I'm not running away. I'm just getting ready to jump towards you

Christen couldn't remember the last time her face hurt from smiling so much or if she had ever felt this way before. She had given up in love and had been through so much...but then they found each other again, at the right time, like a blessing of planets aligned. There were so many feelings to be sorted out. Love, and all the rest, tangled up in a mass of questions to be answered but one thing Christen was now sure of: Tobin was thinking about them too. And so there was hope.

When Christen got home, everyone was already asleep. Walking into the living room traces of Alice were everywhere, toys and drawings scattered on the floor. She smiled and silently went to her bedroom. Christen hung up her coat and undressed, placing her clothes in the wicker basket on the floor.


She picked up the phone and sent a quick message to Ali. Christen has known her since college and Ali was one of the main reasons for her move to New York. By the end of college, the two had become best friends, seldom seen apart but when they both got married and as the years passed by, there were fewer and fewer moments when they got together. When Ali found out about the job opportunity at Sportz In through a close friend, it took just a phone call to convince Christen that this was the chance she needed to start over.

[Ali K. 1:07AM]: Are you up? Can I call you?

Christen didn't have to wait long to see the word “seen” underneath her message and her phone rang immediately.

"Chris, are you ok?" Ali asked with concern in her voice.

"I found her" It was all Christen said.

"Who?" Ali asked with both confusion and slight anxiety as if the conversation made no sense.

"The girl from that night in New York!"

"What girl?" A brief moment of silence until it hit her. "Oh my god! Where? When? Did you talk to her?" Ali fired off several questions in a row, barely breathing in between her words.

Christen told her the whole story, replaying the memories of the last days: their encounter, the kids, Alex, the moment they saw each other again, the dinner.

"I'm happy that you found each other" Ali said sincerely.

"I know, but..." Ali picked up on her hesitancy right away, trying to ease Christen's worry.


"But what? You're already overthinking. Don't put so much pressure on this already or what's going to come of it. You found her again and now is a great opportunity to get to know her better. if it leads to something more, great! If you just stay friends, that's okay, too”

"Yeah, I know. I just can't shake this feeling I have when I'm around her. I have been dreaming about Tobin all these years. And now she is here.” Christen paused for a moment before elaborating. “And I'm afraid that I'm stuck in what I knew about her and that everything is different now. And that the connection between us is lost.”

“Slow down. You're already thinking too far ahead” Ali paused. “Look, guess what? You are different. Everything is going to be different than it was before. And it could be for the worst, but from what you told me, I think you also have to give yourself the right to believe that everything will be fine, Christen.” The sincerity in Ali’s voice helped Christen settle her nerves for a moment.

“Yes, you’re right” Christen said firmly, more to herself than to Ali.

“As always” Ali said playfully.

“Thank you for being here” Christen let out a small yawn and then looked over at the clock on the nightstand, realizing how late it was. “Sorry to keep you awake so late”

“No worries, I’m always here, you know” Ali said softly and before she hung up, spoke again: “Christen, you deserve this, you deserve to be happy”

Christen rose early in the morning. Today would be her first meeting with the entire company team and she was a little nervous. And obviously, the restless night spent thinking about Tobin, didn't let her sleep anymore. 

When Christen arrived at the office, it was eerily quiet. It was strange to see a place so usually full of life and energy, so silent. The opposite of what was going through her mind. She tried to shake the memories of last night out of her head and focus on reading her emails, making notes here and there, and only interrupting to return a “Good morning” to Julie who had arrived in the meantime. The silence was broken by an enthusiastic shout.

"No way" Julie shouted happily as she hugged Crystal. "Christen, you need to get over here right now" The blonde yelled excitedly.

Christen started to laugh at Julie's antics as she approached the two women. "What's going on here?"

"Crystal has something to tell you" Crystal raised her left hand to her head, tucking her hair behind her ear with a slow but over-dramatic movement. A movement that showed off the glint of a diamond.

"Oh my god. Congratulations!" Christen said hugging Crystal as well. "When did this happen?"

"Yesterday. He took me to dinner and proposed" Crystal dreamily recounted all the details and answered all the questions. Julie and Christen held Crystal's hand to take a closer look at the engagement ring. "I'm on cloud nine with this" Crystal admitted.

