Bulky
Autumn had turned to winter overnight this year. The snow lay thick outside having fallen constantly since mid-November. The fireplaces were burning most of the time, but the cold seemed unescapable. Anne and the other girls at school had to dress warm to be able to sit through their lessons without getting frost bites. They wore bulky clothing, but most seemed to freeze anyway. Anne didn’t mind the cold that much. She was mostly bored, and saw winter coming as a good sign. It meant she would soon be picked up and taken to Shibden. But now she was worried – it was the day before and the snow really lay deep – what if they couldn’t make it there? And she was stuck at school for Christmas. Anne shuddered at the thought. She longed to discuss science with her uncle. All though, Anne bit her lip to contain the smirk, she didn’t mind sharing a room with Eliza Raine. Anne glanced at said girl, she was sat next to her during the lesson and Anne couldn’t help it – Eliza must surely be the most beautiful woman on earth. She had never seen anyone quite so charming and wonderful; she was two years older than Anne. They shared the attic room, which was by far the coldest and dampest room at school. But they didn’t mind. They had begun sharing a bed to keep warmer. There was no fire keeping the room hot, it depended solely on warmth travelling from the rooms beneath them. Anne had asked her one evening, this was over a year ago now, if she might kiss her. Eliza had complied willingly, and they had kissed, only to kiss again and again. It was as if Anne finally understood herself, her repugnance against forming any sort of connection with a man. She loved and only loved the fairer sex. Eliza was the same. During the nights they talked of living together as soon as they finished school – as companions to the rest of the world, but they would know – that they were married before the eyes of God only. This talk of secretly marrying one another had Anne think she loved none so well as Eliza - Eliza who would give her soft, sweet kisses every night.
It had begun like that – rather innocent but as time progressed, they had too. After all they were left to themselves in that room. They had explored each other’s bodies, and they had experienced what Anne liked to call their first ‘kisses’ with each other. Anne wasn’t entirely unexperienced; she had had her first… with another woman – an older woman when she was off with her father once.
Anne wrote most of it in her journal – a gift from her aunt and uncle. She had begun journaling at fourteen and done it non-stop since then. She would write down absolutely everything. Even some of what she and Eliza did with each other – because she had made a code up. So, she wrote some in plain English and some with crypt hand – and Anne got braver with every day – scribbling down more details in her code.
“It’s too cold.” Eliza mumbled to her, eyes still on their teacher and Anne smiled,
“Do you want to borrow my coat?”
“Don’t be silly, Anne – you’ll freeze!” Eliza turned her eyes to her for a brief second, careful not to alert anyone of their whispers.
“Well, I am willing to.” Anne offered again, and Eliza bit her lip and shook her head,
“But I won’t let you. Ah, this is all so bulky. I long for bed and warmth again.”
Anne smirked, knowing full well what Eliza meant with that,
“I could probably warm you up if you stay very still and quiet.”
“Here?! Anne you are mental- and joking I hope.” Eliza said to that, her cheeks flushed, but she moved herself a little closer to Anne on the bench.
“Maybe. Or I’ll have you wait, and that flush can warm you up sufficiently till then.”
“You are such a tease, Lister.” Eliza managed to whisper, and Anne threw her a killer smile,
“Happy too.”
The next morning, they dressed again for the cold weather, and Anne had to agree – it was bulky, but at least she would see her uncle today – hopefully.
“I shall miss you, Anne. I will think of you every so often.” Eliza told her before they left their room that morning, and Anne had smiled,
“I will miss you too. But I’ll write!”
Then they had shared a kiss and laughed as one of their teachers had opened the door a second after – no idea what had just transpired between the young ladies.
“Miss Lister, your uncle is here to pick you up.”
“Thank you, Ma’am. Have a nice Christmas.”
“You too, and… God bless you.”
Anne hurried downstairs pulling her colonial with her, almost knocking a few ladies down – how could they walk so painfully slow?
“Anne!” Uncle James lit up in the hallway when he saw her and Anne ran the last bit and embraced him,
“Uncle! You came!”
