It leaves her feeling… strange. For a multitude of reasons. 

For one, she can’t fathom why after discovering someone following her, Sua had done anything besides turn her in, or evade her altogether. Since apparently, she had the ability. Prey getting the upper hand on the predator, and then willingly showing its hand? It doesn’t make sense to her. Sure, Sua likely doesn’t know Handong’s true nature, but surely she could feel that dynamic in the way she’d been following her.

But beyond that, it’s the way the woman is treating her. Handong picks up on the small ways Sua still shows her apprehension, like little questions she asks that seem nonchalant on the surface but are actually ways for her to try to parse out Handong’s intentions. Despite that, her overall demeanor is friendly, as if still trying to assume the best. 

Handong does realize it’s likely fake. If Sua can outmaneuver her in other ways, it’d be silly for her to assume the woman couldn’t fake a friendly approach to get her to let her guard down. But she can’t help but feel like it gets more and more genuine as the night goes on. Like how sincerely horrified Sua seems whenever something comes up and she learns Handong's never seen it before.

("What do you mean you've never heard a lute before? Oh, we're definitely paying Yubin a visit, she'll set you straight." Sua says, grabbing her wrist again and taking a sharp left. She continues to ramble about Yubin and her talents, "the best lute player in the whole kingdom" she says, and Handong just accepts the sudden new destination as she had all the previous ones.)

It's as they get further and further into the night that Handong really starts to feel strange.

Because, she realizes with a start, she's actually enjoying herself.

It's something she never expected, never even thought was possible with a human. 

Her parents raised her with a very strict sense of propriety, one that involved very clear ways of viewing humans. They were food. Nothing more, nothing less. Something to be interacted with only once a lunar cycle, when it was time to feed. 

The possibility that if she got to know a human, she might actually enjoy their company… it never existed in her mind. 

But now that possibility is all too real when it finally clicks in Handong's mind that she's had several opportunities by now to get Sua alone. And now Sua is shyly inviting her to sneak into the castle with her to swipe some food from the royal food store… and Handong agrees. Because she wants to, not because sneaking around secret shortcuts is a good way to get someone alone long enough to feed.

Just one more thing, and then I'll do it, Handong tells herself. She tries not to think too hard about the fact this at least the fifth time she's told herself that already tonight.

-----

"Just one more thing" turns into many, and Handong finds herself opening up to the woman more and more. Their adventures get more daring, their giggles get louder and more frequent.

The two of them sneak into anywhere and everywhere they think they can get away with, finding any excuse to spend more time together. The casual but still suspicious questions turn into genuine conversation and gentle ribbing as they get more comfortable with each other.

Handong can't remember the last time she had so much fun… or the last time she felt so free. 

Even as her thirst gets worse, an ever-present reminder in the back of her throat that she needs to feed tonight, it's easy for Handong to push it to the back of her mind.

Just a few more minutes. 

-----

It's when they find themselves on a hill outside of town, alone, laying on the grass together to stare up at the stars… that's when Handong gives up trying to convince herself nothing's changed.

After all, there really couldn't be a better opportunity, and Handong hadn't even had to suggest it herself. It'd merely been another case of Sua being baffled by the boring life Handong seemed to lead.

("You say you go out every single new moon but you've never stargazed? Goddess, what do you do with your time? Stare at a wall all damn day?")

They're alone outside the city, and instead of satisfying her thirst, all Handong can do is watch, enraptured, as Sua points to another constellation and smiles. All Handong can think is that the smile shines even brighter than the stars she's supposed to be looking at.

How could she have spent all this time believing humans had nothing to offer? How could her parents still think that after all these years? How could Gahyeon continue to be such a good friend to her after having her own realization of this, and trying and failing to convince Handong of it over the past few moons?

Handong's eyes trail over the woman laying next to her, thinking of every detail she'd noticed tonight. The tiny sounds of excitement Sua makes when she tastes something good. The way she laughs just a little too loud, but can't be bothered to care regardless of how many strange looks it might earn her. How she'd managed to pick up on all of Handong's cues, pushing her to try all these new things but never going too far.

She thinks of all of this and more and wonders how she could've ever seen this beautiful person as something lesser than herself.

All of this churns in her mind and she knows she'll never be the same, but it doesn't stop the thirst that's becoming more and more unbearable as dawn slowly approaches.

Bad things happen to vampires who don't feed once a moon. Handong's never had to see it, thankfully, but the stories are enough.

The thirst makes the vampires go feral, losing any and all inhibitions in their bodies' need for blood. They'll either slaughter a number of humans in their bloodthirst or get put down themselves, whichever comes first.

Obviously, Handong doesn't want that to happen to her. Both for her own sake, as well as for Sua and any other humans in the area. But the need is demanding now, the burn that had been present in her throat all night now spreading so it feels like her entire body is simmering under her skin.

