Who am I to be in Love (When Your Love Never is For Me)

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe that’s all Hope has to say. “I had one too many last night, and I almost kissed you. It meant nothing.”

Even the thought causes Hope to grow uneasy. She knows it’s not true; she knows it meant something. She couldn’t lie to Lizzie, Lizzie doesn’t deserve that. She deserves the truth— Landon deserves the truth. Hope wants to groan as she gets ready for class the next morning, because she can’t get Lizzie’s swollen, coconut flavored lips out of her head, and it was driving her mad.

Then Landon’s innocent smile flashes through the tribrid’s mind, and she can’t help but feel overwhelmingly guilty.

“I— I’m really glad you’re back. Tonight was really fun.” Landon says, and he sounds so sincere, but still very tipsy.

Hope remembers his words from last night as he walked her back to her room. She can’t help but feel extremely guilty as she remembers the way she kissed him. The lack of spark, the lack of hunger— the lack of need. She wonders if he felt just as cold as she did.

Yet as he pulled away, staring sweetly at the tribrid, his eyes glimmering the way they had done since they met, flashing her the same smile she had fallen for... something was off. They’ve kissed dozens of times since she’s returned from Malivore, yet last night felt distinctly different.

She wonders if it’s been this way since she’s been back. Maybe it just took that feeling to notice; that threshing in her belly when her lips grazed against a certain bewitching Siphoners. It’s a sensation she had never felt before. Not even with Landon as she kissed him in front of her room door last night. She knows she still loves him so much, yet she can’t help but notice the way she no longer senses that giddy smile fighting at her lips. And when he touches her, she doesn’t feel the burning in her belly anymore— the ache between her legs that she felt when she nearly kissed—

*Knock, Knock*

A light knock pulls Hope out of her thoughts, and she tenses up. She wasn’t expecting to see Landon till later.

“I told you she probably left already.”

Hope hears Lizzie’s voice and she nearly springs out of her seat.

“Give her a minute, Lizzie, it’s early.” Josie says from behind the door, and Hope walks over to the door, and opens it without a second thought. She thinks maybe that was a bad idea, because as soon as she sees Lizzie Saltzman, Hope freezes and she almost forgets how to speak. Lizzie raises an eyebrow at the Auburn haired girl, waiting for her to say something. She knew after last night, there was no denying her feelings for Hope, but now she was somewhat sure they were reciprocal.

They have to be.

Unless Hope just felt like kissing me. It could’ve meant nothing.

Lizzie swallows thickly at the thought of Hope nearly kissing her for no valid reason. “Hey Hope, I know it’s early, but Lizzie just wanted to thank you for being there to take care of her last night while I was... occupied.” Josie says, with her usual kind smile on her face. A silence washes over them, causing Josie to roll her eyes as she elbowed Lizzie in the side, clearing her throat insinuatingly. “Lizzie,” Josie signals for Lizzie to say something. Lizzie sighs, and now it’s her turn to roll her eyes. “Thank you for taking care of me last night, Mikaelson.” Lizzie says in a monotone. Hope stares at her, but Lizzie’s eyes are everywhere but Hope.

Hope opens her mouth to say something, but for a moment it’s as if she forgets how to speak. All she can think about is last night and how close they were.

“Lizzie, like you mean it.” Josie whispers, and Lizzie flashes her twin a look of disbelief.

“It’s okay!” Hope says quickly, not really sure why she’s coming to Lizzie’s aid. Normally, watching Josie torture Lizzie into doing something is immensely amusing. But this time was different. Josie didn’t know anything about what happened between Lizzie and Hope last night, and watching her force the blonde into thanking Hope for nearly kissing Lizzie, was not an ideally proud moment for the tribrid. “She doesn’t have to thank me. She would’ve done the same for me.” Hope reassures Josie, and this only seems to annoy Lizzie. “She is standing right here.” Lizzie reminds them in a vexed expression.

