The Inner Battle
Lin walked into the police station, feeling tension melt away as she stepped into her familiar role. Lin rolled her shoulders, feeling how tense they were. She headed towards Saikhan as she walked towards her office. “Up for a sparring match? I need to get some stress out,” she asked.
Saikhan nodded. “Sure, I need to train a bit anyways,” he said, bending his armor off. The two walked towards one of the many gyms within the station and stretched. The two metalbenders wrapped their knuckles and circled each other around the mat. Lin made the first move, lunging towards Saikhan, aiming for his face.
He swiftly dodged and attempted to use Lin’s force to slam her into the mat. Lin anticipated this move and wrapped her thighs around his neck and flung him into the ground. She held him in a choke hold between her thighs and Saikhan tapped out on the mat.
“Nice one,” he said, grabbing a drink of water. He looked at her with concern. “Lin, I’ve known you for years and I don’t want to seem rude, but are you okay? You’ve seemed a lot more stressed than normal lately, I can see it in your posture and I felt it in that match. Look, if you need to talk I’m here,” he said.
Lin smiled at him, knowing it was hard for him to express concern for his superior. “Thank you for the concern but I’m…” she sighed, deciding to be honest. “I am stressed out. I’ve been having a small crisis, but I’ll be fine.”
Saikhan nodded. “Want to go another round?” The two metalbenders rolled out the tension in their shoulders and paced around the mat, preparing to spar. The two lunged at each other and traded punches, careful not to hit too hard. After a few minutes of intense combat, the two came to a silent agreement to take a break.
Lin sighed. “You have a wife right?” she asked as she took a drink of water.
He nodded. “Yeah, we just got married a few weeks ago. Wait...are you going through a relationship crisis?” he asked, deducting that’s why she seemed so anxious.
“Damn you and those detective skills," she said as Saikhan chuckled. "Yes. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve known her since we were kids and I recently let her move in with me. I’ve never felt like this for anyone before, much less a woman. I don’t know how to approach it,” she confessed. “I don’t even know if I like her, all I know is I can’t lose her.”
The captain placed a reassuring shoulder on the chief’s. “I know how you feel. I hadn’t felt anything as intense as I did when I first saw Hoya. I knew I was falling for her hard when I considered quitting the force to move in with her,” he confessed. Lin raised an eyebrow, surprised.
“We met at some delegate party near Ba Sing Se. She lived in the city at the time and we kept in touch via letters. She decided to move, needing a change in scenery and she wanted to be closer to me. As soon as she moved to Republic City, we made things official.
“Look, I don’t know how you feel about this woman. All I can tell you is to take that step. It’s terrifying to be so vulnerable with someone, but if you trust them wholeheartedly, it’s the best decision you’ll ever make. It’s not fair to you or her to keep these feelings secret, especially if you live together. If you need a place to crash if things go wrong, you’re always welcome to come to our place,” he offered.
Lin smiled at the captain. “Thank you Saikhan,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a nod. The two walked back to their respective desks and prepared for the day.
After a long day full of mental stress and decisions, Lin sighed and opened the door to the apartment. She walked into the apartment so focused on her internal thoughts she didn’t even see Kya on the couch. All she was concerned with was getting a shower and figuring out how the hell she felt.
“Are you okay?” she asked, noticing how zoned out Lin seemed.
Lin looked at her. “Yeah, just one of those days,” she said quietly.
Kya nodded and gave her a gentle hug. “Go shower, I’ll get dinner ready. You relax,” she said. Kya boiled some chamomile tea on the stove, hoping that it would help the police chief relax. She quickly prepared bean curd puffs and jook, wanting the simple, homey food to help ease Lin’s stress.
Lin bent her armor off and hopped into the shower. She let the hot water run over her shoulders, feeling herself relax. Get it together Beifong. It’ll be okay, you can do it. You don’t have to tell Kya tonight but you will soon. After mentally preparing for when she was going to talk to Kya, Lin finished her shower. She dried off and put on her signature white tank top and black pants.
Lin walked out of the bathroom, seeing that Kya had already prepared dinner. “Do you want to talk about it?” Kya asked, placing her arm on Lin’s.
Lin sighed. “Not right now. I just...I can’t,” she confessed in a shaky voice uncharacteristic of the earthbender.
She nodded. “It’s okay, just eat some food and get rest. I made chamomile tea in order to help you relax,” she said, handing the tea to Lin.
Lin smiled, too lost in thought to properly thank her. The two ate in comfortable silence, even though Kya was worried for Lin. Lin looked up and saw the worry etched onto Kya’s face.
“I promise you, I’m okay. I’m just...dealing with emotions I haven’t felt in a while. It’s hard for me, but when I’m ready I’ll talk,” she said, not wanting those worry lines in Kya’s face to deepen.
Kya reached across the table and held her hand, offering silent support. Right now, neither woman felt the electrifying spark when their skin touched, but rather a soothing calmness just knowing that the other was there. The two ate in silence, holding hands as if they were afraid the other person would disappear.
They finished eating and cleaned the dishes. As soon as Kya made sure the apartment was clean, she turned to go to her room. “Wait,” Lin said shakily. Kya turned to look at her in concern. “I can’t be alone tonight...will you sleep with me?” she asked, not looking at the waterbender.
Kya’s heart broke. She knew Lin was horrible with emotions. The last time she had asked Kya to sleep in the same bed as her, Kya had to hold her the entire night while Lin sobbed. Lin had been afraid she would never live up to her mother’s expectations and after a tense argument, had even left home.
Kya still remembered how broken the earthbender had been. She was preparing to go to bed when she heard a knock on her apartment door. The waterbender opened the door to Lin, face stained with tears and beet red.
“I’m sorry I’m here, I didn’t know where else to go,” she said.
Kya could clearly hear how her friend was holding back sobs. “You’re always welcome here,” she said, letting Lin into the apartment. She prepared some tea, knowing it always helped soothe the earthbender. The two drank their tea in silence until Lin decided to break it.
“I can’t do this anymore. I wanted to become a police officer to make Mom happy, but it’s not working. No matter what I do, I never appease her. What if she realizes how much of a screwup I am? What if I’m not even worth the Beifong name?” she sobbed, breaking down.
Kya held her in a tight hug. “Lin Beifong, you are so deserving of your name. You’re the most stubborn, courageous, selfless person I’ve ever met. You are worth so much more than those expectations your mom sets on you. You’ve been surpassing every single expectation your entire life. You are worth the Beifong name. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone more determined and dedicated than you. You mean so much to me Linny.”
Kya just held Lin in her arms as the earthbender’s body wracked with sobs. Kya offered silent support, knowing that Lin just needed her here. After she had cried all of her tears, she looked at Kya. “Can I sleep with you tonight? I can’t be alone,” she confessed shakily.
The waterbender tightened her hug. “Of course you can. I’ll go get it ready,” she said softly. The two just held each other tightly as they drifted into uneasy sleep.
Kya walked across the room and just hugged her. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you mean so much to be Linny. I’ll always be here for you. Go get the bed ready while I put on my pajamas,” she said softly.
Lin nodded, voice too thick with emotion to speak. The two got ready for bed and just simply held each other. They both knew how the other person needed them, and just offered silent support. The two women fell into an easy sleep, surrounded with love and support.
As Kya and Lin drifted off to sleep, they both had the same thought. I wish I could hold her like this every night…