I'm not running away. I'm just getting ready to jump towards you

"Chris"

"Tobin”

“I never thought I would find you again”. Tobin said in disbelief. The two were then stuck in a brief moment of silence and awkwardness, trying to figure out what to say next.

"Oh, well...How are you?” Tobin asked nervously, feeling overwhelmed.

A million thoughts ran through Christen's mind. She wanted to answer but no words came out of her mouth. Tobin looked even more beautiful than the day she first laid eyes on her. Tobin slowly approached Christen's desk.

"You're here”. Tobin said in a whisper, mostly to herself but loud enough for Christen to hear. She had to be dreaming, that was the only explanation. A dream where Christen still remembered her. Here she was. Ethereal, like she belonged to some different world, almost perfect, a dream.

"Yeah“. Christen replied, still unsure of what to say. "Sorry... I don't know what to say but I could never imagine in a million years I would find you here".

"Well, it looks like the earth is really round" Tobin said with a small smile, remembering the last thing Christen had said to her.

"What would be the odds?" Christen asked rhetorically with a shy smile, as she got up to greet Tobin. She thought of sticking out her hand, for a handshake, but the fear of feeling Tobin's touch again slowed her down. 

"I guess you're the creative director." Christen said, trying to make the conversation lighter (or less awkward).

“Yes, I am!" Tobin replied proudly.

"It suits you... I mean, what I can remember" As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Christen felt ridiculous. How could she think she still knew the person she had last seen 8 years ago?

"I'm pretty much the same” Tobin assured her.

"Oh... I'm not the same at all". Christen returned softly as she pointed to Alice.

"Kids change you, it's true!” Tobin said with a chuckle. "She looks just like you".

"She’s a much better version of me." Christen said proudly.

Suddenly, a blonde woman full of energy was calling out Tobin’s name somewhere in the hallway, which made the two women turned their gaze to Crystal's desk.

Crystal, Alice and the stranger exchanged a few words and before they had time to realize, the woman was already walking into the office.

"This space is full of cute kids” The woman said enthusiastically. Seeing the confusion on both Tobin's and Christen's faces, the woman added. “I’m not talking about you... I’m talking about that little girl out there.”

She approached Christen's desk, bumping into Tobin and introduced herself. "Hi! I'm Allie, marketing director. Welcome to the team!" she said with excitement.

"Christen. Nice to meet you!" She said with a warm smile.

Allie quickly turned her attention to Tobin. "I've been looking for you. Alex already dropped your kids. They're in my office but in less than 5 minutes they will be jumping on the furniture or running all around”.

Allie shifted the subject so quickly that she didn't even give Tobin an opportunity to answer. She turned her attention to Christen again.

"Sorry for this rush but today I'm on a tight schedule. I know we have a meeting in two hours, so see you in a bit.” Allie said apologetically. "Are you coming?" She asked, looking back at Tobin again.

"Give me two minutes. I'll be right there to pick them up." Tobin replied.

"Ooook", Allie uttered, dragging her answer, suspecting something unusual was going on. She would ask Tobin later. “See you”.

Allie left the office in a hectic pace leaving the two women alone again. Suddenly, being in the same space as Tobin was surreal and admittedly intimidating for Christen.

"Sorry about Allie. She's a little too much at times” Tobin said with a smile, offering her a genuine apology.

"No worries. I liked her”

Tobin seemed to take a moment to consider what she was going to say next. "Look, I have to go, but I'd like to have dinner sometime with you, or a lunch, or just a coffee to catch up". Tobin gently asked, hoping she did not sound too forward.

"I don't know if we should. Maybe is too soon. It's just.." Christen said reluctantly and Tobin felt a ping of disappointment but brushed it off.

"It's ok, no worries... there's time now." Tobin reassured her and Christen’s lips curling up into a smile. "Well, I have to go... but I guess I'll see you around?". It was a question but Christen loved that the tone in Tobin’s voice sounded more like a statement.

"Yes, I'll see you around.“ Christen smiled.

When Tobin left the office, Christen sank into the chair and let out a long breath that she was holding since the moment Tobin walked in. She heard Tobin saying goodbye to Alice and Crystal.

Her head was spinning with so many thoughts and a million questions. Would this encounter be a good thing? Did she wanted this to be something good? And Allie said something about kids. Tobin is a mom and has a family? With Alex? Allie talked about an Alex. That's the same name of the girl Tobin told her about years ago.

Her mind was racing at a speed she couldn't keep up. Christen tried to calm herself but two images were lingering on her mind: that kiss they shared eight years ago and Tobin's reaction when they locked eyes again.

