Chapter 5
Maru will not go after Penny. She won’t. She can’t. Penny doesn’t want her to, and that’s fine by her. That’s that. She avoids the library. She avoids the town center. She avoids everywhere. She makes up an excuse every time her mom asks when they’re having Penny over for dinner.
Having to deal with Alex every week is enough, she thinks to herself. Despite his frequent appearances at her house nothing changes between them. He doesn’t contain anything she wants to know. She doesn’t understand why her parents entertain him, why he entertains them, but doesn’t waste energy thinking about it.
Although she has no interest in him she comes to prefer when he’s there. She won’t admit this on a conscious level, but when he’s there it provides her a relief. Her parents aren’t tiptoeing around her trying to assess if she’s okay or even worse, what her plans are. Her dad’s been asking when she’s applying for med school.
“That was your plan, wasn’t it honey?” Her mom asks once after he brings it up. She just shrugs. After that, she thinks her mom tries to stop Demetrius pestering her, sensing something is off, but he just can’t help himself.
“You’ve got the grades for it. And the references. How many undergrads have been published in the magazines you have? There’s nothing holding you back.” He says between bites of savoury blueberry radish and red cabbage crisp.
“They say it’s good to wait a year between programs.” She recites for the umpteenth time. Her dad ignores it, her mother frowns.
“Blank spots on resumes aren’t good. Maybe an internship in the field? I could talk to someone from my old lab. Marine bio? There’s a station up the coast, perfect for you. Or would you prefer going to a stellar observatory? I don’t have direct connections, but you can get it if you try.” The options are endless, he keeps saying in different words, without knowing how much worse that makes her feel. How meaningless it is.
Once, to escape the house, she walks half way to the farm. She hovers on the path, midway between her home and Ry’s. What would happen if she went? Well, she’d have to talk. She’d have to act. She’s always been better as an observer.
She knows she doesn’t want to go. She knows the whole time she isn’t going to make it there. But she stands for so long between the two that she begins to doubt herself. Am I going to the farm? Do I want to talk to Ry?
The summer evening starts to creep up. A dark hue of shadows cast over the path, the amber light of the horizon getting obscured as the sun lowers itself behind the trees. She doesn’t go. She turns back. It’s too late, she thinks.
Before the farmer ever got here there was another. Ry’s cousin, Finn. The true inheritor of the farm. It was passed down to him from their grandfather, though it lay dormant for years after the old man had passed away. When everyone had adjusted to the idea that the farm would be nothing but a weedy wasteland forever, Finn showed up at the bus stop with a parade of baggage. He was weedy himself, didn’t much look like he could hold his own body up for long, let alone manage an entire farm gone to seed.
There was scepticism from the villagers but it was overwhelmed by their general optimism. There seemed nowhere to go but up. So Pelican town showed its usual welcoming behaviour, albeit nosiness, assuming at the very least there would be some changes.
He didn’t fall for their bait of fresh baked goods, gardening tips or family recipes. The villagers shrugged it off; Leah and Elliott had been shy at first too, but they’d come around eventually. So the first spring passed and nobody was anywhere nearer in discovering anything about Finn or about any prospective plans for the farm.
It wasn’t until the second week of summer they were able to obtain any information other than his grocery list at Pierre’s, and it turned out not to be something to their liking at all.
Finn was a snob.
It didn’t come out until he got plastered beyond decency at the Stardrop one evening. Quickly belligerent, he let everyone know what he was thinking – that the real reason he didn’t speak to them wasn’t shyness, wasn’t introversion, was pure and simple superiority. He was a city boy and he didn’t want to be tarnished by bumbling country folk. Didn’t want rural habits polluting his carefully cultivated metropolitan mannerisms.
After the first instance they tried to write it off, shrugging their shoulders and mumbling something like “city folks, huh?” The second time they let themselves become irritated, and the third time Gus had to kick him out of the bar. Dislike for the new farmer spread like a virus.
The only glimmer of hope was that an up and going farm might aid the suffering local economy, but three days into autumn that hope came crashing down.
