Who am I to be in Love (When Your Love Never is For Me)

Tw!!!! some light Handon

Hope feels as if her belly is on fire as Lizzie deepens the kiss, and all the tribrid can taste is coconut lipgloss and a pair of soft lips. As Lizzie unexpectedly pushes the auburn haired girl into the lockers with her body, Hope lets out an uncontrollable moan and something inside of her shifts. Her eyes turn yellow as she pulls away, and before Lizzie can even comment on it, Hope pulls the blonde back in and kisses her again. The second kiss more passionate than the first. Lizzie’s hands begin to trail away from Hope’s face and into her soft, auburn locks—

“Ahem”

The two practically jump away from each other as they hear someone clear their throat. As Lizzie and Hope look up simultaneously, they see Alaric standing there, staring at the two with a disapproving yet shocked expression on his face. Hope opens her mouth to say something but no words come out. “What dad?” Lizzie asks in her usual nonchalant tone, as if they hadn’t just been caught making out in the middle of the hallway. “Hope needs this detention slip.” He pauses, “I’d give you detention for making out with her in the hallway, but I kind of wish I could forget what I just saw...” Alaric mutters, and Lizzie rolls her eyes as Hope reaches for the detention slip. “Thanks Mr. Saltzman...” She trails off, a bit awkwardly.

“See you on Monday.” Hope adds before he walks off, choosing to ignore what he just saw due to the awkwardness of the situation. The girls fall into a silence as they’re left alone again. The silence only lasts a few moments because simultaneously, they both turn their heads to look at each other and for some reason they start laughing. After their laughter dies down they stare at each other, Lizzie can’t help but notice the way Hope’s eyes glimmer as she stares at the blonde in adoration. The tribrid opens her mouth to say something, but before she can say a word the two feel a pair of arms around their shoulders.

“Hope that was seriously awesome! I swear I don’t think Jed’s gonna mess with either of you ever again!” Rafael exclaims and Lizzie rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, you did such a great job as pack leader handling that fight, Rafael.” Lizzie says in an obviously sarcastic tone. Rafael then flashes Lizzie a look of disbelief, “You wanted me to handle a fight between Hope and Jed? A tribrid and that reckless idiot? No thanks.” The wolf laughs dismissively. Lizzie rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed, and Hope can’t help but chuckle. “Besides, I didn’t really want him at the bonfire anyways...” Rafael admits. “Speaking, of Jed and everything... Hope, Landon’s been looking for you.” He adds and Lizzie tenses up but says nothing as they’re reminded of Landon.

Hope’s entire expression changes as she thinks about her boyfriend, and how she just made out with Lizzie Saltzman against the school lockers. It then hits Hope that she just cheated on Landon. Hope can’t help but look over at Lizzie who has an enigmatic look in her face. “He’s waiting by your room.” Rafael adds after Hope doesn’t respond. The auburn haired girl nods, as she glances over at Lizzie again who can feel Hope’s gaze burning in the side of her face. “I’m gonna go talk to him. I’ll see you guys tonight.” Hope responds, as she looks at the blonde insinuatingly one last time before walking away. Lizzie wonders if that means she has to be at the bonfire tonight.

“See ya, Hope!” Rafael says as Hope walks off. It takes everything in Lizzie not to watch Hope as she walks away. As the blonde and Rafael fall into a small silence, he stares at her with a smirk, and Lizzie narrows her eyes at the wolf. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Lizzie asks, already annoyed. “It’s not every day a tribrid and a werewolf fight over you.” Rafael taunts and Lizzie scoffs. “They’re two teenage, powerful creatures. Their hormones are why they fought, not me.” Lizzie responds dismissively. Rafael then raises an eyebrow at her in a way that shows her he clearly doesn’t believe what she‘s saying. “No, I was there, the fight was about you.” He says, and Lizzie goes quiet. Rafael has known Lizzie for years and not once has he ever said anything that made her go quiet. The blonde always has something to say. Except for now.