Running away to New York had been a bad idea, Christen knew it now. The answers she hadn't found before, she wouldn't find in this city either and she felt more alone than ever.

It would have been so much easier to have called one of her sisters and tell them about everything than to decide to buy a train ticket to the first destination and come to this city where she knew nothing and nobody.

Feeling sorry for herself, she decided to enter into a small pub. She would have a drink, maybe share her sorrows with the waiter (like she saw in so many movies) and then she would take the first train back home.

The pub was kind of cozy, it was made out of a dark wood but had the correct amount of lighting. It was still early so the space was almost empty. She chose to sit at a tall table in a sheltered corner of the pub, where only a girl was working on her laptop. Christen couldn't help but notice the girl beside her looked like an artist, in sweater and ripped jeans.

Christen’s phone started to ring from inside of her coat. Her eldest sister was calling and when she was about to answer it, the phone ran out of battery. Christen couldn't believe her bad luck. To make the situation worse, she had forgotten her phone charger, so she couldn’t even text her sister or find out the time of the next train back home. She really had to charge her phone, so she decided to ask the girl sitting next to her.

“Sorry to bother you but can you lend me a charger? My phone is dead." Christen asked gently.

“Yes, of course.” The girl answered with an empathic smile and reached for the charger in her backpack and gave it to Christen. “Do you want something to drink?” She asked nicely. 

“Is this how you pick up girls at the bar?” Christen asked, suddenly feeling defensive.

“No. I was just trying to be a decent human being.” She replied, taken back by Christen’s reaction. The girl waved her hand, calling the waiter over. "A beer, please."

“Two, please" Christen added. The girl seemed to ignore her and went back to work. “Sorry, I was rude for no reason. I'm just having a bad day." Christen said apologetically.

When she realized that she was not going to get an answer from the other girl, and as branch of peace, she extended her hand to greet her. "Christen.” She said with a weak smile. The other girl looked at her with a raised eyebrow, trying to make sure Christen was being sincere.

"Tobin. And I'm also having a bad day." Tobin said truthfully.

“Is this the place where the people who are having bad days run away to?” Christen teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don't think so”. Tobin answered with a chuckle as she pointed to a couple who were taking PDA too far for a public space. The two beers arrived and Christen moved to Tobin’s table.

"Are you sure you're having a bad day? That seems really cool." Christen asked on seeing the fantastic artwork on Tobin’s laptop.

"Oh… thank you." Tobin blushed slightly. "As strange as it may seem, I think I'm more creative on bad days".

"Bad day at work? Trouble with friends? Boyfriend?" Christen asked cautiously, trying not to be too invasive.

"Trouble with a friend. You?”

"Oh, it's a long story." Christen drank a sip of beer as she showed her engagement ring.

“I have time and I need a break". Tobin put her laptop aside and sat upright, suddenly very interested in this story.

"So… I got engaged but I'm not sure of this decision. Then I panicked and decided to take a train to New York, I don’t know anyone here and now my phone is dead and I’m just feeling ridiculous.” Christen mumbled out with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, you must think I'm crazy."

"Crazy for not carrying a charger with you?" Tobin joked, which made Christen laugh softly.

"And you? Why are you in trouble with a friend?" She asked out of curiosity.

"So… I finally confessed to my best friend that I like her…romantically and I thought she already knew but, guess what, she didn't. And now she doesn't talk to me, ignores all my calls and on top of that she's going to Europe for two months and tonight she will throw a dinner party with all our friends and myself included and I don't know what to do. If I should go or just be on my own".

"Ouch, that hurts!" Christen murmured, feeling slightly bad for Tobin.

"Never mind... I think I ruined my friendship with Alex" She paused momentarily before mumbling a little softer. "I would never tell her the truth if I knew this was going to jeopardize our friendship, you know?"

“Don't be so hard on yourself... It really sucks that girl, Alex, is ignoring you. But maybe you need to give her time to deal with all the information. You've already had time to process your feelings, but she got the news now.” Christen spoke sympathetically, trying to ease her fears.

"I know. But I can't even tell if she's mad at me or if she thinks that I betrayed our friendship in some way or if she's just sad... and that's suck". Tobin had a sip of beer too. "Okay, enough about me. Give me more details about your story.”

"Well...". Christen told her the whole story. How the night before her longtime boyfriend had proposed to her in front of all their friends and she felt she had to say “yes”. And how after a sleepless night, she had decided, without thinking about it, to take a train to New York, instead of driving to the college.

"We never had a serious conversation about getting married. For me there were more plans for both of us before that happened." Christen took another sip and then set the glass down on the table, finishing her second beer.