"And you should be! Pierre is perfect for you" Julie concluded.

"I'm so happy for you, Crystal" Christen added.

"I can't stop thinking about this. I barely slept thinking about all the details, the dress, the ceremony" A small smile graced Crystal’s lips as she looked at her ring. "Was it like that with you too?"

"Oh yes, that night I didn't get much sleep either; and the next day I was booking the church" Julie added. Crystal and the blonde looked expectantly at Christen, waiting for her to speak but the dark-haired woman was in no mood to share the details of her story. 

"Oh, I freaked out" Christen said, trying to downplay it as if it were nothing special.

"Really?" Crystal asked curiously and without judgment.

"Yes. Long story short. I said yes, but I wasn't ready. Peer pressure, you know?” The two women were listening attentively. “The next day I ran away to New York and met someone very special that day. It was a sign but I had to ignore it at the time. I couldn't leave my whole life behind." The dark-haired woman said simply as if she was reflecting on that day again. 

"Hi Tobin, don't be a stranger" Julie interrupted excitedly, facing her colleague. The brunette just hovered awkwardly in place for a moment, before approaching them. She mumbled a good morning to the three of them, feeling guilty for overhearing the conversation. Christen turned around, finally facing Tobin who was eyeing her carefully, and wondered how much she had heard. It wasn't exactly a secret between the two that night had left its mark on both of them, but the two hadn't talked about it yet.

"Everyone's already in the meeting room, they're just waiting for Vlako...and us." Tobin informed them.

"Oh yeah! Come on" Julie said fumblingly and went to get her notebook and pen. Christen immediately went to get her laptop from the office, leaving Crystal to tell Tobin the news.

When Christen and Julie walked into the meeting room, most people were congratulating Crystal and looking at her engagement ring. Christen placed down her laptop and glanced around the room, spotting Tobin standing next to the coffee machine, pouring a cup for herself. Given her present state, Christen desperately needed a cup of coffee if she was going to make it through the day, so she worked up the courage and walked over to the coffee machine.

"Hi" Christen said, smiling shyly, causing Tobin to lose her focus on the task at hand.

"Hi" Tobin replied with a smile, feeling a little struck by how beautiful Christen looked. 

"Someone is desperately in need of caffeine" The dark-haired woman joked with a smile, seeing Tobin with two cups of coffee in her hand.

"One it's for you" Tobin said gently, passing her one of the cups of coffee.

"Oh, thank you" Christen’s eyes lit up, pleasantly surprised by Tobin's attitude.

"Did you get home okay?" Tobin asked casually.

"Yes, it was a quick ride" Christen said, offering a shy smile and racking her brain for anything to say to continue the conversation. They stood there in silence for a moment. 

"Look" Both spoke at the same time, just looking at each other.

"You first" Christen said.

"I had fun last night" Tobin confessed after a moment of too much eye contact, making Christen smile.

Just as Christen was getting ready to answer, Vlatko, the CEO of the company, a middle-aged man with gray hair perfectly matching his suit, barged in. The group of people standing next to Crystal quickly dispersed, taking their seats. "Good morning guys! You can take your seats. Sorry that I'm late" Vlakto said, taking a seat at the top of the table. Tobin and Christen sat at opposite ends of the table, much to the dismay of both women.

Tobin was trying to concentrate, but her eyes were continually drawn to Christen. Tobin swallowed at the sight of her. She was beautiful, dangerously beautiful, intoxicating to everyone who caught a glimpse of her.

"Don't be creepy" Allie warned teasingly snapping Tobin out of her trance.

"What?" Tobin asked, realizing she was just blatantly staring at Christen.

"Stop looking like that to Christen. It's just getting weird"

"I wasn't looking" Tobin whispered to Allie, defending herself.

Allie raised her eyebrows, turning to Tobin dramatically. “Please don’t patronize me.” Allie shooted back, her grin growing wider. "I don't blame you.. She's really pretty and totally your type" The blonde commented, making Tobin's eyes widened at her statement.

"Tobin? Allie? Do you want to say something?" Vlako scolded them like a teacher.

