Snowball War
Like I expected, the amount of shit the Slytherins sent me was overwhelming. There were three boxes, two of them magically expanded so the bigger gifts could fit into them. Why do they want to spend money on me? I would be happy with chocolate, there isn’t much that can ruin the chocolate. But clothing? I wonder how many of them will I burn (at least I’m certain there wouldn’t be another skirt accident).
I sorted them into three piles – books, soft gifts, and chocolate. The fact that there were three boxes helped me with carrying them. I put them under the tree and took one of the chocolates. It was some fancy brand and there was dried fruit in it, which added slight acidity to my delicious treat.
I went back to my room and started to brew a new solution for my eyes. I already finished all the homework, showered, made a cuppa and nobody is even half-awake! Not that I slept but homework takes time to write when I have to do it by hand.
Mum was the first one who woke up – she looked into my room after asking if it was safe. “Brewing?”
“Yes. You slept in.”
“It was nice and cozy under the covers,” she smiled softly and sat on my bed. “I saw the boxes under the tree – how did all of that fit into those boxes?”
“It didn’t, they made them bigger on the inside.”
“That’s a neat trick, Ludvik would need that on his backpack. He always tries to pack as many books as he can.”
“I can charm it?”
“No, no, that would be a little obvious, don’t you think?”
“It would be funny if he takes out a big encyclopedia that couldn’t fit into it,” I grinned and stirred the potion five times, clock-wise.
“When do your tests start?”
“28th,” I hummed and put chamomile into the solution.
“Will you come down and watch Christmas movies with us? And would you like breakfast?”
“Yes, and yes, I have everything finished, I just have to finish my eye solution.”
“Ok, I will expect you in the kitchen in… an hour?”
“Sure.” I felt calm, calmer than I was in a while. I kind of missed being home, although I wouldn’t admit it under the worst torture. After I finished the solution, I bottled it bar one batch that I used. I put both of my prosthetic eyes there to soak and went down. Dad was downing a cup of coffee while Mum made Elizabeth a pancake.
“Hey cyclops,” my younger sister grinned.
“Hey fuckwad.”
“That’s a new one.” I stuck my tongue out at her and sat as far as I could from her while still sitting at the dining table. “What possessed you to buy Marie a gift?”
“I was forced to do it by my friends.”
“I still can’t believe you have friends.”
“What can I say, I’m charming.” We made faces at each other – and only stopped when mum put plates in front of us. My other siblings trickled in, every bed-hair better than the previous. Fridrich for sure won with his gravity-defying fringe. Why does he have a bruise on his neck? That must have been a really lucky shot…
We watched television together – I had to have a notepad in front of me, without it I would go crazy with boredom. Drawing and writing down random ideas helped.
“It’s snowing like crazy!” Ludvik called; his nose pushed against the window. “We could go and make a snowman tomorrow!”
“As long as you clothe warmly,” mum pushed him from the window and cleaned the wet circle he made with his breath.
***
I opened gifts from my friends first – Luna gave me another Weird Sister’s CD together with a pocket watch that showed the current moon phase. It seems like a good gift for a werewolf, but many ingredients can be collected only under specific moonlight. This must be a passive-aggressive way to tell me she misses our walks into the Forbidden Forest. Twins told me they are behind with their gift so I can only wait for that – not that I mind, I’m sure the wait will be worth it – they had a devious spark in their eyes when they talked about it. Hermione made me a new sweater – this one was pale grey with thin stripes that were a few shades darker. It had fewer loose threads than the other one.
Daphne gave me robes similar to what Severus wears but in white, with silver buttons closing the front. I hate how much I like it. It even had perfectly deep pockets and the inside was lined with rows of small pockets. I even felt charms on it but the flow of magic didn’t tell me which ones. I will need my wand to untangle that particular mystery. I have permission to use magic the day before my tests so I can take a look then. My guess was that there were self-cleaning spells on it (Daphne hates dirt and always spells my clothes clean) and probably adaptation charms so it would grow with me. Unfortunately, that gives it a death date. I would also guess there are repairing charms and I hope some anti-flammable ones too. If there aren’t, I need to add them myself.