The way Lizzie’s cheeks heat up at the compliment contradict the way her nostrils are flaring up irritatedly. The blonde crosses her arms and she lets out a huff, and it seems to make Hope smile in a way that only annoys Lizzie even more.

“Well, I’m just really glad you’re both good now.” Josie says, and this causes Lizzie to glare at the brunette, as if she were telepathically telling her to shut up. Hope doesn’t miss it. “Josie, isn’t there something you wanted to ask Hope?” Lizzie asks through gritted teeth, obviously trying to change the subject. Josie shakes her head, “Oh yeah! Last night MG was talking about how this Friday lands on the thirteenth! And since today’s Friday, Pen and Raf started talking about all the urban myths and legends, and I thought it’d be pretty cool if we had a little bonfire! Only us and the guys of course... and Pen!” Josie rambles a bit because that’s the effect Hope has on everyone. Lizzie doesn’t really blame her sister, because it seems to happen to her too.

“He also found a pretty cool spot in the woods while we were looking for you guys last night!” Josie adds, and Hope smiles, “I’d love to.” Hope says with a smile on her face, and Lizzie rolls her eyes because she hates that stupid smile, and she can see the way it makes Josie smile too. Again, she really can’t blame her sister, can she? “Okay can I go now?” Lizzie asks, and Josie shakes her head, snapping out of her thoughts. Josie frowns because she does indeed notice the way Lizzie’s behavior shifts around Hope, “Where do you have to go? Class doesn’t start for twenty minutes.” Josie points out, and Lizzie almost wants to glare at Josie, but she refrains herself.

“For starters, I have to find a date for the bonfire, so I don’t look like the only single loser there.” Lizzie mutters, and Josie raises an eyebrow, flashing the blonde a look. “You are single, Lizzie.” Josie retorts, and Lizzie rolls her eyes. “Yes, but this way, I won’t feel single.” Lizzie adds, and that’s the end of the discussion because Lizzie begins walking away. “Later, Mikaelson. Thanks again for last night.” The blonde adds in a sardonic tone, and she sounds snarky, but Hope thinks that’s better than Lizzie not saying anything to her at all. Josie raises an eyebrow at the auburn haired girl questioningly, “Is everything between you and Lizzie is okay?” Josie asks, squinting in suspicion.

“Is anything between Lizzie and I ever okay?” Hope asks a bit jokingly as she reaches for her school bag, and walks out of her room. Josie laughs, “Well, they were, before you sacrificed yourself and erased yourself from our memories...” Josie trailed off, and Hope looks down a bit awkwardly at the reminder. “... and then I completely made things weird between you guys by admitting I was the one who started those rumors.” Josie finishes, and Hope can hear that she sounds regretful. Hope then flashes the brunette a look, “Don’t tell me you think Lizzie is upset because of that.” Hope says uncertainly. “I mean, yeah, why else would she be avoiding sitting with us at lunch, or class—“

“Because I erased her memories, and wasn’t planning on telling her or anyone who I was until she miraculously remembered.” Hope blurts out honestly and this causes Josie to stop in her tracks. “You— you weren’t going to tell anyone who you were?” Josie asks her voice is unsure yet simultaneously Hope can hear a hint of betrayal. Hope wants to look down, but she doesn’t, “No. If Lizzie hadn’t remembered who I was, I wouldn’t have told anybody.” She admits, and Josie only stands there, processing that for a moment. “That’s why Lizzie is so upset. It’s because of me, not you.” Hope finishes, and Josie continues to think about it for a moment. She hates to admit it, but it would explain why Lizzie had been avoiding the auburn haired girl since she’s been back.

