Begin again
Hope walked from one side to the other fixing everything in case the night went as expected. She sat down on the small couch where she had been sleeping. It was easier for her to sleep there than in her own bed, which always felt empty.
“You can do this, Hope” she tried to cheer herself up “besides, it's too late for you to regret it”
Nor had she slept more than a few hours a night since the day Argos had brought her back, but she knew that wasn’t the cause of the familiar exhaustion that gripped her. They were the memories of her previous life that came most strongly in her dreams. Sometimes she thought that trying to forget was her only hope to get away from the memories that haunted her. Other times, especially at night, she thought about looking for a way to return to her previous life, even though it had only existed in her mind, it was what she longed for.
"He didn’t choose to die Josie and what do you know about decisions when you let Lizzie make them all for you"
"I didn’t want to say that"
"Okay Hope, I know exactly what you wanted to say and you're right I better go"
She wished she could get rid of the memory of Josie walking away from her, her eyes red near tears, and that memory haunted her as much as the others, because it was the last they shared. She couldn't bear the thought that she had hurt her with her carelessness.
she hears a knock on the door. She’s on time, she thought with a shadow of a smile. Some things never changed, no matter what universe it was. The smile disappeared as she remembered how different things were from how she wanted them. She stopped and went to open it.
Josie stood in front of her door with a challenging look in her eyes.
"Hi, Hope. I'm here, you can stop sending me notes or text messages now” she said dryly.
Well, She’s still angry
"Well, I thought you wouldn't talk to me unless I gave you a reason to," Hope confessed.
Hope stepped aside to let her pass, Josie walked in with her arms crossed defensively.
"What was so important that after ignoring me, you decided to call me?"
To anyone else, the brunette might have seemed simply irritated, that temper she kept hidden from the world, but now starting by the fact that the tribrid had inundated her phone and room with calls and notes until she answered, but Hope wasn’t anyone. She was the woman who loved her, who knew everything about her, down to the way her shoulders tense when something bothers her and she doesn't want anyone to know. Exactly how tense they are right now.
It took everything she had to avoid pulling her close and holding her until all the pain they were both feeling faded away. She tries to think how she would have apologized earlier, but it felt like a lifetime had passed since then. And standing there with the familiar scent of her perfume reminding her of what she had lost, she knew she couldn't just go back to that time when they had exchanged pointless conversations, pretending not to see how each other felt under the surface.
Hoping not to scare her, the tribrid took a step forward.
“I'm sorry I hurt you, Josie. I was angry and took it out on the only person who tried to help me, I didn't mean what I said” Hope said sincerely.
Josie looked into Hope's blue eyes and felt the tension leave her shoulders. She would never admit it, but she hated fighting with the tribrid.
"Okay, Hope. I understand that you were in a difficult moment "
Hope nodded, relieved that Josie had so easily forgiven her.
Not wanting to put too much stress on the little truce they'd made, Josie glanced toward the door.
"Then, I suppose I should leave you ..."
Hope quickly got in her way.
"why? Why don't you stay a while? We could watch a movie and talk”
"talk?" the brunette repeated incredulously.
“I know you know what it's like to talk, Josie. That's what happens when you open your mouth and sound comes out”, the auburn girl tried to joke.
"Very funny," Josie said with a frown. There was something… different about Hope. Her grief hadn't left her and in a way, it almost seemed worse than the day of the funeral. Usually, when one of them got hurt, it was a signal for the other to give it space. An unspoken rule that she had violated that day, but unlike then, the tribrid now seemed eager for her company. And she admitted to herself, hesitating between the need to leave and the desire to stay, that she had missed her. But in the end, it was the sadness that, despite her jokes, persisted in her eyes, that decided for her. "Okay, I'll stay"
Smiling, Hope gestured toward the couch, they sat down and Hope moved her computer closer, playing any movie.
The tribrid handed her a can of soda with a smile that turned bittersweet when her eyes fell on the brunette's bare ring finger. In another world, tonight would have been otherwise. But she was forcefully reminded that Josie was here with her now and that was the important thing.
All her worries forgotten as she looked at the brunette.
"and how have you been?"
Josie frowned and took her eyes off the movie.
"what do you mean?"
"That, how have you been?"
Josie smiled.
"The lonely wolf, Hope Mikaelson, does she care about me?" joked the brunette.
"I always care about you, Josie" Hope said seriously "I care about you more than you think"
Josie blinked, unable to think of anything to say to that. Struggling with her own emotions, she nodded toward the movie playing in front of them.