Then the hoard of gifts wrapped in green was next. The books were easy to go through, the chocolate went back to the box after being unwrapped (and sometimes disappeared in hands that weren’t mine). The last box doubled the number of clothes I own. Three white shirts (one bright green that Elizabeth stole) and one pale gray. Two pairs of trousers, one dark gray and the other brown. Robes that went with the pants and one suit vest with brown and green tartan pattern.
“You will look like a gentleman – before you open your mouth – but still,” Marie grinned and tried on the brown robes.
“You too look nice before you open your big fucking mouth.”
“I think it’s hereditary…” Fridrich hummed.
“Elizabeth looks and talks like a bitch,” I snickered and then got my glasses smashed into my face by a pillow.
“Next time, I kick you in the balls.” I put the pillow on my lap and tried to look nonchalant.
***
“Hello uncle Remus,” Henry muttered, half-asleep but still on his feet.
“When was the last time you slept?”
“I want to sleep before the fucking test so I stayed up two days longer,” he hummed. “Come in, come in.” Remus raised an amused eyebrow at the swaying boy. “Which test do you have first?”
“I managed to talk them into all the subjects in one day but the only free date they had was the day after tomorrow. People don’t use their free time productively, it seems.”
“Some people like to relax and not think about studying or work,” Gregor Bundy laughed and offered a hand to Remus. “Gregor Bundy, nice to meet you Mr. Lupin.”
“You can call me Remus,” the werewolf smiled softly.
“Call me Gregor, then. Henry,” the big man put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Are you hungry?”
“Hm.”
“Go to the kitchen, we are taking turns in eating lunch.” The sleepy genius went without bickering or groaning. “He makes me anxious when he listens so well,” Gregor shuddered.
“It usually spells danger, doesn’t it?”
“Exactly. Would you like a coffee, tea, water…?”
“Tea, please,” Remus smiled at the taller man. He would prefer hot chocolate but tea was perfectly fine too. “How is your holiday going?”
“Fine, the kids are relatively calm – I expect some mischief is afoot. The most they have done is that the two youngest made a snowman in our backyard. I haven’t seen this much snow in years.”
“At Hogwarts, there is snow every winter. The students always get into snowball fights, build snowmen, skate on the lake…”
“I thought you just started teaching there?”
“I used to be a student there – it’s where I met Henry’s parents.”
“He just said you knew his parents very well,” Gregor shrugged.
“Why did you invite me if you knew nothing about me?”
“Samantha – my wife – hungers for stories about Henry when he was a little baby. His first word, favourite toy. Photos would be appreciated, if possible.”
“Unfortunately, all his photos were in the house when it burned down. And I didn’t have any, because I was a spy in the war,” Remus cringed apologetically. “I can only tell stories.”
“That’s enough, we have enough pictures of Henry to embarrass him. Come, the table should be free soon enough. The kids eat quicker than a corrosive.”
As expected, the atmosphere was a bit awkward with an unknown man in the house, but Bundy’s managed to act friendly. Especially the parents who were well versed in awkward situations – the kids not so much. When the lunch ended and the adults went to the living room, the children scattered - not even the older ones stayed. Only Henry, who curled on his favourite armchair and unsuccessfully tried to stay awake. Soon, they could hear his quiet snoring. After that, the topics went from the basic polite ones to those Bundys were actually interested in.
“How is he doing in the school? Is anyone bullying him?”
“Henry excels in every one of his subjects, as is expected. And he looks happy, I can see no indicators that he is bullied.” Remus wondered how often was the temperamental genius bullied. Probably often, with how eccentric he was – the werewolf could very well remember how his own friends bullied another young genius. “Well, I think he would call his new friend a bully – Daphne Greengrass. From what I heard she wants to marry him, mainly because she thinks it would be profitable,” he snickered. Personally, Remus thinks that Henry would prefer a well-aimed kick into the groin. But who knows, he might be the ‘Lily’ in this situation and will be swayed by his pureblood suitor after years of the chase.
“She’s a lovely girl, we exchanged a few letters – she wanted to know my recipes for Henry’s favourite snacks so she could manipulate him better – oh, sorry – make him more friendly.” Samantha rolled her eyes. “She’s a Slytherin, right? I wonder what she sent him last year.”
