The hissing raven
„I want to wear couples costume with Lockhart. I will be Jason and he a promiscuous teenager. Or I could be Hannibal and he would stay a rude asshole. So many possibilities but not enough alibi for my planned murder. It would be poetic to kill on the day of Halloween, wouldn't it?“ I was sleepily dreaming about killing the worst teacher in the world, Harry purring on my chest while we were lounging on a couch in our room. A prank potion meant for the whole school was quietly brewing only a few metres from me and filling the air with calming potion stench – bitter but with sweet undertones of honey.
He purred harder when I scratched between his ears but hissed angrily when Hermione almost went through the door. „Henry! I found it!“ She screeched happily and if Harry and myself were a little slower, we would end up as a Harry/Harry mush. „I found what the stone is!“
For a second I hadn't had a clue what she was talking about but then I understood. „Really?“
„Yes – I was reading up on different famous people in the wizarding world and found information about Nicolas Flamel and his wife. They created a Philosopher's stone in the 14th century, which is an ingredient for an immortality potion and CAN CHANGE METALS INTO GOLD PERMANENTLY!“
„The fuck?“ I could only stare. Immortality? „I have THAT in my suitcase? Wait – why was it in the school? Behind such weak barricades?! What motherfucker thought of that!“ I wasn't ever angry – not really. My shock was immeasurable. „Should we give it back?“
„I thought I would need to make you do that.“
„I'm not that cruel – obviously they depend on that immortality and if I play my cards right, they could teach me something about potions.“
„Alchemy, theoretically.“ I waved my hand because who cares (I should write Burkes if he has any books about it tho). „Wanna go to the feast?“
„Sure, I'm quite hungry,“ I took Harry with me and dumped him on Hermione's shoulders.
„Hey, you asshole!“ She laughed and cuddled the ginger beast that hissed and bit her a little before settling down into her embrace. „I hope you weren't telling him again how you would like to murder Lockhart – I believe he is starting to embrace the idea that making blood flow is an acceptable thing to do thanks to that. He bit Levander enough to make her hand bloody!“
„Good boy.“
„Henry!“ She hit my shoulder. „I know she's annoying, but there is no need to be so cruel!“
„You pranked her just a week ago, moron.“
„She told me I look like a road-kill bunny in the morning – and twins encouraged me to prank her to feel better.“
„Did it help?“
„Yes-“
„Kill... want to kill... so hungry... prey...“
„Can you hear that?“ I furrowed my brows because unlike other times it sounded too echoey to be in my head.
„What?“
„Hissing.“ I recognized the snakey hiss – I learned how to after I found out I could understand and speak to snakes (and couldn't at first recognise it from English). „Like leaking gas or a snake.“ I detoured from our route to the Great Hall and went up the stairs into the second-floor. Harry jumped out of her embrace and ran in front of us, stopping in front of a water puddle.
„What is this?“ Hermione muttered and looked around – before doing a scared sound when she looked up. I looked up too to see. There was the body of Mrs Norris hanging by her tail from a torch, stiff in her dead state – so it's more than a few minutes from the moment she died. I wonder who lost their cool – and how it was probably first-year because even I managed to control myself. „The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware.“
„Hermione, I believe we should get away from here.“ She nodded and grabbed my hand, so I dragged her because of my longer legs behind be when we ran towards the Great Hall – crashing into a flock of black robes, who just finished their diner. „Fuck.“
Before Dumbledore arrived at the scene, Filch tried to strangle me and Hermione, altering between us when one got away from him. We hid behind Minerva who stood behind the old wizard with a stone mask on her face - I'm so used to her smiling it shocked me for a millisecond. „We did nothing,“ I told her.
