GO HARD
“It was quite the long time since I last saw Jisu here.” Jiheun says when the Hwang family has sat down to eat their Sunday dinner. She looks at her daughter with raised eyebrows, as to encourage her to give an answer.
“Yes,” Yeji starts and clears her throat. “It was some time ago.”
“Are you still friends?” Donjun asks, just as curious as his wife.
“Yes, it’s just that sometimes the time is not enough.” Yeji continues.
“Well, that’s good to hear at least.” Jiheun sighs in relief. “Is she and Seungmin still a couple?”
“Yes.”
“I haven’t seen Seungmin in a while either, are you still friends with him?” Donjun turns to Hyunjin who quickly locks eyes with Yeji before answering his father.
“Yes.”
The conversation has almost turned into an interrogation and Yeji can’t help but to sigh heavily in her mind. How bad would she rather have talked to Jisu and Seungmin, instead of her parents asking her about them? This is mental boredom pain.
Yeji’s father swallows his food and lays his cutlery to rest against the plate. “I find Jisu and Seungmin the perfect couple, especially Seungmin is a wonderful young man. He is so intelligent, well behaved and helpful.” Donjun’s face lights up as he speaks, as if talking about his idol or something.
Jiheun nods and smiles before adding. “And Jisu, she is so pretty, charming and has the most uplifting smile I’ve ever seen.”
“You children should really take after them.”
Here we go again. You should strive to be like these people. Never do they get to hear they’re fine just the way they are, that their own work and effort, their own personality traits and behaviors, are enough. There is always something better to strive for. Yeji is sick of hearing this. It has become annoying enough for her to physically feel how it crawls under her skin, even though she so far has been able to maintain a calm facade.
“Actually, isn’t it time for you to find a partner?” Donjun asks bluntly, making Yeji almost choke on her water. “Hyunjin, why don’t you find yourself a girlfriend like Jisu? A girl like her would be such a lovely daughter-in-law. Seungmin’s parents must be thrilled to have their son partnering with her.”
Yeji throws a glance at her brother who sits across the table. He doesn’t look too amused either. The parents are at it again. If it isn’t Ryujin being an example of the perfect girlfriend then it’s Jisu. Don’t they have any sense of how to speak about their children’s friends? Also, once again, they are stuck in the heteronormative lanes. They never use the term partner when asking any of them specifically. Hyunjin always gets to hear that he should get a girlfriend and Yeji that she should find a boyfriend. What if Yeji doesn’t want a boyfriend? What if she wants a girlfriend instead? A change like that will never happen, Yeji knows as much. Still an idea grows in her mind. What if she would try them? One last time she will give them a chance to prove themselves as queer friendly.
“Do you know what?” Yeji spits out with a loud voice, earning a sour look from her father who seemed eager to continue on the former topic.
“I heard that there are two girls in our school that are dating.” Now the words are out, hovering in the air. With suspension Yeji awaits the response, and hard it hits them.
“What are you telling me!” Donjun exclaims, leaning away from Yeji with a disgusted face.
“Please tell me none of them are any of your friends?” Jiheun ads worryingly.
“Or anyone you spend any time with, and that includes you as well Hyunjin.” Their father shifts his gaze towards his son, looking very serious. Well, that’s it. Their last chance. What did she expect really? A change? Their bubble is as intact as ever, no one has managed to infiltrate it yet, and no one probably will. Still Yeji is willing to try a bit more, her whole body screams after acceptance. Because if they can’t accept and respect queer people, then they have lost a daughter, lost her, and Yeji is not up for that just yet.
“Why can’t I be friends with two lesbians?” Yeji asks, earning her a warning look from her brother. She knows she’s walking on thin ice, but she has to try, wants them so badly to change their answers.
“But Yeji, you know that very well.” Donjun sighs and looks at her like she’s a little kid.
Yeji answers in the same manner. She puts on a fake facade, blinks innocently and uses an overly light voice. “No, explain for me, please.” Please make a 180-degree turn, please.
Her father sighs heavily. “It’s unnatural behavior. It goes against how nature created us.”
“How do you mean that nature did create us then?” Yeji pushes the question further, please, please.
“To live as man and woman of course. It is only by that the human race can survive.”
“But what if we’re too many on earth? Doesn’t homosexuals fill a purpose then?” Last question now, if nature really has a say in this please make them realize their opinions are problematic, make them change.
“That’s enough Yeji, what’s with you today?” Jiheun stares at her daughter with both a disgusted and confused face.
Yeji shrugs as if her questions are nothing, trying to keep her facade up, pretending that all her hope didn’t fall to the bottom of the ocean. “I’m just curious.”
“Then you must stop that curiosity of yours. It’s for no good. We don’t want you to end up like any of them, so don’t you even dare to go close to any of those-" He seems to find it hard to put the word in there.
“Homosexuals?” Yeji fills in, raising her eyebrows. Poking the bear has never felt any better. They deserve to feel uncomfortable after making her feel totally invisible and unworthy of existence.
“Don’t use that word, Yeji. From now on it’s banned in this house.” Donjun hits his fist in the table, as if decided in court, a very unfair one. However, Yeji doesn’t speak up about against it. She gave them several chances, even questioned them, but still they remain the same in their opinions. It’s useless to try any more. Yeji will just have to live it out. When she moves out, in a few years, perhaps then she can start living the life she finds right for her.
A depressing wave hits her and embraces her in a cold shower. Does this mean she will have to live this lie for several years to come? Can she really do that? Well, what other choice does she have? She needs her parents’ care. Without their cooperation there are so many things she wouldn’t be able to do. Dancing for example. If they withdraw their payment of the tuition fee Yeji would have a hard time affording it. And dancing is, besides Ryujin, the only thing that keeps her sane right now. No, she will have to endure a few more years. Hopefully Ryujin will not oppose her choice and leave. However, Yeji wouldn’t blame her. She would probably also have had a hard time waiting for someone. Nonetheless Yeji wishes with all her heart that Ryujin has the patience to stay by her side.