“Last year?”
“Yes, because Henry can talk to snakes, they decided that he’s the Slytherin Heir and send him Christmas gifts.” Remus could only raise an eyebrow. He never heard of such a thing, mainly that Henry is the ‘Slytherin heir’. The snakes must be joking but why would they spend money on him for a joke? “But let’s quit this polite conversation, I want to know everything.” Remus thought that the interrogation already started.
“Samantha…”
“What was his favourite toy? First spell? First word?” her eyes shined with interest and she even leaned forward. Remus had a feeling that not telling would equal a painful death. “Anything – well, everything. Please?” That sharp smile reminded him of Lily.
“Well, as you know, Henry was born into war and his parents had big targets on their back because they were brilliant fighters. And usually, two powerful parents mean an even more powerful child. And Harry was. First accidental magic is common to show in children between the ages of three and five – and Harry managed to make glass in picture-frames shatter when he wasn’t even a year old. I think he woke up from a nightmare?”
Samantha cringed. “He used to do that a lot before he started with his own sleep schedule. He would scream through the night at least once a week, or cry or make things explode. But continue.”
“His first word… oh, that one I can remember like it happened yesterday. When we were babysitting him – Sirius and I.” Remus didn’t know how much they knew about Sirius so he just acted calmly, they can think he was another friend who died in the war. “Sirius tried to make him say Padfoot or uncle Sirius – I was capturing his attention with some small fire spells because I had galleon on him saying Mommy first - he was such a momma's boy – so it wasn't working. Harry completely ignored him. So Padfoot was bored and went to get some of the pup’s favourite toys when he stepped on a building block. He hissed a quiet little ‚fuck‘, jumping on one foot. Little Harry heard it and before we knew what was happening, he was singing ‚fuck‘ in a lullaby melody for an hour. Lilly was livid when she got home with James and threw Sirius out of the door – physically. It was his favourite word since.“
„So, nothing changed.“
„Yeah, I myself was shocked when one of his first words he told me was fuck. We thought he would grow out of it.“
„We told him at first that fuck was not a nice word and that he should not say it – and he tried. He was so good at not saying it... but his anger issues were too problematic so when we found it makes him calmer to swear, we told him to talk as he wishes.“
„You're saying it as if it wasn't funny when he sang every song using only fuck as the text,“ Gregor snickered mischievously. “When did you notice he was too smart for how little he was? We knew from the moment we met him.”
„Even as a few months old baby he was our little genius – he understood what we told him long before he could pronounce words, tried to walk as soon as we let him sit and always showed us what he wanted – from a potty to a meal. Never napping though, he was unable to sleep more than a few hours as soon as he turned one. Lilly and James thought they would get some rest if they put him to sleep after a meal but he would make a mess of his room before they managed to get to the couch. And it's not like they lived in a mansion. And how did you notice?”
„When we were approached by the adoption service they showed him first to us – and talked very highly of him, not even mentioning the others more than giving us their name if they had any. He listened to her before he started to giggle and called her a liar, clapping his hands because he was so happy he was right. After all, she went red with guilt. Although she thought that this ruined her chance to get rid of him, it made us much more interested. She then told us he was often fussy, never allowed anyone to feed him or bathe him – he wanted to do all of this himself because no one was his mummy. It broke my heart.“
„We asked him if we could be our new baby – we told him that his parents couldn't take care of him now and that he would have two new siblings to play with. He thought about it – pouting and searching us with eyes too smart for a child before he slowly nodded. But then –“ The big man's voice hitched, old scars still hurting. „Every night he would cry out for his mummy and daddy, he would wail in pain and clutch his forehead. It took us almost half a year to be able to calm him down, probably because we became mommy and daddy in his young mind. He doesn't remember that, thankfully.“
The three adults looked at the sleeping boy and wondered how much stayed in his eidetic memory. Remus wondered if he remembered anything from the End of the War; if he remembered his friends’ last words or the exact shade of the killing curse.
