Dragonfly
If there was ever a time of the year when Anne was excited it was when they packed up for summer and travelled to her aunt and uncle at Shibden Hall in Halifax. As opposed to that, there was never a time she was more inconsolable than when they had to leave after summer.
But today was one of those early summer days and they were currently nearing Shibden. Anne could hardly contain herself in the carriage – she was bursting with excitement and her mother found it extremely annoying. Anne looked out the window and saw Shibden appear in the distance and she smiled wide,
“Look – Sam, we’re almost there!”
Samuel pressed his face up the window on the other side and smiled at his older sister, and John pulled at Samuel’s arm, trying to get a glance himself of the house. Anne squinted, trying to calculate what the distance left were,
“I say we are approximately…”
She was interrupted by a stinging slap to her face given by her mother, and was startled at that, but her mother merely growled,
“I told you to shut your mouth until we get there.”
Anne opened her mouth to speak, but her mother raised her hand again and she decided against it. Instead she leaned on her elbow and stared out of the window. She could see Sam wanted to comfort her – he was so sensitive to violence. Ironic she thought, that his destiny would be the army. If she could take her brother’s place, she would. John however leaned over Sam to be able to stare out of the small window of the carriage – unaware of the tension inside. Marian was chatting on with their mother as she had done for the whole journey, but their mother didn’t seem to mind that. Only Anne and Samuel had shared various looks of annoyance at it, thinking their younger sister irksome but both knew better than to say anything about it. Sam because he knew Anne would be blamed and thrashed and Anne because, well because she would be thrashed. Or actually no, she would be lectured with the belt – her mother daren’t use anything else at Shibden in case anyone noticed – for which Anne was thankful. The belt was better than the cane, and much better than the horsewhip.
Anne thought they would be there in approximately ten minutes now, but she hoped it would be faster for she couldn’t stand another minute in the carriage with her mother. Who, though she had sobered up during the journey, had been drunk since the morning. Marian’s endless chatter was just the tip of the iceberg, but nevertheless the looks she sent her way, the ones that said ‘look, I can talk, you can’t’ were enough to have Anne on the verge of hitting her seven-year-old sister. She didn’t. Because her mother would’ve beaten her to death and her father would’ve averted his eyes and said afterwards ‘Oh, how unfortunate’. He wasn’t even in the carriage- he sat up with their groom to get some fresh air, or rather to escape them and the cramped carriage for a while. Bile rose in Anne’s throat and she frowned, looking out of the window. Why did her mother hate her? – She couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t hit her or sneered at her.
“Samuel, when we get there you will behave and act as the perfect gentleman.” Their mother said suddenly, and both him and Anne turned their eyes from the window. Samuel raised an eyebrow, but he complied, because he knew that if he were bad – Anne would get beat up for something in the end of the day.
“Yes, mother.”
“You will be kind to your aunt and help your uncle. Understood?” She looked at him seriously, and Sam nodded diligent,
“Of course, mother. I will be good.”
“I will be better!” John shouted, currently in a phase were he tried to best his elder brother in everything.
“Why must Sam be good, mama?” Marian asked curiously and if Anne had asked that same question, she would’ve been slapped in the face for being too nosey, Anne thought bitterly as their mother’s face softened,
“Your uncle is unmarried and have no children of his own. The estate should therefore fall to Samuel. We must make sure it does.”
Anne glared out of the window at this, anger rising within her, because she found it disgusting and mercenary what her mother did. Her uncle should be able to leave the estate to whoever. All though Anne wanted nothing more than to live at Shibden Hall with her aunt and uncle – away from her mother. And she thought, why should Sam have it when he didn’t love it as well as she did? Sam was a good boy, and she loved her brother, but he didn’t appreciate it as she did. Not the stay nor the place. He used to say that he should like to knock most of it down and rebuild it in a modern stone. Anne was appalled at that prospect and for that reason alone prayed that her uncle would rather leave it with a distant relative – so long as nothing was demolished. No, Anne’s excitement had been dimmed. She didn’t want to be part of this stupid scheme her mother had. She just wanted to be able to enjoy Shibden – her aunt and uncle without feeling as though it were all part of a plan to land them with their ancestral home in the end.