“Nothing could keep us from bringing you home over Christmas. But we should set off before it starts snowing again. Let me take your colonial.” Uncle James bent down to take her colonial, but Anne wouldn’t let him,
“I can carry my own colonial.”
“Of course, you can. Sorry.” Uncle James laughed, and Anne took it herself earning a few stares and raised eyebrows from the people around her. But her uncle didn’t mind. When they came outside, her uncle’s groom took it from her, and loaded it on the carriage and Anne went inside and sat down opposite of her uncle. He was dressed warm for the weather too, his coat strained around him from all the layers he wore.
“Did you have a nice autumn?”
“Yes, it was fine actually. I did write you letters every other week.” Anne smirked and he chuckled,
“Yes, your aunt has been delighted with them. You are very kind to take time and write us ‘old folk’.”
“Have you any news?” Anne asked then, and her Uncle arched his brow,
“Hm, well, your father wrote us earlier this week – they shan’t come. The weather is too bad. Rebecca refused to travel.”
“Oh? So, it’ll be just you and me and my aunt then?”
“Yes, should I have told you? Would you rather have stayed at school then?”
“Not at all. This might be the best Christmas ever.” Anne smiled.
Shibden was by far better heated than the school had been, and Anne relished in being there, where she needn’t wear four hundred layers just to keep warm. It was even better when she had no chance of running into her mother and she could take time and sit with her aunt. Aunt Anne didn’t mind her niece reading whatever book she had laid her hands on whilst she worked on her embroidery – she would ask questions about it and relish in her niece’s company.
On Christmas morning, Anne awoke in her room at Shibden and smiled to herself. She was so ridiculously happy whenever she was there. She wished she could wake up always at Shibden. Anne would dress and then sneak down to her uncle’s study to keep up with her studies and then when the house woke up, she ventured downstairs to eat a hearty Christmas breakfast with her aunt and uncle.
“Happy Christmas.” Uncle James said suddenly and handed Anne a package over the table. She hadn’t thought she would get any gifts this year – since the stockings were not even hung up – and she knew her mother had said she wouldn’t receive anything because she hadn’t done too well in all her classes at school. ‘Embroidery’ Anne had thought bitterly.
“For me?” Anne asked surprised, and both her uncle and aunt smiled,
“Yes. I hope you’ll like it.” Uncle James said excitedly, and Anne took the package and opened it slowly. It was a box. Anne opened the box and inside of it were an exquisite pocket-watch in silver. Anne’s eyes grew wide and she had to look up at both her aunt and uncle,
“Not for me surely?”
“Of course, it is for you. You always want to know the time, and I thought this might help with that.” Uncle James smiled and her aunt nodded,
“Also, this way – you can keep an exact track of time and that mother of yours cannot berate you for being late – not even by one second.”
“This is too much! This is… thank you!” Anne stood up and rounded the table to give both her aunt and uncle a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“It’s inscribed.” Her aunt said excitedly, and Anne examined the watch closely,
“Open it up.” Uncle James instructed, and Anne flicked it open and inside, though small were the inscription ‘To Anne Lister, Christmas day 1807, ‘Always ahead of her time’’. Anne’s heart tugged at that and she looked up through misty eyes,
“I love it. Thank you so much! I shall always keep it with me.”
It was more than just a simple gift; it was more than just a watch. Because it felt as though they really saw her for what she was, for who she was. They didn’t try to conform her to whatever society would like her to be. They encouraged her to be herself and to be proud of that. They saw her as an individual of her own mind and ways. Maybe they didn’t think her odd and misplaced. Maybe they even did love her.
“No thank you, Anne for being here with us.” Uncle James retorted and Aunt Anne nodded,
“You make us so happy just by being here. But maybe we should have given you another scarf to bulk up from the cold.”
They shared a laughter at that, because really not one of them could wear any more clothing outside to hide from the freezing cold – it would surely be beyond ridiculous.
Anne had been right before in thinking that this would be one of the best Christmases she had ever had. It truly was.