“And Lizzie told you this?” Josie asks, and Hope nods. “Yup. Last night while we were in the woods.” The tribrid confirms and Josie flashes Hope a shocked expression. “What did you say back?” Josie asks carefully, and Hope can hear that Josie knows something. She’s not sure what it is, but Josie’s tone makes it pretty evident she knows more than she’s telling. “I apologized. We’re fine now.” Hope lies, surprisingly effortlessly and Josie seems to believe her because she doesn’t say otherwise. “You know, for some reason last year was Lizzie’s worst year here and none of us could figure out why. Until it hit me, it was because of you.” Josie says and it causes Hope to tense up.

“Or at least, it was because she couldn’t remember you. I thought she was crazy...” Josie says, a bit ashamed, “... we all kind of did.” She adds and Hope goes quiet. “I’m really glad you’re back and you guys are okay now.” Josie finishes, and the tribrid feels a familiar feelings of guilt creep up on her. She didn’t know if things were really okay between her and Lizzie, because every time she thought about the blonde, all she could think about was her swollen lips and mesmerizing eyes. “Yeah, me too...” Hope says a bit nervously, snapping herself out of her thoughts.

“Well, I’ll see you in class Hope! I gotta give MG his notes back before first period starts.” Josie says, before she walks off, leaving Hope to walk alone. Hope’s starting to think that maybe Lizzie is feeling a lot more than just anger and disappointment towards the tribrid.

-

Sometimes Lizzie thinks she’s cursed. Cursed with some sort of anti-love potion, or spell. Destined to be alone forever. Okay, perhaps that’s a tad dramatic, but it is how she feels. Can anyone blame her though? Her past love experiences and crushes haven’t been the best per se...

A flash of auburn hair and light blue eyes flash through her mind, and Lizzie can vividly remember the way Hope Mikaelson smelled and styled her hair this morning. That, Lizzie thinks, cannot be healthy. She even remembers the exact way the tribrid wore her uniform. Lizzie feels her cheeks burn as she continues thinking about the shorter girl, and she can feel herself grow physically frustrated. 

“Stupid Mikaelson.” The blonde mutters under her breath.

And as if she were summoned, Hope Mikaelson walked through the cafeteria doors, and Lizzie felt as if time physically stopped. Their eyes locked together, and Hope flashes Lizzie’s an undeniably cute smile and Lizzie swears her chest gets a little tighter. In this moment, Lizzie is one-hundred percent aware about how screwed she is because before Lizzie can even think anything else, the tribrid is making her way up to the table Lizzie is sitting at.

Lizzie doesn’t say anything until Hope does. Maybe it’s a pride thing, or maybe Lizzie just doesn’t know what to say. “Are you wearing my jacket tonight to the bonfire?” Hope asks in a light taunting tone, and Lizzie holds in the urge to roll her eyes yet she also wants to mentally facepalm herself because she’s been too busy thinking about last night, that she completely forgot about the bonfire. The smug look on the tribrid’s face brings Lizzie back to reality and causes the blonde to raise an eyebrow, seemingly unamused. “Bold of you to assume I still even have your jacket.” Lizzie says back, and before Hope can respond, the blonde continues. “And I’m not going tonight, I only said that in front of Josie so she wouldn’t bug me about it.” Lizzie adds bluntly and Hope feels a wave of disappointment wash over her. The only reason she agreed to go was because of Lizzie.

“Josie bugging you about not coming to a social event? Aren’t you usually the one bugging Josie about that?” Hope asks a bit tauntingly, trying her hardest to mask her disappointment. Lizzie’s serious expression doesn’t falter. “I don’t believe a bonfire qualifies as a social event. Sitting in front of a fire and watching my sister and Landon get drunk and both fawn over you, all whilst MG rambles about another classic DC series? No thanks, I’ll pass.” Lizzie says, and she turns her attention back down to the book she was “reading” before Hope approached her.

Hope can feel Lizzie losing interest in the conversation, and she knows if she doesn’t say something to change her mind, there’s no way Lizzie will go tonight.

That’s when it hits her. This is Lizzie Saltzman, Hope knew the only way to get Lizzie to do something, was by using reverse psychology.