Christen was surprised at herself for telling Tobin all she had, because she was so reserved, she wasn't easy to get to know. But something in Tobin made her feel understood and safe. Maybe the effects of the alcohol were starting to course through her veins.

"Would you have said "no" if it was just the two of you?” Tobin asked softly.

"I don't know... maybe." Christen took a moment to think things over before continuing. "Maybe I’d said to wait."

"Do you love him?"

The question clearly caught Christen by surprise as she took a moment to swallow the lump in her throat, clearing it once before she continued. "I guess so... I love him with no doubts but I'm not sure if I still feel in love with him".

"Well...that’s complicated." Tobin answered truthfully and called the waiter, asking for two more beers. Christen excused herself to go to the bathroom and Tobin couldn’t help but feel a rush run through her bloodstream, unsure if it was from the alcohol or because Christen was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. In either case, she didn’t hate the feeling.

It had been a long day working and Christen felt tired. The images of that encounter flooded her mind all day and made her feel restless. She packed up and got ready to leave, approaching Crystal and Alice who were in a lively conversation about cartoons and had not noticed her yet.

"Sweetheart, we have to go”. The kid looked genuinely sad and hugged Crystal. Christen was grateful that Crystal and Julie, one of her advisors, kept Alice entertained all day with games and drawings.

"Thank you for everything, Crystal.” Christen thanked with a genuine smile.

"See you tomorrow”. Crystal smiled acknowledging Christen’s words. Alice waved her little arm and then hold her mother’s hand as they headed for the elevators. Christen was eager to get home, take off her shoes, make dinner, and then after put Alice to bed, be able to drink a glass of wine that would lighten (temporarily) all the emotions.

But when they got to the elevators, all her plans vanished when she noticed that Tobin and two kids, a girl and a boy who seemed twins and should be about Alice's age, were also waiting for the elevator. There was no doubt that those twins were Tobin's children, the same megawatt smile and the eyes were just like their mother's.

Tobin was talking with the little girl when she looked up to see the two girls approaching. She gave them both a warm smile and returned her focus back to the little girl who was tugging on Tobin’s arm to get her attention.

"Mommy, you have no idea. Mum's belly is huge. Bigger than a soccer ball!" The little girl said with enthusiasm, making a shape of ball with her arms.

"Yeah? And are you sure Mum didn’t eat a soccer ball?" Tobin joked but the little girl didn't find it funny.

"River, tell mommy how big Mum's belly is." The little girl was energetic and infectiously cheerful, but the boy was calmer and more serene.

Christen couldn't help but overhear the conversation and a wave of disappointment went through her. During the day Christen couldn't avoid wondering how their life would be if they had one more chance and resume what they started eight years ago. But of course, Tobin was not only a mother, but was also expecting another child, killing all Christen’s hopes.

When River was preparing to answer his sister, Alice who had also overheard the conversation, interrupted. "You have two mothers" She said in amazement to the other girl who was now facing her.

"Alice!” Christen scolded her.

"It's ok, Chris." Tobin answered calmly and for Christen there’s something special about the way her nickname fall from Tobin’s lips.

"Yes" The little girl replied excitedly with a huge smile. "This is my mommy Tobin, but we also have our mum Alex." She paused. "And we have a third mother who had us in her belly, but we never met her". She said without realizing the implications of her remark.

"It's called surrogate mom, isn't it?" River asked, turning to Tobin to confirm what he said was correct. Tobin nodded.

"Wow...that's so cool" Alice squealed in delight. “Mom, did you know about this?”

Their attention was caught as the sudden ding alerted the elevator had finally arrived. Tobin smirked to Christen as both families got into the elevator. "And just like that my children spill all my secrets” Christen smiled back at the woman next to her, holding eye contact.

The ride in the elevator they still had ahead, left Christen with no room to breathe or have coherent thoughts. All the information she was receiving made her feel overwhelmed, but eight years had passed and life had moved on. It was Tobin who interrupted her wandering thoughts. 

"Alice, are you ready to start school tomorrow?" Tobin asked with a smile and Alice nodded excitedly. Tobin turned her attention to Christen. "Which school is she going to?”

"St. Dominic”.

"It's your school too, right?” Tobin asked her kids rhetorically.

"Yes" The little girl answered with a contagious grin. "This year our teacher is Mrs. Parton and she let us play on all the swings and slides”. Her eyes growing wide with excitement.

"That's pretty cool." Christen said with an easy smile. The little girl smiled back as River kept staring at Christen as if he wanted to tell her something but was too embarrassed to say it.

"Alice is also going to be on Mrs. Parton class” Christen informed.

"Awesome! We can be friends! I’m Chloe and this is my brother River." Tobin’s daughter said with a grin from ear-to-ear.