They arrived as Anne had calculated, about ten minutes later and her uncle and aunt stood waiting for them outside with the servants behind them. Anne was getting ready to leap out of the carriage, but her mother stopped her with a hand that accidently, or perhaps it was calculated, went and bruised her lip.
“You are not first off this carriage, Anne. By God, sit down and you aren’t to leave before I say so.”
Anne slumped down in her seat again, with her arms crossed, and as the carriage stopped Samuel and John jumped out without reprimand, or rather pressed out the door at the same time, after which Marian followed and then their mother.
She could hear them talk gaily and exchange greetings and suddenly the sounds and voices died. But her mother had yet to tell her to leave the carriage and Anne were in no want to be humiliated in front of her Aunt and Uncle.
Her aunt popped her head in after a while,
“Hello, Annie. Why are you in here sulking?”
Anne fought back tears because she was not weak, ‘sulking - me?!’ she thought upset.
“I… mother told me to stay put until she said so.”
“Did she now? Well, everyone’s gone to the house. Come on, Anne – let us go inside. We have missed you endlessly since visiting you at Easter.” Aunt Anne smiled kind and reached her hand out and Anne clasped hers in it and jumped out of the carriage. Her aunt embraced her tightly, almost breaking down Anne’s resolve not to cry. Because there never was anyone quite so happy to see her as her aunt and uncle she felt. For once she mattered to someone and it didn’t feel as though they saw her as some oddity – a freak of nature as her mother usually called her. Aunt Anne let go of her slightly, standing back to have a look at her, hands on the sides of Anne’s face. And she laughed,
“My, how tall you have grown since Easter, Annie! You are taller than me now. Stop growing!”
Anne smiled,
“I will try not to.”
“What happened to your lip though, dear?” Aunt Anne frowned and ran her thumb over the bottom of Anne’s lip that were swollen from her mother’s hit. Anne took her Aunt’s hands gently and shrugged away,
“Nothing.”
Aunt Anne didn’t seem thoroughly convinced about that, but just then Rebecca came outside, and her mouth became a thin line when she saw Anne out on the courtyard.
“I told you to stay in the carriage until I said so child.” She snorted, and Aunt Anne stood herself in front of Anne almost as if to protect her with her own body, she didn’t trust her sister-in-law.
“As I said, she is a rascal and I simply don’t know what to do with her. She doesn’t listen to anyone. Was she bothering you?” Rebecca asked Aunt Anne who shook her head,
“Not at all. Actually, Anne came out at my bidding. I didn’t know she was supposed to stay in there. She said as much, but I convinced her to come out.”
“Oh – that child tries to manipulate everyone and everything in her way. I do not blame you.” Rebecca said to that and Anne could see the back of her aunt tense as though she was angry or upset. Anne panicked slightly, what if her aunt thought that was true?
“Anne, good to see you again. Your uncle is inside – why don’t you pop in to say hi and I can have a few words with your mother?” Aunt Anne turned and gave Anne a look. Anne smiled gratefully at her aunt for keeping her mother busy whilst she ran inside.
“Anne! I began to think you hadn’t come!” Her uncle grinned as he saw her and Anne went up to him,
“Not coming to Shibden for the summer? I would rather die.”
“Good to see you, and how you have grown! A tall lady, were has my little niece gone?” Uncle James teased and Anne rolled her eyes at him,
“Mm, and they have decided to send me off to hell this autumn.”
“Oh, I see. Whereto?”
“York Manor school.” Anne sighed, and her uncle put a finger under her chin,
“Chin up. We still have all summer – and on the bright side, if you’re off to school all autumn, you won’t be going home until Christmas and then you can come here immediately.”
“No, school ends a week before we normally go here.” Anne said and her uncle lit up,
“Really? Then, I will come get you and that’s a promise. I’ll talk to my brother, I’m sure he won’t disagree.”
