It's over
”NO!” Lexa was pacing back and forth. ”Fuck Clarke, what the fuck?”
”I just don’t want him to ignore me” Clarke had never seen Lexa this upset.
”What if you stop thinking about yourself for a second and maybe try to remember that you have a girlfriend?!”
”You know it’s not like that…”
”It’s not like that with me and Ashley but Bellamy actually has a thing for you” Lexa bursted out.
”Like Ashley has a thing for you?!” Clarke spitted back.
”You know that’s not the same thing Clarke?” Lexa rolled her eyes. ”I’m so fucking tired off your bullshit”
They where currently behind locked doors in one off the many bathrooms at school, Clarke knew she had to tell Lexa immediately but she wasn’t ready for this reaction.
”Then tell me what to do here” Clarke breathed out. ”Everything I do is wrong”
”Why do people always have to tell you whats right or wrong?” Lexa crossed her arms. ”Use your brain for once and stop being so selfish”
”I just don’t want to lose my friend” Clarke tried.
”No…fine do whatever you want” Lexa shook her head. ”But you’re losing me”
”What?” Clarke looked up scared at the words.
”I can’t do this, it’s too complicated”
”It’s not” She tried.
”And I think you need to figure some shit out…”
”Lexa please…” Clarke walked closer. ”I won’t go to the dance with him, I don’t want to lose you”
”I don’t like being taken for granted, I don’t care if you go to the dance with him or not. It’s how you’re always thinking about yourself first…Even with Bellamy” Lexa scoffed. ”You weren’t even considering his feelings when you where lost feeling sorry about yourself because he didn’t want to talk too you”
”I just wanted him to be okay”
”NO” Lexa raised her voice. ”You wanted YOU to be okay, you couldn’t accept the fact that he wasn’t treating you the way he used too…leading him on like it was nothing. Then playing dumb when he confesses”
”- I ” Clarke was speechless.
”And that you would rather fix your relationship with him than focusing on ours” Lexa took a step back. ”I mean it Clarke, I’m tired off this - on your behavior”
”Please…” Clarke pleaded.
”I shouldn’t have to tell you that going to that dance with him is a bad idea, you should’ve just told him no” Lexa locked eyes with her, green filled with anger. ”You’re really hurting me right now, you do realize that?”
”I’m sorry” Clarke took a deep breath, she fucked up again.
”I’m tired off you being sorry” Lexa took another step back. ”We’re over”
”Lexa” Clarke yelled behind her but the brunette slammed the door on her, she could feel her heart beating out off her chest.
***
Clarke stared at her ceiling in her bedroom, it had been a few days since Lexa broke up with her and she wondered if she was out off tears. Lexa and her friends had been trying to tell her how selfish she had been all along but she hadn’t listened. She had apologized but never really realized she was doing something wrong.
It was selfish, she was selfish and Raven had tried to tell her - that she does it over and over again. That Lexa had to scream it to her face for her to understand was even worse, the brunette had given her so many chances.
She deserved this, she deserved feeling like crap. She sure as hell didn’t deserve Lexa. Clarke screwed this up, like she does with everything these days. The only thing she could control was school and work - things that didn’t involve emotions.
It was honestly sad how blind she had been and Lexa had been right, the only thing she had cared about was herself.
*New text messages*
Raven: What are you doing?
Clarke: I’m home
Raven: It’s Friday, wanna do something?
Clarke: No
Raven: You can’t avoid her forever
Clarke: It hasn’t even been a week, let me suffer
Raven: I’m coming over
Clarke: Okay
She wasn’t to upset about the fact that her friend wanted to come over, she hated being alone with her thoughts right now. She wondered if Raven had already been on her way because it didn’t take long until she could hear the door bell through the apartment.
”Hey” Clarke opened the door.
”You look like a mess” Raven eyed her outfit, she was wearing her dads old sweatpants and a big T-shirt, her hair hadn’t been brushed and she knew she had a proper ”bedhead”.
”Thanks” Clarke answered sarcastic.
”Okay so how are you feeling?” Raven asked as took off her red jacket before following Clarke into the living room.
”What do you think?” Clarke sighed as she sat down in the sofa.
”I tried to warn you didn’t I?” Raven wasn’t yelling at her.
”I’m so fucking stupid” Clarke complained. ”Lexa is the best thing to happen to me this year and I blew it”
”Was she really the best thing then?” Raven wondered. ”I mean, if you really cared for her why did act the way you did?”