"No, sorry" Both women apologized.

"Ok, let's move on then! Now, the moment you have been waiting for. Time to announce the new projects and its team leaders.” Vlako looked at his laptop again. "For the new NWSL expansion project, Crystal Dunn and Naeher. WBNA's new marketing plan, Allie and Sam Mewis. And last but certainly not the least, PR and Marketing project for the TEAM USA in the Olympic games, Heath and Christen."

Tobin smiled upon hearing the news and lifted her head to glance at Christen, who smiled in return. Christen’s grin was shy as she tucked the hair behind her ear and Tobin felt like her heart could explode at any moment. Christen couldn't believe that she was going to be working on such an important project with Tobin. This was the most important project of all and lately had been a topic of conversation in the office. Christen was more than aware of the honor and trust that she was being given.

"As I told you before, we have these three big projects for next semester. The team leaders must develop the timeline and delegate the tasks to their teams by the end of next week." Vlako concluded, turning his gaze to the room before him. "That's all for today, guys. Let's get to work" He said with a smile and left the room as quickly as he had entered. 

As soon as the meeting was over, everyone returned to their regular routines, only the team leaders remained in the room, discussing the next steps of their projects. Tobin approached Christen accompanied by another girl. She was younger, with an unfriendly look on her face and her mouth sat in a straight line as if she never smiled.

"Christen" Tobin called out, catching Christen’s attention, who had just finished packing up. "This is Ashley, my assistant" Christen looked at her, greeting her kindly but the girl just returned a fake smile. "Can you check with Ashley the best time for us to meet this week? I have a meeting now with a client and I'm already running late."

"Yes, sure! No worries"

"Perfect, thank you. See you then" Tobin said with a smile, excusing herself from the meeting room.

Christen was left only with Ashley. Saying the assistant was rude and unfriendly is an understatement. Finding a time in Tobin's agenda seemed like an impossible task, but the dark-haired woman wasn't sure it was because of Tobin’s really busy agenda, or was it Ashley who wasn't making it any easier. They eventually managed to set a meeting for early the next morning.  

"Shall we go back to our seats?" Crystal asked excitedly, linking her arm through Christen’s. "Were you having a hard time with "Asshley"?" Crystal asked, emphasizing the “ass”, after watching their interaction.

“Is she like this with everyone or just me?”

"With everyone. In front of Tobin, she is sweet as sugar, but that girl is actually really rude" Crystal sighed. “But she is worse with the women who are close to Tobin. And let me say that I think she feels threatened by you”. Crystal wiggled her eyebrows, looking over at Christen, trying to gauge her reaction.

"What, are you serious?" Christen asked in disbelief. Crystal nodded yes with her head as they headed towards their workspace. “Why?”

“Come on, Christen. I think it's safe to say that Tobin is very fond of you”. Her tone was teasing, trying to see if she'd fall for the bait she was setting.

“What do you mean?” Christen felt her cheeks heat up at the insinuation.

“What? Don't tell me you've never noticed the way she looks at you?” Christen felt herself blush.

"No, I never noticed. She's just friendly" Christen just wanted Crystal to drop the subject.

“Maybe from your perspective, but I think she has a little crush on you.” Crystal teased, leaning against Christen’s shoulder slightly. “Not that I blame her. You are beautiful, smart, funny”

“In that order?” Christen wondered, her tone playful and curious at the same time.

“Ask Tobin about that” Crystal said, just as playfully. Christen rolled her eyes and elbowed Crystal softly. "Whatever, now I’m just really curious about the story of your engagement.” Oh hell no. Christen thought to herself. Crystal was definitely not giving her a break.

The next morning Christen woke up with a mixture of emotions: excitement and nervousness. The expectation of being alone with Tobin, in the same space for hours, was making her feel uneasy, but in a good way. When she arrived at the office, few people were there. Christen checked the documents she had prepared the day before and saw that it was almost time for the meeting.

Christen cursed herself for not being ready sooner and having time to drink her coffee, mentally reprimanding her lack of time organization skills, but it was one of those mornings when Alice was a real challenge to get ready for school. She desperately needed a cup of coffee. Her brain felt as if it had been wrapped up in cotton and she needed that jolt that her first cup of coffee in the morning brought in order to launch her into the day.