“So, I can come here a week early?” Anne said excitedly, and her uncle nodded,
“Yes, so we can study something more useful to you. How are you coming along with the studies since Easter?”
“Very well. I’ve been up at five every morning to study algebra, and then I’ve moved on over the subjects. Mother doesn’t know though. I hide my books under a loose floorboard.”
“I see. You know Anne, if you are not too tired from the journey- you might come with me to catch some dragonflies. I collect various species. Study them. Not quite as interesting as dissecting frogs and such as we did at Easter, but they are beautiful creatures.” Uncle James looked down at her expectantly and Anne raised an eyebrow,
“Who do you think I am? Tired? Tut, I am always up for dragonfly hunting.”
“Good. Then that’s settled. After tea, we set off.”
They sat down to take tea with the rest of the family, and Anne counted the seconds on the grandfather clock in the corner. She wanted to be out of there, or rather out of her mother’s sight. Every time she would open her mouth to say something clever, and well thought out, her mother would give her a sharp look and Anne would shut her mouth again.
Samuel were encouraged to take part in the conversation but though he tried, his thoughts weren’t so eloquent. Not that it mattered of course. Anne knew her brother were good at many other things, and she and him could have much fun together when they were left to it. But for her to be excluded because of her sex or because of who she was when she was an intellectual and had many good things to say – that she couldn’t bear. Even John were allowed to partake more than she and he was just a ten-year-old ball of energy, who only talked about his wooden soldiers.
Suddenly her uncle stood up, and everyone went quiet – looking at him,
“Well, this has all been lovely, and I am pleased to see you all here again. But I will excuse myself and like to borrow Anne for a few hours.”
Her father merely nodded, but her mother glanced at Samuel,
“Shouldn’t you much rather take Sam with you? Anne is no good, she would surely ruin your plans.”
“Ah, whereas Sam is a fine young man, I think for this Anne would do perfect.” Uncle James persisted and Captain Lister nodded,
“Take her James if you want. Sam has promised me to practice his fencing with John.”
“Thank you. Come on, Anne – no time to lose.”
It was absolute heaven to be excused from her mother’s company and she took a breath of fresh air and sighed happily.
“What happened to your lip?” Uncle James asked as they were on the outlook for dragonflies. “Eh, nothing.” Anne waved it off, and her uncle raised an eyebrow,
“It just appeared?”
“Mm.” Anne replied absentmindedly trying to focus on finding dragonflies for her uncle’s collection.
“I see that I must revise biology and anatomy with you again.” Uncle James said then and Anne turned her head towards him,
“What? Why? I mean I don’t mind studying that more, but I know well what you have already taught me.”
“Well, then you know as well as I that bruises don’t appear without cause.”
Anne had fallen into his trap, and she frowned at him,
“It’s nothing. I… ran into a tree before we left.”
“For the sake that you seem unwilling to tell me the real cause I will pretend to believe that Anne Lister ran face first into a tree.” Uncle James told her softly, and Anne turned her eyes from him, she did want to tell them- but what if they thought she was really bad? Or that she deserved it? What if they then would tell her parents what she had said? Might not the stays become more unbearable if they agreed with her punishments. That would mean that thrashing was not out of question at Shibden anymore.
“Look, Annie!” Uncle James caught a dragonfly with his net, and Anne came closer to admire it. The blue colour seemed to glow in the sun.
“What kind is this?” Anne asked, eying it closely,
“I think it is a blue dasher, but we will have to have a closer look and open up my book on the subject when we come back.”
Anne hummed in reply, determined now to find one of her own to give to her uncle’s collection.
They continued hunting for dragonflies that whole summer whenever they had some time to it. Anne caught many for her uncle and they examined them closely in his study. Anne loved her uncle’s study, it was quiet, or well quieter and he had so many interesting books. Every morning at five she would sneak down and study with her uncle. He would lend her books and she would devour them. Any excuse they could find they would use so she could sneak off. Anne also taught Samuel to shoot straight that summer, something which her uncle had taught her summer’s previously. Her mother was unaware of course and her father just turned a blind eye as usual.