„Bad thing you have a reputation,“ she muttered but smiled slightly at us. „Why did try to run away from here?“
„We knew it would look bad if we were the one's who found her – you know, I have a reputation of a sadistic motherfucker.“
„Argus, Miss Granger, Mr Bundy, come with me, please,“ said the bearded man, before Lockhart jumped into it with: „My office is nearest, Headmaster — just upstairs — please feel free—”
„Thank you, Gilderoy,” said Dumbledore. So we went into the fucker's office where there was more than one blond looking at us with stupid white smiles that disgusted me – more so if they stared at me. Dumbledore stared at the dead cat for too long so I managed to get a good look myself.
„Why is her fur not moving?“ I noticed.
„It was definitely a curse that killed her — probably the Transmogrifian Torture — I’ve seen it used many times, so unlucky I wasn’t there, I know the very countercurse that would have saved her. . . .”
„There is no change in her shape which torture with such a name would leave,“ I jumped into his rambling with narrowed eyes. „Also there is no wound or sign of fight – and her stiffness shows she was killed at least twelve hours back. Which is my and Hermione's alibi that nobody obviously needed – we were in Gryffindor tower since yesterday until classes.“
„Mr Bundy, there is only a small error in your deduction - she's alive.“
„What?“ said everyone.
„She has been Petrified – but I don't know how.“
„Ask HIM!“ Filch screamed and pointed at me. „He killed those pixies – he obviously took a liking to killing poor innocent creatures!“
„If I liked killing innocent, I would never kill that stinky cat, you stupid cretin,“ I hissed at him angrily but Severus stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.
„Calm down, Henry. You're only making it worse.“
„Argus, no second year could have done this,” said Dumbledore firmly. „It would take Dark Magic of the most advanced —”
„Flitwick said he could do anything – that he's worse than He-Who-“
„Argus!“ This time it was Minerva who looked angry.
„Petrified? How do you know it was dark magic and not a potion or some magical artefact? Does Magical World have Medusas?“ The last one was rhetorical though but it was ironically the first answer I got.
„No, we don't have Medusas. There are some creatures that can petrify their prey but none can get through the school's protection. I know not about any potions that could do this – there are some that make all the muscles stiff but they always kill the drinker. So I think a spell is the most probable.“ I nodded, appreciating his decently informative answer.
„Henry, where were you during the Halloween feast?“ Minerva asked.
„I was scheming with Harry in one of the vacant classrooms when Hermione found me to drag me into the Great Hall for a supper.“ Not one pair of eyes bulged out at the Harry part. „It's Hermione's cat. She named him after my nickname that dad and mom call me – for some reason she thinks we are alike.“
„Cute and grumpy,“ Hermione grinned at me.
„Shut the fuck up.“
„And why did you go to the second floor, if you were going to the Great Hall?“
„We were descending from the seventh,“ I lied without thinking. „Then Harry ran towards the girls' bathroom while mewing so we went after him, interested what he found. Last time it was a dead mouse and Hermione hates when he eats meat.“ Partial truth, she only hated when I tried to feed him Ronald's living rat. „So, will it be possible to heal her using Mandrake?“
„Yes, that's my plan, Mr Bundy. Five points to Ravenclaw,“ headmaster smiled with a weird twinkle in his bright blue eyes. Who doesn't know that?
„I want him to be punished!“
„He's innocent, Argus – we will find who did it, no worry. Now go, you deserve some sleep after this – into your own bed, Mr Bundy.“
„No chance.“
„Severus, Minerva, would you be so kind and got these two to their respective rooms?“
„Yes – come, Miss Granger. I'm sure twins are interested in what happened.“ She put her hand on Hermione's shoulder and slightly manoeuvred her to the Griffindor Tower. Snape grabbed my upper arm because I almost managed to get away.
