Chapter 5
The guilt that echoed in his scream echoed throughout the quiet village, rising the attention of dogs and the cries of little children in fear of the ghouls that stalked the night. His tears fell onto the stones of the alley, their meaning only getting washed away with the pouring rain. It made him feel so.. so meaningless. He was useless in society. It would go on without him, the world wouldn't screech to a stop at his disappearance. It wouldn’t care. His roommates wouldn’t notice, his home wouldn’t be left alone any longer.
The world would simply keep spinning.
Once the last trickles of his scream wore out, Yoarashi collapsed forward onto the concrete at the seemingly lifeless corpse of the kitsune. It was still lying lifeless, the light from its fur long gone now.
Yoarashi cried into the pavement, nails carving crescent shaped scabs into his palms. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He cried, his aching chest and shaking, freezing cold limbs finally going numb.
He cried and sobbed his apologies for what felt like hours, skin bruised and throat sore until something seemed to snap.
Why was he making such a big deal of this? Why was he so distraught about her still… why was he so upset? Why was he lying here at the feet of a dead god? Could he even call it that? It wasn’t just as human as he was… it was just trying to survive. It wasn’t its fault that it was born into being a kitsune… a kitsune. Yoarashi chucked blatantly to himself as he sat up, what was this all even about? Why did he feel so… guilty? It was never his fault.. was it? He didn’t make her cheat, he didn’t make the kitsune fall for his great grandfather. He didn’t do anything… yet he felt just as guilty.
It took a valiant amount of effort to push himself to his feet, pulling his sweatshirt off and kneeling down to pick the kitsune up from its sodden cushion. It’s body was still warm, fur bloodied as it’s tiny chest rose and fell slowly. It was still unconscious, large ears drooping as Yoarashi picked up the bejng in his arms. It didn’t seem like this tiny, adorable creature could kill a man. It seemed simply impossible. Yoarashi didn’t quite understand it.
He wrapped it in his sweatshirt, taking the alleyway back the way he came. He didn’t feel anything in his chest throughout the walk, a solemn tune playing in his head. It reminded him of the one his mother used to sing him to sleep with, the memory of her gentle smile flashing through his head. He missed her… Jesus Christ he missed that woman. He missed his ex fiancée. He wanted her back so.. so badly. She was his everything. He wanted her to have his children, to wake up in bed besides her every day… but that wasn’t what the world had in plan for him.
It made him wonder… what was his meaning? What was he there for? Something, surely… the world didn’t create something without reason. Everything had a role… even the tiniest bug or plant. It all mattered in the bigger picture.
He looked down at the kitsune, sighing softly and holding it closer to his chest.
Maybe the kitsune had something to do with his path in life… just maybe.
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Upon arriving home, Camie and Seiji were in bed already. They were fast asleep.. the clock reading around 2. Yoarashi had been gone for a while.
He carried the kitsune into the guest bedroom, setting it on the futon lying open in there from his earlier attempt to sleep. He turned to the bathroom connected to it, flicking on the light as he started to run the sink with warm water. He needed to clean it up before he did anything else.. before it woke up. He knew it wouldn’t be happy with him.. especially considering it was going to kill him the other night.
He grabbed the kitsune from the futon, it’s head bobbing almost lifelessly as it was raised into his arms. It made Yoarashi’s impression on the creature even less scary, it was probably just a few inches less than a foot long, making Yoarashi think as he settled it into the warm, soapy water. It didn’t seem like a red fox, it’s ears were too big and its tail too long. It couldn’t have been a normal fox.
He sighed and decided he’d look it up later, the kitsune in his sink demanding for attention. It was still bleeding, the water turning red and muddy with the liquid leaking from its body.
He began to wash it, using the conditioner and shampoo he used for himself to clean its fur and some alcohol to clean up the wounds. It made the kitsune writhe and whine, still too weak as the liquid began to foam up and kill any bacteria that might have entered the wound with the bullet.. it seemed like they had gone straight through, which was a relief. A bullet lodged anywhere in the body would have been horrible. He could tell they were already infected though… he was too late.
