Chapter 24
Abbi regarded the farmer from across the room with piqued interest. Ever since seeing Haley storm off from the Night Market, and her preceding palpably horrific mood, Abbi had become very curious about what was happening between the town hottie and the town’s other hottie, the farmer. She would be lying if she said there hadn’t been a tiny part of her that went over to Haley’s that day just because she was curious. Curious, bored, knowing Haley could really use a friend, and Alex might not fully realize it, but Abbi could tell they weren’t besties like they used to be.
She was escaping her family via Seb’s basement when Ry knocked. He seemed surprised but happy to see her.
“You’re up late.”
“Yeah, my sleep schedule’s been fucked lately. I can’t keep staring at my ceiling. I can come back another time though.”
“Nah, it’s good. Right, Abs?”
“’course.” Abbi nodded, flipping through one of Seb’s old comics.
Ry had flopped into Seb’s beanbag chair and the three of them proceeded to chat and play a couple games on Seb’s console. Ry seemed like she usually did to Abbi, calm and good humoured, if not a bit tired. Hot enough that even Abbi might be tempted. Not so much in her physical features, but in her presence. Self-assured, with nothing to prove. According to everything she’d heard, she’d never looked at anyone with beyond a friendly interest. Though there had always been rumours about her and Shane shacking up together, Alex had dispelled that. And then... along came Haley, seducing the unflapable farmer within basically minutes of her arrival. What did that say about the both of them?
Abbi thought she knew for a fact that Haley wouldn’t have been caught dead with some working class farmer. But there she’d been, reportedly seen going to the farm at all hours of the day and night. Disappearing with the farmer from the saloon. Abbi’s old scorn for the Pelican Town rumour mill had dissipated somewhat over the years. What else was there to keep life interesting? Speculation kept great company. She’d found the danger wasn’t so much in the gossiping, but in which gossip you put too much stock in. Her mother having taught her that the hard way.
Apart from the false interpretation of her friendship with Shane, the gossip around town about Ry was tediously tame. Mostly just that she was helpful, kind, and stupidly strong. The worst she’d heard was that she could be a little aloof, or was accused of “disappearing” for a spell, too absorbed in work. But these things were always said with warmth, admiration, maybe a slight caring concern. Everyone loved the farmer. Even... Haley? Love? Abbi found it exceedingly difficult to imagine Haley in love. She also found it hard to believe that Haley was Ry’s type, or vice versa. Was “opposites attract” real?
Apparently, not real enough to last.
So she found herself in the awkward situation of playing smash bros with Ry and losing easily because she was busy picturing what Haley and Ry’s sex was like. Pretty good, she imagined.
“Did you let me win?” Ry asked, seemingly amused by this.
“Uh, no... I’m distracted, sorry.”
“All good, worked in my favour I guess. Think I better call it quits now though.” Ry got up, hugged Seb and waved goodbye to Abbi. “Thanks for letting me crash,” she says before disappearing up the stairs.
“She doesn’t know about Maru, does she?” Abbi asks Seb, setting up another match. She was not going to let herself lose from a sex fantasy this time.
“I don’t think so... I was going to say, but, I don’t know. Just didn’t feel right.”
“Maru should probably be the one to tell her.”
After months of stagnation, within one week Maru had managed to find a research opening, interview for it, get offered the job, sign the papers, and make arrangements to get there. She would be leaving on the first day of spring, not to return until at least the end of summer, with the possibility of extending itself through the fall if she performed well.
When she had told her parents that she was looking into it they had been thrilled. When she’d jumped at the first opportunity so quickly they became a little wary. Especially when they heard where it was, and that she’d be basically off grid and out of contact for the majority of her time there. Her mom kept asking her if she was sure, and her dad kept reminding her of his connections at the marine lab up the coast.
“Yes, I’m sure.” And she was. It was time. She needed to move on from this pit she’d allowed herself to sink into. What was here for her?
Another Winter Star.
