Chapter 33
The wedding had been lovely - the bride and groom had smiled all day, the weather had held out so their guests had spent much of the day drinking and dancing and celebrating in the sunshine, there had been no fights or meltdowns, or even the slightest complaint about any aspect of the day. It was so good to have the village come together for such a joyful occasion. But Vanessa, despite obviously being happy for her best friend, had felt like something was missing and that she couldn't fully enjoy herself. She racked her brains trying to come up with a plausible answer. She wasn't kidding anyone though: she knew exactly what was missing. Or more accurately....who. She'd spent the majority of the day trying (and failing) to keep her eyes, and her thoughts, away from a certain blonde. But she could no longer lie to herself that she didn't want her. She thought she'd seen a few wistful looks thrown her way by her beautiful ex too, but didn't want to get her hopes up just to have them dashed when Charity laughed in her face.
The bride and groom had had their first dance and the song had transitioned into another slow, romantic one and so the dancefloor was filled with various couples enjoying the chance to hold their loved one close and soak up the love in the room. Vanessa had stayed steadfastly in her seat and tried valiantly to stop her eyes trailing, yet again, to the woman that occupied most of her thoughts. When her eyes met Charity's, they both looked away instantly as if they'd been burnt, embarrassed at being caught, hearts racing. Eventually, after a few more songs, Rhona came over and flopped down in the seat next to her, breathing heavily and ready for a rest from the dancing. "You okay, Ness?"
"Yeah, of course!" She says as brightly as she can.
"Isn't it just brilliant? I've had the best day! I can't believe so many people are here just for us!" She says with a massive smile.
"I can. If anyone deserves this, Rhona, it's you and Marlon." She says softly, placing a hand over Rhona's in her lap. "Especially after the past six months."
"Thanks Ness. And thank you for being my Maid of Honour - couldn't have done it without you."
"My pleasure. Wouldn't have missed it for the world!"
"Maybe one day I can return the favour, eh?" Rhona probes, leadingly.
Vanessa scoffs. "I don't think so. I don't think that's ever going to happen."
"Well.......there's one person in this room that would marry you in a heartbeat if you let them.."
Vanessa looks at her questioningly, playing dumb.
"Oh come on, Ness! You've spent the entire day stealing glances at each other when you think no-one's looking! She's obviously still completely in love with you.....and who can blame her?" She adds with a chuckle, and a nudge to Vanessa's shoulder, trying to lighten the mood "And I don't think I'm wrong in saying that maybe you still love her too..? I mean, I could practically feel the pining between you two from the dancefloor.."
"Rhona.." Vanessa pleads, tears threatening, not wanting to open this particular box.
"Look, I know she hurt you. But you two were together for a long time, and sickeningly in love I might add, and that kind of love doesn't come along every day. Don't you think it's worth another try?"
"She broke my heart! And my trust!"
"I know. I know she did. But I think she's paid for it every day since. She was completely broken when you first split up. And, yeah, she's a lot better now but she still seems like a shadow of herself, like she's lost her spark. And it only comes back when she's around you."
"What if she hurts me again?" Vanessa asks tearfully.
"Then she'd have me to answer to!"
Vanessa sighs and sniffles, side-eyeing her best friend.
Rhona held her hands up in surrender. "And what if she doesn't? Look there's no guarantees in this life, Vanessa, but I don't think she would. I don't think she'd want to put either of you through that again, after the past couple of years." She pauses. "I just want you to be happy again.."
"Do you really think we could be?"
"If you want to be.."
Vanessa lets her eyes slide across the pub to Charity again. She'd be lying if she said her heart didn't skip a beat (or three) like it always had done when she looked at the blonde.
"What do I do?" Vanessa asks.
"Talk to her. Maybe ask her to dance..?" She suggests with another nudge to Vanessa's shoulder.
"I'm not doing this with an audience, Rhona!"
"Well go outside or something then! Or go home. Anything! Just don't miss your chance."
Vanessa looked at Charity again and knew exactly where she needed to be. She stood up, taking a deep breath and squeezing Rhona's hand, then marched purposefully behind the bar, making sure she made direct eye contact with Charity the entire time before heading straight into the corridor behind.
Charity watches her then spins around to look at Rhona who has approached the bar. "Where's she going?" She asks dumbly, a thumb pointing behind her at where Vanessa had just disappeared.
"Just follow her." She says sternly. Charity looks at Rhona questioningly for a second before doing as she's told and turning to head in the same direction as the feisty blonde. "And Charity?" She turns back. "Don't mess this up."
Vanessa had waited at the top of the cellar steps until she knew Charity had seen her, then quickly made her way down, her fingers fumbling shakily with her phone, as she tried to find the song she was looking for once she reached the bottom.
She could hear Charity's heels hitting each step as she made her way down towards her, each step closer making her heart beat faster until it was thrashing wildly in her chest.
She was nervous. So nervous. She wasn't even this nervous when she'd realised that Charity was going to kiss her that first time. Or when she took her hand the following night and led her up to her bedroom. But they had history now. And this was Vanessa saying that they had a future too....that she'd forgiven Charity and was ready to make another go of it, because her heart would always belong to Charity and she wasn't strong enough to deny it any longer. She heard Charity get to the bottom of the cellar steps so she pressed play on the song that she'd lined up.
Like a flower, waiting to bloom
Charity paused where she was, her eyes on Vanessa and a soft, questioning look on her face.