Christen watched the scene with delight as Tobin placed her hands proudly on the twins’ shoulders. River tugged on his mother's blazer to get her attention and whispered something in Tobin’s hear. Tobin nodded reassuringly at him.

River returned his attention to Christen, and she felt the boy was going to tell her something, feeling a slight amount of anxiety rising inside of her.

"You look like a Disney’s princess." River said shyly but determined that Christen would get that information. The compliment caught Christen completely off guard.

"Oh... thank you, sweetie. You're very kind." Christen spoke softly, reaching out to run a hand over River’s hair. The little boy seemed pleased with the interaction.

The elevator reached the main floor and they walked out into the lobby of the building. The kids went ahead while the adults took their time.

"River is very shy. He is completely different from his sister. She is a bundle of energy, he is calmer. And he loves everything about Disney, Harry Potter, comic books. It is his little world. That's why he wanted to tell you that." Tobin explained.

"He's very sweet. They both are."

"I guess we did good, then." Tobin said referring to them and their kids. Christen smiled at her.

A luxury SUV was waiting by the entrance and the twins went right inside it. "Do you need a ride?" Tobin asked as she reached the driver's door.

"No, thanks. We're a short walk from home". Christen smiled at Tobin’s thoughtfulness. Tobin flashed her megawatt smile as she got into the car. And drove.

The next day, Christen walked in the office with a heavy heart. Leaving Alice at the new school, made her feel anxious and worried. She greeted Crystal and Julie who smiled broadly up on her. She let herself sink into her comfortable chair and breathed twice as she often did to calm down. Christen turned the computer on, logged into her account and suddenly her heart was beating so fast, she felt like a hummingbird on speed. A message from Tobin was popping up on her screen.

Tobin HeaTH

Do you want to grab a coffee? We have a really good coffee machine in the lounge :)

Christen had not yet gotten used to the idea that she is sharing the same workspace as Tobin and that this would inevitably result in several encounters. She still had to pull her s*** together. And quickly. But not today, just not today.

Christen A. Press

Sorry! I'm really busy this morning.

As soon as Christen sent her answer she wondered if the message sounded too formal and then rushed to write.

Christen A. Press

But thank you for the invitation. Next time :)

Christen didn't know how to act on her feelings. How will she be able to see the thin lines they might be crossing? How she will be able to recognize if Tobin is flirting with her, or just trying to reconnect, or just being a good colleague? Everything seemed blurred now and Christen no longer trusted her heart neither her reason. Afraid to see Tobin's reply, Christen closed the message and concentrated on reading the new emails but soon was interrupted by Crystal and Julie.

"Let's drink coffee. You're coming with us" Crystal said, more as a statement than as a question.

"I have to finish reading these emails" Christen said with a guilty tone.

"Come on! I don't believe you have that many emails and we won't take too long. There is a wonderful coffee machine in the lounge." Julie pointed out, trying to convince Christen.

A few seconds of silence settled between them, with Crystal and Julie begging with puppy eyes. Christen finally gave in and accepted the invitation, with the two girls celebrating with a high five. The truth is that Christen could see the emails afterwards. She only prayed that the coffee machine she was heading to, wasn’t the same that Tobin told her about and that they end up meeting.

The small lounge was decorated with modern furniture, booth seatings, comfortable sofas, a coffee machine that, due to its size, promised to offer the best coffee in the city, two pool tables that largely dominated the space and a small deck overlooking the city. All three poured their own coffee and soon started talking about Alice, and the new house that Julie and her husband had rented. They were enjoying their moment when someone cleared its throat, to interrupt them.

"Hello princesses!" Rory said in a seductive tone, trying to flirt but being a total fail at that. Everyone in the office knows Rory for being the classic annoying guy who thinks is more charming than he actually is.

The man totally checked out Christen. "I have not yet been introduced to our new colleague. Even more beautiful in person”

“Oookay.” Crystal said as she and Julie rolled their eyes. Christen wanted to do the same but didn't want to be rude.

"Nice to meet you." Christen returned politely, having no idea what else to say to that.

"If you need help, you already know" Rory said with a poorly executed wink, as he took a sip of his mug with "Let’s make love again” written on it. The three women had to bite back a laugh.

"Don't embarrass yourself, Rory!" Tobin said playfully as she entered the lounge. Rory's confident posture was now nowhere to be found. "Hello girls!" Tobin winked playfully at the three girls as she headed towards the machine to drink a coffee.

Christen wanted to hide. She was pretty sure the awkwardness she was feeling was palpable, even from a distance. Her heart hammered and her throat dried up and still she couldn't look away from Tobin’s presence. There she was, even more beautiful than yesterday.