Christen took her notebook, picked up the pen her father had given her, and headed to Tobin's office. It was the first time she had done so. Tobin's office was identical to hers. The only difference was the small desk outside her office where Tobin’s grumpy assistant was scribbling notes in some documents.

"Good morning" Christen said in a gentle tone but Ashley’s response was an unfriendly "good morning" while not even looking at Christen.
 

Through the glass walls, Christen could see Tobin engrossed in her work, focused on the laptop, surrounded by papers and sketches. For a split second, Christen wondered how anyone could work in that mess. Since the door was open, Christen decided to enter, ignoring the assistant's attempt to announce her arrival to Tobin.

"May I?" Christen knocked on the door.

"Yes, sure" Tobin looked up at her as she entered, flashing a welcoming smile. "Please have a seat" She said, pointing to the large table in the center of her office. "I'm just finishing up this email and I'll join you in a moment" Tobin commented as she typed away on her laptop.

"Do your thing" The dark-haired woman closed the door behind her and took this brief moment to sit down and calm her heart. Tobin’s smile could make her do something crazy, like throw every ounce of caution and control to the wind. And the glasses reminding Christen of the moment she had met Tobin. She loved how cute the brunette looked in glasses. She put her things down on the table and opened her notebook as she scanned the place. Standing in the corner, a bookcase with disheveled piles of paper, photographs and drawings that Christen supposed were made by Tobin's kids.

"Done" Tobin said briskly as she stood up from her desk. “Welcome to my tiny house for big ddeas" Tobin joked as she sat down next to Christen, closer than she'd expected and than what would classify as normal between co-workers.

"Is your assistant always this nice?" Christen asked sarcastically which made Tobin flinch a bit.

"Was she rude to you?" Tobin asked with concern.

"Let's just say she wasn't exactly the most welcoming person"

“She has a habit of being rude sometimes”

“Especially with women, I heard”

“Yeah” The brunette said, clearly uncomfortable with this confession.

"But who does she think she is? Your lover?" Christen asked, her sarcasm evident and unable to keep her thoughts to herself.

"She is nothing to me. Never has been, never will be.” Tobin assured, watching how Christen’s features softened upon hearing that. "Are you jealous, Christen Press?" Tobin joked.

In fact, Christen was a little jealous of Ashley. She hated the possessiveness the assistant had shown for Tobin. Jealous of the amount of time she could sit at that desk and just stare at Tobin through the glass walls. Ashley certainly had the time to study all the details of Tobin’s face, all the details that Christen never had the chance to memorize. Because there hadn't been enough time for her, for them.

"Don't be silly" Christen said jokingly, trying to hide her true feelings and how red her cheeks were. Tobin chuckled slightly and stared deeply into Christen’s eyes.

"I'm going to call her out. I don't want it to happen again" Tobin assured and then shouted her name out loud. "Ashley!"

"Don't say anything to her now, please" Christen begged not wanting to be in the middle of a spat between Tobin and her assistant. Ashley arrived as quickly as humanly possible and Christen just wanted to sink in her seat and avoid the whole situation.

"Yes, Tobin" Ashley said brightly, her cheerful tone making the brunette wince slightly.

"Can you go downstairs and get me a Vanilla Latte, please? And two bottles of water" Tobin asked and Christen let out a small sigh of relief.

"Yes. sure. Be right back" Ashley replied without acknowledging Christen’s presence in the room or asking if she wanted anything.

They set the agenda while they were waiting for the coffee and talked about their children's school party at the end of the day, sharing how hard the kids had been rehearsing during the week. Their talk was only interrupted by the arrival of Ashley.

"Here she is. Thank you, Ashley" The brunette said acknowledging the arrival of her assistant. Ashley smiled completely satisfied with Tobin's attention and set the waters down on the table and the latte next to Tobin.

"No, the latte is for Christen." Christen’s heart melted at that gesture and Ashley's expression soon changed as she forced the best fake smile she could master and set the coffee down next to Christen. 

"Thank you" The dark-haired woman thanked her flatly, a silent battle that was somehow amusing Tobin. Ashley walked back out as quickly as she came in.