Opening the little envelope Lewis sent out to everyone each year was a moment of genuine fear for Maru. What if it was Ry?
Did leaving make it easier to move? In a sense, there would be nothing to lose if she did. No risk of awkward encounters. Was she hoping it would be her?
Instead it was Marnie. Easy enough to handle. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little disappointed, but she refused to investigate deeper into that feeling. It was already decided. She was going, and Ry would remain in the valley. With her sinking farm.
Maru couldn’t help Ry. Beyond that, she wasn’t sure if she could stomach watching the farmer have to leave knowing she couldn’t do anything but stand by. So she would leave, coward that she was. Spare herself, if she couldn’t spare the other. It wasn’t particularly noble, but she had to live her life. The thing she felt most badly about was leaving Penny again.
She was the first person she told.
“Jumping back into it, huh?” She’d responded, face unreadable.
“I guess, yeah. Just for a bit. See how it goes.” Maru had masked her own certainty for the sake of her friend. She knew she needed to go, and she knew this was starting down a path she likely could not turn back from.
If Penny sensed the truth or not she didn’t say, “well, good for you, Maru. You were always meant to do something like this.”
“What will you do?” Maru risked asking.
“Without you?” Penny responded sarcastically.
“No, I mean in general. What will you do this new year?”
“I don’t know... I should do something though, shouldn’t I?”
Before Maru could ask anymore about what that meant, Penny had changed the subject.
She put the little card with Leah written so neatly on it down underneath a book she was never going to read, hoping that would make it go away. She put on some lip gloss, ran a comb through her hair, and walked out of her room.
“Hey Em?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you seen my phone charger?”
“It’s by the kitchen table, I think.”
“Right.”
Haley plugged in her phone. No self regulation like scrolling through her apps for a couple hours. She didn’t even make it to a chair, just stood in the middle of the kitchen mindlessly scrolling until Emily asked her if she could move so she could turn on the kettle. She then made it all the way to the couch, glued to her screen.
Every time something unbidden popped into her mind – Ry, Leah, how she’d been uncharacteristically incapable of getting any work done for half a week and had a mounting stack of emails to answer and calls to return – she submerged herself deeper in her relentless scrolling. There was only one unbidden thought she allowed to take over her thumbs; was Abbi on socials?
The only account she found that might be her was private, but with Emily as a mutual friend. The picture was too small and obscure to be positive, but it was dark and had a streak of purple in it.
The memory of the day Abbi had crashed her misery fought frequently for headline space in her mind with her pathetic episode at the Night Market.
“I need a cigarette.” Abbi had said midway through the movie that both Haley and Alex had been strangely enjoying.
And when she’d left, Alex cheekily asking her: “Are you sleeping with Abbi? I know you’ve always been obsessed with her tits.” A stupid high school memory resurfacing, an attempt to smooth other the embarrassing scene with Ry.
She’d thrown a pillow at him and shushed him violently. “Shut up, shut up! I don’t know why she’s here, okay? She just is.”
They’d left that night with the promise of watching the sequel hanging between the three of them. It gave Haley a lightness she hadn’t expected, would admit to, or deserved. She’d gone to sleep staring at her ceiling, wondering who Abbi was. She hadn’t asked her a single question about herself. She was still wondering now.
She dm’ed her.
Hey. Give me your number.
Short, too the point. Too presumptuous? Confident? She hit send before letting herself think too much, telling herself it probably wasn’t even Abbi in the first place, or if it was she probably never checked it.
She was so nervous about seeing the notification of a response that she had to put her phone down.
But without her phone...What the fuck was she supposed to do now? She didn’t even have the attention span for reality TV.
“Emily?”
“Yes?”
“Can you make me a cocktail?”
Haley’s social media was public and perfect, as to be expected from someone who worked in social media. Abbi smiled to herself, shaking her head. Devoid of all personality, formulaic, bland, gorgeous. It was all Haley’s perfect hair. Perfect nails. Perfect martinis, perfect dates, poolside getaways, runway premieres. Perfect mouth, perfect tits, perfect ass, perfect body in a bikini with no stretch marks, and a perfect smile, perfect face, tied off with a perfectly unoriginal caption.