"Not everyone can have the same success with women as you." Rory said defensively as he walked out from the lounge, feeling a wave of shame sweep through him.

"Yeah yeah" Tobin replied indifferently, choosing to ignore Rory, while she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Oh this man" Crystal said exasperatedly. "Sorry Christen, everyone already knows him here. Harmless but..."

"Very inconvenient..." Tobin seconded, joining the three women.

Christen tried to read in Tobin's expression if she was upset with her but the brunette didn't give her much time to dwell on that thought as she smiled at her reassuringly.

"Ready to finish this project?" Julie asked Tobin.

"Finally! More than prepared. It's almost over!"

"Your flight is today?" Crystal asked Tobin who nodded affirmatively. "When are you coming back?"

"Next Wednesday. A whole week in Miami."

"What I would give for a whole week in Miami, partying, sunbathing, dancing” Julie said dreamily and Crystal laughed softly, nodding in agreement.

"Oh but I'm going to miss the kids and it's a week of work, not exactly a week of partying" Tobin said jokingly as Crystal and Julie shrugged their shoulders playfully, not bothering to deny that fact.

"They don't know what it's like to miss the kids," Christen said kindly, almost as if she was defending Tobin and letting her know she was in the same boat as hers. Tobin smiled sweetly and both kept their eyes locked on each other.

"Kids, kids, kids" Julie said in a mock tone.

"Are the kids going to stay with Alex? Will she be able to handle them with that belly?" Crystal asked, referring to Alex's pregnancy.

"Yup. The twins already know how to behave." Tobin said with a proud smile, looking at her phone to check the time. "Well, girls, I have to go. I got a plane to catch. See you next week". Tobin flashed her megawatt smile, making the girls blush.

"I could marry this woman" Julie said with a sigh.

"You two are really weird... I don't think your men approve this crush, not to mention her wife." Christen joked, trying to be cool when she mentioned the words “her wife”.

"They know it's a healthy crush and we’re not blind. That woman is gorgeous". The three women laughed and Crystal added with a smirk. "Ah and ex-wife, not wife”.

Christen hated how she was feeling so lost with her emotions. She was the kind of person who liked to have control over her life but the unexpected encounter and the lack of answers she had about Tobin were leaving everything a bit blurry. When she came back to her office, she tried to fit all the pieces of the puzzle together, but it didn't make sense to her. If Alex was Tobin's ex-wife then with whom will Alex have the baby? How long were they together? Are they divorced? Did they decide to have a baby and split up soon after?

After running a million scenarios in her head, she decided that she couldn't waste more time trying to figuring out the pieces of a romantic life that she didn't even want to live now. Christen opened the pc and again a pop-up with a message from Tobin.

Tobin HeaTH

Don’t feel bad or anything. I understand. I just want to catch up. Next time :)

Christen couldn't stop smiling and feeling relieved. Tobin didn’t hate her. She had one week to gain courage and manage to hold a 5-minute conversation with Tobin.

The next few days passed normally and Christen could breathe in relief knowing that for a week she wouldn't cross paths with Tobin and make a fool of herself. Alice adapted well to school life and already had new friends, including Tobin's kids. Christen knew that their children's friendship was one more reason for the dark-haired woman to learn to deal with Tobin in her life – once and for all.

Over the week, her friendship with Crystal and Julie had grown stronger, with the three of them sharing lunches together and even going for a drink after work in a new sports bar that had opened down the street.

The amount of work became more intense as each day passed. So, one night when her sister Channing and her boyfriend was staying at her house, Christen took the opportunity to stay a few more hours at the office and leave work a little bit later than usual. The office was in absolute silence, her colleagues had all left. She was so deep in concentration when the sound of something falling on the floor caught her attention. She decided to go down the hall to see what was going on.

There she was. Tobin.

"What are you doing here at this hour?" Tobin asked intrigued as she collected the folders from the floor.

"Finishing some papers. And you?"

Tobin completely ignored the question and asked another. “And Alice?"

"She's with my sister today”

"Oh, ok. Cool". She paused for a moment as Christen looked at the mess on the floor before their eyes met again. “Aren't you going to watch the game?” Tobin wondered casually, referring to the women's national team match that was part of an initiative sponsored by Sportz Inc.

"Maybe the second half, depends on how long it takes me to finish a few things."

“Will it take you long to finish it?” Tobin inquired, trying to keep her voice from sounding suspicious while doing so, as to not give away the true reasons for wanting to know. 

"No, not too long. "Christen replied simply, realizing that Tobin was struggling to say something as she got up after collecting her things from the floor.

