Beautiful Mystery
“Oh! Sorry!” A hand reaches out to pat the shoulder of an elderly man she’s almost just knocked over while smiling apologetically before tuning towards the subways closing doors that very nearly traps her jacket she’s carrying inside. Judy tugs the dangling sleeve away from the door and holds it closer, scanning the fairly empty carriage for a seat.
Finding one near the disability seats, she hurries on over, gripping the other seats for balance as the ground moves quickly beneath. Her legs cross and hold her rucksack, knees bouncing with the rattling of the tracks. She takes out her badge from the front pocket, smiling proudly to herself at her name in red italics printed on the rectangular black badge. Her fingers shake as she tries to pin the badge to her uniform, a black skirt and white shirt that makes her shiver whenever the doors open at the stops, she shrugs her jacket on. It’s New York though and not quite yet winter so she shouldn’t be too cold, probably just first day jitters.
Get it together Judy.
She’s worked so hard for this job, after applying to at least fifty others and scanning windows and café boards for posters, so she figures she deserves this job.
Needs it.
Judy’s set off an hour early to make sure she’s there in plenty of time but on the walk to the station she’d taken a wrong turn and ended up on the wrong street so she’d had to break a sweat running to get the train she’s currently sat on. She swipes a hand across her forehead, messing up her bangs as she does, she quickly pats them down.
Her eyes roam around the carriage. There’s a man with a briefcase right across from her, he’s talking away on the phone pressed against his ear held up by his shoulder as his hands flick through a certain file he holds against his lap, every so often the train jolts and the pages threaten to fall to the floor, Judy’s hands wait to pick them up. As his eyes flicker up to look straight ahead, Judy’s own avert to the left and her cheeks redden a little, landing on a tall redhead with wavy hair that cascades down her shoulders and curls at her lower back. She carries a bag and is leaning against a guy that looks like he has sacks of potatoes for muscles, his arm wraps around her waist as she giggles as something he whispers in her ear.
Judy’s always been a people watcher, ever since being little, her mom would leave her in the car while going into a store or on a park bench while she went to pick up something from Andy, her ex boyfriend, well-almost ex she guesses, they still live outside his house parked up in a trailer and he comes over sometimes at night and other mornings she wakes up alone and her mom would tell her she went with Andy. She’d watch and listen and imagine, conjure up images of families and pets and hobbies and create a whole life for the oblivious person she sets her eyes upon. Perhaps to fill an emptiness caused by Eleanor’s flakiness or her lack of mothering.
“Excuse me.”
Judy’s eyes follow the voice, finding a young blonde probably around the same age as her, trying to get past the couple, currently acting out every PDA there is, so she can find a seat. Judy watches she lowers her bag onto the floor beside a seat a few away from the tall business guy. She’s a little taller than herself, Judy thinks, although that could be the large doc martens she’s wearing. Her hair is up in a tight bun, like the ballerinas in the little jewellery boxes in stores that twirl and play music. Judy thinks she’s pretty, can image how popular she is at school because who wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who looks like the blonde does. She wonders what her name is, what’s inside that bag she’s kicking further under her seat. She must be staring because she feels eyes on her and suddenly she’s flashing a smile at the girl instead of looking away quickly, almost as if her eyes are fixated. Judy can’t look away, doesn’t. She just keeps smiling and staring a little like a deer in headlights. The blondes mouth tugs at the edges, and for a second Judy thinks she sees the start of a smile smile until her lips purse and eyes look away awkwardly. A sigh puffs and clouds in the air, it really is cold.
Judy finds herself walking to ’Bella’s’, the restaurant she’s about the start working at, internally thanking the blonde for looking away and bursting the strange bubble she’d been trapped in because if not she’d have missed her stop. She’d practically tripped over her own feet running towards the doors, she probably imagined the blonde smirking a little at her but honestly she wouldn’t be surprised after making such an ordeal.
