Focused
Lexa was just sitting in her room enjoying her mother brushing her new washed hair in silence, Becca was better. In the last month a lot had changed in their household, everything with her mom didn’t seem forced anymore or fake.
She felt like her mom was actually coming back to her and she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. They talked a lot, slowly and carefully but her mom was really sorry about the year they lost together and for how much pain her daughters had gone through.
It felt good talking about it, they all needed it to move on - too move forward.
At the moment she was more worried about Clarke than her mother, she had a feeling her ex was exhausted. She had been working so hard lately, the last semester before summer break was sneaking up on all off them but it was stressing Clarke out more.
They didn’t talk much, it almost felt like they where strangers these days - it was mostly smalltalk or friendly smiles from distance. Lexa missed her but she knew this was for the best, they needed some time to think and clear their minds.
She knew they wouldn’t be able to be friends, it was hard enough to just see her without being able to be with her, touch her, talk to her or ask about her day. There was still to many emotions involved to act like nothing happened.
So they silently agreed that it was best to give each other space to heal, to grow.
***
”Clarke..?” Raven grabbed the blondes shoulder and shook it a few times. ”Clarke?” She repeated.
”Uuh?” She opened her eyes and realized she was in school, had she fell asleep?
”Taking a nap in the library?” Raven sat down next to her. ”We we’re waiting for you at lunch and got worried”
”Are you okay?” Octavia was there too.
”I guess I’m just a bit sleepy” Clarke shrugged, trying to her best to feel more awake by stretching her body.
”You’re working to hard” Octavia shook her head. ”Is there anything we can do?”
”It’s just been a lot off school and work…It’s hectic right now” Clarke admitted.
”You know I could…loan you some money and maybe you could take some time off work?” Raven carefully asked, it was a sensitive subject that she had tried before.
”No” Clarke was firm. ”You know I don’t want your money”
”You could pay me back Clarke” Raven sighed. ”I hate seeing you like this”
”It’s nice of you but not necessary”
”Think about it at least” Octavia tried.
”The offer still stands if you change your mind” Raven assured her. ”We’re your friends and we wanna help you”
”I know…thank you” Clarke looked at them, she knew her friends just wanted to help but it would feel so bad to accept that kind off money from them. Or anyone for that matter, as long as she was able to handle this alone she would. ”It’s not long until summer break”
”You can barely keep awake now” Raven eyed her. ”You look like you haven’t slept in days Clarke…”
”What Raven is trying to say…” Octavia looked at the Latina. ”Is that we can tell you’re exhausted and we really want to help if there is anything we can do”
”I could use some extra help on the campaign, I need to take care of some posters and fill in some papers…” Clarke thought about it, she didn’t necessary had to be the one to complete the tasks.
”Yes” Octavia nodded. ”Just let us know and we will take care of it”
”Thank you guys” Clarke smiled at them, that would actually be helpful.
****
Lexa yawned, she had just finished her first class but still felt tired. She had never been a morning person, she didn’t get them. She was jealous of them though, she wish she had all that energy and positivity when she woke up.
”Lexa” Raven approached her, she had been used to her now - she was often at their house or by Anya’s side. They seemed to be doing better than ever.
”Hey” She greeted her. ”Whats up?”
”Just got here” She told her.
”Lucky you, I have been here for one and half hour already” Lexa sighed and looked at the time.
”I guess you get to finish the school day before me then” Raven chuckled.
”That’s something” Lexa agreed.
”I was actually about to ask you something…” Raven looked serious, it wasn’t a normal face for her.
”Oh…” Lexa stopped walking and stepped a little to the side so other people could pass them.
”Have you talked to Clarke lately?” She wondered.
”No why?” Lexa got worried. ”We don’t really speak these days…”
”I’m worried about her” Raven sighed. ”She won’t let me help her”
”Help her with?” Lexa wondered.
”She’s struggling…with work and school and…I think she’s about to break soon”
”I don’t know what I can do to help?” Lexa knew Clarke, she was stubborn.
”She listens to you…maybe you could try to talk to her?” Raven suggested. ”I understand if you…I mean you guys broke up but I know she still values your advises…or maybe she would at least open up to you. She’s shutting everyone out, pretending to be alright”
”I don’t know Raven…might just annoy her” Lexa talked from experience.
”I honestly think she learned her lessons…” Raven knew it was a sensitive conversation but she was scared for her friend and wanted to do anything she could. ”Like I said…I understand if it’s to hard…but I think she needs you right now”
”I could try” Lexa sighed.