Marnie decided to take the path up from the forest to see if Finn was ready to expand into animal husbandry. Distaste for Finn had kept everyone, even Lewis, off the land, and nobody knew what progress had been made. Marnie was struck with finding it in exactly the same, if not more, disarray than it had been when vacant of a human occupant. Weeds and brambles sprawled, fences were left broken and rotting, old structures collapsed into shadowy splinters. One measly apple tree clung to life, fruitless. A single area had been cleared, not to support plant life, but for an outdoor lounge chair. What they’d mistaken for the healthy glow of working outside had only ever been vanity.
Marnie left without announcing herself. She was so let down she didn’t want to repeat what she’d seen, and Lewis had had to pry it out of her with a glass of Gus’ house red. Her father had been close friends with Finn’s grandfather, she could remember the farm flourishing and how sad it had been to see the hard work of years become eroded by neglect. This was a disgrace to the dead man’s memory.
When Finn left for good a week later, without a single goodbye, nobody was sad to see him go.
Maru was a kid when Shane showed up to live with Marnie, and she was gone through his tumultuous first grasps at sobriety, so it doesn’t faze her that he’s laughing.
Ry and Shane have just burst out of Pierre’s in a fit of amusement and for some inexplicable reason this seems to mean something to her mother. They’ve both walked to town together, her mom thinking it would be a great idea if just the girls went for dinner at the Stardrop. It’s really because neither of them can take another weirdo meal prepared by Demetrius.
“So good to see that man so happy, isn’t it?” She says to Maru, who just shrugs. If her mother is disturbed by her lack of empathy, she says nothing.
Ry wipes tears from her eyes and then waves at them.
“You two seem well.” Robin calls, advancing towards them, Maru trails a little behind.
“Just laughing at Pierre and his good old attempts to rob us.”
“I guess he didn’t get away with it this time?” Robin gives a knowing smile. The farmers aren’t the only one who’ve fallen prey to Pierre’s tactics, but with Joja out of town he’s gotten a little power high, unwittingly sloppy.
“No, but he thinks he did.” Shane smirks. Robin quirks an eyebrow, interested.
“I’m gonna say hi to Harvey.” Maru excuses herself, not caring to hear the story. As she walks away she can feel Ry trying to catch her eye, but she refuses to meet the gaze.
The lights are off on the first floor so Maru thinks he might be out, but the door is unlocked. He’s doing paperwork in the dark when she walks in, the computer screen illuminating his face in eerie shadow.
“You really need some help.” She supplies, leaning over the counter.
He jumps, “oh yoba, Maru. Uh, we’re closed.”
“Oh so you only see me as a patient now?”
He frowns. “No, I don’t know why I said that, you startled me.” He looks thoughtful for a second, before returning to his heap of medical notes, “Yes. I need help.”
“Any chance you want to come to the Stardrop with my mom and I?” She’d like him there, as a barrier between the intimacy. Harvey’s awkwardness always ensured that.
“No, no, I mean sure, but I can’t. Too much to do.” He doesn’t even look at her, he’s so lost in his work.
“Make sure to remember to take care of yourself, doctor.”
“Hm.” Is the only response he gives. Maru turns to go, wondering what Harvey’s life has really been like since she left. Is it this? Every night?
Her mom’s waiting for her outside when she emerges.
“Is the good doctor okay?” She says it with a playful hint. She’s always found Maru’s protectiveness over Harvey to be endearing. Somehow it’s funny to her that Maru can activate those feelings for someone so much older than herself. Maru doesn’t get why. She guesses it’s better than her thinking they’re in love, though.
Maru shrugs, because she really doesn’t know this time, not because she doesn’t want to answer. Her mother is getting used to the shrugs, only frowns at her for a bare second before changing the subject.
"I invited Shane and the farmer to come with us," Maru's stomach falls, "but Shane had to run and the farmer said she's meeting Willy for night fishing. Such a strange girl, I mean that as a compliment of course. Should we stop in on Alex?"
"Why?" She says before she can stop herself. Her mother frowns again.
"He's been through a lot, honey. I think he's lonely in that house by himself."
"Has he told you that?" Maru asks, irritated. Even if Alex was lonely, she really didn't see how hanging out with her middle aged parents would help with that.