She can't do it. She can’t do what she originally came here to do, not to Sua, and not to anyone else anymore either. Maybe if she runs far enough away… then what? She goes feral somewhere else and terrorizes some other town? If she goes home and admits to a failed hunt, her parents would sooner kill a human themselves and force feed her than let her be or kill her. 

Or… maybe. Maybe she can finally try what Gahyeon had told her to do - what the younger vampire does to sustain herself. Handong doesn’t think she deserves even more kindness from Sua tonight, but what kindness the woman has already shown her so far has been overwhelming in its warmth. So it might be worth a try. 

Tears prick at her eyes and Handong rips her gaze away to stare up at the stars. 

Sua stops her aside about Orion and the Seven Sisters to send her a concerned look. “What’s wrong?”

Handong shakes her head, still staring upwards as the tears fill her vision and start to spill out. Her voice shakes. "I'm sorry.” 

Sua rolls over to place a hand on her shoulder. “For what? I know our night started off kind of weird, but… it’s been nothing but a good time since then, don’t you think?”

Handong almost laughs, a sharp breath escaping through the tears she’s trying to hold back. “Weird. That’s one way to put it.” If only the woman knew what Handong had been thinking about her at the beginning of the night. 

“Okay, tense. But how bad could it have been to get you worked up like this?”

Handong swallows hard. Here goes nothing. “Sua, I-...” She finally turns back to look at her. “Can I feed from you?”

The phrase makes Sua freeze immediately, but the implications take a moment to settle in. Handong can see it as they do - see it in the way Sua tenses, then recoils her hand slightly, and then visibly starts fighting her fight or flight response.

It takes a few moments more before she responds. “You’re… a vampire.” It’s not a question. More of a verbal realization. Sua acknowledging it to herself, vocalizing it mainly just to make it more real.

Handong maintains the eye contact, honestly just surprised at this point that Sua hasn’t run yet. “...Yes.”

Sua lets out a breath and rolls onto her back, gaze returning to the stars. It’s silent for a while as she processes the information. “So… back there in the market square…” she trails off, letting the implication sit in the air between them. But before Handong can confirm, she continues. “That explains a lot, to be honest.” 

The way she says it doesn’t give any clue to Handong about whether that’s a good or a bad thing. When Sua doesn’t clarify, she asks. “It does?”

Sua turns her head back to Handong. “Yeah. It explains why you’re so uncultured, for one.” Handong allows herself to crack a small smile at Sua’s attempt at levity. Even now, she’s trying to make them both more comfortable.

Sua offers Handong a small smile in return, one that’s familiar by now from the many times she got to see it throughout their night together. But she can also see the apprehension holding down the shorter woman’s lips. It keeps her expression subdued as her eyes travel all over Handong’s face, sizing her up, evaluating her. It makes her feel scrutinized, but validly so she thinks.

The vampire is broken out of her thoughts when Sua speaks again. “Are you going to hurt me?”

The question makes Handong feel sick. Her insides churn with guilt and disgust. She would’ve. That had been her intention before everything else that happened last night. Maybe not to inflict pain per say, but that’s hardly a defense when her actual goal had been much worse. To kill her.

But after tonight… she’s never been more sure that she won’t. Handong doesn’t know if that can even begin to make up for it. She only hopes that it can, and that she can convey all the emotions swirling within her right now clearly enough for Sua to believe her. 

“No.”

Sua raises her eyebrows a bit, eyes still searching Handong’s face for meaning and any signs of doubt. Any reasons to disbelieve. 

Handong takes a deep breath, drawing forth every shred of sincerity she can muster. “I won’t. I promise.” 

A long moment passes of Sua still staring at her with an unchanging expression. But then, her smile releases, growing back into the full one Handong’s already come to appreciate so much. 

“Okay.”

Mentally, Handong flails a bit. Is she serious? “Okay?” Maybe she hoped, but she hardly expected the shorter woman to actually be willing. She honestly feels at a loss what to do now. She’s never asked, never actually had to do this while considering how best to go about it to make the human more comfortable both during and after.

And Sua… laughs? At this point Handong has long since lost track of how many times she’s been caught off guard tonight. 

Sua lays back down. “Yes, ‘okay,’ silly. You act like you’ve never done this before.” She takes a deep breath, centering herself. “Come here, you must be starving.”

Shaking off her stunned reaction, Handong moves cautiously to hover over the smaller woman. 

Sua laughs again, gripping her arms softly and running her hands up and down to soothe her nerves. “Relax, you don’t need to be shy with me.”

Hesitantly, Handong plants her hands on either side of Sua’s head, hovering right above her now and smiling nervously. “Are you sure about this?” Handong pauses, considering the last few things Sua said. “Have you done this before?”

Sua sends her another genuine smile. “No, I haven’t. But… you said you won’t hurt me. Maybe it’s risky, probably it’s not my most logical move, but… I trust you.”