Yoarashi frowned and kept at it, wrapping the kitsune’s wounds with gauze and some fluffy wrap that would soak up the blood and pus from the gunshot wounds.
After that he was fine for the night, Yoarashi putting bedding and other soft materials in the shower. He made it like a small bed, letting the kitsune lie there once he deemed it good enough.
He went to sleep after that, setting down on the futon and finally getting his rest… he’d deal with the consequences of helping the kitsune in the morning.
💫🌑💫
And with that, Yoarashi was right. He was awoken four hours later, bright and early, by the high pitched yipping and clawing at a shower door. It was non-stop, yoarashi’s brows furrowing as he sat up.
“Alright, alright! I’m coming!” He groaned, pushing himself up with nothing but boxers on as he made his way to the restroom. He was groggy, his grown out hair going every which way as he turned the light on, startling the kitsune in the shower. It yelped out at the sudden light, scrambling back towards the back of the shower to hide its head under one of the blankets piled in the shower. It seemed to be bigger today, maybe around the size of a house cat now. In the newfound light, Yoarashi found himself realizing exactly what kind of fox it was. It wasn’t a usual fox, it was a tiny, malnourished, Grey fox.
He smiled, closing the bathroom door behind him and sitting down on the floor as he grabbed the container of wer cat food from the counter that he’d left out last night. He popped it open with a snap, getting the kitsune’s attention. It was up on its feet within a few seconds, slowly making its way over with a heavy limp. It wouldn’t even place its front right paw on the ground, hopping awkwardly as it stopped in front of him.
Yoarashi smiled, pushing the can towards it.
“Take it. It’s food.” He said, “not human flesh or anything, but it should taste good.. or I can make you something if you show me your human form.” He promoted, smiling down at it as it gave a small huff and picked up the can to drag it back into the shower.
“Or are you not able to, little fox?” He asked, tilting his head. He didn’t get a reply as it ate hurriedly, swaying on its feet before finally tipping over onto its side in front of the can with a small huff. Yoarashi frowned, moving to help it up.
“Here… do you need help?” He offered, smiling softly and reaching in to help it stand up. It didn’t give much of a fight as he picked it up, only a quiet whine as he put some pressure against its wounds. It made it known that it was uncomfortable, Yoarashi giving a small sigh.
“Calm down, I know you’re hurt.” He said, grabbing the can and flipping the kitsune onto its back. It yelped in pain, but Yoarashi rested it in his lap a moment later. It flared up at him as he used a finger to feed it, the kitsune’s tails waving in its irritation.
Yoarashi gave a fond smile, letting the kitsune lick at his finger. It’s tongue was warm, eyes shining with anger as it stared up at him. “You’re okay, little fox.” He laughed, “I don’t hold any ill will against you, okay? If you can understand..” he sighed, a sudden chomp down on his finger making him flinch back in surprise as the kitsune jumped out of his lap and back Into the shower. Yoarashi cursed and stood up, giving a hiss under his breath.
“You little fucker…! I’m trying to help!”
After much trial and error, Yoarashi finally figured out how to feed the kitsune without having to hold it or make it uncomfortable. He learned that it wasn’t able to turn into its full form through… many hours of charades. The kitsune seemed like jt coukd comprehend some of what he said… and answer with a shake or a nod of its head. It took him another week to figure it out, the kitsune seeming to get better. It was still an animal… and Yoarashi didn’t know the signs of animal sickness. He noticed it slept a lot and avoided eating without his help… along with the warmth of its ears and constant shivering. He had bought a heating blanket for the thing tk meek it warm… but that was all he could do until it got stronger.
He decided to call it Shoto at some point too, going after its ref and white markings. He spent most of his time at home with Shoto, sitting in the bathroom watching it sleep or letting it stagger around the room sniffing every corner to get its bearings. He hadn’t let Camie or seiji see him yet, part of him scared they’d make him get rid of it. He was getting attached… which was horrible. He knew the moment the kitsune had the strength to change again, he’d surely be one of its first victims.