I don’t do brand deals Abbi responded to the dm after thoroughly investigating Haley’s every post. Or a good chunk of them to get the idea, there were too many to actually look through them all. She followed that up with her number.
A perfectly tasteful amount of time later, Abbi got a text from an unknown number. Please reconsider your stance on brand deals.
Abbi replied right away. No.
A moment passed with no response and Abbi added, meet me at the saloon to discuss in person? It was a shot in the dark. She was bored and could use the company. Sebastian was great but... Abbi had never really had female friends. The closest she came was her old roommate Livi.
They had felt like real friends, at first. But Abbi was jealous.
Livi was pretty, and she grew up in the city and knew how it worked, had cool friends that had cool parties, and, most of all, had a cool boyfriend. Abbi felt like she could never really live up to it, and, though she’d rather die than admit it, she would do anything to be able to.
Even make out with Livi at 3AM drunk in their kitchen with bad lighting, so Livi could turn on her boyfriend. It worked out well the first few times. Livi and Abbi would touch tongues and then Livi would disappear into her bedroom with him, leaving Abbi feeling a strange mixture of used, lonely and horny. Until it worked a little too well and he became interested in Abbi and he asked for her to join them in the bedroom. Then Livi got jealous and his interest killed Abbi’s, and she became desperate for Livi’s.
She didn’t need to be jealous of her. Abbi meant no harm, she just wanted to be friends.
But it was too late. The tension between her and her roommate kept rising until it got to be too much, and they parted ways, never to speak again.
This was back in her early uni days, when any life course had seemed possible. Since then it had felt a little more locked in, though she tried not to dwell too much on the fact that she loved repeating the same old patterns. What she did think about was that she hadn’t really come close to having an in-depth friendship with another woman. She was beginning to worry she’d lost her chance. She was too old for silly things like hair brushing and going to the bathroom together to fix each other’s makeup. She’d been thinking about it a lot lately, which was probably the reason she’d thought of brushing Haley’s hair.
Haley’s immediate response to her offer to get drinks was no. Which was fine. Amusing, even.
“We’re in debt and we’re not on track to pay it off.” Ry stated, attempting emotional plainness but clearly agitated. They were in the farmhouse, and she had decided that this meeting was the perfect time to make a huge batch of kimchi. She was chopping up one of the only remaining cabbages from their fall stock.
“Have you had an actual accountant tell you that?” Shane said, doing nothing to disguise his snark. He was sitting at her kitchen table, doing nothing to help. He did not plan on going easy on her.
She glared at him, “I’ve been gently reminded, by various sources.”
She was being too vague, which bothered him, but he could feel it was going to work to get it all out in open. Money was a bad subject. “How much time do we have?”
She was hesitant to answer.
“What?”
“Well, it could be almost a year.”
“But?”
“That doesn’t get us through a whole season, and... I don’t know. Spring is a big money suck, and if it’s bad weather... Belly up mid-summer doesn’t sound too good. I’m wondering if we call it quits before then.”
“As in what? Now?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“So you’re giving me two weeks notice.”
“No!”
“Then are we giving it a go? Another season?”
“I don’t know!”
“There’s got to be something we can do. Also, hasn’t this land been in your family for generations? What are we losing so much money on, building repairs?”
Ry hesitated long enough before answering that Shane knew he was going to hate the answer. His stomach dropped before she even said the words.
She said them through clenched teeth, “it’s Finn’s debt.”
“What?” He hissed, “why are you carrying Finn’s debt?”
“It was a condition of getting the farm. He took out a loan under the business, and then used most of it for personal expenses. When I took over the land, I also took over the business, meaning I assumed the debt as the new owner.”