On one of the last afternoons, Anne and her uncle were out once again to find more specimens of dragonflies, and it had been comfortably silent for a short while following a discussion of the central themes of the Greek drama of Oedipus which her uncle had let her read despite it not being suitable for ladies. ‘Pish posh’, her uncle had said after having said that and given her it. But her Uncle turned to her, slowing them down for a bit,
“Anne, can I ask. Why has your mother thrown Samuel my way the entire summer? And why has he not been as energetic and playful as usual?”
Anne’s heart sank a little and she reprimanded herself for it. But she had dreaded this, her uncle would ask her questions about her brother so he could leave Shibden to him or because he had figured out her mother’s mercenary plans and wanted nothing to do with them anymore.
“Um,” Anne began trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t sound so bad, her uncle stopped in his tracks,
“Just the truth if you please.”
“Mother told him to behave and be helpful so that you might leave Shibden to him.”
“She said that?” Her uncle scoffed and Anne nodded,
“Yes. That’s why she has tried to throw Sam in your way all summer and why he has been so ‘calm’ and solemn.”
“You know, I suspected it was something like that and whereas Samuel is a fine young lad, running an estate is hard business. It can be vicious sometimes. Economics is one part surely, but the other – to care, but also be firm is another. Samuel can’t… he is, forgive me, not suited and I don’t think he will ever grow into that role – I believe he would be crushed by it, and I wouldn’t want that.”
“I understand. It would only be a burden for Sam. He is so, sensitive. I rather fear his destiny in the army. He would do much better elsewhere.” Anne said to that, trying to not put too much feeling into it. She didn’t want her uncle to see her disappointment. Because him not leaving Shibden to Samuel could only mean it were meant for a distant relative that had never heard of them – which ultimately meant that someday, Anne would not be allowed to return, and that stung.
“You are very bright. I am at loathe that they should send you away to manor school. What good will you do there? Talents utterly wasted. I fear your destiny as just being some man’s wife more than Samuel’s in the army.” Uncle James revealed and Anne raised her eyebrows,
“I am determined not to marry so you needn’t fret. I would rather starve and beg on my knees than marry some man.”
“You say that now, dear, at fourteen but when love comes to bite you…” Uncle James laughed but Anne didn’t, she eyed him sharply,
“No, I mean that. I could never be prevailed upon to marry. I would never want to be some man’s wife. Lower myself under someone? No thank you. Besides – I don’t like men.”
“I agree, I cannot see you being some man’s wife. A bold spirit like yours. Don’t like men? I confess I can see that it’s hard to like people who would see women constricted and as a weaker sex. When in reality you and I both know that women are just as good – if not better… but does that statement apply to me, your brothers and father too?” Uncle James glanced at her and Anne’s ears became a little red,
“Of course not. I meant other men, that might… anyway. I won’t.”
“A sound thought, and I shall laugh, but only very kindly on your wedding day. Until then, travel the world – see the world.” Uncle James smiled, and Anne scoffed,
“The only part of the world I will ever see is Yorkshire, and if I’m lucky Derbyshire.”
“That’s a pessimistic tone from someone who adores geography, culture and history.” Uncle James smirked and Anne shook her head,
“It’s a realistic view from a woman who has no prospects and no independent means.”
“You know… let’s make ourselves a deal, shall we? – You go to school and do your best and when you have finished school – if you haven’t met the man of your dreams – let us go to Paris. My treat.” Uncle James said and Anne’s eyes grew wide,
“Really? You would take me to Paris?”
“Yes, and if I can’t, I’ll persuade my sister to take you.”
“That’s about 1200 days away from now.”
“You best start packing.” Uncle James winked and Anne laughed happily, her heart pounding hard in her chest – she might get to see Paris!
“Thank you!” Anne hugged her Uncle tight and he patted her back,
“No worries. It would be an absolute delight. Besides, I haven’t been for years and years.”
Upon their returning home, Anne smiled at her uncle,
“You know, dragonfly hunting might just have been my favourite thing this summer.”
“Mine too.” Her uncle replied smiling, “Mine too.”