Happy Birthday!
"I'm here." She wiped the tears from her face. "I love you... so much... why isn't that enough?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
As the rain poured harder Clarke's knees started to feel weak. She embraced herself and closed her eyes, wishing all of this was nothing but a dream. "please." She whispered.
Lexa just watched her standing, wet and apart. She then opened her mouth and softly spoke with her deep beautiful voice, "There are places worth passing by and places worth staying for." With deep breath she walked closer, "Just like people who comes and leave and some who changes you forever." She held her chin up and gazed into Clarke's blue eyes that glowed like pacific ocean, two perfect orbs the same shade as the sky.
"You don't know how much you've changed me." Lexa smiled. "But I have to go..." And that smile faded.
It rained harder but Clarke cried the hardest. Lexa longingly reached for her hand and gently kissed it long enough for her to know how much she means, knowing that she will miss her everyday of her life, knowing that this would be the last time they're going to be this close... together, and knowing that she would have to deal with a sad and miserable life from this moment on. The biggest regret of her life.
Clarke's eyes dripped with tears, the walls that held her up just... collapsed. "Out of all the prayers out there, mine was chosen. When I needed you most, you'd just hold me and now you're letting me go?" she sobbed endlessly. "Please, I'm begging you. Don't leave me."
Lexa did not utter a word but smiled and without hesitation she let go of her, meaning she released her. She turned her back devastated and started to walk away, further, and out of reach.
Clarke was left alone and the rain washed over her skin so strong that it felt as if a flow of a river rather than a shower, one that leaves you standing yet lets you know that it is here to stay for a while. And so, she started walking and accepted it as easily as the air she was breathing.
—
Clarke's best friends had planned a big surprise for her 26th birthday. Their studio apartment was filled with balloons and confetti that blew up glitters, small pieces of papers and metallic materials that made a huge mess and a three-layered cake with five pieces of firework candle on top and a bobblehead of herself.
Finn gave her a big and a very tight hug "Happy Birthday, Clork!" he whispered into her ear. "Thank you! You know I'm runn-ing out of breath, rig-ht?!" Clarke tried to push him off but failed.
"Hey, come on, let go of her. Happy Birthday, Princess!" Bellamy disrupted. Clarke never got tired of his black, silky and perfect hair. He was charming and always neat, in fact, he is a Classique. He always wore perfect attire for special occasions and would always wear a three-piece suit. Like now...
Clarke jumped to hug him. "I'm pretty sure that bobblehead was your idea."
Bellamy chuckled. "Glad you liked it."
"You're fucking perfect." Clarke slid her palms along his smooth well-ironed suit. He smirked.
Octavia pushed the crowd out of the way while guiding some of the guys wearing a birthday hat, that brought the cake and placed it near Clarke. "Happyyyyyy Birthdaaaaay! You're getting old!" Octavia then lit the firework candles, and everyone went wild.
"Make a wish, Clarke!"
"Yeah, make a wish!"
"Let's go! Make a wish! Woooo! Wooot!"
Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In a span of few seconds, she recalled everything. Time had dissolved into itself. She opened her eyes slowly and her birthday party officially begun.
The music was so loud that it made their skin tingle. The bass thumped in time with their heart beats as though they were one, filling them from head to toe with music. There was dancing, drinking, few were high, everyone was having the time of their life.
Clarke looked so happy and thanked each one for coming. Finn, Bellamy, and Octavia made sure each of their friends were invited, friends and their friends. Ha! She felt thankful and blessed for these three, if it weren't for them, she wouldn't have made it this far.
Bellamy, Finn, and Octavia were her 7th grade best friends and practically grew up together. With the same ambitions and plans in life they swore to make it all together. They're going to achieve their dreams together. Better together.
Clarke and Octavia took the same Eligius University program, a degree in photography. With their own unique, strong style and ways of being creative, they always stood out, together. This year was going to be a tough one as they were only given 10 months to prepare for their big presentation. An exhibition but not just an exhibition, few of them were chosen to exhibit and present their best work at The Primeheda Museum of the Arts. The biggest and the most popular arts museum in modern time.
As for Finn and Bellamy, they also took the same program in the same university, film directing. Finn had eyes and direction for thriller and mystery films while Bellamy had his own unique abilities in producing action films. This year will also be a challenge for they must produce and direct a documentary about their chosen topic which includes plenty of travel, coffee, scripts, coffee, and a year to create. Filmmaking isn't easy. You have to proceed with passion and patience.