"Well... I'm going home... enjoy this last night without the kids, make dinner and watch the game". Tobin paused. "See you tomorrow". It sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Bye” Christen said softly, somehow not ready for Tobin to go.

Tobin turned her back and was preparing to leave when Christen suggested without much thought.

"Tobin?"

"Yeah." Tobin paused, looking Christen right in the eyes

"Do you want to grab dinner with me and watch the game?” Christen asked before she could stop herself as Tobin looked at her with a blank expression. “There is a really cool sport bars down the street that opened this week". Christen practically mumbled after a moment, her voice hardly above a whisper.

“Is this how you pick up girls?” Tobin asked playfully, recalling the first thing Christen had said to her years ago.

"No, I'm just trying to be a decent human being." Christen giggled with a small shrug.

"Touché. I'd love that. Let's go?"

Christen could hardly believe herself. Just over a week had passed since their unexpected encounter and she was already having dinner with Tobin. Even the night before when she was replaying her thoughts over and over in her mind, Christen convinced herself to calm down her feelings about Tobin, to stop having expectations that what happened 8 years ago could now be resumed. So much had happened to her, to both of them. Things that she didn't know yet and about which she didn’t have a clue how she would handle it. However, there she was with this beautiful woman, casually talking about anything, and despite the rush of butterflies in Christen’s stomach, somehow she also felt safe because Tobin made her feel comfortable, in a way not many people did.

By the time they arrived at the sports bar, the game had already started. Tobin gently opened the door and held it open for Christen to pass. The sports bar had a lively vibe, with screens in every position and was busy as expected on a game day. But there was a booth in the corner free, so they made their way over there. The two women sat on the same side of the booth to face the screen but Tobin's leg was so close to hers, that Christen could feel the heat coming off it. The game flowed with emotion from start to finish, just like their conversation. They talked throughout the whole game: about work, their kids, the game and the week of Tobin in Miami.

There was something between them that transcended all the rules, something natural and powerful. A connection that flowed between them, as if they knew exactly all the unspoken rules of what could be said and what was best left unsaid.

Tobin couldn't help but look discretely at Christen: at her face, her eyes, her body, her smile and the way she talked about something that excited her. Everything about Christen was perfect. She was even more beautiful than the day they met and Tobin was just too mesmerized like she was half-way between a trance and the real world. Tobin wanted to ask a million questions and get back everything that had been lost in that 8-year gap, but she made a mental reminder to lower her expectations and let it flow.

The time passed so fast and they were enjoying ourselves so much that Tobin just wanted to extend their night, stop the clock, look at Christen and find out all the details she hadn't had time to memorize before.

"Do you want another one?" Tobin wondered, as the waiter stopped in front of them. Christen nodded and took the opportunity to text her sister to let her know she would arrive later than planned.

"So... tell me more about yourself" Tobin asked casually, rotating her body fully so she was looking directly ahead at Christen. 

"What do you want to know?" Christen asked teasingly, feeling the buzz from the beers she already had drank coursing through her bloodstream.

"Everything!" Tobin said with a chuckle. "It's been many years, you know?" Tobin continued, reaching out and poking Christen’s arm teasingly.

Christen smiled gently and started talking about her life. She shared stories of growing up in Los Angeles, leaving her family, moving to New York. It was strange, but with Tobin, everything seemed easy, and Christen immediately felt at ease talking with her, without fear of judgment —as if all those years had not passed since the last time they had spoken.

Christen was sharing how she got the job offer from Sportz inc when Tobin's phone rang. Christen glanced down at the phone and on the screen a name she recognizes. Alex.

"Sorry. I have to take this call.” Tobin slid the answer button across the screen of her phone.

"Hey Alex, what's up? Is everything fine?... It was good but I won't be back in Miami anytime soon. The kids did well?....Good...Yes, of course... Hey buddies!.....Yes, I'll pick you up in the morning...Me too, me too....Yes, I did...an awesome goal...have a good night...give mum a kiss...love you too". She hung up the phone and turned to Christen again. "Sorry, the kids wanted to say goodnight."

A brief silence fell upon them. Christen’s green eyes seemed to be searching within Tobin for answers. The dark-haired woman didn't know if it was the alcohol in her system or because her mind was full of doubts, so she blurted out the question, even surprising herself.

"This Alex is the Alex you told me about eight years ago?" The brunette nodded affirmatively with her head and Christen couldn't read Tobin's expression so she pushed forward. "Did you marry her?"

"Well...technically no, but yes"

Christen tried her hardest to not show the tiny bit of disappointment that flushed through her chest at Tobin’s response.

"Are you still together?" Christen knew the answer because Crystal had mentioned it but she wanted to hear it from Tobin’s mouth.