“I mean, if you can’t get a date by tonight you could just say so.” Hope mutters, and Lizzie pauses for a second before looking up at the auburn haired girl from her book. “What?” Lizzie asks, raising an eyebrow in a way that even intimidates Hope. “Nothing, I’m just saying, it’s last minute, and if you can’t find a date for the bonfire, I completely understand why you don’t wanna go.” Hope says in an unusually nonchalant tone. This causes Lizzie to stare at the shorter girl in front of her, shocked at the suddenly brutal comment that was so unlike Hope. Lizzie puts her book down, and folds her arms over her chest. “Are you implying that you think I can’t get a date by tonight?” The blonde asks and Hope only shrugs in response.

Lizzie narrows her eyes at the tribrid a bit offendedly, before scoffing and rolling her eyes. “Whatever, Mikaelson. You have fun picking out matching flannels for you and your hipster boyfriend for tonight.” Lizzie sneers as she stands up, and swings her bag over her shoulder before picking up her book off the table. Hope furrows her eyebrows, “Where are you going?” The auburn haired girl questions, a bit confused, “To get a date for the bonfire tonight, jerk.” Lizzie mutters before walking away. Hope sits there, alone, watching the blonde walk through the cafeteria and right up to Jed.

Hope’s entire face changes as she watches from across the room as Lizzie leans into him and whispers something in his ear. For some reason the action causes Hope’s blood to boil even hotter than it already is. The way Jed grins from ear to ear only makes the feeling worse. Hope doesn’t take her eyes off of them for a second, as she watches Jed nod before Lizzie makes her way back to the table she had been sitting at a few minutes prior. Lizzie has a smug look on her face, and before Hope can even say anything, Lizzie speaks, “I guess I have a date for the bonfire tonight.” The blonde says, and Hope feels as if she’s just been slapped in the face. She thinks, maybe she should have used a different tactic to get the blonde to come.

Throughout the rest of the school day, Hope can’t stop thinking about Lizzie and unbelievably, Jed. She wasn’t proud to admit that she was extra hard on him during practice with Alaric and the pack. She doesn’t mean to (or maybe she does), but she ends up right hooking Jed in jaw so hard he falls to the floor.

“What the hell Mikaelson!?” Jed snaps, as he shoots up from the ground, and stares her down. “What’s your problem?” He asks again, getting into her personal bubble. Something inside of Hope snaps, and it most certainly has everything to do with Elizabeth Saltzman. “You were just messing around with Alyssa Chang not even two days ago, fact or not?” Hope asks through gritted teeth as she pushed the taller and bigger boy’s chest so hard he falls again. The rest of the guys stare in shock, and a bit of fear, as they watch Hope unpredictably tell Jed off. “I— what? How the hell is that any of your business!?” He asks loudly, as he jumps to his feet, not daring to back away from the tribrid.

Jed was stubborn, but Hope wasn’t an idiot. She was well aware she had the upper hand in this fight. Jed knew it too, and so did all the other guys there.  “It became my business when you decided to take Lizzie on a date tonight.” Hope says, and Jed pauses. “Wait, this is about Saltzman? She asked me to the bonfire tonight—“ Jed starts, and Hope cuts him off quickly. “But you said yes, and we all know the only reason you go on dates, Jed.” Hope says insinuatingly. “So? Lizzie isn’t off limits, she’s single.” Jed says, and his careless tone begins to hit a nerve Hope never knew she had. “I can do what I want with her.” Jed adds and that’s the comment that sets Hope off. She sees red as her eyes turn yellow and next thing she knows, Jed ends up on the floor again and Hope is on top of him punching his face.

After a few punches, the shock wears off and Jed begins to fight back. He pushes the auburn haired tribrid off of him, and attempts to hit her back, but she dodges his hit pretty effortlessly. This is when training every day with Alaric comes in handy for Hope, because fighting an opponent twice her size is pretty easy when she already does it every morning for fun.