„At least this time – try to cooperate, Henry. You don't want more angry attention. And sleeping in different dorms is very much not allowed. Let alone sleeping with other students.“
„It's not like we have sex with each other, you know? And we slept in the same room and sometimes in the same bed more than enough to know it's safe.“
„Hm?“
„We spent three weeks in total together in the summer. And when we were at my house, we were crammed in a tent. They treat me like a shared teddy bear slash pillow since. Especially in the Weasly house where I was forced to sleep in the same room as Ronald and if I dragged the mattress to the twins or Percy's room the bitch would get it back. So I slept with Fred, who is the easiest to get off me.“
„So his justification why his hand looks so chewed up was true?“
„Yes, he indeed calls me his bite-alarm-clock.“
After I got into the dorm and settled on my bed (not planning to stay, I was waiting for Snape to get lost) and started to do my homework, silently scratching transfiguration theory about how to properly make a live object inanimate without killing it in the process. I was in fact so nice that everyone must have thought I was planning something (I have no other explanation besides that they hate my guts) because they attacked me before I managed to say fuck.
I was carried out, bound and gagged and left in the common room in that uncomfortable situation. Some older students saw it but only laughed at me – my wand was on my bed and my roommates got their hands on spells that can be dispelled only physically so no wandless magic for me. Fucking hell! I laid like that long after everyone got to their bed, red with anger and frustration. I was restless, my magic was screaming and blood boiling, my inner voice hissing how good it would feel to rip those motherfuckers apart.
„Did Wrackspurts go through your ears really fast?“ I opened my eyes – there was a small girl with big grey eyes squatting in front of me. I tried to scream at her through the magical gag – is it invisible? I tried to show her that I'm bound and thankfully she understood. „Uh,“ she huffed after her fingers met the rope that was rubbing my arms raw. After some manoeuvring she finally found the knot and loosened it enough for me to get out – I took the gag out myself before getting into a hissing temper tantrum. „My Nargles steal my things – I never heard that they would bound someone.“
„I don't know what Nargles are – my roommates did that to me. What are Nargles?“
„They are kleptomaniac spirits that always steal my homework, clothes but most often shoes,“ she pulled back her robe to show her bare feet. The fact that they are not blue shows she knows warming charms. „And today they stole all my pillows and blankets so I couldn't get comfortable.“
„What is your name?“ I recognise bullying when I see one – I lived with it most of my life.
„Luna Lovegood.“
„Henry Bundy – you went here to read, right?“
„Yes, would you like to join me?“
The next morning there were two Ravenclaws sitting with Griffins, one sleepily smiling and the other with rope-burns (that just wouldn't heal) under his sleeves.
***
The first Quidditch match of the season was between Slytherin and Griffindor. I sat next to Poppy, Luna on my other side whispering with Hermione about how people on brooms remind her of baby Thestrals who are learning to fly.
I was watching the game so I could react how I was asked – save falling players, try to see even the smallest hit to later ask the player how much it hurt. It was kind of fun to have my attention stretched in so many directions. The Slytherins were fun to watch with their new brooms and dirty tactics. One of my classmates, Malfoy, was their new seeker and obviously a hundred times better than the Griffindor one. I have no idea how he sees anything through the rain, I'm dry and under an umbrella spell but I still can't see very well.
„The Buldger seems a little restless today, the beaters on both teams have obvious problems to keep them away-“ Lee screamed through the cacophony of sounds into a microphone. I really don't like that part of Quidditch, his comments suck most of the time if not all the time. Then I saw it before I heard him scream: „Weasly was hit!“
I couldn't see which one it was but the other caught him, slowly helping him to get down. Hooch stopped the game and stopped the Buldger in its way before it managed to hit a Slytherins seeker. She got away with an unbroken nose.
I ran down the stairs, closely followed by Poppy, Luna, Hermione and some teachers. Thankfully I got to him first, because I could see Lockhart approaching Fred with his stupid smile that always makes me seeth in anger. „ If there isss any lasssting damage, thisss isss the lassst time you are playing – do you underssstand?!“ I hissed at him before scanning him for all injuries. Poppy came when I got the results – broken forearm, bruised chest he was protecting with the now-injured limb, two cracked ribs and strained muscles when he held himself on the broom through the acceleration of a mad Buldger.