***
Begrudgingly, I had to say that the coat from Daphne was too perfect for its own good. This meant I had more free time than I expected, so I took out my notepad and looked over the spells, checking them off as I did them perfectly, one after one. I tried Patronus with normal, good memory and there was only a mist, like usual. Fuck it.
The only thing l couldn’t learn (because of lack of books, not lack of want) was transfiguring myself into an Animagus. One would expect there would be more information about something so exciting, but no – and Minerva wouldn’t teach me until I have finished school. She said she can’t favor one student so much – but I would like to say she already likes me more than any other student. I am the only one she feeds with sweets.
I jumped when Marie barged into my room, yelling authoritatively: “You are not revising; you don’t need it. Now go with me, we need to make a war strategy.”
What?
4 hours later…
“Hey you, where are you going?” The Bundy Matriarch asked, perplexed why her children have warpaint on their cheeks and weird plastic contraptions in their hands that looked like homemade potato guns.
“We are going to a war, obviously,” Elizabeth snorted, which broke the somber expressions on her siblings' faces. They were grinning like crazy now.
“Snowball war,” Marie clarified.
“And why do you have... guns?”
4 hours before…
“I summoned the Bundy Sibling Army because of a grave insult that some idiot uttered! Our youngest AND smallest soldier was told that he can’t be part of a snowball fight because of his age. Because he would for sure be a disadvantage or if he was alone, he would just lose the fight. So! We have the obligation to fight in Ludvik’s war and we will win!” Ludvik and Elizabeth whooped excitedly, I sat there with a raised eyebrow. My genius is not enough to understand why I am here. “And we will win thanks to our ruthless strategist and inventor!” Oh.
“How do you want to use our ‘inventor’ in a snowball war?” Fridrich asked.
“I’m sure he can think of something, like a canon or something. Right, Henry?”
“What about no?”
“I know where you stash your cigarettes and I will tell mum about it.”
“When is the fight happening?” I tried to sound happy about this. I have a feeling that mother wouldn’t let me continue to ruin my lungs in peace.
“In four to five hours.”
“You could have given me more time, you know?”
“Come on,” Ludvik smiled at me widely. “You can do it! We will help!”
The ‘guns’ part was an easy conclusion. It’s an effective weapon and can be handheld which makes it great for a fight with running children (what the fuck am I doing?). Then I just had to invent something that could weaponize snow, which was slightly more difficult but I used runes that I made from the basics of snowball-making spell twins taught me. The only thing you need is snow.
A potato gun was something that was built to shoot projectiles of similar size as a normal snowball so I went with it and used the cheap labor of my siblings and cheated with magic so it would be done before the Fight (I’m glad that this happened a day before my tests, otherwise it would take longer – I didn’t have enough resources to build five potato guns so I had to transfigure a lot of junk). Elizabeth was surprisingly good at engraving runes (because runes shouldn’t be made using magic so that took us the most time) which made my job in that department much easier. I could have written it on it but that might have smeared or entirely rubbed of.
continuing with the present time…
“It was only logical,” Henry shrugged. Their mother could only raise an eyebrow because no other reasons were said by the grinning children.
“Have fun,” she huffed and sat back on the couch, resuming her reading.
And so, the siblings in war paint went to the school. Other groups watched them with wary – Bundys looked too serious for a harmless snowball war that the children of a primary school organized. Nobody would say that they were scared of the group who had warpaint on their faces, accompanied by serious looks and occasional feral smiles.
“Hey, Marie,” called a boy at the pretty girl. “You can join our group!”
“Oh, but I can’t, Mickie,” Marie smiled and threw her hair over one shoulder, batting her eyelashes. “I have people to kill and my siblings are the best soldiers out there!”
“And they call me fucking crazy,” Henry rolled his eyes and stiffened when his older sister threw an arm around his shoulders. They ignored the disturbed boy, whose younger sister was watching them with big eyes from behind his legs.
“It’s the surname,” Fridrich grinned back at them.
“THE FIGHT STARTS IN FIVE MINUTES!” Someone yelled from the playground. “ALL TEAMS HAVE TO BE AT LEAST FIVE METERS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!”
“We should find a good spot with as much snow as we can,” their strategist offered.