On the 8th day, Shoto was worse than usual. It didn’t even open its eyes as Yoarashi came in to get up for the day and help it with breakfast, it’s usual lively attitude was strange compared to this. It was panting, the wounds on its shoulder and such painfully swollen as the white fur was tainted by a mixture of blood and pus. Yoarashi felt bad, he had thought he did a good job taking care of his kitsune’s wounds… but he wasn’t a veterinarian.
He sat up, frowning softly as he sat in the shower besides the kitsune. He ran his hand down its side, it giving a silent acknowledgment in a halt of breath before giving a slight wag of a singular tail. The loss of another one would leave it at two… and that had tj be humiliating for the thing. After that it would just suffer even more. Yoarashi had to fix it now.
“Sho… I’ve got to take you to someone who knows what to do, okay?” He said, getting no reaction this time. “I’m going to clean you off and then we’re going to leave, I think I know someone who might help:”
It was a long process of trying to get Shoto into a handbag and talk to an old friend of his over the phone, Yoarashi ending up with a few bloody bites from touching the wrong spot before he got things settled in. He hadn’t specified over the phone what Shoto was, but Koda knew it was important.
He nearly ran there, but the occasional yelp of pain from Shoto made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt the creature… but he was rushing. He needed to get there before it lost another tail. Infection was fast acting and dangerous, he knew that much. The kitsune could lose a limb too… which as even worse.
Upon arrival at the vet, Yoarashi was brought back into an exam room with Shoto by his old friend koda— they had gone to middle school together before koda moved and went to a different high school to peruse his career.
Koda gave a smile as Yoarashi rushed into the room, setting his bag on the table before shutting the door behind him. “Yoarashi! Good to see you.” He said, smiling. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”
Yoarashi gave a thin smile, pulling the smaller man into a tight hug. “It’s great to see you, koda… haven’t seen you since you graduated two years early.” He laughed, patting his back after a moment and pulling away. “We can talk later, but this is kind of an emergency… I’m sorry.”
Koda smiled, turning to the bag. “Don’t worry, tell me about the critter you’ve brought for me to look at.” He said, slowly unzipping the zipper. He looked inside, eyes widening before he jerked his hands away.
“H-holy- is that- is that a-“ he stopped, stepping back. “Is that a Huli Jing?” He asked, voice a low whisper. Yoarashi gave a confused furrow of his brows, “a Huli jing? I’ve been calling it the kitsune.” He said, “but if that’s what it is, then yeah… the mythical multiple tailed fox. I found it last week and have been trying to help it… it was shot three times. One through the shoulder, two through its rib cage. I don’t think it harmed its lungs but I think the wounds are infected and it’s dying again.” He rambled, koda reaching into the bag to pick up the small creature. It seemed even smaller now, weak and frail… the poor thing.
Koda set it on the table, only getting a high pitched shriek from it as he lied it on its side again. The veterinarian gave a small, nervous chuckle. “I never imagined it being this small.” He said, Yoarashi giving a small nod. “It was bigger when it attacked me a few weeks ago… it’s strange. It was about the size of a dog back then and now it’s… tiny.” He commented, koda moving to feel each of the joints in the kitsune. It cried out when he touched its shoulder, a high pitched whine that made yoarashi’s heart drop. “What did you do?”
“I found what the issue is, I think.” Koda replied, turning around for a moment as Shoto did its best to get up. It’s claws scratched against the table in desperation, but the moment it managed onto its stomach it collapsed back onto the table with a pained whine.
Koda turned back around with a small needle, the kitsune lying on the table giving a terrified yip at the sight. Koda couldn’t help but laugh, “maybe you do have a human thought process, kitsune.”
“It’s name is Shoto.” Yoarashi said, standing with his arms crossed and a hand raised to cover his mouth. He was tense, his eyes trained on Shoto.
Koda gave another tense smile, “right.. okay. Well, Shoto. This is just a sedative. It’ll make this whole thing a lot more painless, okay?” He said, Shoto looking up at him with wide eyes and large ears pinned back. It shook its head, trying to inch away.
