Chapter 32
There's a knock at the door and Vanessa's heart skips a beat. She knows who she'll find on the other side of it, and she's as excited as she is terrified at the prospect. She takes a deep breath and nervously tugs the door open, her heart now pounding in her chest as her suspicions are confirmed.
"Hi.." Charity gives her a shy half smile.
"Hi.." She returns, as casually as she can.
"Can I.....can I come in a minute, Ness? We need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about really." She tries half-heartedly.
"Well I think there is. Please Ness, I haven't slept a wink all night thinking about it. We can't just ignore this."
Vanessa sighs and reluctantly pulls the door open a little further and walks into the living room, allowing Charity to follow her. They stand behind the sofa awkwardly, nervously. Charity breaks the silence:
"I just wanted to see if you're okay. Well not just that, but I was worried about you so.." She trails off.
Vanessa is taken aback for a second by Charity's thoughtfulness when she'd been expecting some verbal explosion of feelings or apologies from her ex, but manages to pull herself together.
"Yeah, I'm.....I'm fine, Charity." She lies.
"Okay." She acquiesces, before quickly deciding to probe further. "Are you sure? Cos....you ran out of the pub last night like your arse was on fire."
"Well, I came to my senses I guess." She says quickly, without thinking.
Charity scoff-laughs. "Right." And Vanessa can't bear the devastated look on Charity's face.
"I just mean....I think the whisky went to my head and we'd been reminiscing and I just got caught up in the moment, but you have a boyfriend and me and you have been over for a long time so it just....it shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry."
"I'm not. Sorry, that is." She clarifies when Vanessa looks at her questioningly. "But I think you're right - it shouldn't have happened, so I'm glad it didn't....as much as I wanted it to....because I think there's too much that needs to be said first, and because me cheating again wouldn't be a fresh start for us."
"Charity.." she says pleadingly. "There is no us. There can't be any us." She says with every ounce of strength she can muster.
"Really? Cos I don't think I imagined what happened last night. It seemed like you wanted it just as much as I did.."
And just that reminder has her mouth watering, her heart racing and other parts....well..
She swallows nervously. "Like I said - it....it was a mistake."
Charity notices Vanessa's nervousness. And is certain she catches her eyes flickering down to Charity's lips just for the briefest of seconds. Charity knows she lying, but has to make sure.
"So you're absolutely certain that you don't want to me kiss you, is that right?" She asks softly.
Vanessa's heart skips again and her eyes go wide at the boldness of Charity's questioning. She shoves her hands in her back pockets so that she can't reach out and touch Charity. But her eyes betray her again and flick down to glance at the lips she's been thinking about ever since last night. Longer, if she's honest. "Mmhmmmm" she manages, her lips pulled into her mouth.
"Okay" Charity almost whispers, pretending like she believes Vanessa. She takes a step forward into Vanessa's space and Vanessa finds her feet rooted to the floor in sheer panic. Charity slowly reaches her hand out until she has her fingers tangled in the front of Vanessa's jumper....and then very gently pulls Vanessa towards her, giving her every opportunity to step back, but Vanessa feels mesmerised - powerless to resist when those emerald eyes pierce her own as they do now and she allows herself to sway forwards. She feels their breath mingle, as it had last night, and her tongue unconsciously swipes out to wet her lips as she waits for the kiss that she knows is coming. But Charity doesn't move.
"I'm not going to kiss you, Ness....as much as we both know you want me to" And Vanessa feels herself deflate. "But that wasn't much of a fight you put up, there, was it."
"Charity.." she pleads again but Charity refuses to break her searching stare. "Fine! Maybe it wasn't! But we can't go back, Charity."
"You're right." Vanessa looks at her, confused. "I know I said I wished I could last night and if I was given one wish that would be it. But I can't, I know that." She pauses. "So I want to go forward. With you. Even better than we were before. And forever this time."
"Please don't make this harder than it already is, Charity. Don't say things like that."
"The only one making this harder is you. I know what I want. And I know what I need to do to get it. And I won't stop until I do. I'll prove myself to you, Ness. I'm not giving up on the love of my life without a fight this time." She promises, steadfastly keeping eye contact. And with that she walks back out of the door, ready to carry out the first job on her to do list for winning Vanessa back.
Vanessa, meanwhile, lets out a moan and buries her face in her hands. Oh God, how was she going to resist Charity? Did she really want to if she was completely honest with herself? Why is she so addicted to her?! Ergh. There's only one thing for it. Well, two. She leaves the village and avoids Charity for the rest of her life. Or....she finds someone else and tries really hard to love them instead because she can't allow herself to be pulled back in and have her heart shattered again. She wouldn't survive. And so she quickly locates her iPad and starts swiping. She WILL have a date by the end of today..