“You already knew that though, huh?” He asks, a bit carefully. He never really knew what was okay or not to talk about with Lizzie. He goes quiet, and they both fall into a silence. He thinks about everything that happened today, and last night when they found Lizzie and Hope in the woods together. Rafael’s eyes go wide, as he looks at the blonde who’s now looking anywhere except him, avoiding his gaze. “Wait a minute, does Hope—“ he cuts himself off because he doubts himself for a minute. But the way Lizzie’s cheeks are growing red, and she’s still avoiding his gaze, shows Rafael exactly what he wants to know.

“— does Hope have a thing for you?” Rafael asks, in a tone Lizzie can’t recognize. “I don’t know.” Lizzie says honestly. It’s the truth. Lizzie only knows what she herself feels, but as for Hope? Well, Hope Mikaelson and the way she feels about Lizzie has always been one of Lizzie’s biggest mysteries. “She’s with Frodo, isn’t she? If she had a thing for me, trust me, we’d all know. She’s terrible at secrecy.” Lizzie points out bluntly, and Rafael shrugs, sort of believing her. He pauses as another thought pops into his mind, “Do you have a thing for Hope?” He asks, and the way Lizzie’s face changes causes him to raise both of his eyebrows.

“Like I said, she’s with Mophead, and I’m very invested in myself. Thank you.” Lizzie thanks him sardonically before turning around to walk away. “Wait! I’m not trying to be an asshole, I’m being serious, Lizzie. Do you have feelings for Hope?” The wolf asks in a genuinely concerned tone. Lizzie stops in her tracks, and sighs frustratedly. “What does it matter? She’s with Hobbit, and no matter what I feel, she loves him. You can’t top love.” Lizzie says without even turning around to look at Rafael.

The taller boy only stares at Lizzie’s back, feeling a wave of empathy wash over him. He’s never really understood Lizzie Saltzman, but he sort of does right now. Lizzie feels a sense of sadness set in, before letting out a quiet breath and turning around to face Rafael. She has her usual serious expression on her face but somethings different this time. “Look, Mikaelson is... she’s good. Frodo is... also good. Together they’re good.” Lizzie adds and for the first time since he has met Lizzie, he sees a sincere expression on her face.

“And you?” Rafael asks uncertainly. Lizzie’s usual annoyed expression returns as she stares at her friend in front of her. “I can pull your head off with the wave of my hand.” Lizzie almost sneers, as she holds her left hand up insinuatingly. Rafael nearly believes her, except he can see the inscrutably different glint in Lizzie’s eyes and he knows she’s lying. “But you wouldn’t, because you’re good too.” He points out, and Lizzie rolls her eyes, as she puts her hand down before turning around. “Whatever, if you tell anyone about your little perverse theories about me and Hope, I’ll tear your head off and let the other wolves play ball with it.” Lizzie threatens in a deadly serious tone as she walks away from Rafael.

Rafael only raises both of his eyebrows, “I don’t know why Hope fought Jed for you, you could’ve just done it yourself!” He taunts back and Lizzie turns around and storms up to him again. “Hope Mikaelson did not and will never fight anyone for me! Whatever those two neanderthals did to each other was because of themselves! Not me! So stop saying I had anything to do with the fight because that’s how rumors start.” Lizzie snaps, poking his chest with her index finger, and Rafael can hear the defensiveness in the blonde’s tone, but truthfully he’s way too scared of what Hope will do to him if he messes with Lizzie. “Got it?!” Lizzie practically hisses and Rafael only nods fearfully.

Lizzie holds their gaze, narrowing her eyes angrily at the taller boy before she storms off.

Hope lets out a nervous breath as she makes her way down the hall, on her way to her bedroom. She was nervous, and guilty, but most of all that exhilarating feeling she had while she was in the same perimeter as Elizabeth Saltzman, had slowly begun to fade away. The reality of the situation sets in, and Hope quickly realizes she has no idea how to handle something like this. She realizes in a timespan of three days she had started lying to, crushing on, and fighting for Lizzie. Yet, as she sees Landon sitting by her room door, she feels an ache in her chest and her feet begin to drag a bit.

