in doctor's office lighting
Lena shot up out of bed, feeling the cold sweat drip down her forehead and she shuddered, the anxiety that had been building up all weekend had finally come to a head. She quietly slipped out of the bed and peered into Luna’s room, making sure she was alright, before making her way to the kitchen.
The brunette made herself some tea and sat down at the island counter, desperately wishing she could just freeze time and stay in this weekend forever. She knew their lives were about to change and she didn’t want that, she hated change and she hated that her little girl would have to be in pain, would have to be sick. She couldn’t help but think about what Lillian would do if she were in her position and her face screwed up in disgust. She would probably tell me to just ‘get over it’ and just wait until I was dead. A bitter laugh escaped her lips and she picked up her tea to take a sip, letting the silence of the room envelope her.
She heard the shuffling of feet coming towards her after about an hour and looked over at her wife who looked almost as bad as she felt.
“Couldn’t sleep either?” Lena murmured and she watched as her wife nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Sorry, uh, I didn’t see you there,” Kara mumbled, a dazed look in her eyes.
Lena gave her a sad smile and patted the seat next to her. When Kara was settled, she grabbed one of the blonde’s hands and squeezed it.
“This weekend went by far too fast.”
“Agreed,” The blonde replied, giving Lena’s hand a squeeze in return.
“Is it bad that I just want to take her and run?”
“No, because I want to do the same,” Kara sighed.
“It’s just- she’s fine right now. I’m a scientist and I know better, but I also know that it’s going to get so much worse before it can even begin to get better,” Lena cleared her throat and looked down at her tea, willing herself not to cry, she was so tired of crying.
Kara made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat and gave Lena’s hand another squeeze. “You know, you hear about all these horror stories and think, “you know, that could never be us” and then it happens and you just feel frozen. I can’t imagine doing this alone and my heart goes out to any parent who has to.”
Lena nodded and looked over at her wife. She was so beautiful, sad, but always so beautiful.
“I would give anything to take her place,” Lena finally said after a while.
“Being a parent sucks.”
“Yea…” Lena trailed off.
The two sat in silence until the sun came up over the horizon and they got up to go get ready. The pair moved as slowly as possible, trying to prolong the morning as long as they could, dreading the day ahead of them. Eventually, they ventured into their daughter’s room and peaked in the door. She was still sleeping peacefully, painfully unaware of what was to come.
Lena watched as Kara just stared, not making it past the doorway and the brunette sighed, squeezing the blonde’s arm before walking over to Luna’s bed.
“Hey, Lulu.” She gently shook Luna’s little shoulder, “it’s time to wake up.”
Luna grumbled and turned away from her mother which cause Lena to smile softly.
“I know it’s early baby, but you have to get up,” Lena said quietly, brushing some of the little girl’s hair out of her face.
Luna just grumbled again and muttered, “No, mommy.”
“What if I told you you get to see Aunt Alex today?” Lena sing-songed.
She watched as a dark head of hair popped out from under the covers, “Aunt Alex?!”
“Yes, sweetie Aunt Alex is going to meet us at the doctor’s today.” Lena stroked her daughter’s head and watched as her forehead furrowed in confusion.
“The doctor’s?” Luna questioned. “I don’t want to go to the doctor’s mommy.”
“I know, baby, but remember how you’ve been feeling yucky all the time?” Luna nodded. “They’re going to make you feel all better.”
“But they poke me,” Luna whined, tears forming in her eyes.
Lena sighed and brought Luna into her arms, letting her head rest on her shoulder. She rubbed her back as Luna sniffled into her neck and Lena stood, meeting Kara’s eyes on the way out of the room. “Can you grab an outfit for her please?”
Kara nodded and kissed Lena on the temple, her hand on Luna’s back. “I’ll be right out.”
“Okay,” Lena whispered, walking out of the room.
Kara grabbed a little pink Adidas sweatsuit, which she knew was Luna’s favorite, and little grey Ugg boots. She walked out of the room, finding her wife and daughter on the couch cuddling together.
“She fell asleep,” Lena told her as she stared at the living room wall.
Kara sat down next to her, taking in Luna’s little face, which was still scrunched up in distress, the crinkle in her eyebrow that was identical to Kara’s was present.
“We need to leave, babe, or we never will,” Kara said to her wife softly.
Lena gave a short nod and stood, grabbing her phone from the table in front of her and putting it in her pocket. Her chest felt tight and she clung to her daughter as hard as she could without waking her. She was so tired in all sense of the word. She was extremely tired of crying and feeling the bone-deep sadness that took up its residency throughout her entire body.
Buckling Luna into her car seat, Lena kissed her on the forehead and whispered, “I love you, baby girl.” She started to make her way to the driver’s seat but she noticed her hands were shaking and nausea roiled in her stomach. Lena closed her eyes and leaned against the car, taking in a deep breath.
“Lena?” Kara’s voice came from in front of her. She jumped slightly not having noticed the blonde get so close.
“Kara, you scared me,” Lena breathed, trying to calm her racing heart.
“Sorry, but I was worried, are you okay?” Kara put her hands on Lena’s arms, feeling her trembling. “Babe, you’re shaking.”
“Um, can you drive?” The younger woman asked feebly.
“Yea, yea of course.” Kara watched as Lena walked around the car and got into the passenger seat. She knew Lena was upset but she had never seen her act this way before, well, she had one other time when… no, that was not possible.
Kara shook those thoughts from her head and hopped into the car, looking over at her wife who had her head pressed up against the window and her eyes closed. She put the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway, not even bothering to ask Lena if she was ready to go. She knew the answer, but they had to. After they had been on the road for a few minutes, Kara reached over and took Lena’s hand in hers, holding it on the console and feeling Lena squeeze it tightly.
She sighed, nothing was ever going to be the same again.
And boy was she right.