“Yoba. What the fuck, that’s bullshit.” Shane was standing up now, feeling the need to move. Finn, fucking him over again. A small part of him feeling pangs of guilt. Some of those personal expenses had involved him. His past self fucking his future self over, again. He could feel the desire for a stiff drink rising up in him. “It doesn’t make sense that you assume responsibility for his fuck ups. What does that have to do with you, us?
She shook her head, her eyes looking stormier than usual, “it’s partially... family dynamics.”
Ry had never been forthright about her family, aside from how much of an idiot Finn was. Shane had put pieces together from what she’d said and left unsaid. He did know that the old man who used to farm here had let his own sexist beliefs cloud him into thinking Finn would make a more acceptable farmer, just because he was a man and Ry was a weak little girl. Shane could assume that most of the family agreed with this, based on certain facts, most notably that none of them had ever come to visit. Whenever she had talked about them it was always with an “it is what it is” stoicism. But now, those two words, family dynamics, betrayed a disturbance in a previously hidden well of pain.
In another situation, when he wasn’t feeling a powerful need for a drink, and like his own life circumstances were being seriously threatened, he might have been more sensitive to that. Instead, he decided to say “why the fuck have you left me in the dark about this for so long?” His voice was louder than it needed to be, but he wasn’t about to quiet down.
“You didn’t need to worry about it! It made no difference!” She matched his tone, back turned to him and furiously chopping the cabbage.
“Like fucking hell I didn’t need to worry about it!”
“It’s not your business Shane, it isn’t your obligation- Fuck!” In her rising frustration, she’d sliced her hand with the knife. It took a second for the blood to start spewing, long enough that she pulled it away and spared the cabbage the carnage. But when the blood did start coming, it came hard.
“Fuck” she muttered, closing a fist around it to try and stop the bleeding.
“You need to fucking watch it.” He was too pissed to be properly concerned. If anything, he was annoyed that this was derailing their argument.
“Just get me a bandage, alright?” She snapped at him, wincing as she continued to put pressure on the cut.
He quickly moved over to where he knew she kept the first aide kit and ripped it open. “Empty.” He turned back towards her, another sign of her not being on top of things. “Yoba, that’s a lot of blood.”
“It’s fine. I’ll just use an old shirt.” She grumbled, still clutching the wound that was now pulsing blood from beneath her fingers. She began walking towards her room, but before she made it even halfway she slumped against the wall.
“You good?”
“Yeah, umm,” she straightened herself up only to immediately collapse into the wall again. “Okay, yeah, maybe I’m not that great at handling...” her voice had lost all of its sharpness, “my own blood, everywhere... Not great.”
“Yeah, I’m taking you to Harvey.” It was an easy decision to make. Without thinking, he ripped a piece of his own shirt, luckily clean, and wrapped it tight around her wound. She was looking more pale by the second, queasy from the sight of her own blood everywhere. He figured it was probably more psychological at this point, as he knew her pain tolerance was through the roof. Shane moved on autopilot, not allowing himself to think too much about the blood or else he might faint too. She was so weak he basically had to carry her to his truck.
When they got to the clinic the bleeding was already slowing, but Shane knew Ry would return to work the moment she could stand properly, and that probably wasn’t wise. She was too weak to protest when Shane interrupted one of Harvey’s check-up appointments. Seeing the blood, Harvey jumped right into action.
“It looks much worse than it is,” he reassured them after taking a look and beginning to treat the wound. Ry just grumbled and stared at the ceiling, face more pale than Shane had ever seen it.
Harvey made quick work of it. When he was finishing up he said, “see? No problem. Didn’t even need to call reinforcements. Which I better get used to, seeing as Maru’s leaving.”
Ry’s voice sounded as if it was coming from far away, “I’m sorry?”
“Nothing to worry about, Ry. You just need something to get your blood sugar up, water and rest, and you’ll be good as new. Thanks to Shane’s quick respons-”
“No, sorry,” she was struggling to get sit up. Her face was still pale, but now that her blood wasn’t spewing she seemed markedly better. “Maru’s leaving? Where is she going?”
“Oh, you didn’t hear? Maru’s accepted a research position out on a remote island.”