The walk from the train stop is longer than she thought, and only when she gets to the doors inside the warm staff room does she realise she should’ve gotten off at a stop later, she jots it down on the inside of her wrist with the pen she uses to clock in so she doesn’t forget for next time.
…
“Okay so that’s two spaghetti and meatballs, one no garlic, two regular cokes and a kid’s pepperoni pizza meal with orange juice?” Judy asks, pen in one hand as she tries to write the families order as fast as she possibly can while still making the handwriting legible.
The mother, she presumes, nods with a smile and Judy tells them there food will be with them shortly. She’s surprised at how well it’s going, so far she’s only gotten one drink order wrong and the gentleman had been pretty understanding about it, even going far as to leave a review saying how ‘lovely and chipper’ the new waitress was. It makes her smile and whole, pleasing people, the tips aren’t what matters to her and she says as much that night when all the employees are dividing the total amount of tip money between them all. It’s against the rules not to include everyone though, so she pockets her share in the front of her bag with a proud grin.
Judy returns to the table with their meals. “Here we are…” she sets them down gently and stands back with a smile. She’s thanked and then she’s moving off to seat another few guests who’s just arrived.
Overall her night isn’t too busy, it gets quite hectic around eight pm especially with a load of theatre goers wearing ‘Wiked’ t shirts and hoodies, but apart from that her first night is fairly quiet. On the way home she grabs a corn dog from the vender settled right next to the station with the tip money she received. The gentlemen refills her water bottle for her kindly after Judy searches her pocket for any more change for a drink to go with her food and comes up short. She smiles, thanks him and stuffs her filled bottle back into her bag. The corn dog warms her up as she makes her way to the underground platform, passing only a few people on her way compared to the masses on the way. It’s 9pm and a Wednesday night, New York is always busier on Friday’s and when there’s shows on in the town square. Judy approaches her platform and squints at the notice that tells passengers the train is ‘2 minutes’ away.
She finishes the corn dog seconds before the train gets in and quickly finds a trash can before stepping inside. It’s eerily silent on the way home, except for a group of women in the far side of the next carriage to hers and…the blonde. Again. Judy’s breath hitches and she clears her throat which seems to echo in the empty carriage. Something must get stuck in her throat because she finds herself choking almost as she tries to swallow the saliva in her mouth, it must get lodged in her throat and she rummages through her bag quickly to find her bottle of water. The cold liquid relieves her coughing and she dries her mouth on her sleeve before putting the bottle back. Judy looks up to find the girl looking over at her and she pulls her bottom lip between her top one and smiles.
“Thought you were a goner.”
Judy laughs a little. “Almost.”
The girl moves a strand of her behind her ear, the bun from earlier a lot messier and half of her fringe falls and frames her face.
A few stops after and the blondes stepping up and heading towards the doors, dropping her gloves as she goes and she must not notice because Judy finds herself scrambling to pick them up as the doors open and calling after her.
“Wait!”
Judy holds the gloves out. “You forgot these.”
The other girl takes them and puts them on. “Thank you.”
Judy shrugs. “No worries.”
The girl steps out and onto the ground, the doors stay open for a few more minutes and Judy finds herself stood still waiting at the door way instead of going back to her seat.
“Don’t die yeah?” The girl says then and Judy’s not expecting it because she doesn’t click on straight away to what she’s saying until the girl mocks Judy’s coughing fit earlier, a hand fisting against her chest dramatically.
Judy smiles and bites down on her cheeks to stop it from stretching all the way across her face, as if it hadn’t already. “I’ll try.”
The girl gives a wave and begins walking away and if Judy wasn’t still watching through the windows then she’d have missed her turning back around. Their eyes meet and they smile across at each other, each giving another wave before the train pulls away.