"No but... You get a sense for these things."
Or you project it, Maru thinks bitterly, unable to stop her mother from heading straight for Alex's door. She can feel herself clamming up more than she already was. As much as girls night disturbs her, girls night with Alex is unfathomably worse. She feels she only narrowly escaped a worse fate, having to sit through a meal with Shane and the farmer, and now she has to amp herself up for yet another meal with tepid Alex?
But Alex doesn't answer.
"Hm... must be visiting with Evelyn." Her mother says.
"Or maybe he's hiding from us." Maru supplies, not wanting to be snarky, but she just can't seem to stop.
"Oh you," her mother decides to take the comment in stride, ruffling Maru's hair. She wants to recoil from that gesture of familiarity.
It's only when they're in the Stardrop that it occurs to her that perhaps her mother doesn't want to be alone with her. That girls night is also disturbing to her.
On Thursdays Alex went to visit Evelyn. Sometimes he would sit in the residence with her, talking about their week and sharing tea. Sometimes they would take a tour of the garden, which Evelyn now volunteered to tend. She’d perked up since moving away from Pelican town and the constant reminders of George, rediscovered her love of growing things. Other times he took her to a public park nearby or to the community center that hosted activities for seniors. Her new friend Gladys had got her on to playing Majong. The ladies loved it when Alex joined in, though he usually opted to use the center’s gym instead.
The past few times he’d been in the gym a girl who looked a lot like Haley kept eyeing him. This week she asked him to spot her. He didn’t know how to say no.
She kept asking him to correct her which he could only shrug at and say she was doing it properly. He knew what she was trying to do and felt sick that this girl thought deferring to his judgement would attract him to her. It reminded him of when he’d seen Haley doing this with dumb hot guys when they were in high school. The worst part was when it worked.
“Look, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go pick up my grandma from majong.”
“Your grandma? That’s so sweet.”
“Yeah… um, bye.”
He left as quickly as he could so he wouldn’t have to think of some excuse not to give her his number.
Safe in the change room he took a long shower, feeling cheated of his work out. He got changed and slowly made his way to the room where he knew majong was, folded his arms and leaned against the wall. He was several minutes early and would have to wait.
He closed his eyes and let his mind go blank, let himself drift to nowhere. He’d been good at this ever since he was a kid.
He was jolted when he heard a gruff voice say, “Alex?”
He was so shocked to see Shane he didn’t say anything, didn’t even move.
Shane regarded his motionlessness, then studied the door he was waiting beside. “You thinking of joining senior women’s games club?”
“Um, my grandma. She’s in there.”
“So you shuttle her around like a good boy?” Shane smirked.
Alex couldn’t tell if he was trying to provoke him in jest or genuinely making fun of him.
“Why are you here?” It sounded accusatory. As if he was suspicious.
Shane frowned, “AA meeting.”
Alex wasn’t sure if he should apologize for asking or congratulate him with a “good for you buddy.” He was caught between the two when someone else called his name.
It was the girl from the gym.
“Oh. Hi.” He said meekly, wondering if he was going to call him out for clearly lying about having to leave so quickly.
“You still waiting for your grandma?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s so sweet of you, to spend time with her.”
Alex just shrugged. The painful awareness of Shane watching him glued his mouth shut. She could tell he was uncomfortable, she obviously was too, but she’d made up her mind.
“Anyway… I thought you might want to give me a call sometime.” She handed him a piece of paper with the name Bunny written in bubbly cursive, surrounding by little hearts and complete with a telephone number. “Maybe you can show me how to properly squat…”
Alex could feel himself burning up. He stared at the paper so he could avoid looking at Shane or her. He muttered something that sounded like yeah, and then she hurried away. He was so mortified he wished he could melt. Why didn’t he have the same swagger he’d had as a teenager? Back then he would have considered this as his due, would have accepted the situation with easy confidence.
“Seems like your type.”
Alex’s head snapped up to Shane’s face. He couldn’t read his expression. Was he making fun of him again?
Before he could muster a reply Shane started walking away, “see you around, nana’s boy.” The way he said it made it sound as if he never wanted to see him again.