„Come on mommy, it's an only broken arm,“ he wheezed with a strained smile. I hit his cheek lightly enough not to move his face but hard enough for it to sting. People were shocked by that. I set his bones into their proper place with my pure magic and then started the healing process, this time with my wand. Poppy was watching this, not intruding my process (because she knew I can do it quicker than her). It was straining for someone with average or smaller magic core but I got only slightly dizzy for a minute or two, because of the shock of losing half of my magic.
„Stand back, young Henry, I can take care of your friend-“ he touched my shoulder and I couldn't move because it would nullify my spells so I only gritted my teeth and tried to ignore him.
„Herny is good at mending bones, let him work,“ Poppy stepped into it and got him and his wand away.
I was glad I was dragged out by my friends (and that Poppy followed) – I can only wonder what that idiot would do to him.
***
I heard about the duelling club from Snape who told me during one of my numerous detentions given by Flitwick. It was started because there was a student petrified the night after the first Quidditch match. Everyone says it was done by Slytherin's monster – which I doubt, I would bet that somebody found an interesting book with ‚dark‘ spells and curses sometime during the summer holidays – and now they are trying them out.
Even though these were my thoughts, I asked: „Can Slytherin's monster duel?“
„I doubt so,“ he smirked, „but it might prove to be useful in the future.“
„Who teaches it?“
„I'm one of the teachers.“
„Oh, then the second is Flitwick - he's master dueler, isn't he? Horrible person, but he might show us at least something useful – it would be the first time he might teach me something. I still can't find anything about duelling, only the basic traditions and types of duels.“ He continued smirking and gave me only shrug.
„Dueling is a practical task so there are almost no books – maybe in some ancient family's library. But I doubt that. Most learn it from their parents or take additional courses the school offers for seventh years.“
So, I was interested in the club and probably would go there even if nobody else would – however, I was almost carried there by over-joyed twins who looked too happy to go to a DUELING CLASS. Hermione only rolled her eyes at them. Luna was waiting for us and caught my arm in a hug – I tried to get her off but she's stronger than she looks.
„I wonder who'll be teaching us?“ said Hermione, her face too happy to not know. Did someone tell her too?
„I wonder,“ singed George.
„I wonder,“ huffed Fred, throwing his arm around my shoulders. They had me pinned when Gilderoy Lockhard walked onto the stage, his robes deep plum and with gloomy Snape close behind him. If I was free, I would curse him (for once Snape, not the blond ponce).
„I hate you all.“
„Gather round, gather round! Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me? Excellent! Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little duelling club, to train you all in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions — for full details, see my published works. Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape! He tells me he knows a tiny little bit about duelling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now, I don’t want any of you youngsters to worry — you’ll still have your Potions master when I’m through with him, never fear!” I hope this was a ploy to get me to see how he hurts him because if Severus lets him go out of here without bruises I promise I shall tell everyone about his love for comic books (and underwear with pictures from them). At least he looked furious that Lockhart is belittling his capabilities.
The started with bows to the other – one did it like a peacock and the other shortly with his head. Then they raised their wands like swords in front of them. Just like in books. „As you see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position,” Lockhart told the silent crowd. „On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course.”
Well, hope dies last.
„One — two — three —” Both attacked, but Snape's Expelliarmus was too quick for Lochart – the scarlet light hit the blond square in the chest and blasted him off his feet. He smashed into the wall with force, making me smile widely. My happiness leaked away when he showed signs of life. At least his ‚perfet‘ hair was ruined by the flight and he looked dazed. „Well, there you have it! That was a Disarming Charm — as you see, I’ve lost my wand — ah, thank you, Miss Brown — yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don’t mind my saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have been only too easy — however, I felt it would be instructive to let them see . . .” Snape looked murderous, but boy can only hope. „Enough demonstrating! I’m going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you’d like to help me —”
They paired people off, not caring if they wanted to get split from their friend or not. „Mr Weasley, you can partner up with Miss Burkham there-“ Snape pointed at a Hufflepuff girl and waited until George went there. „Mr Weasley, go to Mr Malfoy. Miss Granger, Lovegood, you pair up together. Henry, I think I have a great partner for you,“ he turned around with his robes billowing and I followed him.