His head perks up as soon as he sees her and he immediately stands up, “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, and before she can even answer, he continues. “Raf told me what happened! I had to make sure you were alright. I swear, I’m going to kill Jed—“ Landon cuts himself off mid sentence as he examines Hope’s face. She was flushed and doesn’t have any bruises or marks on her face. “From the looks of it, you had it covered though...” Landon trailed off, and Hope let out a quick, forced laugh. “Yeah, well, Jed isn’t the scariest person I’ve fought with.” Hope admits and Landon only furrows his eyebrows uncertainly. “What did he do?” He asks carefully.

Hope goes quiet as she remembers the seething anger in her belly as she saw Lizzie whispering something into Jed’s ear in the cafeteria. She can’t help but think about the way she felt when Jed spoke about “doing what he wants” with the blonde. “He just said some really obnoxious things about Lizzie, and I lost my cool.” She explained a bit shamefully. Landon pauses, as he stares at his girlfriend a bit uncertainly. “... Lizzie? Since when does Jed talk about Lizzie?” He asks, still trying to understand the entire situation. “Since today apparently.” Hope muttered, and Landon notices the shift in Hope’s demeanor but he’s not entirely sure how he’s supposed to feel about it. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t noticed the change in Hope’s behavior lately. The fixation on the blonde.

He figured perhaps they were just going through one of their fights like they always did, but this time was different. Hope hasn’t said anything about it to him. He’s been waiting, and waiting, and nothing. Hope hasn’t said a thing about it.

“What’s up with you and Lizzie?” He asks, and Hope freezes. “Nothing.” She says a little too quickly. Landon knows she’s lying. He can see it on her face. Hope’s a terrible liar. “I’ve just been trying to fix things.” Hope adds, and Landon furrows his eyebrows, obviously confused. “But you did fix things, you apologized— we’re okay now—“ Landon tries and Hope cuts him off. “This isn’t about us, Landon. I hurt her, I— I made her feel crazy because I took away a significant memory. You all thought she was crazy because of me.” Hope says, and Landon goes quiet for a few moments. “And I— I need her to know that I’m not gonna leave again. I need her to know that I’m here as long as I’m breathing, I’m here for her.” Hope says, and Landon stares at her for awhile.

“For her?” He asks in an inscrutable tone. Hope pauses, “For all of you.” Hope adds in that same rushed tone Landon can’t recognize. Landon glances down at the floor, and he can’t help but feel anxious. He doesn’t understand why he feels anxious. He can’t help but feel as though something is wrong. “Are you coming to that bonfire with me tonight?” He asks, and Hope pauses. “I— of course I am.” She says, and she wants to mentally facepalm herself because she seems to pretend as if she hasn’t just cheated on Landon with Lizzie a few minutes ago. Landon pushes any feeling of doubt down, and he flashes a smile at his girlfriend.

“Good. Wanna hang out until we have to go to?” He asks, and Hope only nods, forcing herself to smile back at the taller boy.

“Blue or yellow?” Josie asks as she holds up two different colored tops. “The blue is really cute, but I love the yellow.” Josie adds as she stands in front of her sister who is sitting at her desk, obviously not listening. Josie furrows her eyebrows as she realizes Lizzie hasn’t heard a single thing she’s said. “Hello? Earth to Lizzie.” Josie says, waving the two items of clothing in front of her twin sister. Lizzie shakes her head, snapping out of whatever mesmerizing thoughts that were intruding her brain. “Huh?” The blonde asks, suddenly snapping back into reality.

Josie pauses as she stares at her sister for a few seconds, “Okay, are we still pretending like nothings going on? Because clearly something going on with you. You’ve been acting really weird since Jed’s party—“ Josie starts, and Lizzie looks as if she isn’t listening, again, and Josie cuts herself off mid sentence by sighing frustratedly. “Lizzie!” Josie exclaims, pulling the blonde out of her thoughts yet again. Lizzie shakes her head, and glares at her sister, “What?” She snaps, obviously vexed. Josie pauses as she puts the two tops down, and takes a seat on the edge of Lizzie’s bed.