"Thank you, Tobin. You didn't have to do that" Christen said, feeling herself start to blush. She loved the way Tobin cared for her. Their gaze locked on to each other. 
 

"I know you can't resist a good vanilla latte" Tobin said with a smile.

"How do you remember that?" Christen asked curiously.

"You told me a million times, don't you remember?" Tobin asked rhetorically. "You spent half the night trying to convince me that a vanilla latte was the best thing on earth after dogs.”

“I was drunk” Christen chuckled at the memory. "Do you want to share?"

"No, it's all yours." Christen wasted no time sipping the coffee she had been craving since morning. Christen opened her mouth to make a retort but stopped when she realized Tobin was staring at her.

"What? Do I have something on my face?” Christen asked, looking up at her with a puzzled expression.

“No, it’s just…” Tobin paused and tapped her chin as if she were mulling it over “It looks good on you!"

"What?" Christen asked not understanding what the brunette was talking about. Tobin pointed to the cup where her name and a heart were written on it. Christen rolled her eyes, smiling a little embarrassed, trying to hide her blush by taking another sip of her drink.

"I don't know whether to laugh or be shocked that your assistant wrote this" Christen joked. Tobin chuckled lightly, as she shook her head, smiling sweetly.

"Shall we start?". Working together was so easy between them. They were like a beautiful dance partnership, both knowing exactly what they were supposed to be doing and synchronizing themselves perfectly. Individually they were good but together they were superb. They complemented each other so well, and with every passing day, it was getting harder to deny it.

"Well, I think we are done for today. We made great progress" Christen glanced at her notes one last time.

"Yeah, this is going to be a huge project but we are a great team." Tobin stated, turning to Christen in excitement, raising both arms for a double high-five. Christen stared in amusement, resting her palm under her chin. “Come on, don't leave me hanging” Tobin cracked a small grin. "Come on, just bump your hands in mine in honor of this great professional triumph" Tobin challenged playfully and a smile creeping onto Christen’s at Tobin's antics. 

"Are we gonna do this every time or is it a one-time thing?" Christen asked challengingly.

"Come on" Tobin begged, her arms still in the air. The dark-haired woman rolled her eyes and slapped Tobin’s hands awkwardly.

"Good! Did you feel it? The triumph? The energy" Tobin said, clearly pleased with herself to force Christen to give her a double high-five. Christen laughed and grabbed her things from the table.

"So, are you going home before the show or are you going straight from here?" Tobin asked hopefully, trying to come off nonchalant.

"I'm going straight from here" Christen replied simply.

"Me too. Maybe we can go together?" Tobin wondered hopefully.

"Yes, sure" Christen nodded assuredly.

"At five in the lobby?"

"Yes, perfect" Christen smiled, spinning around, finally ready to head to her office.

Christen looked at her watch and realized it was almost five o’clock. She packed her things, composed herself and said goodbye to Crystal and Julie. When she reached the lobby, Tobin was already waiting for her, with her relaxed style and a smile that could calm (or ignite) everything in Christen.

"Hi, have you been waiting for long?" Christen asked, slightly worried.

"No, I just got here. Let’s go”. Tobin quickly assured and pushed the door with her back, holding it for Christen.

The ten-minute walk to the school passed in a flash. The conversation between the two flowed easily, both sharing how anxious they were about their children's performances and talking about how Christen was adapting to New York. The conversation was only interrupted by the dinging of Tobin’s phone. She made her way to her orange backpack and dug through it, finding her iPhone after a few seconds and reading out loud the text she had received.

"Alex is already there and she says there are a lot of parents already waiting." Tobin informed.

Christen felt a cold tension in her stomach, which made her even more nervous than all the other things combined. Not for a moment the thought of meeting Alex crossed her mind. Christen was tense about meeting Alex but the sooner she got it over with, the better. 

When they arrived at the school, other families were filing into the auditorium. A man stood at the door, writing names on a clipboard. A beautiful woman and a handsome man looked in their direction and approached them with a wave and a smile. Christen was stunned by Alex's beauty. She looked like a supermodel who had just stepped off the cover of Vogue magazine. Beautiful: every angle, each curve perfect, a smile that competed with the sunshine. And Christen couldn't help but feel intimidated. How could Tobin have no feelings for her? Would Tobin ever choose her over Alex?