When Judy gets home that night, the pile high dishes in the sink and cigarette ash around the oven top doesn’t bother her as much as usual, and she’s less bothered by the fact that her mom’s passed out on the couch with half a can of beer in one hand. If it wasn’t for the loud snores coming from her mouth Judy would be worried, she looks like a corpse. Before she goes to sleep that night she thinks back to the girl on the train. It sounds very much like a fairytale, a story, a mystery when she puts it like that. Judy doesn’t even know her name but she finds herself wanting to know everything about her, what she likes doing, what her favourite food is, if she’s a Capricorn or a Sagittarius or a Gemini, she wants to show her the stars and tell her all about constellations. Judy’s eyes flutter closed and her mind slips into a dream state, most likely filled with flowers and animals and colours and now a mysterious blonde with the most beautiful smile she’s ever seen.
*
Friday night is her next shift. Eleanor hasn’t been home since Thursday morning so Judy’s spent the last couple of days alone in the trailer drawing and doing some school work despite it being the beginning of summer. She’s in her second to last year before leaving for college and has hopes of going to NYC’s College Of The Arts, it specialises in dance, photography and visual arts, specifically painting and sculpture work. Her teachers have said that in order to apply for a scholarship-they know of her financial situation, she won’t be getting into college from her mothers income (or like, non-come) alone-she’ll have to do exceedingly well in her subjects, so she takes school very seriously. Judy doesn’t have friends really, but she doesn’t mind, she gets to spend her lunch times drawing and working and sometimes she sits with her favourite English teacher Miss Jenkins. She’d been more congratulating than Eleanor about getting a summer job, had bought her a cupcake from the canteen, chocolate flavoured with rainbow sprinkles.
Summer is more alone than term time, she doesn’t get interaction with anyone except her mother and maybe Andy, so she’s glad she has a job now to pass the time. Not that she’s spoken to anyone apart from the customers yet, but she supposes there’s time for making friends once settled, it’s only her second day.
Judy turns her head away from her current sketch, a still image of New York City at night, at the sound of the toaster and bread popping up. She grabs butter from the fridge and spears a thin layer over the top of the two slices. There’s not much in the freezer, and Judy’s not sure when there next will be so a couple of slices of buttered toast will do, and an apple which she grabs from the now vacant fruit bowl.
After eating she changes into her uniform, tidies the kitchen and hangs her sketch up to dry, she manages to add a few watercolours before changing, and then she locks the trailer door and begins her walk to the station. It’s about 20 minutes and even less with the brisk pace Judy walks at, it’s unerring being on the dark streets alone at night and she’s thankful for the streetlights and the stars providing a little light.
She arrives at the station with ten minutes to spare so she sits on a lone seat beside a ticket machine and waits.
*
“Mother f-“ Her legs threaten to give out as she tries to run to catch the train that’s almost two seconds away from leaving, her ‘Rosary Dance Company’ personalised bag knocks her legs as she does. Jen manages to reach the train just in time to click open the doors and step onto the carriage. Her boots drag on the floor and leave behind dark footprints because if her day wasn’t miserable enough already, it was raining. Jen finds a seat and takes off her hood, unveiling her bun that’s still perfectly intact thankfully, it had taken her a good five minutes to get the right shape before leaving.
A buzz in her pocket makes her jump. She takes out her phone and reads the text, it’s from her mom.
You’ve forgotten you’re ballet slippers, I would drop them off but you know I have the hospital today. Sorry honey x
“Great!” Jen sighs loudly, shoving her phone back in her pocket, she’ll reply later. She knows it’s not her moms fault, it’s not the cancers fault either but fuck does it feel good to blame them. Her ballet slippers were sitting on her bedroom drawers this morning, instead of putting them in her bag like usual she had to rush to help her mom to the toilet so she can throw up half her guts. Breast cancer sucks.
“Are you okay?”
…
“Hey?”
Jen feels a tap on her knee and looks up, releasing a soft sigh when she sees the small brunette from the other day who’d been kind enough to give her gloves back instead of selling them or keeping them or just ignoring it altogether. Probably something Jen would do.
