catching her eye
Whilst Bea stood still, alone in the corner, as she always did at functions such as these, she scanned the crowd. The space was filled with unfamiliar faces, all painted like fine bone china, not an eyebrow hair out of place, nor a cupid's bow untied, cheeks rosy and hair slicked back. Everyone stood politely, rocking from side to side to the classical music playing softly from the stage, or was it jazz?
Bea watched it all unfold, an elegant hand waving down a waiter floating between the couples and groups on the marble tiles and grasping onto the neck of the flute, one could swear to hear the clink of the golden rings against the glass. The galas and dinners, parties and gatherings unfolded as they always did. Under the arched roof of the reestablished church. The intricacies of the ceilings glowed warm and mellow, ecstatic to be observed once again in such heavenly light. The arches of the roof barrelled down into cascading jade coloured curtains, detailed with embroidered corners and ends, as finely detailed with religious motifs as the rest of the ballroom was.
Each curtain fell from 10 feet above, parting in an upside-down V to reveal a pattern of archways, glass bay doors pushed out to invite in the cool autumn atmosphere in, as well as to waft the smoke of twin cigarettes, burning at the lips of strangers who stand, huddled together near the staghorn mounted on the heavy brick exterior.
Bea could only just see them, one sat on the low banister now, his head swung back in a fit of laughter, his eyes squinted open to see the neighbouring forest upside down. The other leaned close to the wall. his shoulderblades and tailbone pressed through his three-piece-suit, the heels of his likely kindly pampered feet held his weight.
I wonder what they're talking about.
Bea opened her small black purse and rolled a thin cigarette between her own fingers.
I could go out there. Ask for a light. Bea didn't smoke, she never liked the taste, or the smell, or the feeling it gave, it felt as if she had something to prove. Bea did usually have something to prove, but she would not find success through bringing this between her lips. She still kept loose cigarettes though, in her bag, for no real reason, there wasn't a metaphor, nor a sad story. She held it gently between her thumb and pointer finger, in a vague trance.
she rose her eyes to see the pair again, maybe to psyche herself up, or talk herself out of approaching the young men. Her eyes did not quite reach.
A woman, perhaps the age of Bea herself stood quietly in Bea's line of sight. She wore a dress, silver in colour, though it could be blue. It shimmered and changed, like a deep secluded lake in the summer, ripples and reflections of the clear sky and bold golden sun dancing over the vessel, catching the eyes of unruly strangers. Bea wasn't sure if it was the attire, or the very girl herself, seemed to have a glowing exterior. Rosy and mellow, her face round and bold, shining not as if the sun were within her but rather each thing she touched, whether it be running a pinky along a table or cupping someones shoulder with her delicate hand, an imprint was left, a memory of the smile she wore, the perfume that tickled her wrist, the softness of her voice. Bea watched as she walked forwards, twinkling with the chandelier, each step and the small movements that came with it a dance, choreographed by Aphrodite herself.
“Hey stranger”
Bea parted her lips, enchanted by her very presence but no words were spoken, just yet, at least.
“I hope you remember me or else this might be awkward” Kasey stifled a laugh, and bounced on the balls of her feet, eager to elicit a response from the shorter girl that stood across from her. She laughed again, showing her teeth this time, this reaction seemingly relaxed Bea as her posture changed nearly completely. Un-furrowing her thick eyebrows and rolling her shoulders back until she stood just as tall as Kasey herself. she stood without regalness, an energy that quite obviously plagued the room. both Bea and her elder brother had a casual coolness to their stance, Kasey didn’t know if it was something in their eye or how they adjusted their clothing in the mirror. that something was rare and a thing to be treasured she had always thought.
“simons friend,” Bea said cooly, her squinted eyes unfazed and unapologetically scanning Kaseys face.
“yup! he’s a great guy that brother of yours”
“he sure is”
“he talks about you a lot”
“is he kind?”
“yes of course!” she paused to smile. a jarring thing, she forced her eyes shut and drew her already thin lips into a thinner grin, “he’s not one to gossip”
Beas face remained, unknowable. She asked again, rearranging the words. “is he kind to you?”
Kaseys eyes widened, her poker face clearly the lesser of the two. she smiled again, “he’s really sweet you know, a really good guy.”
the air between them was quiet for a minute, pregnant with unspoken words and a matching sense of discomfort. a roar of distant laughter was nearly constant and paired with the tinkling of champagne flutes and the never-ending melodious loop; a result of the musicians that were positioned pretentiously on the stage.
“what was your name again?”
“bea”
“gosh of course! bea. bea.” kasey tried the name out a few times, rolling the word in her mouth, “be-yuhh” she said again and again as if she were reciting some sort of prayer. Bea didn’t know what to do.
“Bea” kasey said finally, looking forward to meet the owners eyes. a smile curled across her face, the pointed facade loosened its grip as beas eyes darted away in search of her composure.
she took in a quick breath, as if to speak but she didn’t. Once again they stood there within the vibrating room, watching an absent hand tug on the corner of the sideboard they stood next to or the column of the others neck, moving as she swallowed. Kasey grabbed two champagne flutes off a passing waiters mirrored tray, moving to pass one to Bea but then hovering for a quick moment, her mouth ajar. Kasey didn’t know exactly how to approach this, she was familiar with Beas issues or, Simons disjointed retelling of them over a 6 month period.