”Thank you” Raven gave her a little smile. ”That’s really nice of you”
”I still care about her” She admitted.
”I know” Raven nodded. ”She cares about you too”
***
Clarke wanted to slam her alarm into the wall when it started shouting early in her room, she had set it early to get some homework done that she was too tired to finish after work yesterday.
”Fucking hell” She wined as she turned it off, she knew she had to sit up immediately or she would go back to sleep in seconds. She hadn’t have a proper sleep in days, it was sneaking up on her…she could feel her body struggling.
She did however, complete what she woke up for and was in school on time like always - she used her time to practice for a test she would have later that day. It was harder than expected since her eye vision was a bit blurry and the words seemed to mash together from time to time, she had to re-read sentences over and over.
”I figured I would find you here” Clarke looked up and spotted Lexa starring at her.
”What are you doing here so early?” She wondered and the brunette slowly walked up to her to take a seat close to Clarke.
”I was hoping to see you” Lexa answered like it wasn’t a big deal, Clarke was happy to see her but she was a bit confused.
”Oh…are you okay?” Clarke wondered. ”Is something wrong?”
”I’m fine” Lexa hushed her.
”How’s your mom?” Clarke tried again.
”She’s actually better than ever” Lexa smiled at her now, she couldn’t help but feel happy about that. ”I’m more curious about how you are feeling?”
”I’m fine?” Clarke questioned her.
”I just noticed that you work a lot harder than before…I just wanted to make sure you’re not drowning”
”No..” Clarke fake laughed and Lexa could tell. ”I’m fine, I wouldn’t work harder than I can handle. It’s just a lot right now”
”It’s okay to ask for help sometimes you know?” Lexa pushed.
”If I need help, I’ll ask” Clarke smiled again but it felt forced. ”How are you feeling about the last semester? Are you doing alright?” She tried to change the subject but she was also genuine curious on how Lexa was feeling.
”I’m okay…with my mom feeling better and everything it’s easier to focus on school so…”
”That’s great” Clarke smiled for real this time. ”I’m glad she’s fine…and I’m glad you’re doing okay”
”Thanks” Lexa nodded. ”So…” She was unsure what to say next.
”You don’t have to worry about me” Clarke helped her. ”I can rest soon”
”Okay..” Lexa couldn’t argue that. ”Just let me or anyone know if it’s getting to much okay?”
”Yeah, thank you” Clarke meant it, it was sweet of Lexa to check on her.
”Have you talked to Bellamy yet?” Lexa looked at her.
”I think he’s avoiding me again…If I weren’t so busy I would hunt him down and…” Clarke got mad just thinking about him and how he lied.
”Haven’t seen him much either…not really at all when I think about it”
”I think he knows that we caught him…but I am not done with him. What he did was nasty”
”It was” Lexa agreed.
”I can’t believe that…someone you known for years turn out to be nothing that you believed that they where”
”People change”
”They do..” Clarke looked into green eyes, wondering if Lexa was thinking about the same thing she was. About them and how they could change.
It was hard to read her though.
***
”10 minutes left and then you have to put down the pen” Clarke’s teacher informed them in the classroom.
It was a pretty easy test but Clarke couldn’t concentrate, was people breathing loud? Writing to aggressively? Was her heart beating to hard? It was something and her body got filled with stress over the pressure that she had to be done soon.
It’s been a few days since she spoke to Lexa about how she was feeling, Clarke knew it was getting really bad now and she wanted to let her know. She wanted to be honest with her, show her that she had changed.
Clarke wondered if she had to see a doctor? Her eyes where flickering and her body felt cold even if she was sweaty. She had to grab the table, feel something to concentrate on something else - or focus on her breathing.
”FIVE MINUTES GUYS” Her teacher spoke again, had it already been that long? He just said 10 minutes? Clarke tried to look at her test again and reached for her pen, her hands where shaking and she took another big breath.
Come on, you can do this - you could do this in your sleep. The test was easy and usually she got this done under twenty minutes. It’s been almost an hour soon and she wasn’t even halfway through.
”Time!” Clarke could hear loud sighs and chairs dragging to the floor, she looked up and tried to understand what was happening. Her classmates where starting to talk again and the teacher seemed to be collecting everyones test.
”Clarke?” He looked at her. ”Are you okay?”
”What?”
”Your test please” She realized she had to walk up to him to leave it and she used all the strength she had to get to her feet. Once she was standing up the room started to spin and her eyes where flickering again.
She wasn’t sure what happened next but everything turned black.