"No." Tobin answered assertively. "We haven't been together for two years. We weren't meant to last" Tobin said as her face softened, giving a weak smile.

"What do you mean?". Christen’s eagerness for answers was turning the conversation more serious.

Tobin took a moment to ponder her answer. "You know how I had a big crush for Alex but after I told her about my feelings and after some things had happened” You happened, Tobin thought. "I had a whirlwind of things on my mind at the time and then I realized that what I felt for her was some kind of a twisted reflection of a love I was longing for.”

Christen took another sip of beer, listening carefully Tobin’s words.

"Before she went to Europe, we had a serious talk and everything was fine between us. So, when she came back things went back to normal and I no longer felt in love with her. During the next three years I tried to move on with my life, but somehow I felt stuck. I dated but nothing serious". Tobin admitted softly, not looking up.

Christen remained quiet, letting her mind process all the information she had just been filled in on. "And the kids?" She asked as Tobin ripped off the label from her bottle and shredded it into little pieces.

"Well, at the time, as my life was and with my financial condition, it was the perfect timing to make my dream come true. I always wanted to have kids”. She paused. "I know it may sound selfish, but I was tired of waiting for the right person to start a family because I thought I'd never be that lucky." Christen nodded, agreeing with Tobin and giving her space to continue.

"So I took care of everything and a year later, I knew I was going to have twins" Tobin smiled as she recalled that day. "When the twins were born, it was also a time when Alex was going through a difficult moment. She was heartbroken and we got very close again.” Christen nodded along with the story. “She helped me a lot with the kids, she raised them, spent nights comforting them. Alex has made it possible for me. I couldn't have done this without her.” Tobin was wistful at the memories, her past flooding through her.

“And then one day you two fell in love?” Christen hoped she sounded merely curious and not jealous.

“No, it wasn’t like that”. Tobin’s voice hardened. “As time went by, things between us changed. We were both single, we were both in need, we trusted and respected each other and, let’s face it, sometimes you just don’t want to be alone, so it was easy to develop romantic feelings and we decided to give it a chance.“ Tobin concluded with a soft smile and Christen gave her an understanding look because she could relate to her story in a way.

“I know it will sound awful what I'll say, but it’s like we both knew that we would only be together until one of us found the love of our life. We knew all along we weren’t meant to last.” Tobin paused giving Christen an opportunity to speak her own thoughts on the matter. When she didn't, Tobin continued. "And so, two years ago, Alex met Servando and knew he was the man of her life."

"And how did you feel about that?" Christen asked gently.

"Okay I guess. It wasn't dramatic at all! We always were honest with each other and our primarily concern is our kids’ happiness and well-being.” She paused for a moment before adding. “I think we handle things pretty well. The kids are fine with everything and I'm genuinely happy for Alex too." Tobin concluded truthfully. "Oh and she's pregnant which means the twins are thrilled."

"It’s really cool the way you talk about her. Sometimes it's not easy to not feel resentful when things fall apart, and I admire you for that." Christen confessed looking Tobin right in the eye. "It shows a lot of maturity, especially when kids are involved.”

"Thanks... I guess" Tobin said shyly, bringing her beer closer to Christen’s so they could make a toast. Christen accepted it and clinched their glasses and drank some. Tobin’s eyes were on Christen’s, both of them holding eye contact and shyly smiling at each other in silence.

"And you? Did you marry him?" Tobin didn't have to ask who, Christen knew what she meant.

"Yes, I did" Christen replied shyly. "but we divorced about a year ago."

“I’m sorry about that.”

Christen glanced down at her beer, before she looked back up. “It wasn't a bad divorce, it was quick, respectful and stress free.“

"Were you happy?" Tobin asked in a whisper, locking eyes with Christen for a moment.

"I had moments of happiness yes, and Alice is the best gift I can have, but it was not the marriage I always dreamed of. He treated me very well, he's an excellent father, but we were in a bad place with ourselves and now that I look back, I know we kept that relationship just because it was easier and because it was very difficult to move on alone and face our own truth”.

Tobin listened carefully, drinking in her words, every drop of them. Christen told her everything, how after graduating from college in Washington, they had moved to Los Angeles, and how being close to her family had made her happy. Without going into too much detail, she talked about her marriage, about the time she found out she was pregnant and the time they moved to Salt Lake City because her husband had accepted a job there and how that made her feel alone. Christen talked about everything, almost everything, just leaving aside the moments when the memories of that night 8 years ago haunted her, leaving her heartbroken over the shadow of a love she had thrown away.

"When did you know it was over?" Tobin asked, meeting Christen’s eyes.