“Sorry, hi.” Jen replies.
“Hi!” Judy says again and it makes Jen smile more despite trying to hide it. “I was just asking if you were alright?”
Jen raises her eyebrows. “Oh! Yeah I’m fine, I just-“ She shakes her head, “you know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore.”
Judy nods, eyes roaming Jen’s face, then body and then everywhere else when Jen notices her looking. Her eyes land on the bag at Jen’s feet and her eyes widen comically as she sees the curly lettering in bright prink peeking out from behind Jen’s leg. “Oh my god! Are you a dancer?”
Jen pulls a face amusedly. “Um, yeah I am.”
“That is so cool! I pass all the street dancers and west end show venues and studios on the way to work and I always get so jealous because how amazing would it be to be able to just..” Jen watches Judy talk with her hands and mouth, the former flailing about everywhere animatedly. “..be able to make movement and stories with your body.” Judy grins. “Well, I mean…I guess you know.”
Jen nods. “It’s not as flowery as you make out though, your feet get blistered up to hell and sometimes they stretch us like elastic bands.” Her arm stretches then and cracks at the joints, as if to prove and illustrate her point.
“I bet it’s difficult.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sure you’re amazing at it though.” Judy beams. “I bet I’ll see you on those posters in the city square some day.”
Jen shakes her head. Who is this girl? Even her teachers have zero confidence in her, she’s not as skinny or tall or musically emotional like the other girls. She’s passionate about dance of course she is, but she isn’t as naïve as everyone else who believes by dancing a few times a week they’ll score a professional job and be dancers for the rest of their lives. She doesn’t pretend that dancing gets rid of all her problems because it doesn’t, the past 16 years have proved that. Dance is her escape from reality temporary as it is, a chance to feel good for two minutes (or however long her music is), but she knows it’s short lived. A correction from her teacher or the music stopping will break that little bubble and remind her of real life. One where her mother is struggling to battle breast cancer, stage three while her dad works hours on end in his tiny office in the basement to put food on the table, plants in the garden and leotards in her dance bag.
Jen lives a well life, they don’t struggle to make ends meet because her mom and dad have worked constantly to get to live in a more than decent sized house in a highly respected area. Her mother was a teacher and ran the local youth group for under privileged kids. ‘Superhero Sammy’, the kids used to call her. She’d got dozens of cards pinned up in her room from parents and kids who she’d helped. Jen knows she misses it. She gets a longing look in her eye whenever they pass the youth club or the school. Her dad runs his own company providing signs for highways, his company has grown massively in the past few years so while Jen takes care of her mom, he works day and night trying to keep his business flourishing. Rosie, her dog, is probably the only one in Jen’s house without the weight of the world on her shoulders. She’s a sandy coloured Labrador, Jen found her one afternoon in a box on the beach when she was 9, had practically begged her mom and dad to take her home once the vets had said there was no microchip. They’d been inseparable ever since.
An announcement over the speakers interrupts Jen’s thinking and she realises Judy’s still staring at her with wide eyes and a smile.
“Well thanks.” Jen replies. It’s nice that someone thinks that she’s a good, well, ‘amazing’ dancer as the girl had put it. “Hey, what’s your name?” Jen asks.
“Oh! It’s Judy.”
“Judy,” Jen repeats, testing it out on her tongue. She’d never met anyone called that before, Judith yes but never Judy. It suits her. “I’m Jen.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Judy says.
“You too,” Jen smiles. “It’s not often I make a habit of talking to strangers though.”
“Oh!” Judy laughs. “Me neither.”
Jen nods. She turns around and takes a look outside, lights blurring her vision as the sky turns dark already. “This is my stop.” She doesn’t know why she tells Judy that, she just does.
Judy jolts forward in her seat and takes a look around, forgetting that she’s actually got work to go to and a train to stop and get off at the correct stop today. She realises it’s the one after yesterday when the train slows to a stop and she stands before Jen does. “Me too!”