“Say what you want to say” Bea finally spoke, watching Kaseys every move intently, seeing the worry that plagued her brow the minute she realised that maybe champagne was not a wise choice. “Can you drink? Or should you?” Her voice was mild, it did not waver, nor did she stumble on her words.
“I can. Sometimes I do.” Bea whispered, matching Kaseys energy. “But I won’t, not here, at least.” she turned her head to the left, perhaps gesturing with the tip of her chin and upturned nose, at the people who surrounded them. Jovial and lazy, pumped full of bubbles and tiny green olives. some stumbled to find a chair, whilst others gripped onto their partners or nearby furniture. Beas darkened demeanour clearly didn't approve of this, whatever this was. Public intoxication? public displays of affection? Kasey was not one to think deeply on trivial interactions such as this, especially at a gala. She supposed that Bea was the exact opposite, in that all she did was watch and think and judge and then do it all again. What a funny girl this is. Kasey did not like to turn down a challenge, though. She wondered how far she could go, how much she could push until the smudgy face of Bea finally broke, or maybe, let her in.
Kasey suppressed a smile. “Simon says you speak in riddles sometimes”
“That wasn’t a riddle”
“No I suppose not. Just, like a poem nearly”
“I don’t like to lie”
“Neither do I”
Bea paused, rearranged the words in her mouth, “I don’t like to dance around a topic”
Kasey pushed. “Simon says you were in rehab”
“I was in the hospital”
“For overdosing”
“No”
“For hurting yourself”
Again, bea stopped. She primarily, was taken aback by the boldness of her challenger but was not afraid of where the conversation may lead. She had never run from the truth, if someone had asked her what had happened she would tell them, if someone had asked her who was driving she would tell them. But people rarely did. Sometimes, even after so much time had passed, it hurt to think of, or just to write. The truth was pointed and unforgiving and vocalising this was far easier to her therapist or the ghosts in her room.
"why?" Bea asked, "what did Simon say?" the way she spoke her brother's name was dirty as if she were spitting an insult at a worthy receiver.
Kasey placed the glasses on the sideboard next to them, between the antiques and bouquets. She hoped the condensation wouldn’t leave rings on the wood. Lord knows how old the furniture was.
“Car accident” Bea said, unprovoked.
“Were you driving?”
Bea didn’t respond.
“So that’s a yes then”
“I didn’t say that.”
“No, but still”
Bea stayed quiet.
“You brought it up”
They both swallowed, unsure of what was to happen next, both understanding that a conversation between two acquaintances doesn’t typically turn out this way, or rather, shouldn’t. The jarring bluntness that bea had picked up over years of going unseen by her mother and father, met with the unapologetic brashness that Kasey carried with every word she spoke. For a shining moment there was an energy that radiated between them. Something unknowable and invisible, a string which had wrapped itself around Kaseys pinkie and then knotted around Beas. Perhaps the string is what pulled them together that evening, a whisper of a god or goddess tugging at the middle, drawing them closer until they had no choice but to lock eyes and open their lips. The pair studied each other's faces. Not sure exactly what they should see, but regardless found comfort in watching the other watching them.
10 sharp points found themselves dug into Beas shoulders. She turned to face a sour scowl, pursed dark cherry lips, just as sour as the expression she wore. The woman was robed in a gown one would assume was something silken, just as or more expensive as everyone else attire in the ballroom. Her ears sagged supporting the dark teardrop gems that nipped at the woman neck, silently caressing the matching necklace that spread across her sun-speckled décolletage.
“Mum,” Bea said, her voice louder than Kasey had ever heard her speak, a tone that she couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t a fearful word, and it certainly lacked the respect that Beas mother had hoped for.
The rich pointed nails that kneaded her daughters shoulders retracted and instead grasped them tightly, perhaps in an attempt to show affection through physical touch. Bea tightened at this action and attempted to wiggle out of her mothers grasp, yet to no prevail.
“Beatrice, my darling I hope you have been finding the night entertaining,” She said, not acknowledging Kasey standing almost next to the pair of Romano’s. “Your skills of avoiding interactions surely are coming in handy. Your father has been speaking with potential clients all night you know, and he was so very ecstatic to show off the woman you have become, yet here you stand in the corner like a sweet little mouse, or rat rather” She chuckled at her words. Kasey drew her face into a tight-lipped smile, yet Bea remained unchanged. She was familiar with her mother's ways, one would hope she would be after 20 years of life, though thankfully she had not spent each of those tireless years by Andrea Romanos side.
"You best be on your most polite behaviour dear Beatrice."
"I always am, Mother"
Andrea rolled her eyes and gave her daughter a lazy grin.
"Oh Beatrice" she said cupping her chin. They stared at each other for a short but unsteady moment, quite opposite to the gaze Bea and Kasey had exchanged. Andrea was not sure how to approach her daughter kindly in that moment, so she did not speak, she instead chose to purse her lips and say not a word more. She turned on her heel to head back into the sea of potential clients but not before picking up the champagne left resting on the sideboard. a trail of smoky perfume was left in her wake, this being the only indicator that she had been there at all, the brief moment she interacted with bea seemingly a vision from another, purgatorial realm.
Bea was left standing, Kasey opposite her, she spied a dazed look in her eyes.
"well hello to you too Mrs Romano!" Kasey said jokingly hoping to lightened the mood
Bea offered her a goofy smile and raised her eyebrows in discontent. She wasn't quite sure what to say
so she said nothing.
"cigarette?"