Ry, now seated upright, slumped against the wall at an awkward angle. “Oh. She’s going. She’s leaving the valley?”
Shane found the disbelief in her voice strange, but he figured blood loss must fuzzy up your brain connections some.
It gave Harvey pause for a second too, but he just nodded sympathetically. “Yes, we are all going to miss her. As for your wound, just try not to use your hand too much and change the bandages once a day. I’ll give you a restock.”
“It’s not something to quit farming over, right doc?” Shane glowered pointedly at Ry.
Harvey ignored his tone, “no, nothing so serious. It won’t take long to heal, just a few days of rest and being careful.
Ry frowned at that, which didn’t surprise Shane. She was bad at resting. But then she said, as if neither of them had said anything, “when is Maru leaving?”
“Oh um... first day of spring, I believe.” He stood up from his chair, “I’m going to get you some juice and a snack... you should lie down and recover.”
Now that Ry was okay, the shock of her blood everywhere began to settle in and Shane felt a bit shaky from the whole ordeal. He left the clinic still feeling a confusing mixture of mad at her, betrayed, and relieved she hadn’t bled to death. He was terrified of losing what the two of them had. The farm. The animals. His cabin. Their friendship.
As soon as he got back to his truck, with a blood spattered passenger seat, he began driving out of town. He needed to go to an AA meeting. He didn’t want to go, but that wasn’t the point.
Halfway there he realized his shirt was torn and had Ry’s blood on it. He stopped at a strip mall and bought the cheapest t-shirt there, ignoring the weird looks he got.
He considered calling Alex but called his sponsor, Reg, instead. They met at the meeting and talked for a long, long time afterwards.
It wasn’t until Shane was on his way home that he did call Alex.
“Hey. I’m just leaving a meeting.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were doing that today.”
“It wasn’t planned.”
“Oh.” It hung in the air between them. What that meant.
This was part of why he’d gone to the meeting right away. He’d felt the urge come on strong during the argument with Ry, and who knows what would have happened if she hadn’t had her incident? It was the closest he felt to slipping up in a long time. No part of him wanted to admit this to Alex, who’d already been through so much. This looming uncertainty was the most unstable part of their relationship. But that was why he had to tell him. If he kept the truth from him... it would only be easier for Shane to let himself fall backwards. It was shirking responsibility for his own actions.
“I’m okay.” He reassured. That was also why he’d gone to the meeting and had such a long talk with his sponsor. He needed to be okay. It wasn’t just him on the line. It was Marnie, Jas, Ry, and Alex. “I had to take Ry to the clinic and also the farm is about to go bankrupt and I might not have a home soon.”
“Yoba, Shane, where are you right now?”
“I’m in love with you.”
“What?”
“Sorry I’m telling you this over the phone. I just really needed to tell you that right now.”
“Are you about to do something..?”
“I’m about to come over and have a difficult conversation about my future, if you’re up for it.”
“I’ll make us dinner.”
It was on one of Maru’s last shifts when Harvey told her about what had happened to Ry.
“Is she okay?”
“Yes, completely fine. Though somewhat accident prone, it seems.”
“You could have called me in to help.”
“There wasn’t any need. She did seem very... surprised, to hear you were leaving.” Harvey was weighing his words carefully.
Maru froze, “oh. Yeah. I haven’t really been telling people.”
Harvey gave her a questioning look that seemed to say he had certain feelings about that choice.
“What?”
He took his glasses off and started cleaning them. “It’s not my business but... if she’s your friend don’t you think you should have told her sooner?”
“It was only just decided.”
“Still. You know how news travels in this town.”
“That’s not my fault!”
“I’m not trying to be hard on you. It’s just... how would you feel if Penny decided to leave and you found out from your doctor?”
“I told Penny. It’s not the same.”
Harvey shrugged, “you know your relationships better than me.” He turned back to whatever he was working on, and didn’t see the glare Maru was giving him.