"We’re going to missed it"
No, they wouldn't, Hope thought. She wouldn't let them, not this time.
Turning her attention back to the movie, Hope reached over the back of the small couch, so used to watching movies with Josie this way that she didn't realize what she'd done.
Josie squinted at her, wondering what she was doing. When the tribrid simply continued watching the movie, she mentally shrugged, focusing on the movie.
The brunette settled herself more firmly against the tribrid, not realizing that she had moved closer while they were watching the movie. Hope's hand automatically curved around her shoulder as she gasped at the familiar sensation of having the brunette's body against hers. She said nothing, fearing that she would move if Josie will do. Little by little they both relaxed completely for the first time since the day of the funeral and fell asleep.
Josie woke up later and looked at the shutdown computer in front of her. Blinking sleepily, it took her a few moments to realize. Her head was on Hope's neck, her arm around her shoulder, securing her against her.
“Hey, Hope, wake up. we fell asleep watching the movie "
"Where are the boys?" Hope asked more asleep than awake.
Josie looked at her confused.
"What boys?"
The peace Hope had felt upon waking up with Josie in her arms faded. She dropped her arm and stood up, needing to get away from her before doing something as silly as begging her to remember a life she hadn't lived.
"I guess I was dreaming"
Josie could practically see the tension radiating from Hope.
"it's getting late"
Josie sighed and stood up.
"I guess that's my signal to go"
"Jo ... Josie I didn't mean that"
The brunette smiled understandingly at her.
"Okay, Hope"
Josie was almost outside the door when she heard Hope's voice.
"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" she asks somewhat nervous. She knew that wasn't how their friendship had gone before, but tonight she had taught her that she couldn't just walk away from Josie completely. She needed her too much. She needed some part of each day of her life to include her.
Josie looked at her thoughtfully.
"Okay, who knows? Maybe this time I will answer "
Hope tried to smile at her joke, but when the door closed, she looked around the empty room and sighed, waved off the lights and lay down on the couch. She turned her head towards the cushion and the smell of Josie's perfume filled her nose. Her eyes snapped open and she stared into the darkness for a long time, breathing deeply and once again wishing the impossible.
Lizzie was on her way to her room when she passed Hope almost running down the hall, it was the first time she had seen her outside her room since the funeral.
The blonde continued on her way to her room where she met her twin with a stunned look on her face.
"What happens?" Lizzie asked.
"Hope just kissed me" the brunette released.
"What!?
"Yeah, we were talking and she was about to leave and then she just… kissed me." She frowned thoughtfully.
"What kind of kiss was it?" the blonde asked curiously even without completely believing what her sister was saying.
“It wasn't an intense and passionate kiss, you know. It was…” Josie shrugged with a shy smile on her face “sweet, like we were a couple or something”
Lizzie shook her head, not understanding what could have caused Hope to do something like that.
"I've heard she has been acting weird since the Hobbit died"
"Lizzie! His name was Landon” Josie scolded
"I didn't care before, I don’t care now, sister" she shrugged "but I knew that wolfie would take his death pretty hard, but still ... if you want, I can go with her and you know, move her fleas a little to leave you alone"
"No thanks Lizzie, I'll be fine"
"Ok, I'll go with MG, see you later"
"goodbye"
Josie found herself going over what had happened with Hope earlier.
"Thanks for the coffee" Josie said taking a sip of the drink "but, you know, I could go to the kitchen and do it myself”
Hope shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed.
“Well, I was coming from there, anyway. It isn’t a big deal"
There was something vulnerable in her expression that made Josie give up arguing with the tribrid.
"Fine, then thanks"
She couldn't explain it, but since the movie night, Hope had become more attentive than ever. She called her every day and usually found a reason to stop by her room at night before going to sleep. Their conversations were easy and friendly, just everyday things, but she found herself looking forward to them.
"Well, I better get going, Jo. I have homework to do” Before she knew what she was going to do, she leaned down and kissed her. Too stunned to move, Josie closed her eyes as Hope's lips moved over hers. The tribrid drew back abruptly, a shocked expression on her face.
"I have to go" she muttered before leaving.
Josie realized her fingers were brushing her lips and quickly dropped her hand, her cheeks getting hot. What she didn't dare say to her sister was that if Hope hadn't stopped when she did, she didn't think she could have avoided kissing her back.
Hope heard someone knock on the door, so she opened it, she didn't expect to meet Lizzie Saltzman on the other side, who without waiting for an invitation entered the room as if she owned the place.
