Dead Boy Walking
Students stared either confusedly or uncomfortablly at the words Mme. Mendelive had written on her board before stepping out to copy some papers. ‘Sex Ed.’
“Why the fuck do I need to learn this?!” Alix questioned. “I’m ace!”
“Same,” Max nodded. “But it is important for us to learn this while we’re... Experimenting, and curious. And we need to be able to identify certain things when some of us engage in intercourse whether it be va-“
Alya quickly covers Adrien’s ears. “Let’s not ruin the last bit of innocence this boy has, okay? Just let him enjoy these few minutes. Fuck, we already messed him up during karaoke when someone,” she glances over to Juleka. “Suggested we sing The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals.”
The goth girl just shrugs, having no regrets. It was a good musical.
“Babe, we can’t protect him forever,” said Nino. “Today, he’s gonna learn everything there is to know about how we were all brought into this world. And then he’ll traumatize Gabriel with his many questions about sex... Fuck, let’s do this lesson right now!”
“You just wanna make Gabriel pass out from shock,” Marinette said as she rolled her eyes.
“I need this, MariBun!” Nino exclaimed. “Ever since I could remember, I’ve always wanted for Gabriel to faint when Adrien asks him how babies are made...”
“Come on, man!” Nathaniel shouted from the back. “That was seconds ago!”
“I said, ‘Ever since I could remember!’” Nino repeated.
“Well, I’m in,” Chloé piped up. “Uncle Gabriel is a piece of shit, and I wanna see him go down.”
Ivan raised his hand, “Same.”
Pretty soon, everyone is on board with Nino’s plan to make Gabriel faint.
“Can you uncover my ears now?” Adrien asks. When Alya complies, he asks, “So, what are we doing?”
“Well, Nino wants your dad to faint,” Kim answered. “So, what I’m thinking is we sing you the most provocative, sexiest, dirtiest song in Broadway history!”
“Already got it,” said Max as he went to plug his phone into the projector. On the screen is the Heathers logo.
“Oh, God!” Kim groans when he sees the song Max has selected. “Max, why?!”
“Are you trying to torture us?!” Nino yelled, blushing madly.
Alya tapped Marinette on the shoulder. “What’s going on?”
“Last year,” she said while stifling a few laughs. “Nath sang this song, and every boy in the room had a bisexual or gay awakening.”
“No way,” Alya said, not believing that one boy can cause so many people to question their sexualities.
“Babe, if we break up, I’m dating Adrien.” To show he’s serious, Nino pulls Adrien’s seat closer to him, much to Alya’s and the blonde’s shock.
“... I can oddly live with that.”
“Then I’ll swoop in and ask you out,” Marinette said like it was the most normal thing ever.
“... What, what-“
Soon, the music began, and all eyes turn to Nathaniel as he stood from his chair.
“The demon queen of high school has decreed it...She says Monday, 8 a.m, I will be deleted...
They'll hunt me down in study hall!
Stuff and mount me on the wall!
Thirty hours to live!
How shall I spend them?!”
Adrien looks confused as he sings. His friends said this would be provocative, but it sounds so sad.
“I don't have to stay and die like cattle.
I could change my name and ride up to Seattle!
But I don't own a motorbike!”
“Or...” He glances at Marc and smirks. “Here's an option that I like!
Spend these 30 hours gettin' freaky~” As he’s holding the note, he takes Marc’s hand and pulls him out of his chair.
“Yeah! I need it hard!
I'm a dead boy walking!
I'm in your yard!
I'm a dead boy walking!” A few students feel the need to turn their heads when they see how handsy the two are getting and it’s not even the really steamy part of the song yet.
“Before they punch my clock!
I'm snappin' off your window lock!
Got no time to knock, I'm a dead boy walking...”
“Veronica, what are you doing in my room?” Marc asked as Nathaniel pulls him to the front of the classroom.
Nathaniel puts a finger to Marc’s lips and shushes him. “Sorry, but I really had to wake you...
See, I decided I must ride you 'til I break you...
'Cause Heather says I gots to go!
You're my last meal on death row!
Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities...!” He loops his finger through the silver ring hanging from Marc’s choker and gently pulls him in. “Come on!”
“Tonight I'm yours!
I'm your dead boy walking!
Get on all fours!
Kiss this dead boy walking!
Let's go, you know the drill!
I'm hot and pissed and need my fill!
Bow down to the will of a dead boy walking!”
Nathaniel tenderly caresses Marc face. “And you know, you know, you know...
It's 'cause you're beautiful.
You say you're numb inside, but I can't agree.
So the world's unfair.
Keep it locked out there!”He takes Marc’s hand and places it flat on his chest. “In here it's beautiful... Let's make this beautiful!”
“That works for me-“ Marc is cut off when Nathaniel pulls him in by the collar of his shirt for a passionate kiss as the music continues. Then much to the class’s shock, they continue their make-out right on top of Mme. Mendelive’s- thank God it’s cleared off- desk. Nathaniel has Marc pinned and holds both of his hands in his as he uses the other to run his fingers through Marc’s hair
The lyrics appear back on the screen. Nathaniel reluctantly pulls away from the intense make-out to continue the song, now gently grinding against Marc. “Yeah...! Full steam ahead!
Take this dead boy walking!”
“How'd you find my address?” Marc sang.
“Let's break the bed!” He slams the palms of his hands down on either side of Marc before slowly slipping off his hoodie and tossing it to the floor.
“Rock this dead boy walking!”
“I think you tore my mattress!”
“No sleep tonight for you,” he sang teasingly.
“Better chug that Mountain Dew!”
“Okay, okay.”
“Get your ass in gear!
Make this whole town disappear!”
“Okay, okay!”
“Slap me!” Marc slaps him across the face in a way that makes the class wonder if they’re still just acting anymore.
“Pull my hair!” Nino swore he heard Nathaniel moan with Marc pulled on his hair. Seeing where this is going, Ivan quickly covered Myléne’s eyes before they sang when Nathaniel started guiding Marc’s hands on his body. “Touch me there,” his chest. “And there!” His thigh. “And there!” Then he pulls off his blazer and tosses it to the side.
“And no more talking!
Love this dead boy walking!
Love this dead boy walking! (wait, wait)
Love this dead boy!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”
Nathaniel places what the class thinks is a normal, innocent kiss on Marc’s neck. “Ow!” How wrong they were.
“Yeah!”
Immediately, after the song ends, Kim and Ivan go to pull the two off of each other.
“Okay,” Sabrina nervously chuckled. “Let’s try and keep things a tad more appropriate next time.”
“That was appropriate,” Nathaniel smirked as the two boys took him and Marc back to their desk.
“Bro?” Nino waved his hand in front of Adrien’s stunned face. “Was that too intense for you?”
Alix points to Marc and Nathaniel. ”You two broke him!” They don’t answer, too wrapped up in their make-out to say anything. “Ah, they’re not listening.”
It was at that moment, Mme. Mendelive walked in with a stack of papers. “Alright, class. I hope you’re ready, because this will be a very educational week for you all. Today, we’ll be learning how babies are conceived-“
”NO!” Adrien screamed, startling the class.
Mme. Mendelive arched an eyebrow. “Mr. Agreste, is there something you’d like to-“ She looks down at the floor and sees Marc and Nathaniel’s jackets. “Why are your jackets on the floor?” Then she catches a whiff of something, coming from her desk. “And why does my desk smell like sweat and ecstasy?”