—
11:23 pm and it seemed that more people were arriving as the time went by. Clarke had enough, she felt exhausted already. She wasn't a big fan of this type of party, a very big party. She just wanted to spend it with the most special people in her life, although she was very thankful. It was just too much.
"a piece of cake for the birthday girl." Octavia offered as Clarke wouldn't agree in a single drink.
"I'm fine O," she sighed.
"Hey, I had this cake customized for you. But don't worry, I bought your favorite rose wine." Ah, rose wine, her most favorite.
"Well, where is it?" Clarke raised hand.
"it is right over there." Octavia pointed at the hidden kitchen cabinet, their secret stash. It's where they hide their 'super important' alcohol. The expensive ones that they wouldn't dare share with the boys.
Clarke began to stand and started walking towards their secret wine stash but decided to take a turn. She just needed a tiny break. She went upstairs and into her room, her works were displayed perfectly in canvas prints. Minimal and astrophotography was her strong suit, some in black and white. She finds great harmony in strict simplicity. It emphasizes and focuses solely on the subject.
A space created for the most important thing.
As she looked at herself appearing in the mirror, she then caught a glimpse at her most favorite piece of work that no one knew about. A canvas print of of lady, sitting outside a vintage and old snow-white painted café, resting her chin in her palm, legs crossed, wore black dress and a beret hat, nothing beside her, she was sitting alone in plain white, aged wooden chair and table. A perfect contrast. The lady in the picture didn't even look at the camera but she was clearly smiling at someone, a big smile. Its as if she were smiling at her favorite person in the world, everything around her was just this big negative space and she filled it with positivity.
Looking at the details annoyed her, she has memorized every inch and every corner of the print. Feeling bothered, she let out a deep sigh. She then proceeded near her large glass windowpane overlooking the city and poured herself a drink... two... three... she looked up; the stars were dazzling. The perfect night to take a photo but she removed that idea from her mind.
Clarke had lost a part of herself that she will never ever regain. These emotions, they awake. The remembrance of joyful times long ago, made her feel hollow inside. Not a minute flies past without her heart crying softly for what was. Her heart moans with every beat, how every day she tried, but her memories refused to forget.
"Hey"
"Did we just forgot to knock?" Clarke took a sip of wine and faced herself to the person who went in her room without knocking.
"Woah woah." Bellamy raised his eyebrows.
"What?!" Clarke was furious.
"what are you doing here? They're looking for you." Bellamy pointed outside.
"I know, I'm just... having a moment." Clarke sighed and walked to sit on her bed.
Bellamy let out a deep breath and walked to grab a chair and brought it near her. He knew what 'having a moment' meant and he knew she needed someone to talk to.
"What is it?" Bellamy took both of her hand. "look at me."
Clarke looked at him. "Nothing, really. Just wanted a break. It's too much, too loud, people in every corner, some I haven't even talked to before. Ugh." She shut her eyes.
"come on, it is not that. You're thinking about her." Bellamy cupped her right cheek.
"I'm not." Clarke chuckled nervously. "I'm thinking about something else." She lied.
"I can only imagine how hard it must be for you." Bellamy knew that Clarke hasn't moved on and she might never. She was in deep, deep, love with her.
"I told you, I'm not thinking about her. I don't think about her anymore. It's over. We're over. It has been years." Calrke turned her back from Bellamy.
Bellamy pushed his chair and stood up. "Look, I'm sorry." He sighed. "I'm sorry it happened during the night of your birthday. That every time your birthday arrives, all you think about is that night, the night she left you. You have been different since then and I... we... completely understand but please." He moved closer. "Give yourself a chance. Give us a chance, give me... a chance and I will make it all go away. I can love you better than her and I will give you what she never gave you..." Bellamy wanted to embrace her but instead he turned his back and walked to the door.
"Clarke, I'm here. Why must you grasp for more?" and with that, he left.
As much as she tried to hold it in, the agony came out like an uproar from her throat in the form of silent cry. The beads of water started falling one after another, without a sign of stopping. The silent sobs wracked against her chest. The world turned into blur and so did all the sounds. Everything darkened into nothingness as she passed into the oblivion of unconsciousness.
"I hate you Lexa. I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate that I am like this because of you. I hate that you left me. Why did you fucking leave me?" Clarke looked up, praying for answers. Wishing she'd see her again, one last time.
—
Thank you for reaching this far! It actually took me weeks to finish this because i got anxious with my first fanfic HAHAHA but i really hope youd all like it <3
What do you guys think?