“What’s going on?” The brunette asks, clearly concerned. Lizzie looks up, letting out a huff, because Josie’s overly excessive caring can be annoying, but it somehow always causes Lizzie to cave. “It’s Mikaelson. Ever since she’s been back, my brain is all fuzzy and messy, and I can’t stop thinking about her.” Lizzie admits in a breathless tone and Josie furrows her eyebrows. “And I’m trying to stop. I mean, I was even going to allow Jed be by date tonight.” Lizzie adds, causing her twin to scrunch her face up in disgust. “Ew, Jed? Really Lizzie?” Josie asks, and Lizzie rolls her eyes in response.

“I was... desperate, and he was the only one I could think of! But of course that she-devil got in the way, and beat up my date!” Lizzie exclaims, making Josie’s eyes go wide in horror. “Wait, Hope beat up Jed?! When did that happen?!” Josie asks, shocked. “A few hours ago! Where have you been? Hope was in dads office for an hour—“ Lizzie tries to explain but Josie cuts her off. “Did Hope get in trouble?” The brunette asks, and Lizzie rolls her eyes.

“No, Hope never gets in trouble. Anyways, I interrupted during one of his pointless lectures and I yelled at her, so maybe that’s why all dad gave her was detention. He probably felt bad for her.” Lizzie muttered the last sentence, and Josie flashed the blonde a pointed look. “You couldn’t have waited until dad was finished? You had to make the scene?” Josie asks, and Lizzie rolls her eyes for the hundredth time today. “Yes! Because she keeps on doing these things that—“ Lizzie cracks and her voice is loud, and Josie looks taken back which causes the blonde to pause in the middle of her sentence.

Lizzie takes a deep breath, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat, “She keeps doing these things that make me feel like I’m not actually crazy for feeling something other than pure hatred for her. And she does them continuously, but it’s not enough to call her out on it, because it’s not enough to be something yet I know it’s not nothing.” Lizzie pauses again, and her voice is tired and she’s somehow lost the anger. Josie feels immensely sad and she knows she’s feeling exactly what her sister is. It suddenly dawns upon Josie that the only other time she’s felt this is when she—

“Lizzie do you— do you have a crush on Hope?” Josie asks cautiously, and Lizzie freezes, her eyes go wide. She shakes her head as her cheeks burn, “Wh-where would you get a stupid idea like that?! I only tolerate her for you and everyone else— the only reason she and I even became friends in the first place was for you!” The blonde Siphoner exclaims defensively. Josie narrows her eyes as she examines Lizzie’s face for a few moments. For a moment Lizzie feels transparent under her sisters gaze. She feels as if Josie can see right through her, and could practically read her thoughts like an open pamphlet.

“Is that why you’re so angry with her?” Josie asks, and Lizzie’s eyes nearly bug out of her head. “No! I’m angry with her for being a pain in the ass and erasing my stupid memories of her.” Lizzie says, and Josie nods, but not in a believing kind of way. “Uh-huh. And you’re sure that’s the only reason you’re angry?” The brunette asks, and the way Lizzie seems to freeze up at the question, makes Josie squint her eyes in suspicion.

Flashes of soft lips on hers, and Lizzie can see a gleam of yellow as she remembers the way Hope’s eyes changed when they pulled away.

“I can’t stand her.” Is the only thing Lizzie musters up, and the response does nothing to ease Josie’s obvious doubts. “You know, for someone who “can’t stand” Hope Mikaelson, you sure think about her a lot.” The brunette mutters her response, as she goes with the yellow top, and tosses the blue one to the side. Lizzie rolls her eyes in clear annoyance, yet, she knows Josie isn’t wrong.