„A second-year?“ I recognised Marcus Flint, a Quidditch captain that was easily twice my size and physical strength. He reminded me of Fridrich. „I expected you would come here with one of those twins.“
„I believe that Henry is a bigger challenge – or danger, to be precise.“
„I'm harmless.“
„Yeah, and you don't bite. Do your best, you two, but try not to maim or kill.“
„No promises.“
„Go fuck yourself, rules are for pussies!“
„Good luck.“
I turned to the bigger boy, looking him up and down to assess his speed and flexibility. I saw him fly just a few days back so I know he's more of a heavy hitter that quick. „Can we start?“
„Sure, shortie.“ He grinned toothily and walked away just to turn around and wait. I never took my eyes off him and walked back while watching him. We nodded at each other before whipping our wands. He started to count: „One – two – t – “ we fired at the same time but I managed to move aside from the cutting curse. He got a full blast from my overpowered stinging hex that would cause big bruises on his sternum. I fired a binding curse but he blocked it and rapidly fired two spells I didn't know and one Expelliarmus. I moved into the trajectory of the only one I knew and blocked it, fell on my front to escape laughing hex and managed to bind his legs with ropes. He stumbled and before he could charm them away I cut his cheek. Then we blocked and moved away from too many spells to count before I got hit in my shoulder. It threw my balance off and I fell onto the floor. But that wasn't the end so I threw blasting and bone-breaking curses at him (and the blasting was aimed for his feet). He moved aside but the small explosion threw him off so I managed to hit him again although he still almost cut my arm off with a nasty hex that thankfully only went through my bicep. I gritted my teeth in a snarl and did a quick spell that closed the injury with a burning feeling. It would leave a scar – not that I mind.
„I said disarm only!“ Lockhart yelled at us.
„I heard nothing about disarming only.“ For once I was telling the truth. I ignored what he was yelling on the other side of the hall even before the duel.
„I allowed them to duel fully – they are above the usual level so I personally invited them to see how they would do.“ Snape, my hero!
„O-ok.“ I was worried he would take it as an invitation to give me another detention with him to ‚coach‘ me how to be a celebrity and get touchy-feely with me. I looked around – almost everyone stopped with their duelling and were looking at us. Well, twins were fencing with their wands in their right hands and stolen ones' in left.
„I think the next thing I should teach you is how to block unfriendly spells. Let's have a volunteer pair - Longbottom and Finch-Fletchley, how about you-”
„A bad idea, Professor Lockhart, Longbottom causes devastation with the simplest spells. We’ll be sending what’s left of Finch-Fletchley up to the hospital wing in a matchbox.“ If he was that cool, I think Neville would be still friends with me (and not such a pussy – who cries when somebody is worried about their health?). „How about Flint and Bundy? They both know how to do it so they are the best to show others.“
„Excellent idea!” said Lockhart, gesturing us into the middle of the hall as the crowd backed away to give them room. „Now, Henry,” said Lockhart. „When-“
„I know how to block a spell. Protego is quite basic.“
„Ok, so - Three — two — one — go!” he shouted.
Flint and I again threw our spells before the GO sound. I cut his thigh but he used an unknown spell, again. I should start to read into fighting spells more. „Serpensortia!“ A long black snake shot out of the end of his wand.
„How am I supposed to block a snake?“ I muttered, unheard through the screaming. It was angry, hissing at anyone who walked near it.
„Henry don't-!“ Snape yelled when I went near it.
„Calm down, you were summoned by a total fool. There is no need to hiss at those loud idiots,“ I calmed it down and squatted next to it, allowing my arm as a climbing branch.
„Thank you for telling me, speaker,“ it hissed, calmer. It slithered on me, going around my shoulders.
„That was dirty, Marcus. However, I think I won this one because I ‚blocked‘ it better than you,“ I smiled at the shocked teen. „What?“ Everyone was staring.