“Enough! That’s enough you two! Now!” Alaric shouts, and both of them pause but they stare at each other so intensely. Jed has never seen that look on Hope’s face before. Hope feels her heart pounding against her chest and as the adrenaline wears off she can’t help but notice how bloody and messy Jed’s face looks. “Jed, nurses office. Hope, come with me. The rest of you, practice is over. Go back to your rooms and try to forget what you just saw.” Alaric says, and he sounds familiarly angry and Hope knows she’s about to get one hell of a lecture.

-

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you know what could have happened tonight?! Do you know what you could’ve done to him?! To Jed, your friend, may I remind you!” Alaric tries his hardest not to raise his voice as he stands in front of Hope in his office, but he can’t help it. “I was going to stop—“

“When?! After you finished beating the crap out of him!?” Alaric asks, cutting Hope off. “Why were you two even fighting anyway? You two were fine yesterday!” The older man adds, and Hope rolls her eyes as she remembers the way Jed bragged about hooking up with Alyssa Chang this morning, and was now claiming he could do “whatever he wants” with Lizzie. Alaric realizes he isn’t going to get an answer from the auburn haired girl, and he lets out a ragged breath as he plops down onto his desk chair. “Hope, I thought things were better now... since you’ve been back you’ve displayed nothing but positive behavior. This is so out of nowhere, I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.” Alaric says, and he sounds tired which causes Hope to feel guilty and simultaneously frustrated. She is so tired of feeling guilty.

Hope looks down and avoids his gaze, she opens her mouth to say something, about to break and tell him everything that’s going on in her mind and love-life. Everything that’s going on with Lizzie and Landon. Hope is about to tell him everything, but before she even gets a word out, Alaric’s office door flies open causing both of them to turn towards the doorframe and see Lizzie standing there. Her eyes immediately land on Hope.

There was a feeling of relief washing over Lizzie as she silently examines the tribrid’s face, and notices Hope doesn’t have any marks or bruises on her from the alleged fight. The relief slowly fades away and is replaced by anger as she realizes Hope beat up her date for tonight. “You mangled my date, Mikaelson.” Lizzie says through gritted teeth as she walks into her dads office, closing the door behind her. She doesn’t even care that her father is sitting a few feet away as she marches up to where Hope is sitting, and stands in front of her.

“Lizzie this isn’t a very good time—“ Alaric tries, and Lizzie cuts him off without even looking at him. “Stay out of this dad.” Lizzie snaps, and he does a bit of a double take but is ultimately too exhausted to argue with his daughter. “You better have a good reason for doing that to his face, or I’m going to Siphon magic from you and throw you out of that window with your own powers!” Lizzie hisses but Hope doesn’t even flinch. She doesn’t even look at the blonde’s face. “Maybe you should have chosen a better date.” Hope mutters, and the comment makes Lizzie laugh angrily with a hint of sarcasm. “Oh that’s ironic coming from you. Your date is a mopheaded elf who dresses like a thrift store hobbit.” Lizzie sounds angry and the comment genuinely upsets Hope.

“Stop trash talking Landon.” She says, trying to keep her calm. “Why? Why should I? You just beat my date up, but trash talking yours is off limits? Screw you, Hope! I can’t believe I thought for even a second you actually—“ Lizzie cuts herself off, and Hope stares at her intently, waiting for her to finish, but she doesn’t. Instead, Lizzie only shakes her head as she stares at Hope with the same disgusted face the tribrid was starting to associate herself with. “Have fun with your elf on the shelf tonight.” Lizzie says, and her tone sounds sarcastic but the hurt in her voice was clear as day. Lizzie walks out, and Hope shakes her head because she feels like the biggest jerk in the world.