The truth was, Maru didn’t know how to tell Ry. She’d been avoiding it and telling herself it was fine. They weren’t really friends, were they? It’s not like they were known to spend much time together. So was it really so bad if Maru didn’t address her sudden decision to up and leave? Ultimately no, she was going.
Then why did she feel so uncomfortable about it?
She didn’t see Ry until the feast of the Winter Star a few days after her talk with Harvey. She’d made no move to talk to her, and neither had Ry.
The farmer was sitting with Leah in more secluded part of the feast. They were talking quietly, Ry looking wearier and more forlorn than usual.
Maru knew she was going to have to say something. She couldn’t see her in public and ignore the elephant in the room, that was too far. But how was she supposed to do it? The hushed conversation happening between Leah and Ry looked distinctly unwelcoming.
She saw her chance when Ry finally went up to the buffet table. She made a mumbled excuse to her family, something about seconds despite the fact her plate was still half full.
“Hi.” Maru said shyly, inserting herself beside Ry at the buffet table.
Ry looked up only briefly, “hey.”
Maru’s heart was beating so hard in her chest it felt like it was going to burst out. “I don’t know if you heard yet, but um... I’m leaving.” Playing dumb, like she hadn’t heard anything from Harvey.
Ry, normally not one to be shy about eye contact, was averting her gaze. She was focused on piling her plate up high with Gus’s spread. “Yeah, I did hear. First of spring, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Pretty soon, huh? When did you decide?” Ry was done with the table now, standing tall and looking at Maru for the first time.
“Just a couple days ago.” A fib, it had been well over a week.
“I see. Well, I hope it’s what you’re looking for.” Ry flashed her the briefest of smiles, before turning heel and walking back to her table.
In all her imaginings of how Ry might react, cool civility and avoidance had not been one of them. She’d thought for sure Ry would call her out on having not told her sooner, or about why she’d had to find out from Harvey. In her most hopeful reveries, she’d imagined these things as playful jabs, that underneath it all, Ry would be happy for her.
She had never seen Ry be so cold with anyone, and it felt like being plunged into ice water.
It was starting to get dark when Emily handed Abbi a small package wrapped in colourful homemade paper.
“My secret gift giver?” Abbi smirked, accepting the package. She’d just passed her own gift off to Jodi, a voucher for pottery classes, received with relative happiness. “Wow, Emily, this paper alone is amazing. I don’t want to ruin it by opening it.”
Emily’s laughter was like wind chimes, “don’t be silly! Tear it open, that’s half the fun!”
“Okay,” Abbi shrugged, ripping through the delicate wrapping. Inside was a plain, unlabelled box. Abbi opened it to reveal a brilliant purple amethyst on a silver chain. The stone was perfectly smooth, but rather than being reflective it drank in light. It almost seemed to pulse.
“Wow. Fuck.” Abbi, though very familiar with amethyst, had never seen a stone like this before.
Emily beamed at her, “you like it?”
“It’s... I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’ll be honest, I had some help. Sandy’s been getting into jewellery making and she helped me make it, but Haley picked out the stone!”
“Haley?” Abbi said absently, pulling the necklace from the box and holding it up for closer inspection.
“Yes, she has a great eye for what suits people. I was going to go with a fire quartz, but she wouldn’t let me, and seeing you with this now, I can see why she chose this.”
“Yeah, it’s... I love it.” Abbi felt at a loss for words. As she’d gotten older, she’d become less and less interested in gifts. Maybe because they never really hit the mark. But this certainly did.
More softly Emily said to her, “I think it really meant a lot to her when you came over with Alex that night.”
“She told you about that?” Abbi had assumed Haley wouldn’t want to admit anything about watching LOTR with Abbi.
“Not exactly. I had some questions when I turned on the TV and Lord of the Rings was queued up.” Emily laughed.
Abbi cast a look around the town square, though she’d already remarked that Haley was missing. “Is she not here?”
Emily shook her head, sadness clouding her usual sunny disposition. “No. She’s really not been feeling well this week.”