"Tobin" Alex called out from a foot away as she approached.

"Hey Alex" Tobin said with a smile and hugged her back. "Hey Serv" The brunette also greeted the man with a hug. Christen stood a bit behind, unsure what to do and waiting awkwardly for Tobin to introduce them.

“Let me introduce you” Tobin said as she gestured to the couple. " Alex and Servando, Alex's husband." And turning to Christen “This is Christen”.

“Hi.” Christen smiled kindly at Tobin's introduction, offering a hand to both.

"Oh, Christen! Nice to meet you!" Alex said, her voice brimming with an enthusiasm that seemed genuine to Christen as if something had suddenly clicked in Alex's head. "Tobin has told me so many good things about you" Alex said with a smirk, teasing Tobin. The brunette blushed heavily, not as grown women blush, slightly, without being themselves aware of it, but as girls blush, feeling that they are ridiculous through their shyness, and consequently ashamed of it and blushing still more.

"Oh, she must have exaggerated" Christen said shyly, taken by surprise at Alex’s comment. Tobin talked with Alex about her? Why? What?

"Well, let's go inside" Tobin suggested, trying to escape from the embarrassment she was feeling. "I would like to sit in the front rows" And pointing at Alex’s pregnant belly. "And you and your huge belly will get us four seats with the best view of the stage"

"Slow down! Let's try not to embarrass the kids?" Alex asked humorously and turning to Christen, spoke in a whisper so that only the dark-haired woman could hear her. "She gets too excited about these things. If you don't want to feel extreme shame, don't sit next to her" Alex joked, which made Christen laugh softly. Despite Alex's intimidating beauty (and a few insecurities), Christen felt at ease around her, having already decided that she liked this woman. 

By the time they reached the auditorium, there were no more seats available in the front row much to Tobin's disappointment. The four of them managed to sit in one of the middle rows, with Tobin sitting between Alex and Christen. While they were waiting for the show to start, the conversation between them flowed freely. Christen liked that Alex was talkative, making it easy to have a conversation. Servando was more reserved. leaving the women to do the talking.

The lights dimmed, signaling that the show was about to begin. Dozens of murmured conversations fell silent. As the lights went out, Tobin couldn't help but think about the irony of the moment, the irony of her life's twists and turns. Here she was, sitting literally between her past and what she wished to be her future. Her thoughts were interrupted by a deep sigh from Christen.

"Are you that nervous?" Tobin leaned down and asked with a sympathetic smile.

"A little" Christen admitted embarrassed.

"They are going to be great" Tobin spoke confidently and squeezed Christen’s hand. The dark-haired woman squeezed back her hand as she let Tobin’s words calm her down. Only then Christen realized how close she and Tobin had drifted to each other. She couldn't find the willpower to move away. She enjoyed the sensation way too much.

Dancing, music and color exploded onto the stage with each class performing a short play. Each and every scene was applaudable with the proud parents clapping and laughing throughout the show while others were moist-eyed with joy at seeing the little ones perform. Alice and the twin were marvelous, singing their hearts out, almost perfect as they had rehearsed in the last couple of weeks. Even when the mics went wonky, they embraced the situation and blasted right through the performance.

Tobin was ecstatic, clapping enthusiastically, in a way that was clearly over the top for what had happened. Alex exchanged an amused look with Christen as if to say 'I told you so'. After the show was over, the students found their families in the auditorium as parents stood around talking and mingling with other families. The auditorium gradually emptied. Tobin and Christen were standing in a half-circle with Alex and Servando, waiting for their kids to come find them.

"Mum" The twins screamed, running towards Alex, launching themselves at her. "Hello, my lovebugs! I missed you so much". Alex held them tightly, smelling the sweet, familiar baby shampoo scent of their hair.

Alice also ran towards her mother happily, jumping right into her arms. "Hi, my sweet girl. You did amazing. That was so fun to watch" Christen said proudly to Alice who hugged her. The kid grinned with her face slightly blushed, like she was proud but also shy from being up on stage in front of all those people.