Like a lightbulb, in a dark room
Vanessa could barely look at Charity she was so overcome with nerves so her eyes settled somewhere around Charity's collarbone. But she couldn't allow herself to bottle it. Not now. So she gulped down her nerves, glad of the alcohol she'd consumed throughout the day, and thrusted her hand out towards Charity who, after a moment, seemed to work out what Vanessa wanted from her and stepped forward to place her own hand in Vanessa's.
I'm just sitting here, waiting for you to come on home and turn me on
They both took a second to look at their entwined fingers and Charity gently rubbed her thumb across the back of Vanessa's hand. And that was all she needed to reassure her that she was doing the right thing - that this was where she belonged. Because no-one else could make her feel so many things just with one little touch. She placed her other hand around Charity's waist and pulled the other woman's body closer to her own.
Like the desert, waiting for the rain
Vanessa started to gently sway them back and forth whilst turning in the slowest of circles, her face gently resting against Charity's shoulder as she tried to pluck up the courage to look up into those emerald eyes, hoping not to see pity or rejection or disgust.
Like a school kid, waiting for the spring
Charity's other hand had made it's way to the small of Vanessa's back and was gently pressing their bodies closer. The anticipation from both was palpable.
I'm just sitting here, waiting for you to come on home and turn me on
Vanessa could feel her heart racing and she swallowed hard, her breaths fast and shallow, as she slowly lifted her head from Charity's shoulder and brought her face up until there was just inches between her and Charity.
In my poor heart it's been so dark, since you've been gone
She looked into Charity's eyes and knew that that line rang true for both of them. It felt like an eternity but she knew it wasn't really as they inched closer and closer, eyes darting nervously between pink lips and soft eyes, breath mingling, until the tickle of their lips brushing together, softly, brought them to their senses and they both allowed themselves to melt into a sensual kiss. A kiss full of love, and longing, and relief.
Vanessa isn't sure how long they kissed for. It felt like seconds and also a lifetime. But she gently drew back from Charity, whose eyes fluttered open at the interruption, and they gazed at each other for a second before bringing their foreheads together and smiling at the relief and happiness they felt at reconnecting.
"I could do that all night" Charity murmured against Vanessa's lips with a contented sigh.
Vanessa just hummed in agreement. The two continued to hold onto each other, vaguely swaying to the music still. When Vanessa wasn't forthcoming with any kind of explanation, Charity nervously asked:
"So.....what does this mean, Ness? Is this just a snog for old times sake? Or....or something more?"
"Wanna jump straight into bed, do you?" Vanessa asks defensively, the nerves still making her jangle.
"No! No of course not. I mean, obviously I want that too eventually, I'm not a saint! I just....I've missed this so much - missed you so much and I've wanted to kiss you every day for over two years! So I don't want to get my hopes up if this is just a quick fumble because you're drunk and reminiscing. I don't want to get my hopes up if this isn't forever. Because I don't think I could cope with that, Ness."
Vanessa looks up into shimmering green eyes, then gently tugs on Charity's hand that she's still holding onto, pulling her towards the tatty love seat that they'd shared on their first venture down the cellar steps. The seat doesn't offer much in the way of space so they end up wedged together, their legs tangling together and their fingers itching to do the same.
"Rhona spoke to me. Reminded me that what we had was pretty special, and....and forced me to admit, to myself at least, that maybe that love is still there."
Charity manages to control the gasp that tries to jump out of her, but has no chance of stopping the racing of her heart. Her eyes dart across Vanessa's face, looking for the joke....the lie....and hoping she doesn't find one.
"You hurt me, Charity. A lot." Charity looks down in shame.
"I know. And I'm sorry." She whispers tearfully.
"And you completely broke my trust with all your lies. But I'd be a liar myself if I said that I don't miss you. And that I haven't thought about you, and us, most days."
"You're all I ever think about.....just for the record.." Charity puts in, with a watery smile and a self-deprecating scoff.
Vanessa dips her head shyly, as she tends to do when someone (Charity) says something heartfelt about her.
"Come on, Ness, don't be coy about it! You know how much I loved you - how flippin' obsessed I was with you!" She pauses. "And no matter what I've tried over the past two years, that hasn't changed. It's just......it's just always you." She says with a sigh. "Look, I know I'm not perfect - far from it, yeah? But you make me want to be better, and you make me believe I can be better. And....I know I do stupid things but I've never done any of them with the intention of hurting you. I'm not going to make any promises, okay, because we both know I'm rubbish at keeping them, but if you think we can try again then I will try so hard. Because I want this to be it - I want to spend every day loving you. Well, I mean, I think that'll happen anyway whether we're together or not. But I want to try and prove to you that I can do this. I want to look after you when you're sick, and laugh at you when you spill smoothie down your top, and shout at you when you leave sheep droppings in your pockets in the wash bin. And just make you feel safe, and protected, and loved.....because you made me feel like that every day without even trying."
"Have you finished?" Vanessa asks playfully.
"Sorry." Charity looks down embarrassedly. "You know what I'm like when I get going."
"Yeah. I do. And it's one of the things I love about you - how passionate you can be about things.....even if sometimes that leads you into making stupid decisions. Just.....just don't hurt me again....okay?"
Charity nods silently, the threatening tears blurring her vision.
Vanessa leans in again and plants her lips on Charity's before taking Charity's hand and turning her back to the landlady, pulling the hand across her body so that Charity envelopes her from behind - her big spoon. A second chance at their happily ever after in the place that it all began..