Chapter 2
Pure Vanilla should have known something was wrong the moment Custard Cookie III walked into the council room wearing a full suit of makeshift armor.
The small Cookie stood proudly, his paper crown slightly crumpled under the weight of a (very oversized) iron helmet. In his hands, he gripped his scepter like a battle standard.
“I am prepared for war!” Custard Cookie III declared.
Silence.
Pure Vanilla, mid-sip of tea, nearly choked. Hollyberry, already invested in this nonsense, leaned forward with a grin. Golden Cheese barely held back laughter. White Lily blinked in confusion.
Dark Cacao? He merely nodded in approval.
“Good,” Dark Cacao said. “You are learning.”
Pure Vanilla slowly set down his cup. “Dark Cacao.”
Dark Cacao folded his arms. “What?”
“Did you…” Pure Vanilla took a deep breath. “Did you teach my child how to declare war?”
Dark Cacao tilted his head. “Was I not supposed to?”
Golden Cheese cackled.
Hollyberry slammed a fist on the table. “Oh, this is fantastic! What else did you teach him?”
Pure Vanilla whirled toward Custard Cookie III. “Custard. What else have you learned?”
Custard Cookie III beamed. “Master Cacao says a true king must be merciless in battle!”
“Master Cacao?” White Lily whispered in horror.
“I also learned that diplomacy is for the weak,” Custard continued proudly. “And if an enemy stands in my way—”
“—you cleave them in two,” Dark Cacao finished with a nod.
“WHAT?”
Pure Vanilla nearly fainted.
White Lily gasped in horror. Golden Cheese fell out of her chair, laughing. Hollyberry was wiping away tears.
“Dark Cacao!” Pure Vanilla grabbed his old friend’s arm. “He is a child!”
Dark Cacao frowned. “A future king.”
“A child.”
Hollyberry whistled. “Well, the kid is gonna have to learn how to fight someday.”
Golden Cheese snickered. “I, for one, fully support this. This is hilarious.”
White Lily, still horrified, placed a hand on Custard Cookie III’s shoulder. “Custard, you do not have to cleave anyone in two.”
Custard blinked up at her. “But Master Cacao said—”
“He is not your master.” Pure Vanilla was actively panicking. “You do not need to—Cacao, what were you thinking?!”
Dark Cacao huffed. “I was preparing him for reality. Do you expect him to rule with kindness?”
“YES!”
Dark Cacao looked personally offended.
White Lily sighed. “Custard, a good ruler does not seek war needlessly. A true king must also have wisdom and compassion.”
“But… Master Cacao said compassion is for the weak.”
Pure Vanilla paled. “I need to undo this.”
Custard Cookie III frowned. “But I wanna be a strong king, like Master Cacao.”
Dark Cacao gave a rare smirk. “He learns quickly.”
Pure Vanilla groaned, running a hand down his face.
“Custard,” White Lily kneeled in front of him, “being strong does not mean being cruel. A king must also be just.”
Custard’s brow furrowed. “So… I shouldn’t cleave my enemies in two?”
“NO.”
Dark Cacao sighed. “Unfortunate.”
Pure Vanilla glared.
Custard Cookie III hummed. “So… what should I do, then?”
White Lily smiled. “A good ruler seeks peace where possible. Strength isn’t just in battle—it’s in leading with kindness and wisdom.”
“…So I shouldn’t throw enemies off a cliff?”
Pure Vanilla nearly screamed. “CACAO.”
Dark Cacao just shrugged. “It’s effective.”
Golden Cheese was crying from laughter.
Hollyberry clapped Custard on the back. “Don’t worry, kid. You’ll figure it out. Just—maybe don’t start a war yet.”
Custard Cookie III pouted. “But war sounds fun.”
Pure Vanilla took a deep, long breath.
“…We are never letting him babysit again.”
Dark Cacao merely smirked. “We’ll see.”
Pure Vanilla, at that moment, deeply regretted introducing his son to the other Ancients.