”Of course she was…she has done so many great things for me this year and I took it for granted. Thinking I wouldn’t lose her…I thought it was picture perfect and focused on everything around me instead”
”That’s stupid”
”She forgave me over and over…for my stupid behavior but I didn’t change.”
”Well…maybe being alone is what you need right now?” Raven tried. ”I mean…you haven’t been yourself in a long time and I don’t blame that but you’ve had a rough year. Maybe a relationship isn’t really what you need right now”
”I can’t get away with everything just because off that”
”I’m not saying that Clarke…I’m saying that you need to start healing and working on yourself and in order to do so you need to be alone”
”Maybe you’re right”
”And I know I’m hard on you but you I’m always here for you Clarke, you know that right?” Raven sighed as she looked at the blonde sincere.
”I know that…I also know I haven’t been there for you either, I’m a shit friend and a shit partner”
”A piece off shit indeed” Raven smirked and tried to ease the tension, it worked.
”An asshole” Clarke chuckled.
”Yes…well should we watch a movie or something?”
”Don’t you have plans with Anya today?” She wondered, her friend usually spent time with her on the weekends.
”She’s with Le…” Raven interrupted herself.
”You can say her name” Clarke told her.
”She’s with Lexa and I was thinking you might need a friend tonight” Raven finished her sentence.
”How is she…” Clarke carefully asked.
”She’s upset too”
”I wish I could see her…” Clarke crawled up her body in the sofa, almost like she tried to hug herself. ”She doesn’t wanna talk to me…or see me”
”I know…” Raven sighed. ”Let’s see a comedy and forget for a little while, okay?”
”Okay..” Clarke agreed but she knew she couldn’t just forget about all off this - she fake laughed through the movie.
***
Clarke washed her face with water before starring at her reflection in the mirror, the dark circles around her eyes was getting almost impossible to hide with make-up. She tried anyway and at least it looked better than nothing.
She had been working late all week and stayed up doing homework until late - she wasn’t even sure if she had gotten any sleep some off the nights. She got dizzy standing up to quick and got lost starring at nothing during the days - it was hard to stay focused during class.
Like usual, she took the same bus like always to school to get there early - however, today she had asked Bellamy if he could meet her and he had agreed. So she was waiting outside on the parking lot because he was driving there with his car.
She was relieved to see that he was on time when his familiar car rolled in and parked close to her, she watched him get out and he looked a bit tired as well.
”Hi” He greeted her.
”Hi” Clarke said back.
”So…whats up?” He walked closer, she was sitting on a bench so he joined her there.
”I just need to talk to you” Clarke looked at him. ”I want to be honest with you”
”Um…okay”
”We used to be able to talk about everything and I want to believe that we still can”
”We can” Bellamy nodded.
”I lied to you before…” Clarke sighed. ”When you asked about Lexa in the library”
”Oh..” Bellamy seemed surprised by the fact. ”So you do have a thing for her?”
”Not only a thing…we we’re dating” Clarke told him. ”But due to the president campaign we decided to keep it secret…I didn’t know how to tell you and when you confessed your feelings I didn’t know what to say”
”I don’t know what to say” Bellamy seemed a bit confused as he looked over the parking lot.
”It’s okay…but I need you to know that I have feelings for someone else and I only agreed to go to that dance because I don’t want to lose you as a friend”
”Damn…” Bellamy looked at her. ”I mean, thank you for being honest but I kinda sucks”
”I’ve been handling this situation bad, I’m sorry about that. I got scared of you not wanting to be friends anymore and I…acted selfish”
”It’s a tricky situation I guess…I don’t have the answers for you either but…what did you mean by you guys we’re dating? You’re not anymore?”
”She broke up with me..” Clarke sighed.
”I’m guessing because off this?”
”It’s a part off it…but mostly it’s just my fault. I didn’t treat her with respect”
”Doesn’t sound like you?” Bellamy looked at her again.
”Anyway…” Clarke didn’t wanna talk about Lexa with him. ”I just wanted you to know that…and it was stupid off me to agree to that dance”
”I mean…we could still go?” Bellamy suggested.
”Why?” Clarke shook her head.
”As friends? A little push to make things go back to normal?”
”You would be fine with that?…”
”Yeah well, I’ve been hard on you…and I miss you…and I mean you might need a fun night after everything? I mean…I know I do?”
”It could be fun…” Clarke thought about it. ”But just as friends” She stated again.
”Just as friends” Bellamy smiled, but he did have something else in mind.