At seven-thirty, Josie is ready, early as always, and preparing to go pick Penelope up. Lizzie, of course, got out of the bonfire by using her “no date” as an excuse. She is even willing to allow Josie to believe her and Hope are arguing. It was better than telling her the truth. What would Lizzie even say? Hope beat up my date, and after I finished yelling at her, we made out in the hallway, and dad caught us? Lizzie almost wants to scoff at her thoughts as she watches Josie gather her items for tonight.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come? We’re gonna have wine and snacks.” Josie tries to convince her sister, and is only met with Lizzie’s grumpy expression Josie knows all too well. She knows better than to continuously persist once Lizzie has already made up her mind. “Okay, okay. Here’s a pack of starburst, text me if dad finds out we’re gone.” Josie says, and Lizzie rolls her eyes as she nods. “Yes, ma’am.” The blonde retorts satirically. Josie only tosses the candy at her sister, who catches it effortlessly before Josie walks over towards the door.

As Josie flings the door open, she nearly jumps as she’s suddenly face to face with Hope. (Who may or may not have been standing there for a few minutes, trying to remember how to knock.) “Hope, you scared me!” Josie exclaims, giggling, and Lizzie’s head perks up at the sound of the tribrid’s name. She looks over at the doorframe and all she can see is Hope’s silhouette due to Josie standing in the way. “I was about to knock, I just— is Lizzie here?” Hope asks dumbly, and she sounds more lost than ever. Josie can see something is up, but she says nothing about it.

“Yes, she is. I was just about to meet up with Pen, but Lizzie’s here, come in.” Josie says, and Lizzie’s eyes go wide as she sits up in her bed, and pulls her sheets over her, covering her pajamas. Josie steps aside, and the auburn haired girl walks in, and Lizzie wants to throw up as she notices how beautiful Hope looks. Her makeup is done, and she’s wearing tight jeans, an equally tight top, and a cropped leather jacket. Their eyes lock and Lizzie feels as if the earth literally freezes around them. She didn’t even notice Josie was still there.

“I’m gonna let you two talk...” Josie trails off awkwardly, feeling the overwhelming tension between the two. Hope turns her head and smiles at the brunette, “Thanks Josie. I’ll see you at the bonfire.” Hope responds, and Josie smiles before she attempts to walk out for the second time. This time, she’s successful, leaving Hope and Lizzie alone, in silence.

Lizzie stares at the sheets of her bed, avoiding the shorter girls gaze. Hope can’t stop staring, and she has no idea what she’s supposed to say. She thought she knew, but as soon as she saw Lizzie and that beautiful face, all of her thoughts mushed together. Suddenly Hope’s head was full of scrambled thoughts that made no sense, and she found herself growing nervous. Hope stares for what feels like an eternity, but in reality is only about a minute.

“You’re not coming to the bonfire?”

Hope nearly wants to facepalm as the words leave her mouth. Why is it, that I only say the stupidest things around Lizzie Saltzman? No wonder she has so much ammunition.

Lizzie looks up at the auburn haired girl, and Hope swears her heart nearly stops beating as Lizzie’s eyes lock with hers. “You scared my date away, remember?” The blonde asks, and Hope tenses up as she’s reminded of her actions again. “I’m sorry—“ Hope tries, but she stops in the middle of her sentence as Lizzie stands up. She’s wearing white short shorts with little pink hearts on them, and a matching tank top that’s short enough to show her midriff. Suddenly they’re face to face and Lizzie looks so cute Hope wants to die. What is happening to me?

“The amount of times you’ve apologized lately is laughable.” Lizzie says, and Hope snaps back to reality. “Well I am sor—“ The tribrid can’t even finish her sentence before Lizzie is interrupting her, “Please don’t even finish that sentence, Mikaelson.” Lizzie sarcastically begs, and it causes Hope to raise an eyebrow slightly. Lizzie Saltzman knows exactly how to push every button. “I am. I don’t mean to keep messing things up between us. It feels like every time you’re about to truly forgive me, I do something to ruin it.” Hope admits, and Lizzie feels a sense of guilt set in, “It’s not just you.” The blonde says a bit quickly, and Hope looks up at Lizzie, curiously.

“You’re not the only one who keeps messing things up.” Lizzie adds, and before Hope can question her, the blonde continues. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” The Siphoner says, as she turns her head away from the tribrid, avoiding Hope’s gaze.