“Cool.” Jen shrugs and steps around the poles and other seats to the doorway, waiting a few seconds before the ‘open’ switch turns green before pressing it with the end of her coat that’s pulled over her hands.
They step out together and walk up the stairs into the square, the rain has stopped but it’s still cold and the wind blows harshly on both of their faces. A loud beep makes Judy jump and Jen turns her head to eye her amusedly, they walk together out of the way of the travel platforms and into the square. Lights bounce off of the wet pavement. Sirens echo to the left of them, the sound of music from the guitar player to the right of them overpowers it somehow. Judy grins to the guitarist and sticks a thumb up.
They pass a load of drunken students, dressed in short dresses and high heals, some carry glow sticks and others wave their cardigans in the air singing some song or other. ‘Bella’s’ is just in front of Judy amongst the circle of restaurants and she slows down, “this is me.”
Jen pauses too, following Judy’s eye-line to the Italian restaurant. “You’re work here?”
Judy hums in response. “It’s my second day.”
“Right! Well I better leave you to go, you don’t wanna be late.” Jen says.
For some reason the air has become thick between the two of them, neither want to leave.
“Yeah I should.” Judy steps backwards a little. “Have fun at dance.”
“Thank you.”
“Alright then….” Judy starts walking backwards, eyes not leaving Jens as she does. “Bye Jen.”
“Bye Judy.”
“Bye.” She waves.
Jen waves back with a laugh. “Bye.”
Judy’s still not turned around and she keeps walking backwards until-“ouch!”
Jen covers her mouth to stop herself from laughing.
“Stupid rock.” Judy says, it’s more of a stump.
“Bye Judy.” Jen says, ushering Judy inside the restaurant and this time she goes inside, waving one more time through the glass double doors before heading all the way in.
*
Judy’s exhausted by the time her shift finishes and she can’t find the energy to walk for her food so she grabs a pizza before leaving, Paul puts it her in two smaller pizza boxes so they it fits in her bag. It’s one of the perks of working in an Italian restaurant, free food at the end of the night. She thanks him and takes a slice out to have while walking. One hand cups the bottom of the pizza which drapes over with the amount of cheese on top, but it’s just as Judy likes it, stringy and greasy and overly unhealthy. It warms her stomach as she eats the slice on the way to the station and can feel the heat radiating from the boxes in her bag.
It’s not that much of a surprise to her that Jen’s sat on the platform waiting for the same subway as Judy. This time she walks right on up to her and sits in the empty seat.
“Fancy seeing you here.” Judy says, shoulder rising to rest her chin on as she smiles sweetly.
“Well hey.” Jen replies. “How was work?”
“Good but busy, there was a queue a mile long outside waiting to be seated for most of the night.”
“It’s always packed down here.” Jen says. “Ah, and there’s my point-“ Jen nods her head to the platform area that’s getting fuller by the minute; drunken men with soccer shirts, students, a hen party…And the train’s still 10 minutes away. Jen tilts her head and smiles, “you got a little red stuff there..” Jen uses her pinky to point to the area around her mouth and Judy clicks on quickly, her eyes widening.
“Oh!” Judy scrubs at it with her palm, “has it gone?”
Jen nods.
“I had pizza, work gave it me for free. Do you want some?” Judy offers already taking the bag from her shoulders and opening it.
“Sure.”
Judy opens the box and lets Jen take a piece out, she winces because it’s still hot and has to blow it before taking a bite.
“Thank you.”
Judy shrugs in response. “No probs, actually..” Judy puts the box on Jen’s lap. “You can have it.”
“Huh? It’s fine Judy I’m good with this piece.”
“Are you sure? I have another box in here anyways.”
Jen seems to consider it for a second before nodding and then opening the box. “We’ll share.” Jen takes another piece and urges Judy to do the same. “My mom doesn’t like me eating junk food, she’d have a fit if she saw me having this.”