"Josie told me what happened," she said without preamble.
"It's not what you're thinking"
"What am I thinking, Fido?" she asked keeping her voice neutral.
“That I'm using Josie as a way to get over Landon, but it's not that, I swear, Lizzie. I wouldn't hurt her like that” her expression was serious, but the blonde was still not convinced, she couldn't let her sister go through another disappointment like Penelope's.
"Look fleas, I know you loved the garden gnome more than you've ever loved anyone." Hope looked at the floor, as if her words caused her pain, but she continued. She was afraid that if She didn't continue Josie could get hurt "and I almost didn't talk to him, but I'm sure that he didn't want you to be like this"
"It isn’t about Landon"
"What’s this about, then?"
Hope took a deep breath and decided to tell her the truth.
"On the day of Landon's funeral, a monster from Malivore found me, his name was Argos, he was able to show you other possible results of the decisions you have made"
Lizzie frowned, not understanding what that monster had to do with all this.
"Ok, but I still don't understand what this has to do with your not so unusual reclusion and kissing my sister?"
Hope sighed, feeling exhausted as she tried once more to explain the pain from the wound that was still bleeding.
“That day I felt so angry and so guilty. I thought it was my fault that Landon died. All I could think of is that if we weren't together anymore he would still live, it was the only question that ran through my mind, if he weren’t with me, would he still live? so Argos showed it to me "
Lizzie's mouth fell open in surprise.
"It worked, he showed you, is that why you've been acting weirder than normal?"
Hope looked at her smiling sadly
"It wasn't your fault, you know that right?" but she couldn't hide the uncertainty in her voice, because if she hadn't been, why was she acting this way?
"It wasn't my fault," She confirms.
Sadness still haunted her eyes.
"So what is it?" Lizzie asked.
Hope walked over to the couch and sat, staring at her hands, imagining another moment and another person.
"To change how things had happened and let Landon go, only one thing had to be different" She takes a deep breath "what was different is that I didn’t get electrocuted in the kitchen"
Lizzie frowned.
"What does that have to do with anything…"
Hope interrupted her.
“Josie and I were in the kitchen and things were getting quite… intense when we electrocuted ourselves with the switch on the wall next to the oven, making the slugs come out of our system, when we killed them I went to save the day as you always say, but if we had never been electrocuted, nothing would have stopped us "
Lizzie was silent for a moment.
"Wow, so you and my sister?"
Hope nodded.
"So what was different ..."
"Josie got pregnant"
Silence filled the room.
"how?"
"I don't know" she stood up abruptly and turned her back on her, shoulders hunched in defeat. When she spoke the tears clouded her voice “They were perfect, Lizzie. They had our mothers' eyes and Josie's smile and mine. They were such sweet babies, but Luke had your sister's temperament, and I could swear Andy had yours when he got mad "
Lizzie could only stare at her in amazement, unable to say anything.
Hope laughed caught up in the sweet memories.
“Other babies slept with lullabies, ours listened to Jazz and Broadway musicals. Josie sang for them and danced with them in her arms all over the room "
She looked at her with glassy eyes.
“You were great with them Lizzie and you spoiled them up every time you got the chance. you called them your miracle babies, because of their miraculous conception and the problems that Josie had in her pregnancy "
"I used to sleep with one of them on my chest and the other next to me, I would tell Josie that it was our bonding time and sometimes when I wake up" her hand went to her chest, looking for a soft weight that would never be there "I think that I can still feel them and then I realize they aren’t there "
She closed her eyes and forced herself to finish.
“I fell in love with Josie. Deeper and completely than I ever thought possible. We were engaged and she lived with me here. I was happier than I ever imagined I could be. The last time I saw my family” Lizzie inhaled hard and stared at her with tear-filled eyes “I was at Landon's funeral, he still went with MG, he died and I couldn't help him”
“Josie told me it wasn't my fault. That, if it had been in my power, I would have saved him. Which is exactly what she told me after the funeral before all of this happened. But I didn't believe her then. Now I do. Then I turned around and there was Argos” her laugh was bitter “I didn't even remember it until then, it was so real. It was real"
"The last thing I saw was Josie holding Andy, playing with Luke's hand, my ring on her finger and when I tried to reach them, they were gone" she raised her head, to see Lizzie with her face in her hands and she turned to watch the vibrant sunset at her window fade into a mediocre night. “So tell me, Lizzie. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? "
The silence in the room was deafening.