starting over

Mia and Jen got ready for the announcement party for Mia’s pregnancy, she was now 12 weeks along, and had a small bump that was clearly noticeable now. Charlie was now 14, almost 15, and Henry was 12 approaching 13. Mia basically saw them grow up, which she held close to her heart. Mia walked down stairs, wearing a romper jumpsuit without any shoulder straps, hooped earings, and heels, with soft and breathable fabric to have her be comfortable because of the pregnancy. Although it left some space in between her bump and her outfit. She opened the door being met with Emily, they hugged as soon they got inside, Emily immediately noticing her bump as soon as they hugged one another closely.

‘Mia? Are you pregnant?’ Emily asked while still hugging her, but talking softly. ‘Yes!’ Mia said, teary eyed, slowly pulling away from the hug. ‘How far along are you?’ Emily asked, speaking happily, smiling brightly, ‘12 weeks!’ Mia said, sweetly answering back. ‘I’m so proud of you Mia, you’re going to be an amazing mom.’ Emily said in a soft voice. She knew she’d be amazing. She had the most loving heart and soul, she was made to be a mom, she knew that, so did everyone else.

Soon after Mia’s mom walked in. Not seeing her dad be there with her mom that night made her heart drop. ‘Where’s dad?’ Mia asked, her mom upset too, responding with ‘I’m sorry sweetie, he couldn’t make it.’ Mia’s heart dropped to her stomach, she felt sick, she felt sad. Her dad always stood her up. He always treated her differently since finding out she was autistic, which made her really upset, because it’s apart of her, not something she can change. It makes her who she is. The fact he couldn’t love her for that and decided to treat her differently because she sees the world differently than everyone else, it broke her heart. It isn’t a bad thing. She just wished her dad could see that. It made her who she was. Even though she did get diagnosed in her 20s, it made her, well, her. It made her the woman Jen admired and fell in love with. Jen loved her regardless of her autism, she supported her no matter what. She gave her what she needed when she needed it. She never stopped loving Jen for that. When she told Jen about her diagnosis, probably one of the hardest things she had ever done, she still supported and loved her. Mia was still Mia. Jen just wished Mia’s dad could see past that.

Everything was going to be okay, no matter what that night had brought, but tonight was just Jen and Mia, and their family, and they were finally going to announce Mia’s pregnancy, something so personal to them but so exciting. Mia got to the front of the room, everyone gathering around her and Jen. Mia hit the glass with her fork lightly, bringing everyone’s attention, ‘hey everyone, me and Jen have a little announcement to make!’ Mia said excitedly, ‘I’m pregnant!’ the boys immediately getting excited along with everyone else. Mia soon after telling the boys they’ll be having a little sister or brother, they were so excited, and so happy, especially after everything that happened in the past 2 years. Everyone hugged Mia and congratulated her on the pregnancy. She was so happy. The happiest she had ever been. Mia eventually sat down, giving herself a break. Mia talked with her friends and family who were beyond happy and excited for her. Eventually, Jen asked Mia to dance, while having a ring box in her pocket, Jen had an exciting way to propose, she knew she’d spend the rest of her life with Mia, she didn’t doubt that for a moment. She loved her from the first day she saw her in high school and has been deeply in love with her ever since, so has Mia. They love each other, no matter what happens between each other they love each other. Through thick and thin. Good and bad.

After dipping Mia while dancing, Jen decided it was time to propose. So she got down on one knee, and told Mia exactly how she felt. She told her how much she loved and appreciated her, how she’d love her no matter what came their way, and that she’d be there for her, the boys, and the baby. Mia, crying, responds with ‘yes! a million times yes! Of course I’ll marry you!’ Mia immediately hugging Jen while crying, and then turning around looking at everyone with excitement. They were so happy. Emily, Charlie, and Henry gave Mia and Jen the biggest hug, telling her how happy they were to have their mom back, and how happy they were for her pregnancy after everything that had happened. They felt so beyond happy. They felt like they could be a family, a true family. Everyone was happy for them, including Madison, even though her relationship with Mia was just getting to a good point. Everything felt as though it had fell into place.