“Oh... I was hoping... hm. Help me put this on?”
Something told Alex not to bother with the front door. He went around the back, just like old times, and knocked on Haley’s window. The light wasn’t on, but he thought he could see the blue glow of a phone screen.
“Hales? It’s me.” He knocked again.
It took her awhile, but she finally did push the window open a crack. She looked like she had been crying.
“What is it?” She said, and he could tell she was trying to snap at him but just didn’t have it in her.
“Can I come in?”
He didn’t wait for her to listen, just pushed the window open wider and climbed through.
“Ugh, you’re tracking snow everywhere.”
“I’ll clean it up,” he closed the window behind him. He’d been outside so long he’d adjusted to the cold, and the inside of Haley’s room felt like a furnace. He yanked his thick vest off before sitting on Haley’s bed, which she’d climbed back into, already scrolling on her phone again.
“Put that down a second.”
“Why?” She glared at him.
“Come on, Hales. It’s Winter Star, what’s going on?”
“I’m just sick. It’s no big deal.”
“Stop lying to me.”
She glared at him, phone still in hand.
“I’m not as dumb as I was, okay? I know we aren’t friends like we used to be. I thought it was just because you moved, but clearly it’s something more. Maybe you don’t want to be friends with me, but I’m still here for you, right? And so is Emily and Evelyn, and honestly I think Abbi too. And...”
“You better not say Shane.”
He sighed, “I’m in love with him.”
Haley stared blankly at him, face illuminated by the glow of her phone. There was a long tense moment in which nothing happened and Alex was afraid he’d made a mistake. He wanted her to know how he felt, and he wanted her to respect it. He thought that she had, after the initial shock of finding out about him and Shane, but her actions and words since their reunion had proved that she hadn’t really meant it. It hurt him more than he knew how to deal with. He’d never had to work so hard to prove anything to her before. Other than his grandparents, she’d been the only person he’d known who accepted him unconditionally. He knew they weren’t what they were... but always assumed he’d have her respect. Had he been wrong?
She dropped her phone, let out a large sigh and sat up. “I always knew you had a crush on him.”
“What?”
“Yoba, who didn’t? Back when were kids. He was the hottest thing this town had ever seen. Until we grew up, of course.”
Alex laughed softly, relief flooding through him, though he felt far from in the clear.
“But when he came back...” Haley’s face hardens, “I can’t get that image of him out of my head, Alex. I’m sorry.”
He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “I understand. But you haven’t really tried, have you?”
She jerked her hand away from his. He’d been expecting it. She was never good with criticism, at least not in the moment.
“Look, we’re all going back to my place for hot chocolate. Gus is bringing all the food he couldn’t fit on the buffet table. You should be there.”
“Who’s all?”
“Me, Shane, my grandma, Gus, I invited Emily and Sandy, but I think they’ll only come if you do. Shane’s bringing Marnie and Jas.”
“That’s half the town.”
Alex shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, it’s nice. I would have invited Robin and Demetrius too, but they’re trying to soak up as much Maru as they can before she goes.”
“Not...”
“Ry?” He shook his head. Alex felt extremely guilty that Ry wasn’t invited. He knew she deserved to be. But Shane was still processing his feelings towards her and needed space, and Haley... also definitely needed space from whatever had transpired between the two of them. He hoped desperately that Leah was going to be with her, though he wasn’t about to admit that to Haley.
“I don’t know, Alex. I don’t think I can stomach it.”
“Just come eat. Food always helps. There’s grandma’s cookies.”
Haley smiled weakly at him, shaking her head no.
Alex sighed, “so tell me what’s up. What’s really going on.”
She started crying so quickly it was clear she’d been holding tears back the whole time he’d been there. “Everything, Alex. I fuck everything up. I don’t know how to be normal, and I think my job is killing me but I don’t know how to do anything else.”
Alex did what he knew how to do. He pulled her into a close hug and let her cry. He was half worried she’d push him away, but she didn’t. She held him close and cried into his shoulder, for what felt like a very long time.