Handong feels tears pricking at her eyes again. This person, this beautiful, incredibly endearing person, trusts her. This kind soul who only hours ago was nothing more than prey to Handong, a meal to be consumed and discarded… trusts her. She blinks rapidly before she starts crying for real again.

“Okay.” Handong whispers.

Sua tilts her head, baring her neck to Handong, and the vampire feels her thirst swell even more as the scent hits her full force. But she still stops herself partway into her approach, making eye contact with Sua once again. 

“This will sting, but only for a bit. Then the venom will set in. Are you-... are you still sure you-...?”

Sua squeezes her arm. “I’m sure. I know you need this. You can’t help it.”

Handong exhales sharply. Another sucker punch to her gut and the guilt still churning inside it. She doesn’t deserve someone to be so understanding of her.

Regardless, she leans in. Pauses one last time to settle herself, and bites down. Sua stiffens, gasping at the sharp pinch and tightening her grip on Handong’s arms. Handong apologizes and retreats slightly, to let the venom spread.

The effects show up quickly, Sua relaxing significantly as it races through her body. She lets out a soft “oh… so that’s… woah…” as the calm feeling washes over her and her eyelids droop slightly. Seeing this, Handong returns to the bite and drinks.

Vampires know instinctively when the point of no return is approaching as they’re feeding, and Handong is no different, having felt it many times… before she blew right past it. This time she’s hyperaware, stopping safely well before that point. Gently, she closes the wound with her tongue and pulls back to watch Sua’s face. 

She’s still in that calm state induced by the venom, but she does quickly register that Handong’s finished. Satisfied, Handong lays back down next to her, using the welcome space between them to try to center herself again.

Sua groggily asks how long she’ll be like this, and Handong reassures her that it won’t be long at all. She’ll be back up and able to make it home safely in a little bit. Thinking back on the times Gahyeon has taught her about how to do this (times that she’s suddenly very grateful for, despite thinking at the time she’d never need the tips), Handong makes sure to urge Sua to take it easy for a couple days and drink lots of water.

Handong barely has her chance to take advantage of the space to clear her head before Sua closes it again, rolling to her and draping herself over the vampire. Handong stiffens at the contact, the way Sua so easily nestles up to her and sighs contently. She quickly succumbs to it though, the lure of the warm comforting feeling Sua just seems to radiate to anyone around her far too strong to resist. In turn, she wraps her arm around the smaller woman as well.

They stay that way as the venom’s effects fade, until Sua feels herself enough to make the trek back into town. Neither sure what to say after everything that’s happened, they linger at the bottom of the hill before going their separate ways. 

Handong decides on a quiet but sincere “thank you.” She only hopes Sua can sense that she means it, and for so much more than just what happened on the hill. 

Sua, once again the bolder one, surprises Handong with a quick kiss on her cheek, She smiles and bolts before Handong can even process it, much less react. 

All the vampire knows at this point is one thing. Regardless of if she ever sees that woman again… her life will never be the same.

----- Back To Present -----

“You let her go,” Gahyeon repeats, not sure at first what Handong means. “Wait, the new moon is your-... you let a human go? Did you feed?”

Handong nods, still staring blankly out the window.

“So you…”

“I did. I asked, and she let me.”

Handong can tell the “I told you so, I told you to do it my way” is right on the tip of Gahyeon’s tongue, only barely held back by Gahyeon’s sheer willpower. The older woman appreciates it. She’s sure Gahyeon will gloat later, and rightfully so, but for now Handong’s mind is in enough turmoil without anything like that potentially making her feel defensive.

“Why?”

Handong balks at that. A great question, but one she’s not sure she’s ready to answer. “She was cute. And really sweet.” She pauses, noticing the way Gahyeon’s eyebrow quirks. “Nice, I mean. Though, also sweet, I suppose.” 

Gahyeon's stare pierces into her as the younger vampire considers her words. “That didn’t stop you before.”

She’s right. Handong’s never really put too much thought into whether humans were good or bad, nice or mean. She’d always been taught that they were all the same to them anyways, so why even consider it. Someone being nice to her for a little bit was never enough to even faze her, much less make her reconsider everything. 

But Handong isn’t ready to talk through all of that. She isn’t even really sure what exactly it was about Sua that broke through her worldview. Gahyeon seems to pick up on that and lets her be.

“So…” Gahyeon starts, a bit hesitant still, but Handong can feel the relief in her voice. “Does this mean you’re ready to come with me now?”

Handong takes a deep breath. She thinks about her life, everything that’s led up to this point. The way her whole family, her whole kingdom operates. All the traditions, rituals, beliefs, everything she’s known her entire existence, and how it’s all been thrown into disarray. 

She knows it’s too late to go back. 

Finally, she turns to make eye contact with Gahyeon. 

“Let’s go.”