I Won’t Break as Long as I Have You
She opened her eyes, looking up at the stone building that held several of her friends and coworkers captive. She felt anger rise within her and moved to step forward, stopped by a hand on her shoulder. “Lin, I know that you’re angry right now, but we have to be rational,” her mother said.
Lin looked at her in shock. “Chief, several of our officers are in there. We can’t let them get away with this.”
“And we won’t. For now though, we have to wait for backup. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement,” the blind earthbender warned.
Lin sighed and rolled her eyes, reluctantly standing by her mother. After a few minutes of waiting, something felt wrong in her gut. “Chief, I’m going in. I don’t have a good feeling about this,” she said, whipping her cables out and walking towards the building.
“Lin! Get back here at once, don’t be reckless!” she called out after her. The new officer simply grimaced, feeling an impending sense of doom. She quickly and quietly scaled up the building, not wanting to alert the gang members to her presence. Several of their officers, including Saikhan, were tied together. The gang members walked around them in a menacing circle, knives in hand.
She quickly bent the metal knives away from her fellow officers as she broke the window in. She sent her cable towards the rope, cutting her coworkers free. They all stood up and began fighting back. “We need to get out of here!” called one of her coworkers. “I heard them mention something about a bomb! Officer Beifong, you take the injured back down with me, the rest of you go,” Raina barked.
“Yes ma’am!” Lin quickly picked up her injured friend Saikhan and one of her coworkers that she couldn’t remember the name of. She quickly scaled them down the building, Raina following after her. The moment Lin’s feet touched the ground, the bomb went off.
The building collapsed in a haze of smoke and fire. “Raina!” she called out. She quickly handed the injured to the healers on site and went back in, looking for her fellow officers.
Her mother came up behind her, anger on her face. “Look at what you did! No one could have survived that Lin, they’re dead because of you,” she spat. “I have to tell their families that their loved ones aren’t coming home because you couldn’t wait for backup!”
“What about those I saved? If I hadn’t acted, the bomb might have gone off sooner!”
“The important thing is it might have. You never react to a situation like that unless you are one hundred percent certain your officers are in danger, don’t go based off of a gut feeling. You caused their deaths,” she said, spinning around. “I have to go inform their families now.” She walked off, leaving Lin staring at the smoldering ruins, feeling the guilt crush her.
The scene quickly shifted to Amon. He placed his hand on her forehead, taking away her bending. “The mighty Chief Beifong crumbles,” he noted with amusement as she collapsed to the ground. “I must thank you for bringing the Avatar and your little airbender friend.”
She weakly lifted her head and saw Korra and Tenzin racing to her. She tried to call out a warning, but it was too late. The two collapsed to the ground and Amon walked over and took their bending away. He turned and looked at her with a smirk before revealing a knife. He ran the blade along her chin with a wicked grin. “We’re going to have some fun.”
She woke up with a start, panting. She quickly rolled out of bed and placed her feet on the floor, desperate to feel her bending again. She began to slightly calm, reassuring herself by feeling the vibrations in the earth. Then,the memories of the bombing came rushing back, drowning her in a river of guilt. She collapsed on the floor, sitting and desperately rocking to calm herself down.
Kya woke up to a thud. She sleepily opened her eyes to see Lin shaking on the floor. She began rocking and Kya’s heart broke. She quickly got out of bed, wide awake now. She heard her muttering to herself about how it was all her fault. “Hey baby, can you look at me?” she asked gently.
Lin looked at her with dazed eyes. “Okay, you’re panicking right now. Can I touch you?” At her shaky nod, she quickly wrapped her arms around her, giving Lin plenty of time to push her away. Instead, Lin pulled her in tighter.
“Hey baby, I’m right here. I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk,” she said, gently placing her head on her shoulder. She held her tight and whispered reassurance as her girlfriend began to sob. After an agonizingly long time, Lin tucked her head into her shoulder, tears finally stopping. “Hey, do you want me to get you some tea?” she asked.
“Yes please,” she said, voice hoarse from crying.
“Okay, can you stand up? I want you to stay with me,” she said gently. Lin shakily got up, Kya immediately there to wrap her arms around her shoulders. She guided Lin to the kitchen table and had her sit down while she prepared tea. I’ve never seen her this broken before, I hope I can help ease the pain. She glanced at her every few minutes, concerned that her girlfriend would be crying again. To her surprise and heartbreak, Lin just stared at the table, looking helplessly broken.
Kya placed a hot mug of lavender tea in front of her. “Here, it’s lavender. It should help you relax.” Her girlfriend took a sip, shooting her a grateful smile. She sat down and grasped her free hand tightly. “I don’t know what happened to you in your dreams, but if you want to talk I’m here.”
“I know. I...I’ll try,” she said, voice broken. The two sat in silence, drinking tea until Lin sighed. “The second part of my dream is what woke me up. The first part is what caused...this,” she said, gesturing to herself.
“Amon took my bending away again. This time, he managed to get Korra and Tenzin as well,” she said, voice oddly detached, as if any hint of emotion would cause her to break down. “The first part was a memory.”
“Soon after I joined the force, we had a hostage situation. I went against my mom’s advice and acted, going on my feelings. I think my emotions may have clouded my judgement, I’m not sure. We-” Her voice broke and tears rolled down her face. “We lost a few officers that night. As my mom kept emphasizIng for the next few years, it was all my fault. If I had kept a level head, they might still be alive,” she said, voice breaking.
Kya squeezed her hand. “Hey, they knew the risks of the job when they signed up. You did the best you could given the situation you were,” she said softly. “It wasn’t fair of your mom to do that.” She got up and put herself in Lin’s lap, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m here for you,” she said, pressing a kiss to her neck.
Lin’s eyes filled with even more tears. “I don’t want you to be there for me. I want to support you and I’m happy that you want to serve with me but I can’t do this. I’m already collapsing under the guilt from the deaths of my coworkers. If you died, I-” Her voice broke even more. “I couldn’t live.”
Kya’s heart broke even more. “If I die on the job, it will never be your fault. I swear to Raava, I will come back to life and kill you myself if I even think that you’re blaming yourself,” she said fiercely, holding her head in her hands. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I will be here for you.”
Lin began to cry, but this time in appreciation. Kya gently guided them back to their bed, snuggling up to her girlfriend. They gently sipped on tea and just held each other tightly. “You should take tomorrow off. You need it, healer’s orders,” she said. “You need to unwind, let me help,” she said as she pressed a kiss to her head. “We can go to the park or maybe even just go shopping. You need a day to exist outside of work.”
Lin nodded, knowing Kya would force her into it. “Okay,” she said gently. Kya snuggled up to her, tightly spooning her from behind. Lin was eventually able to fall back asleep thanks to the silent support of her girlfriend and the reassuring circles she rubbed on her back. Everything might collapse, but as long as they had each other everything would be okay.