The twins also hugged Servando and Tobin but their attention quickly returned to Alex. "Alice, this is our mum we told you about. Doesn't her belly look huge?" Chloe asked excitedly.

"Hello sweetheart" Alex said sweetly to Alice. "You and the twins were the stars of the show". Alice smiled, muttering a "thank you" and letting her head fall like she was embarrassed.

"Sweeties, I have to go. Servando and I are going to the doctor to see if everything is okay with the baby. But I'll see you again tomorrow." The twins said goodbye to Alex with a tight hug and kisses on their bellies. The adults also said their goodbyes to each other.

"It was really nice to meet you. See you around." Alex smiled, stepping in to hug Christen.

The five of them stood there watching as Alex and Servando made their way to the car until they were no longer in sight. The two adults lingered for a while, neither wanting to end the moment so soon. The spell between them holding them in place.

"Mom, can we stop by the park before we go home?" Chloe begged with puppy eyes, knowing her mother couldn't resist them. "Just play on the swings for a while”

"Yes, Mom, please!" River insisted hands clasped together, pleading.

"Alice and Mrs. Press could come too. It would be so much fun." Chloe suggested.

“Sounds like a good idea to you?" Tobin asked Christen, hoping she would say yes.

"Let's go" Christen agreed with a smile.

“Yay!” The kids lifted their arms in the air.

Christen and Tobin felt eager all the way to the park. The kids didn’t notice, hopping and jumping over the lines in the sidewalk happily. The park was just over a five-minute walk from the school. It was a small park, a rare piece of nature in New York, outlined by different kinds of trees and bushes, that Tobin came across by chance one day while taking the kids to school. The sun was setting on the horizon, a few kids playing and old people sitting on the benches chatting with their friends. The park was quiet; the total opposite of what they were feeling inside.

Once they all reached the park, Christen and Tobin took the children's bags and loaded themselves up as the kids ran through the green grass towards the swings and slides. Tobin looked for an empty bench in the sun to sit on. Her eyes landed on a stone bench overlooking the slides and both made their way to sit down. As they sit on the bench and watched the kids playing and running, somehow, it felt normal and natural to both of them, without any weirdness or hesitation at all.

Tobin took a deep breath and opened her eyes to the fiery orange sunset sky above her: the sound of their kids' laughter, that woman next to her. She could stay there forever.

“Do you come here often?" Christen asked, breaking Tobin out from her thoughts.

“Yes, whenever I have time to spare. The kids love this space." Tobin said, with a smile on her face, turning to Christen. A few seconds of silence passed between the two as Christen’s eyes settled on the grass, replaying her thoughts over and over in her mind. Tobin noticed her uneasiness and asked in a gentler tone.

"What are you thinking about?" The question brought Christen out of the deep thought she was in.

There was another brief pause before Christen finally got to say what she was thinking. "You never told me Alex was that beautiful"

"Oh..." Tobin fumbled not knowing what else to say next. "Yes, she is very pretty." Tobin stated.

"It seemed that Alex already knew who I was before you introduced us." Christen said as a statement and looked softly at Tobin with no judgment in her eyes.

"She knows about you." Tobin admitted through a whisper, looking down at her fingers. "She knows that you aren’t just my co-worker, that by chance, has a daughter in the same class as our kids".

"What do you mean?" Christen wanted to ask so many questions.

"She knows you are the girl I met eight years ago" 

Christen didn’t know what to do with this information as she was taken aback by Tobin’s confession. Telling Alex about her?  That option never crossed her mind.

"I told her right after we met. And now I told her I’d found you again..." Tobin confessed, wanting to give her all of the truth. "I'm sorry, did I do it wrong?" Tobin asked shakily. bitting her bottom lip, nervous about what this conversation was going to mean for them.

Christen struggled to clear her head as she was dealing with all this new information. Sensing Tobin’s nervousness, Christen looked at her in the eye and shook her head no, hoping to convey her feelings through her facial expression instead of through words. Tobin took her silence as a sign to continue, so she did.