Christen ran her free hand over her hair and then spoke again, trying to find the right words. "I think we both knew for some time that we had reached our point of no return. I was extremely unhappy and I was in a bad place with myself, with life, with everything.”

Christen hesitated, as if thinking whether to tell the truth, or the almost truth about the ultimate reason that ended her marriage. She settled for the first option, because tonight she was feeling ready and comfortable about sharing her life with someone, especially with Tobin.

"And then Craig told me that he met a man on his last trip to Europe, and that he had cheated on me.” Christen confessed. If Tobin was surprised or shocked, she didn't show it. "I was really angry with him, but it wasn't for the affair itself, or for thinking he was disrespecting our marriage. I had given up for so long ago and doesn't that make me a cheater too?” Christen asked rhetorically.

"I was furious with him because he never told me he was gay, because he never gave me the chance to be on his side. I just blame him for let us live a life in denial.” Christen could feel the lump of emotions forming in her throat from being open about her past. “Craig knew about me and he should have known that I would be on his side, that we would find a way to deal with this".

Christen explained that Craig was too afraid that people find out the truth, he decided to move to Europe where he was happy now. And here she was, also looking for a new start in New York.

"And how did Alice react?" Tobin wondered.

"Sometimes I think that kid is more mature than any of us." Christen smiled proudly. "We explained her everything and she understood. I know she misses her father, but he's still very present in her life."

Tobin nodded with a smile but didn’t say anything for a second, letting Christen’s words sink in. The brunette dropped her eyes to her lap almost shyly, before spoke again.

"Will we always find each other in this broken space?” Tobin said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh, no. I'm not in that space anymore. Now, I know much better what I want." Christen responded confidently. "Do you still feel like you're in a broken space?”

"No, I also feel like I've moved on."

Christen wanted to know more details, but she was trying not to be so eager. Her mind warning her that this wasn't the moment to press for more information, that now they would have time to talk about all the things that stayed in-between the years they were apart. Though the five beers she’d drank earlier said otherwise.

"Did you date after Alex?" Christen practically blurted out the question.

"Nope" Tobin said emphasizing the P. "After Alex my life was all about kids and work. And I certainly didn't meet anyone worth dating".

"It's not for lack of candidates, I've heard." Christen joked in a mostly teasing tone. "Crystal told me and I quote 'Tobin is the hot shot here'”.

"Stop it.” Tobin laughed, her cheeks flushing even redder than they had been. She took another sip of beer, suddenly remembering something, "And do you know what the first thing Crystal had told me about you?” Christen raised her eyebrows, intrigued and Tobin’s smile spread a little more at that. “You were so hot, that you were gonna steal my spot or my heart." 

"Should we trust her words?" Christen questioned teasingly. The two women laughed and when their eyes met they shared a smile that showed they both understood the meaning of this moment.

Tobin placed her nearly empty beer on the table, finally breaking their concentration on each other, before she spoke again.

"Now that you've started a new life here, is that something you intend to do? Meeting new people, dating?” Her tone a bit more serious, in an attempt to find out Christen's mindset about it.

"I'm not feeling the pressure to meet new people and date. Let's see the candidates who show up" Christen said humorously. "And you?" Her tone had become a bit teasing but she was being serious too. 

"I think so." Tobin nodded with a grin. "Are you accepting applications?" She teased with a friendly wink. Tobin was grateful for the small buzz the beers had given her, because were now making her having the game she thought she'd lost. 

Christen laughed and in her burst of confidence went for a wink. "Maayyybee".

The sports bar was about to close and Christen looked at her watch, finding it was later than she had initially thought. The waiter brought the bill to the table and both women reached for it at the same time as their hands sort of collided. After some back and forth they decided to split the bill evenly.

As soon as they were out the door, New York seemed different, more alive, in ways that they had not noticed before. Their hearts felt so full because of everything they had shared with each other. They were closer now and connected again.

“Do you need a ride? I’m parked over there” Tobin offered.

"No, don't worry. I will call an Uber." Christen replied as she reached for her phone.

A few minutes later, the uber arrived and Tobin acted chivalrously, opening the car's door for Christen. But before shut the door, a flash of something crossed Tobin’s face, like she was having an inner battle.

"Chris" Tobin hesitated.

"Yes" Christen looked expectantly at Tobin.

"Do you still think about that night?” Tobin asked, the words a tumbling rush. She didn't have to say which night she meant. Christen knew.

"About us, do you mean?" Christen asked confidently and Tobin nodded. "Yes, I do" Christen answered barely a whisper, looking Tobin right in the eyes.

"Me too, me too." Tobin said with a smile and closed the door.