Perplexity
Whatever Obsidian had expected when school started had not been this, it was like nails on a chalkboard, something her sister always said but Obsidian didn’t quite know the meaning of, she assumed it meant something along the lines of awful and uncomfortable but she didn’t really know.
In highschool she had avoided most stress by avoiding large groups, this had been an easy feat as she had gone to a special private school. People however aren’t totally unavoidable, and no moment did this really strike Obsidian than today. Everyone talked too loud, and since everyone was milling about trying to get around no where seemed escapable, the hundreds if not thousands of voices all echoing around her. The worse however was when she was forced to travel through crowds, they all rubbed her, and touched her, just a brush of someone's shirt on her arm, or an excited shrill filled her with so much unease that her stomach did somersaults, forcing her to stop in little alcoves to catch her breath, desperate no to hurl or breakdown. God forbid if she had to call her mother.
In other words, she abhorred it.
In classes it was worse, they, in content, were simple, just the teacher introduces themselves followed by a simple run down of the class, but not even that was free from some challenges. In some classes students were asked to introduce themselves to others, to build new bonds, or whatever. That's when a theme began. People began to take note of her awkwardness, the way she could never meet their eyes, the fact she could never make an answer longer than one or two words without it somehow making it back to her dictionary. They did not find it as interesting or as cool as Talia had. It reminded her of when she had been forced to take science in high school, in an effort to impress her lab partner she had listed off vocabulary words they had been assigned to study, and their definitions, the girl had stared at her, her face turning into a sneer before she asking “What are some sort of robot, you were all monotone and everything?”
Obsidian cluelessly had replied “Of course not, I’m made of flesh, just like you.” which in Hindsight only worsened the situation. The class broke into laughter, not in the way that Talia had at the library, where Obsidian had found that it felt right to laugh along, but in all out mocking, a heavy blanket of sneers and jabs, not with her but at her like knives.
It was after that interaction that she had tried to stop, she left her dictionary at home, and kept her words to herself. She began to withdraw from her classes, and began to feel more stifled and anxious, it reminded her of when she had watched a documentary on sea wall, how even the strongest wall could easily collapse under the weight of the tide, and one morning her sea wall collapsed and she had her first meltdown.
Her parents took her to her doctor, looking for an explanation, he sent them to a psychologist, then a speech pathologist and finally their answer. Obsidian was diagnosed with ASD. She had autism spectrum disorder.
Instantly she grew upset, she couldn\t be autistic, this was the worst thing that could have possibly happened to her. People shouted that at others in the halls, a boy would stumble and fall, only for his friends to snicker at him and say “Stop being so autistic.” Obsidian had never thought how the definition could always be so negative but then there she was diagnosed with level one ASD. Autistic, adjective, synonymous with idiotic and embarrassing at Fairfield High. Example: Obsidian Collis.
Obsidian was brought from her thoughts as a professor announced the end of the class time, before rambling off his office hours. It was the end of the day, which meant that Obsidian had to head off to her campus dorm and hopefully meet her roommate, who had been surprisingly absent during move in week, only a few boxes appearing on the left side of the room.
She darted across campus, fewer people were milling about, but way too much for Obsidian to want to take a chance to get swapped up by a crowd. And luckily she arrived at her destination, swiping her key card in the door and slipping inside, a wave of sound outside the door causing her to take extra comfort in her room. Slowly she went over to her desk, taking a curious glance at the identical side to see if any new additions had been made, only to find it organized and unpacked. The boxes were gone and their contents hidden amongst the dresser and shelf for storage.
She sat in her chair and looked at the room curious of the strange and mysterious roommate, a slight itch to dig through the other person’s contents to learn more, she began to fidget her mind now distracted by the possibilities. However her luck was in favor again as a clink of the lock in the door meant someone was entering, the answers to her swirling thoughts she hoped.
The door opened and she caught sight of a familiar shoulder, soft bouncy golden hair and a dark well worn leather jacket. She slightly flushed, memories of the library rushing back and her heart jumped into her throat. Her inclinations were right as when the door closed it no longer obscured Talia’s face and for a second their eyes met the cool blue green shining happily, Obsidian ducked her heart racing as all the confusing emotions rushed back and filled her lungs making it almost hard to breathe.
“Today must be my lucky day, here I was worried that I would be stuck with someone boring but it’s just you my word buddy.” Again Talia’s voice seemed excited and amazed, it made Obsidian feel admired, something that she hadn’t felt elsewhere. It was uncomfortable, in that strange way that always made her flush.
Instantly however her voice bubbled up and her tongue moved almost on its own. “‘Noun. ‘A configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that it cannot be described merely as a sum of its parts.’” she shyly mumbled out, her neck bent down as she stared at the familiar boots.
“Huh?”
Obsidian forced herself to look up, her eyes locking on to Talia’s face before settling on the other girl's lips. “Gestalt. Noun. ‘A configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that it cannot be described merely as a sum of its parts.’”
The lips parted, twisting up in a smile of awe, Obsidian noticed a slight scar on the girl’s upper lip, a small imperfection on her otherwise almost perfect face.
“Wow, you remembered, that’s awesome.”
Awesome, Obsidian frowned slightly, she was anything far from ‘extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.’ No, awesome was not right, not compared to Talia, Talia was the truly awe inspiring one.
Soon the felt into a sort of awkward silence as the topic died off, not that Talia seemed to mind, her boots thudding as she moved around the room, Obsidian for her part awkwardly watched them, if Talia noticed she said nothing.
Finally when she seemed satisfied she stopped and sat at her desk, mirroring Obsidian’s position.
“What are you thinking there roomie?”
Awkwardly Obsidian shrugged too many thoughts racing to truly ponder one or the other, Talia let out a little chuckle, “Rough day?”
Obsidian paused before letting out a quite yes, to which Talia only nodded, and began to pull out a textbook. “Yeah, me too.”
Talia paused then, hand placed on the cover of the book, Obsidian found herself watching the other girls fingers as they tapped slightly, “Do you read those word of the day things?”
Curiously Obsidian responded, “Yes, today was remarkable. Adjective, ‘worthy of being or likely to be noticed especially as being uncommon or extraordinary.’ Can you spell it?”
Talia smiled a little smugly though it didn't seem to be in mocking, “Can I? R. E. M. A. R. K. A. B. L. E.” then a slight smile came to her lips making her face look soft.
“You know you're pretty remarkable Obsidian. The way you remember all these words are pretty cool.”
Her face was flush and all she could do was nod her head slightly as she found her eyes wandering back to Talia’s lips. “Thank you,” she mumbled out before turning to face her desk head on, unable to fully look at Talia anymore without more feelings washing over her.
She heard the book open, the thud on the desk, and she let it all wash over her, her thoughts turning to how she could possibly survive all this confusion all year.