"Promise you won't think I'm creepy?” Tobin asked, sounding unsure. Christen raised an eyebrow. Tobin started, trying to keep her voice steady as she spoke."When you left that day, I was a mess because I felt something really special. I woke up that morning pretty sure that I was in love with Alex, but then you showed up and none of that was true anymore. And I let you go, just like that." They gazed at each other under the sunset light, while the sky was changing colors.
 

"You know I stopped you too" Christen barely got out, willing her voice not to break.  

"But I was mad about everything because I knew almost nothing about you and I needed to find you." Tobin paused, making sure to keep her voice steady. "Do you realize that we never told each other our last names?"

Christen had never really thought about it. She surprised herself at how vulnerable her heart felt at that moment.

"I knew your name, that you were studying in Washington and the station you came from. Nothing else." Tobin continued. “Next day, Alex showed up at my house, crying, so upset about the way she had handled everything she could barely hold herself up. I told her about you right away, about how I was feeling. And it was Alex who encouraged me to go after you”

Christen was pretty sure she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. She wasn’t expecting such information. That explained why Alex had been so nice today.

"For several days, I went to Washington hoping to meet you at the station because that was the only place I knew I could find you. And I didn't even know what I was going to say if I saw you, or how I would explain why I was there. But I needed to find you. You understand, don’t you?" Tobin’s gaze was so intense that Christen had to look away while she collected her thoughts.

"I understand" I wished you had found me., Christen thought. "I wouldn't know what to tell you either but I know we would be okay..." Christen said shyly and looked at Tobin steadily so that she’d know she meant it. For a moment, the two of them just looked at each other, their confessions hanging in the air between them. Tobin letting Christen process the information she was giving her.

“Until Alex had to ask me to stop because no matter how much I wept or yelled or fought, I couldn't find you. I lost hope, I guess”. Tobin confessed, her eyes faltering for a moment. “I was never going to find you again and I didn't know how to make peace with that”. For a moment, Tobin felt stupid of having said it. It was sentimental and true and revealed a part of herself that she didn't know if Christen was ready to hear.

“I needed to know if it was all a product of my mind, of my imagination or if you were thinking about me too" Tobin paused before asking what she'd wondered for so very long. “Did you go home and think of me too?” Tobin asked in a small voice.

"Look, this is not the best moment to have this conversation" Christen said reasonably.


"Yeah, I know. But I hope one day we could talk about what happened”. They stood staring at each other as the silence filled the space between them and before it became deafening, Alice's childish voice broke the moment.

“Mommy, can River and Chloe come to my birthday party?" Alice asked cutely as she climbed onto Christen’s lap.


Neither of the adults was expecting that question at that moment. Christen took a moment to shift her thoughts. "Yes, sure. But you have to ask Tobin."

"When is your birthday?" Tokin asked sweetly.

"Sunday. Mommy is going to throw me a birthday party. And I'm gonna have a cake and ice cream. Right, Mommy?” Alice looked at her mother who smiled back at her, nodding affirmatively. "Please, Mrs. Tobin" Alice turned puppy dog eyes up at Tobin and begged with her hands clasped as if she was praying. Tobin smiled softly, not wanting to say yes or no before she even talk about this with Christen. Alice ran back to the swings, joining the twins again who were watching the interaction, hoping that their mother would accept the invitation.

"Are you sure you want us to go to the party?" Tobin cautiously asked Christen, mostly looking for an okay.

"Yes, of course. We will love it" Christen said sincerely with a small smile. "It will be a small party, Julie and Crystal are going too.“

"Cool, okay. We'll be there, for sure." The sun had almost set and it was starting to feel cold. "Well, we probably should get going..” Tobin said as she got up from the bench, stretching her hand for Christen to grab. "Kids, let's go." Tobin called them and they took a moment to come, really saddened to hear that their playtime was over. Christen and Tobin helped them put their backpacks back on.

When they were almost ready to say goodbye, Christen stopped and turned to Tobin. Christen swallowed and forced herself to say the thing that had been scaring her the most. The thing she couldn’t take back once it was out in the open, but the thing she knew was right.

"Tobin"

"Yes" Tobin looked at Christen patiently.

"It wasn't only in your head. I felt it too.” Christen stared at Tobin hard for a second then the smile returned.” You found me now".