“Well it's either you lose consciousness from the pain and wake up terrified and confused or fall asleep peacefully. Yoarashi is here, he won’t let me hurt you.” He chuckled, referencing to yoarashi’s tense expression. The tip of one of shoto’s tails wagged at the worried look on his face, it’s head swaying before it laid back on its side.
Koda took that as a signal to inject the syringe into the kitsune’s scruff, a loud whine sounding and making Yoarashi flinch. He gave a hiss of an exhale as Shoto whined in pain, tail waving wildly again as it panicked for a moment, looking over at Yoarashi desperately.
Yoarashi gave in, moving around and lying a hand on its side before leaning down to look into its eyes. “It’s okay, sho..” he whispered, pressing a kiss to its forehead. It seemed to calm down after that, large eyes falling closed and tense muscles going limp. Yoarashi gave a relieved sigh, letting Koda get to work.
It took a few hours in total for Koda to give him a complete check over and a fix up of all its wounds. He even gave Yoarashi a cream for the burn over its eye, along with wraps and gauze for the wounds: there was medication, both liquid and pills… and, upon yoarashi’s request, a suggested wet food. It wasn’t cat food but what they gave foxes in zoos with other nutrients and such to keep it healthy and in peak condition for a while. It was expensive… but Yoarashi didn’t care. He had a lot of money to spend on something so precious to him. If had only been a week, but he cared about the thing already.
As he packed up, Yoarashi paused and turned to Koda with a nervous sigh.
“One last question… I haven’t been able to figure out if Shoto is… y’know..”
“Male or female?” Koda finished, giving a small smirk.
“Y-yeah..”
“In this form, male… which is probably its biological gender, but Huli Jing themselves can shift to whatever the human that imprints on it wants.”
“Imprints?”
“You didn’t know?” Koda chuckled, shaking his head. “Huli Jing don’t usually choose their victims… people who have sinned or are in remorse are naturally drawn to them. I heard that you went through a divorce recently, correct?”
“No. She cheated on me before we married.”
“Ah, I’m sorry… but that’s probably why you found yourself drawn to it. When Huli Jing were abundant in numbers, many villages who had people who suffered from a life threatening case of depression found themselves drawn to the Huli Jing’s den when they were on the verge of ending their lives. It saved a lot of people… but then again, many were also sinners. You don’t seem like a man who would sin, so.. just be careful, old friend.”
The walk home after that with Shoto back in his bag and a plastic bag in hand was quiet. Had he really imprinted on the kitsune? He didn’t think it was the right word… but he had felt like the kitsune’s fear back in the exam room had echoed in his own chest. It almost hurt to see Shoto in pain.. he felt bad for it- him. Shoto was male… male. Maybe Yoarashi was just being dumb.. but he was one to assume that a kistune only let itself bond with a human kf the opposite sex.. the likeliness of a male kitsune letting a male human entrance himself with it… it didn’t seem like it was very much.
He thought about it until he got home, stopping at the store to get the recommended food until his order came in from the veterinarian’s office. Camie and seiji were in the living room with their daughter. She stood up to run over, hugging Yoarashi tightly and making him step back. “Uncle ashi!” She laughed, “you left early this morning! We didn’t get to have breakfast!” She complained, Yoarashi giving a small chuckle. “Well, uncle ashi had an emergency this morning.. but he’l make you some chocolate waffles tomorrow, okay?” He chuckled, setting her down after a moment. “I have to do some more work for a little while, okay? It’s super important, but I’ll be back out in a little while to play with you.”
He walked off after that, closing his bedroom door a moment later with a click. He set the bag Shoto was in on the bed, pulling the kitsune out and lying him on the futon. He hid the bag under the futon, turning to Shoto and picking him up. He smiled and carried him as gentle as he could to the shower, putting down another blanket and putting him in there. He’d give him his meds and feed him once he woke up.
Though he really did look so peaceful sleeping, chest rising and falling steadily as the bandages around his shoulder and torso stretched to configure his position as he curled into a ball.
In that moment.. it felt like things might be okay. Life wasn’t so meaningless after all… just maybe.