“I think we should separate so we can take on more people,” Elizabeth argued. “We should overwhelm them with our firepower.”
“We need to start from a base,” piped Ludvik. “That’s the only rule there is.”
“It’s possible to start in a base, take on people who are close to us, and then run around,” Friedrich said.
“Ludvik, how do we win?” Henry asked. “It’s not like paintball, snow leaves no marks.”
“It should be self-regulated,” their youngest shrugged. “If you get hit a load of times or you are freezing, you are supposed to go inside and that means you are ‘dead’. There should be hot chocolate inside to warm up the zombies.”
“So, try to do headshots?” Elizabeth brightened.
“If you can hit heads, then sure,” Ludvik grinned.
The siblings found a place they liked – a big tree with a moderate snow mound near it – and they camped there, waiting for the countdown. “IS EVERYONE PREPARED?”
“YES!” yelled several people from their hiding spots.
“Stuff your guns with snow,” Henry hissed through the loudly counting. “One team is fairly near to us; they are behind our tree so they probably want to attack us from behind.”
“How-“
“The eye,” he interrupted Fridrich and ducked down, crawling around the tree.
“LET THE FIGHT BEGIN!!!”
***
A group of unassuming children started to throw snowballs at their friends and their older siblings who came to help, laughing merrily and screeching when snow fell under their jackets or hit them in their pink-cheeked faces. They knew the win wasn’t on their plates, they were already freezing, but they were having fun.
“Hey! That’s Ludvik and Eli!” one of them brightened. “We should go to them, they are alone!”
The others nodded, making big snowballs before frantically running at the two siblings who were crouching behind a bush.
A cackle was their only warning before dozens of snowballs rained on them, crashing into them like rocks. “Got them!” Henry yelled from his hiding spot – his younger siblings turned around, big smiles on their faces. “Finish them!”
The group of unassuming children lost not only the fight but also the dry warmth of their clothes. Oh, and also their dignity. Like many others, who fell for the same trick.
***
“Please! I’m innocent!”
“There are no innocents in war,” Marie grinned widely and continued dumping fistfuls of snow under the girl’s jacket.
“Leave the girl be,” Fridrich dragged her up. “Let’s find the small ones.”
“Henry is not so small anymore,” his sister pushed him off and picked her gun up. “You should say the strategic geniuses.”
“I don’t think that playing false pray is genius.”
“It seemed like it worked for them, eh?”
They shot in unison at a running child that then yelled at them: “Your crazy siblings already killed me!” They shot them once again, just for a good measure.
“Don’t call them crazy!” They yelled at the retreating back.
“Only we can call them crazy,” Fridrich huffed. “Why don’t people get that?”
“Stop slacking!” their crazies sibling shot his hip. “There is a group of people hiding behind the fucking gym. Fucking cowards.”
“And how do you know?” Marie asked.
“We promised my classmate that we wouldn’t bury him under the snow if he told us about THE group,” Elizabeth smiled at her prettily.
“I think we need to crown a different sibling as the craziest,” Ludvik stage-whispered to Henry, who was pouting.
“Losing my title to Elizabeth? Never.”
“THE group? With Seb?” Marie brightened with sadistic glee. Sebastian was the one who told their youngest sibling that he would be a nuisance during the fight and that he couldn’t join their group – he was their main target the whole time.
“If our information is correct,” Henry nodded. “Is everything working?”
“Our weaponry is ok, and the ‘thermal shirts’ work like magic,” Fridrich ruffled Henry’s hair. In truth, Henry simply applied heating charms on his siblings, there was nothing special about their clothing. “Let’s go shoot some kids – and then we can go get hot chocolate?”
“I want to win,” came from the three youngest siblings.
“I think we are already one of the last few teams left,” Henry added.
Marie sighed comically. “Well, I guess we must then…”
“Let’s go!” Ludvik jumped and started to tug her in the direction of the school gym.
***
“Fuck it,” I muttered, thinking about the annihilation of the other children and how much fun I had with my siblings, and said: “Expecto Patronus.” A silver fox with five tails jumped out of my wand, bouncing around like crazy.
“Splendid!” the man testing my DADA capabilities exclaimed, clapping.
I hate it.