But everything wasn’t okay for Mia, she wanted her dad there. So she made an excuse to go up to the balcony and began to cry. Feeling the most unlovable she has ever felt. Knowing he wouldn’t love her just because she has autism was the most heartbreaking thing she ever felt, because she’s still a person, no matter how the world views her, or even how she reacts to things. Mia was bad with emotions and even worse with handling them, vulnerability was a hard thing for her, and she could only be vulnerable around Jen. Jen made her feel safe, and she was the only person who understood her and her autism, even though Jen had adhd, she understood her in a way most people couldn’t. Jen wanted Mia to feel safe, and like she could be the one person when everything was falling apart or when everyone let Mia down, that she had someone who truly understood her. ‘Babe? What’s wrong?’ Jen asked, hearing Mia sniffle. ‘Nothing.’ Mia responded, still crying and sniffling. ‘I know somethings wrong Mia, you can tell me, it’s okay.’ Jen said, slightly rubbing Mia’s back, knowing that when she was at her most vulnerable, especially while being pregnant, she needed Jen’s touch. ‘My dad didn’t show up.’ she said while crying, her head still looking down at the street, ‘I know, I’m sorry.’ Jen said continuing to rub her back. ‘you wanna know why he didn’t come?’ Mia said, starting to explain, ‘why?’ Jen asked, ‘because I have autism, that’s why he didn’t come.’ Mia explained, her heart breaking, she could never understand why people couldn’t just accept others for who they are, like Jen did with her, rather than treat her differently just because she got an autism diagnosis and finally understood why she was who she was. It was a part of her that she couldn’t change. ‘That’s a fucked up reason to hate the woman I love.’ Jen said, slowly pulling Mia into a hug as she turned around. ‘Why doesn’t my dad want me?’ Mia asked, sobbing into Jen’s arms, ‘I think he’s just scared of how amazing you are. The woman you’ve become, the mother you’ve become, and the soon to be wife you’re about to be. That scares him.’ Mia hugged Jen as tight as she could without her bump getting in the way. ‘Thank you for being you.’ Mia said, crying, ‘thank you for doing the same.’ Jen said, holding her close, rubbing through her hair to make her feel safe. ‘If anyone hates my girl for being who she is, they’ll have to go through me. Your autism is a part of you but it makes you who you are, it makes you the girl I love, I loved you for your personality, nothing less.’ Mia looked into Jen’s eyes, full of love, and kissed her. Mia knew Jen understood her. No words had to be said. Even being diagnosed with autism at 20 years old, Mia felt accepted with Jen, even with how people may perceive her.

When Mia finally calmed down from everything, she walked with Jen back inside, hand in hand. She didn’t want a bad night ruin the fact she was finally going to be a mom, or that she had Jen by her side through it all. Mia when walking with Jen held her close when walking down the stairs slowly. Emily, Zoe, Charlie, Henry, Madison, everyone heard Mia walking down the stairs from her heals clacking down the stairs. By the time she had reached the bottom of the stairs she held Jen closer to her, not letting her grip go. She held Jen close to her with both arms wrapped around Jen’s left arm, it was safe, it was home. Mia felt like she was home after everything she went through between the divorce, the miscarriage, them breaking up. She was happy, she was home, she was even more happy to be engaged to Jen again, even if the only difference was that she was pregnant.

As everyone was leaving, they congratulated her on her pregnancy, Mia hugged Madison the moment she came up to her, ‘thank you mom, for everything you’ve done for me, I love you so much.’ She said, already tearing up because she was extremely hormonal from the pregnancy, even though hugs were hard because she was a bit bigger than other women at her point in being pregnant, her bump looked the size a person only having one child would be at 20 weeks. ‘I love you too Mia, I’m so happy you’re getting the life you want and deserve, keep pushing forward, you deserve all of this’ Madison said, saying something she had been wanting to say for the longest time but never knowing how to say, she cared for her daughter, she was always unsure of how to show that to Mia, but she loved her. Mia was emotional by the end of that interaction and cried a bit because of it. Madison left right after telling Mia how much she loved and cared about her.

