Father Knows Best
Adrien groaned all the way into the classroom, much to his friends’ confusion. Once at his desk, he dropped his messenger bag onto the floor and rested his head on his desk.
Nino taps his head, but gets no response. “... Dude?”
His response his muffled, “Yes?”
”Everything okay, Adrien?” Chloé asks, too worried about her friend to be using her nickname for him.
”Is it your dad again?” Marinette deadpanned. She admired the man as a designer, but despised him as a father. If she could, she’d have her father adopt Adrien, forget all about her crush on him, love him like a brother, and feed that poor boy all the pastries his heart desires.
”Yeah,” he answered.
”What’d he do this time?” Ivan grumbled bitterly. He too hated the man’s guts, and he always tried to see the good in everyone.
Adrien said something else, but it was unintelligible.
”Could you repeat that?” Sabrina asked.
Again, they couldn’t understand. With a sigh, Nino lifted Adrien’s head up with some struggle due to how limp and heavy he was. “Say that again.”
”He won’t let me go to the school lock-in this weekend.”
At that, everyone expressed their outrage, and Nino dropped Adrien’s head back onto the desk. The lock-in was a school tradition. Everyone goes. It’s the one night a year where bullies actually get along with others, the shy kids come out of their shells, and legend has it, if the moon shines and you and the person you’re sleeping with, that’s who you’ll be married to in the future.
”That’s messed up!” Juleka exclaimed angrily. “No offense, but your dad is just the worst, Adrien.”
”I know,” he mumbled.
”Yeah!” Kim shouted. “He’s like... You know, that lady, what’s her name? Uh...”
”Mother Gothel!” Rose piped up.
Kim nodded, “Yeah! Mother Gothel! He locks you away in your mansion, forbids you from seeing the outside world!”
”And you have blonde hair,” Alya smirked as she tugged on one of Adrien’s locks.
”We got another Disney Princess!” Nathaniel calls out.
Confused, Adrien lifts his head, “Another?”
”Everyone knows Mari is the ultimate Disney Princess.” Nino gives the pigtailed girl a fist bump. “She’s Snow White, of course. Pure of heart, beautiful singing voice-“
”And she dressed up like her for Halloween when we were five,” Kim said, showing everyone the picture on his phone. Young Marinette stood between Nino who was dressed as the red power ranger, and Kim, who went as Batman.
”So, we deem you as Rapunzel!” Myléne announced theatrically.
”So that means you get an initiation,” Max said as he scrolled through his phone.
”Initiation?” Adrien repeated.
Rose nodded, “One student sings a villain song to the new class Princess!”
Adrien looked confused, but didn’t bother question it, “Okay...”
”So, who’s singing the villain song?” Alya asked.
”The Little Mermaid,” Chloé pointed to where Nathaniel was sitting.
Alya chuckled, ”Why’s Nath the little mermaid?”
“Red hair, can barely walk without tripping every five minutes, used to collect things when we were kids, and he can hold his breath underwater for a freakishly long time,” Alix listed.
Nathaniel rolled his eyes. “Max, cue the music.”
Once hooked up to the projector, the lyrics to Mother Knows Best appear on the screen.
“You want to go outside?” He scoffs, “Why, Rapunzel!” He makes his way to Adrien and Nino’s desk. “Look at you, as fragile as a flower.” He strokes Adrien’s chin.
“Still a little sapling, just a sprout.
You know why we stay up in this tower-“
Adrien plays along, “I know, but--“
Nathaniel cuts him off, “That's right! To keep you safe and sound, dear.” He sounds more distressed.
“Guess I always knew this day was coming!
Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest!
Soon, but not yet.”
“But-“
Nathaniel puts a finger to Adrien’s lips, “Shh! Trust me, pet.” He pats the top of his head with a smile. “Father... Knows best!”
“Father knows best!
Listen to your Father!
It's a scary world out there!
Father knows best
One way or another
Something will go wrong,” He puts his hand to his forehead in a dramatic fashion. “I swear!”
Nathaniel counts on his fingers, “Ruffian, thugs! Poison ivy, quicksand! Cannibals and snakes!” He slides his finger across his neck. “The plague!”
“No!” Adrien yelled, feigning fright.
“Yes!” Nathaniel smirked.
“But-“
“Also large bugs! Men with pointy teeth,” he puts his fingers close to his mouth, imitating fangs. “And stop, no more,” he sobs. “You'll just upset me!”
Nathaniel pulls Adrien out of his seat and engulfed him in a hug. “Father's right here
Father will protect you!
Darling, here's what I suggest!” He shoved Adrien to the side and shrugs off his blazer before tossing it into the crowd. Nino leaps up before Marinette could grab it.
“Skip the drama!
Stay with papa!
Father... Knows best!”
“Go ahead, get trampled by a rhino!
Go ahead, get mugged and left for dead!
Me, I'm just your father, what do I know?
I only bathed and cared and clothed you!
Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it!
Let me die alone here, be my guest!” He does a death drop, making the class clap.
“When it's too late, you'll see, just wait...” He lifts himself back up off the floor.
“Father... Knows best!” He lets out a dark chuckle.
“Father knows best!
Take it from your papa!
On your own, you won't survive!”
Nathaniel tussles Adrien’s hair, “Sloppy, under-dressed!” He tugs on the hem of Adrien’s shirt. “Immature, clumsy!” Adrien pretends to trip, and Nathaniel quickly caught him.
“Please, they'll eat you up alive!”
“Gullible, naive!
Positively grubby!”
He taps the side of Adrien’s head with a smirk, “Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm vague--
Plus, I believe,
Gettin' kinda chubby!” He squished Adrien’s cheeks, making him blush.
”I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you!”
“Father understands,” he cooes.
“Father's here to help you!
All I have is one request...!”
He pulls Adrien in for a hug, “Rapunzel?”
“Yes?”
“Don't ever ask to leave this tower again,” he said sternly.
“Yes, father,” he nods.
Nathaniel sighs, “I love you very much, dear.”
”I love you more,” Adrien said back.”
“I love you most.” The song continued. “Don't forget it... You'll regret it... Father... Knows best!”
Once the applauses stop, Myléne makes an announcement, “Welcome to the Disney Princess club, Rapunzel!”