After awhile she released him. “I’m sorry, Alex. I haven’t been a good friend. I’m so self centred. I can’t make it stop.”
“You can start by getting out of this room.”
“I can’t leave like this.”
“I’m not saying get up right this second... But you’ve been isolating yourself more and more and... I don’t know how much sitting around dwelling on everything is helping you. It’s Winter Star, if there’s ever an excuse to ignore your job for a bit, this is it. You don’t even need to talk to anyone. Just come enjoy the food.”
At first, he thought she might throw something at him.
In the end, Alex showed up late to his own party. With Haley in tow.
It was the first time Haley had seen Evelyn since George’s funeral, and seeing the two of them hug for over a minute was one of the best gifts he received that holiday.
In the kitchen, surveying the scene, Shane wrapped an arm around him. “You got her to come.”
Alex grinned sheepishly, “I have a way with women.”
“I know you do, nana’s boy.”
Alex leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Shane accepted, but shifted awkwardly after, his cheeks pink. He still wasn’t used to being public, but Alex could tell from the grin he was trying to suppress that he liked it.
“How was hosting while I was gone?”
“Oh, Evelyn handled that.” Shane brushed it off, though Alex knew it must have made him uncomfortable to be stuck in a tiny house with so many of their neighbours.
“Thanks for doing this with me, I know it’s not your thing.”
Shane shrugged, “it’s worth it.”
On the first day of spring, Maru’s nerves were slicing up her insides. She was looking forward to her new position, but it was dawning on her that moving as far away as she could and cutting off contact with the outside world was a big move. What if she showed up and it was awful? She’d be stuck there with no distractions and no support. She wasn’t going to back out, but she had a mounting stomach full of anxiety telling her she should.
On the first day of spring, rain hit the valley in a torrent. It was like this every year. Maru hadn't been here to experience it in years. It brought up a bittersweet mixture of nostalgia that didn’t help with the nerves. The mountains of her home were beautiful. In many ways, they had formed her.
She climbed into her rubber boots and zipped up her raincoat. Maybe saying goodbye to the land would help ease her nerves. At the very least, it would kill some time before she had to take off. So she trudged through the mud to the lake, to the stream, up to the entrance of the mine. She waved goodbye to Linus, though who knew if he knew that’s what she was communicating. She started east and then looped back around to the west of her house, to say goodbye to the forested path.
Other than Linus, she wasn’t expecting to see anyone. So when she noticed a dark green rain jacket moving through the trees she almost jumped.
It was the farmer. Who else would be walking around in this?
Ry waved at her as she approached and said something in greeting. At this point, the rain was coming down so hard she could barely hear.
“What?” She shouted over the downpour.
Ry beckoned for her to follow under the shelter of the bows of a giant pine. Maru did, heart in her throat.
They were still getting rained on beneath there sanctuary, but less so. Their breath fogged up the cool air.
“I was hoping you hadn’t gone yet.”
“You were?”
“Yeah.”
They were both at a loss for words, and Maru had no hope of finding any in her current state.
Ry looked down at her shoes and let out a small chuckle, then she looked back into Maru’s eyes. Still wordless. The air thickened around them. A question, forming between them. What was the answer?
After a few moments of the nearly unbearable silence, Ry opened her arms and pulled Maru into an embrace. It began very awkwardly, with Maru being slow to react. Both their raincoats were stiff and dripping wet, digging in at weird angles. But then Maru responded, wrapping her arms around Ry’s waist and pulling her in close. She buried her head in the crook of Ry’s shoulder, not caring that the material of her coat was uncomfortable and wet. She could hear Ry’s breath in her ear, feel it against the bare skin of her neck. She didn’t want to let go. She might have stayed in that embrace forever.
But Ry did let go. Stepping back, she pushed her wet hair out of her face. She was looking down when she said “I’ll miss you, Maru,” and then she turned and left back towards the farm. Leaving Maru soaked underneath the pine tree, awaiting her future, alone.