And there it is. Who would have guessed Lizzie would be the first to bring up their kiss? Hope sure didn’t. “I— I wanted you to.” The auburn haired girl admits, and Lizzie can’t help but let her eyes meet Hope’s once again. Hope could see the surprise on Lizzie’s face; almost as if she was shocked the tribrid wanted to kiss her. “You shouldn’t.” Lizzie points out and Hope knows she’s right. But she wants to protest. She wants to walk away. She wants to kiss Lizzie Saltzman. She wants to push her against the wall and—

Hope interrupts her overwhelming yet contradictory thoughts by inching towards the blonde. Lizzie feels her heartbeat against her windpipe, and she loses all train of thought as Hope approaches her. “I know.” Hope says and she’s practically centimeters away from Lizzie— Lizzie can smell that distinct scent of fruity shampoo mixed with whatever scent of Dolce Hope was wearing. “But I’ve never felt anything like this before.” Hope reveals, and Lizzie swears her heart is about to implode in her chest.

The auburn haired girl lets her hands reach for Lizzie’s, and her fingertips graze along Lizzie’s arms, leaving goosebumps along the way. Every spot Hope touched, was now burning as the tribrid allowed her hands to trail up to Lizzie’s face, “You are so beautiful.” Hope practically whispers, as she moves the hair out of Lizzie’s face, and stares into her icy blue eyes. For once, Hope sees the blonde’s eyes go soft and she can’t stop herself, Hope’s leaning in and she’s placing a kiss on Lizzie’s pink, pillow-like lips.

The kiss is light, and quick, not giving Lizzie enough time to kiss back before Hope pulls away. Lizzie’s eyes flutter open, and she looks down at Hope who is staring at her with pure admiration. Lizzie thinks, Hope looks abnormally vulnerable. Lizzie also thinks, in this moment, she would do anything for Hope Mikaelson. She would also do anything to kiss the auburn haired girl again.

Before Lizzie can think anything else, Hope is pressing herself up on her tiptoes again, and her lips meet Lizzie’s. This time, the kiss lingers, and Lizzie has time to kiss back. Lizzie does; and she thinks, maybe if given the chance, she always will. The blonde places her hands on Hope’s waist as she deepens the kiss. Hope moans gently, and Lizzie takes this as an opportunity for her tongue to make its way into Hope’s mouth. Now they’re making out, and Hope can’t stop herself from pushing Lizzie back onto her bed so the blonde was now sitting down.

Lizzie stares up at her in awe, with darkened blue eyes, and Hope stares down at the Siphoner with nothing but adoration. Lizzie feels strangely shy under Hope’s gaze, but before she can say anything, Hope straddles her lap, and places her hands on both of Lizzie’s shoulders. Their eyes meet. Time stops. Literally, everything inside Lizzie stops; even her heartbeat. Hope has known Elizabeth Saltzman for a decade, how has she never seen her in this way before?

The tribrid leans in, putting a halt to her thoughts as she places another tentative kiss on Lizzie’s lips. Lizzie, of course kisses back, as she places her hands on Hope’s waist.

“The only other clean one I have is my blue top—“ Josie’s voice stops in the middle of her sentence as she freezes in her tracks, stopping at the doorway of her bedroom. Her eyes are stuck on Hope and Lizzie who are making out on Lizzie’s bed, clearly unaware that Josie was there. “What is it?” Penelope questions as she walks into the room and her eyes go wide at the sight. She scoffs, and this is what causes Lizzie and Hope to pull away; Hope still on Lizzie’s lap, “No way.” Penelope says, and her shocked expression shifts into a devious one as Lizzie and Hope stare at the two with unrecognizable expressions on their faces. “Who would’ve thought.” Penelope adds, a smirk on her face.

This causes Lizzie to push Hope off of her, as she stands up. “Listen you witch, I have no problem setting you on fire right now—“

“Lizzie.” Josie intervenes Lizzie’s meaningless threats, causing the blonde to look over at her sister who’s staring at her inscrutably. “I knew you had a crush on Hope.” The brunette retorts, in a “know it all” tone. This causes Lizzie’s face to burn as they all stand in silence awkwardly.