is this even real?
"So, Alex.. are you and Maggie still keep in touch?" Lena asked, all of the sudden, while both of them stroll down by waterfront, after having dinner at a fancy restaurant near the river. No special occasion, but this is becoming more frequent, at first they just spent time in their apartments, taking turns, one night at Alex's, the other night at Lena's.
But now they started spending time outside, more in public, just the two of them, even no one ever called it a date, it just happen like that.
It's totally different when there is Kara, they have more time with the gang when Kara is still here.
And Lena never thought, spending time with Alex is very easy.. It's very normal..
It didn't take too long to get used to it, as if she's been doing this her whole life.
Sometimes Alex forces her to eat fast food like burgers, and sometimes Lena forces Alex to eat kale, and they are used to blending it together, nothing strange..
No one has ever discussed about the past, as if forgotten.. as if Valentine night few months ago was the first time they met, making Alex quite surprised Lena mentioned the name of her ex-girlfriend, her ex-fiancé..
"Keep in touch?" Alex asked, her face was a little confused and unprepared. "Keep in touch like what?"
"Like.. Say hello to each other on phone.. or maybe meet up and having coffee together, or--"
"No." Alex replied, firmly, then Alex stop walking and leaning up on the railing, and Lena followed, their shoulders pressed against each other. "Why the sudden ask?"
Alex shifted to turn towards Lena. She stood there, with her hands in her pocket as if she was cold, but secretly, she's just nervous.
Before Lena answered why, Alex started talking again. "I mean, we never talk personally or meet for personal purposes, yeah work thing yes.. we talked on the phone several times regarding several cases. And met accidentally at the work scene."
Lena nodded, her expression is unreadable, and Alex wants to know why, where is this conversation would be going. "I need to tell you something.."
Lena took a deep breath before continuing. And Alex more nervous than when she did a job interview for the DEO.
"I think you need to know about my past.."
Which kind of past?
Alex twisted her memory, scrape out all the them. Kara should have told her all about Lena, inside-outside, there is no way anything will be missed.
But, there she is, stood facing the woman she couldn't describe in words yet. Lena Luthor just like the sweet candy that became her addiction lately, only by being close to this woman could she could feel at peace. When Kara left, all left, Lena is the only thing that make sense to her.
"Okay you can tell me everything." Alex nods and gave Lena her best charming smile.
Just by looking at that smile, Lena choked. Sometimes she didn't even know how to deal with this woman. Alex is very charming, Alex is very smart, Alex likes science just like her, Alex is a good listener, Alex is very patient, Alex never gets angry with her or being disrespect, Alex is very soft and warm, and it's very dangerous.
Sometimes Lena just wants to see the negative side of this woman, not that she wanted to found out Alex's mistakes. But being imperfect is normal, and it's not normal at all.
"You know James was my last official relationship.."
"Okay.."
"And before James, there's Jack.." Alex remembers the name, Alex saw the sadness in Lena's eyes when she mentioned the name, and Alex knows why, she found out from Kara, and she was really sorry about it. Lena has saved Kara, Supergirl , and Alex really thank for it.
Lena looked into Alex's eyes doubtfully, before saying "And it's Kate, long before Jack."
There was a long pause after that. Alex looked into Lena's eyes, the temperature started dropping at that time, because the sky was getting darker.
Alex may not be too cold because of the leather jacket that is always being her trademark, which is why she also pulls Lena within her reach, caressing her body, offering warmth. And Lena can feel Alex touch the top of her head with a quick kiss, that little thing never fail to impresses her.
"I didn't expect that. A woman? I thought--"
"She was my first in everything." Lena answered quickly.
In everything?
"Oh."
"Kara never mentioned it."
"I never told her."
"Oh.." another Oh. . Alex is still learning to digest this information, she was quite surprised.
"But Kara know her. She's one of Kara's friend. Kara once mentioned Kate when i talk about Gotham city, although I didn't ask how Kara knew her."
Another Surprise.
KATE.
GOTHAM CITY.
KARA'S FRIEND.
Then everything is click..
"She's rich." The first thing Lena heard from Alex. Whether it was just her feeling or not, she felt Alex's arms loosen up on her body. But when the warmth feeling suddenly disappears, it's real.
"And HOT as hell." Second words from Alex.
"You have a good tasted on woman." Alex grinned, but it looked forced.
"I was in boarding school. We're room mate, I'm really thankful because Kate was my room mate, because I don't know what would happen if it was someone else. Nobody likes me there."
Alex tried to look at Lena's eyes even though she wasn't sure she could. She hated the feeling of pain in her stomach, like being hit by something so hard.
For God's sake, she's 29 years old and she's the Director of an very important organization in United States. She couldn't accept herself receiving the storm that suddenly attacked her right in her chest, was she jealous? jealous of someone from Lena's past?
Is Lena hers? So that she has the right to feel jealousy?
Alex suddenly realized what they were doing, yeah they are never official. They had sex, yes , they spending time almost everyday, yes..
But what if it's all just about sex? or simply because of Kara's absence. They both lonely. What if there is a Kara? maybe none of this will ever happen. maybe Lena will never seeing Alex this way.
"And one day Lillian found out about that. She knew Kate's family background, and didn't do much things to Kate. But she just made sure that Kate and I never got to see each other again. She moved me to another school. Poison my mind in all possible ways, I was only sixteen at the time.." Lena hissed. And she was happy when she found Alex's hand was back on her body, give a little squeeze on her arms, there was an intimacy from the touch and Lena really loves it.
"And I was really devastated at that time. It's not that I'm really heartbroken, I don't even understand what love is." When she mentioned "L" words, she looks into Alex's eyes, those warm brown eyes, like a glass of hot milk in the middle of winter, warm and sweeping, Lena wants to tell Alex that maybe now she understands what love is but she realizes that now is not the right time.
"After my mother died," Lena hears herself say, her voice so small and broken. "Lionel came to get me a month later, he took me home, but i know it's not because he want me, but it's because that's the right thing to do. He never want me, either. Of course Lillian didn't, and after that, Lillian made sure that all the dreams that were in my head were killed. And that i will never be the same again, and everything I love will be lost, even my teddy bear, the only thing that reminds me of my mother, Lillian left nothing behind.
and Lionel never felt weird when i started not sleeping with my teddy bear even though i was only five years old." She finally looks up, her eyes blurry, but her eyes blurry, but she can see clearly the concern written all over the red head's face.
She can felt Alex really angry, her eyes flushed red, and Lena quickly leaned her head on the woman's chest, Alex's hand automatically stroked her back, she can felt Alex's lips on the top of her head again, more longer this time, and stay there. Alex didn't say anything but Lena was very comfortable inside this silence.
"I would use all my power to make sure Lillian can't hurt you again, ever." Lena heard Alex whisper near her ear as Alex lowered her face to find the lips of the woman she loved. Alex pressed her lips lightly, her hands wrapped around Lena's hips, very protective.. The kiss feels like a little bit depression, Alex pressed slowly and hesitated before finally tucking his tongue to lick Lena's lower lip, so sweet.. then their tongues start swirling around one another. "You'll be safe, Lee.. i promise.." Alex says between kisses. And in an instant, Lena could forget how bad had Lillian made her, and she forgot to tell Alex another important thing.
She was too immersed in this sweetness..