Judy’s eyes go into panic mode for a moment and she swallows the bite she’s currently chewing quickly. “Oh well, sorry I just-“
“No.” Jen puts a hand on her arm. “It’s fine, I love pizza, especially plain cheese, sometimes I think people go overboard with toppings, I mean pineapple?”
Judy giggles. “I bet it’s not that bad.”
“Fruit on a pizza?”
“It’s unique.” Judy says with a shrug. She finishes her slice and dusts her hands to remove the crumbs, licking the grease away from her fingers.
“She’s, my mom-“ Jen starts. “Well she’s ill, cancer, and having foods that are all processed and full of fatty stuff isn’t good for our bodies she says, and she’s worried that when I’m older I’ll get it too, it runs in our family.” She tells her, again she questions why she’s telling this much to a stranger. She doesn’t talk about this with anyone even her so called dance friends at her studio or school. Something about Judy makes her feel safe though, it’s as if she gives off a warm energy or something, she cringes at herself for thinking that but it couldn’t be further to the truth. Judy seems kind and caring and everything she’s not, and everything she usually avoids, finding people like her to be too mushy or claustrophobic almost.
Judy’s isn’t like that. She doesn’t know her but she knows she likes her.
“Well she is right, with the amount of grease that comes off of this it should be illegal!”
Judy responds and Jen smiles because she doesn’t draw attention to the big ‘c’ word or tell her she’s sorry, doesn’t give her that look like everybody else.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Aww honey. If there’s anything I can do let me know.’ -Jen would think, ‘unless you can cure cancer then there’s nothing you can do.’
“But that’s what makes it taste nice.” Jen says around another mouthful of pizza.
“I hope you and your mom are okay though.” Judy says quietly then.
Jen appreciates it. “Thanks.”
Their train pulls in then and Jen quickly throws the empty box into the trash. Both girls grab their bags and head towards the closest door.
It’s a squeeze once all the passengers are on and it gets fuller and more uncomfortable with every stop. A beefy sweaty guy is pressing right into Judy, he towers above her and his elbow keeps hitting her in the head as he waves his arms up to signal something to his friends at the other side of the carriage. Most people are standing, so they’re like sardines all packet tightly together. Jen reaches for Judy and brings her in closer to herself, she’s backed against the unused doors so she has a little more room to rescue Judy from being squashed. Let’s face it, Judy’s the size of a pea amongst everyone. She’s tugged into Jen’s front and her hands rest against Jen’s stomach, gripping every time they come to a stop for balance. Jen finds herself surprised at the fact she doesn’t mind it and even places her own hands on Judy’s forearms to steady the both of them.
Once they reach Jen’s stop she’s reluctant to leave Judy with another load of drunken mobs coming on, but Judy assures her she’s fine and it’s only one more stop. Jen nods and pushes through the crowd of people to the other side so she can get out of the door. A gust of air hits her and it’s welcomed as she takes in a deal breath, her hair sticking to her face now with how hot it was cramped up in the carriage. She turns around and waves to Judy who waves back as best she can from behind everyone else.
Jen finds herself worrying about her all the way home and while she’s trying to choose her clothes out for school tomorrow. Judy’s definitely unlike anyone Jen’s ever met, or anyone she’s ever cared about. And she does care about Judy already which is why she finds it so hard to get to sleep that night not knowing whether Judy made it home safe or not. She really should have gotten her number. Her mom comes to say goodnight to her while she fiddles with her phone, it’s as if she’s waiting for Judy to text or call, stupidly.
“Good night honey.” Samantha says, kissing her on the forehead and turning the light out as she leaves.
“Night.”
Jen turns over and faces the wall. She shuts her eyes and cuddles into the blankets but nothing helps rid her of the thought of Judy.
The girl on the train who had somehow suddenly become so much more.