The only people that were left was Zoe and Emily, Mia just recently knew about Zoe but never met her but knew she was Emily’s girlfriend. Mia was excited to meet Zoe as she’s heard nothing but good things from Emily. ‘Hi!
I’m Mia, I’m sure Emily has told you a lot about me!’ Mia said, excited to meet Zoe as from what she had heard, they treated Emily well, and she was an amazing match for Emily. ‘I’ve heard amazing things about you Mia, I’m sure you’re going to be an amazing mom yourself, I can see it in exactly who you are as a person.’ Zoe said to Mia kindly, they had just met Mia but knew she’d be a truly great mom. ‘Thank you so fucking much, that means the world to me!’ Mia exclaimed happily, before Mia even processed that interaction she immediately wanted to ask Zoe’s pronouns, knowing they were non binary, because Mia genuinely didn’t wanna mess up and use the wrong pronouns for her. ‘What pronouns do you use, I know you’re non binary and I don’t want to mess up!’ Mia said, asking her nicely, ‘Thank you for asking me! I use they/she pronouns!’ Zoe said, happy Mia even asked them what her pronouns were, they felt extremely valid in that moment. After that sweet interaction Zoe gave Mia her number, telling Mia that she could text them whenever she wanted to about anything including the pregnancy. Before leaving Zoe hugged Mia, Emily hugged her too, Zoe wasn’t even out of the door yet, but they decided to tell Mia that she hopes that Mia has a healthy baby and a good pregnancy after knowing about her last one. Mia smiled at them before she left with Emily. Both Emily and Zoe were the last to leave, and when they did Mia sighed.

That was a lot of social interactions for Mia in one day, even though she was happy it was hard, she masks a lot of her autistic traits around people, she finds it difficult to do eye contact unless in certain situations or makes too much eye contact, she seems happy and outgoing, her personality is like a daisy, but the one person that does see when she is burnt out is Jen, she feels most comfortable unmasking around her than anyone else. Jen and the boys see the hardest parts of Mia being autistic, her meltdowns or shutdowns, her stimming to calm down, her being burnt out even after everything is too much or too stressful even though she’s outgoing, at least from what people see.

Mia and Jen immediately went into the kitchen after everyone left. ‘That was a lot to handle all in one night, Jen.’ Mia said, sighing while putting her hands on the counter, ‘I know baby’ Jen said, walking over to her to comfort her, rubbing her shoulders as it always felt comforting to Mia. ‘I’m gonna go wash the dishes’ Mia said, walking over to the sink, her black minimalistic heels with a buckle clacking against the floor as she walked. Jen knew what washing dishes meant for Mia after a rough day, she knew Mia was stressed and just trying to find a way to stim without getting too upset. Jen let Mia start washing the dishes because she knew she was upset from everything that night, overwhelmed, and needed to stim, so Jen was extremely gentle. Mia started washing dishes, Jen soon noticed not even 10 minutes after Mia seemed stressed and was probably overthinking.

Jen came up behind Mia gently while she was cleaning dishes, she held her close and rubbed her baby bump and kissed Mia’s neck. Mia giggled and almost immediately started to feel happier about everything that went on that night between her dad and everything else all the way down to announcing her pregnancy. Mia didn’t mind when Jen unexpectedly came up behind her to hold her close, hug her, or kiss her, Jen was her home and her safe place, she didn’t care how much she touched her because she knew it was only ever out of love. If Mia was having a hard day Jen would ask if she could hug or cuddle her because she wasn’t always sure if she was okay with it, but that night she didn’t need to ask because she knew as long as Mia had Jen, she felt safe. Jen continued to rub Mia’s belly with both hands while kissing Mia’s neck, ‘I love it when you say sweet things to me’ Mia said, giggling a bit when Jen kissed her neck. Their love no longer needed words in that moment but more of being as close to each other as they could be. The next thing Mia knows Jen is asking their Alexa to play lover by Taylor Swift, ‘what are you doing?!’ Mia asked as she turned around to look at Jen. Jen quickly after Mia asked put her hands out for Mia to grab to ask her to dance, ‘dance with me’ Jen said, Mia immediately grabbing Jen’s hand, bringing them as close as they could get, hand in hand, looking at each other with stars in each other’s eyes. ‘I love you so much Jen’ Mia said, kissing Jen, passionately. ‘I love you too Mia’ Jen said, breaking the kiss. They continued slow dancing in the kitchen as it was Mia’s way of stimming that made her happy especially as Taylor Swift is a special interest and hyperfixation for her. They danced in the kitchen until the song was over, but Mia was so happy to have Jen always to be there for her. Mia loved Jen so much, and Jen loved her. They were all each other needed in their lives, no matter how hard it got.