“Lizzie wait!” Hope says as she gets up, not even bothering to wait for Alaric to excuse her as she follows the blonde out of the office. “Lizzie!” Hope tries, as she attempts to catch up to the Siphoner. “Go away Hope!” Lizzie shouts, not even caring that they were in the school hall. “Lizzie I’m sorry!” Hope tries, and Lizzie stops in her tracks, as she spins around to face the auburn haired girl. The angry look is gone, and now replaced with a look of hurt. “For what? For almost kissing me or for beating up my date?” Lizzie asks, calling the tribrid out. A shameful feeling washes over Hope, and she feels like the most horrible person on earth.

Hope glances down at the floor, “For all of it.” She admits. “Why’d you do it?” The blonde asks, keeping her head up straight and attempting to keep her usual poker face. “I mean, you and I both know Jed was bound to get his ass kicked eventually...” Hope muttered, and Lizzie rolls her eyes, a bit exasperatedly. “Not that, you idiot! Why’d you try to kiss me?” Lizzie asks and her blunt tone causes Hope to freeze. She wasn’t expecting the blonde to be that straightforward about it.

“I— I— I uh—“ Hope takes a mental note that Lizzie Saltzman is apparently the only person who can make her stutter like an imbecile. Lizzie shakes her head, and that hurt and disgusted expression returns. “You see what I don’t understand is why you keep on apologizing, yet still continuously doing things that hurt me.” Lizzie says, and she sounds exhausted. “And you know it’ll hurt me too.” Lizzie adds, and Hope opens her mouth to say something but no words come out. Everything Lizzie is saying is unfortunately true. Yet, as Lizzie stares at her, angrier than ever, Hope is convinced she herself is going crazy because right now, Lizzie is the most beautiful being she’s ever laid eyes on.

Lizzie scoffs, “I can’t believe I actually thought you cared about me. I bought your entire bullshit apology, and I can’t believe I actually missed you while you were gone!” The blonde yells in a familiar catty tone. A tone that used to annoy Hope to her core— it still kind of does, except the way Lizzie’s nostrils flare a bit and her jaw clenches is somehow suddenly undeniably attractive. Maybe it’s wrong that Hope’s never wanted to kiss someone more than she has right now. Lizzie’s still yelling, but Hope has somehow miraculously blocked her out due to how frustratingly beautiful Lizzie looks while she’s angry. Nobodies ever gotten angry this way with Hope, no ones ever had the courage to actually yell at her like Lizzie Saltzman does.

Suddenly, while Lizzie is in the middle of ranting about something Hope knows is important, her eyes uncontrollably trail down to those red, swollen lips. For the first time in her life Hope yearns for something. She feels as if she’s going crazy; if she doesn’t kiss Lizzie soon she sure she’ll go mad.

Lizzie trails off in the middle of her rant, and her mood shifts from angry to annoyingly confused. “What? Why are you staring at me like that? Did you get hit in the head?” The blonde asks, and before Hope can even think about responding, it was as if her body had a mind of its own. She began marching up to the blonde who was only standing a few feet away, and Lizzie said nothing as she tensed up while the tribrid approached her. Hope is now inches away and Lizzie can practically smell her strawberry shampoo and equally fruity perfume. Lizzie loses all train of thought and forgets all about why she was even upset as Hope stands centimeters away from her.

“I want to kiss you.” Hope says, and she says it with her chest because somehow Lizzie can feel that she’s telling the truth. “We can’t...” Lizzie chokes out, her heart is suddenly pounding, and all she can see is flashes from last night; Hope’s lips gently grazing against hers, her heart racing just as fast as now. Probably faster. “Tell me you don’t want to.” Hope says, and it sounds as if she’s actually pleading for Lizzie to tell her not to. Lizzie opens her mouth, preparing herself to say she doesn’t want to kiss Hope—

“I can’t.” Lizzie practically breaks as she places her hands on each side of Hope’s face, and pulls her in almost roughly, passionately connecting their lips together.

a/n: okay so it’s proof read and edited if anyone wants to go ahead and re-read or not !! Lol I know there were a lot of mistakes and probably still might be. Chapter 3 coming soon!!