Confession, but Not So Confession
It's cloudy afternoon, when Alex felt that her apartment was too big for herself, especially since Kara returned to Argo city, her apartment suddenly felt three times bigger than before.
Maggie's scent still there sometimes, she can feel it, pinching the wound in her heart a little bit sometimes.
The wound is not bleeding anymore, but it felt quite sore every time she took a breath. Suck the loneliness. Alex can't be too long in her apartment, she hates everytime Jhon ask her to take day off, working is so much better, is so much easier for her right now.
Then Alex decided to take a walk outside, on her sports suit, running in the National City park might make her mind numb for a moment. She plan for at least 20 KM run. Maybe the feeling of the fatigue could kill the other pain that attacked her sometimes.
And before three turns of running, she saw someone she didn't expect to meet at all, a woman who oddly enough, a little to often, came to her mind recently.
Lena Luthor sitting at the park bench, with unnecessary dark glasses which not even match to the weather, in a tight dress that made Alex unable to deny that this girl was physically attractive, holding a seemingly untouched lunch box, staring at nowhere.
"It's too late for lunch, isn't it?," Said Alex. Not a question.
Alex took the place next to her. Just sitting. They only separated by the air.
Alex only realized that Lena's eyes were red and wet after she opened her sunglasses and look at Alex and quite surprise to meet the DEO agent here.
Lena suddenly looked more vulnerable, not much different from Ruby's face when she was sad because of her mother.
Make Alex forget that she is a Luthor who can make kryptonite which can kill her beloved sister at any time, the richest genius in the National City and maybe the whole entire world.
The girl who are perfectly breathtaking, even when she had been crying.
"I didn't expect to see you like this? What happen, Lena?"
Alex sighed, her face look so worry but she Didn’t know how to react. She doesn't have so many friends.
She didn’t really know how to comfort people.
Kara was the only person Alex was used to paying attention to. And then Ruby and Sam after, but they both left too.
Maggie is another story, it's not easy to caught Maggie crying.
Her father's things, then the day when Alex almost drown to death, and their broke up, that's the only moments she could saw Maggie crying.
"I'm not Kara Danvers but you know you can also talk to me. I'm good at keeping a secret." Alex says softly, then her hand squeezed Lena's, cold.
So cold.
Wondering how long Lena has been in outside.
While waiting for Lena to react, Alex unwillingly grabbed her palms and rubbed them gently. An unexpected gesture from Alex Danvers.
And Lena didn't protest. The touch is too comfortable.
Sometimes it feels like Kara, but Alex is the mature version of Kara Danvers. Alex is like a calm wave, warm like sunset.
And when Alex Seeing Lena's open thighs from the short dress, Alex knows that warming Lena's hands is not enough.
"Oh, Come on. Come to my place. It's not far from here. We can just walk."
Alex took her hand. Without asking if Lena wants it or not.
They excatly weren't a close friend. They don't even know each other very well.
But Lena Luthor is always there when they try to save the world.
And there is curiosity in Alex's chest behind Lena's red eyes.
A feeling to help Kara look after her best friend when she’s out of the thousand lights.
Alex doesn't ask any questions when they walk.
They just walk in silent.
A silence that makes Lena feels comfortable and drown in the arms of Alex danvers. Make lena start to fantasize what if she has an older sister. Could it be better?
Imagine how happy the childhood of Kara Danvers and her big sister were.
Alex pulled Lena closer as the wind blew harder on their way.
In a few minutes it must be raining outside, and Alex quickened their pace, Lena just follow..
The gesture is very protective but not pushy. Just feels so right..
Nothing less and nothing more. Alex's body language was like a spring breeze.
Lena sometimes pays attention to Alex and Maggie during game nights.
Alex's arms are always around Maggie, and before Maggie, Alex's arms are always around Kara.
Alex Danvers is a charmer.
How a person who was physically so strong, could be so gentle on the other side.
Lena once saw Alex fight barehanded against aliens.
Imagine how much practice Alex went through to get onto that point.
Her trained arms were so sturdy then felt so soft when it touch Lena's skin.
At some point Lena realized that Alex is a gay, but lena never saw her from that sexual side, Alex is Alex, not Gay Alex
And it hurts sometimes that Alex never seems look interested with her, even if they are in the same circle of friendship, hanging out together..
Lena meets Alex first then Sam, but Lena notices Alex's attitude to Sam is different, sometimes Alex would come to Sam when Sam is alone, or she just follow Sam when Sam walks outside to the balcony during game nights, or just joking around with Sam, having small talk, even they become a partner at game night just at the first time Sam join them, Alex is very welcome to Sam and it makes Lena feels a little bit upset why Alex never doing the same thing to her.
It doesn't mean that Lena is jealous. She doesn't have that kind feeling for Alex, never in a million times..
But realizing that She was not at all attractive to Alex Danvers hurt her ego.. it's just that.. really..
Lena sat on Alex's couch when Alex handed her a soft blanket. Then Alex came back with a glass of hot chocolate which is home made. Alex watch Lena drink it and smiled. Warm..
So Warm....
When Alex look at her in the eyes.. That’s Not a curious look.
Lena can see the difference of the way she glance, compare to another.
During the time when she was in college, the gazes of several friends who pretended to be her friends, but turned out only want to know the secret of a Luthor's daugther.
They never really want to be her friends, they always want something from her.
Alex Danvers's eyes doesn't look like that.
If Kara Danvers's eyes on her is like sunshine, Alex Danvers's is more like the faint of moon light.
This is the first time Lena notices Alex has a beautiful eyes, which match perfectly with her pale lips, some scars on her forehead don't diminish her pretty face.
Lena wonder why Alex has not been dating again after Maggie. And Lena was sure Sam wouldn't left National City if Alex asked her too, but Alex never making a move to Sam.
"I'm wondering why you let Sam left.” Lena's first words that day.
"Really? I thought I'm the one who should asking why are you crying."
Alex shifted a little. Her face was only inches from Lena.
The faded gray t-shirt matched her pale skin perfectly.
She’s so gorgeous even in a faded t-shirt.
From the small distance, Lena could see some more scars on her neck and near her nose. And somehow Lena feels the urge to touch it.
"Okay. You wanna play exchange secret? I get it." Alex grins.
After taking a deep breath Alex slammed her back to the couch. Her eyes stared at the ceiling when at the same time Lena staring at her face from the other side.
PERFECT..
Lena see something she like..
"Yeah, you are right, at some point, I thought I fell in love with Sam. I can't wait to defeat Reign and bring Sam back then ask her on a date. Then i imagine being happy with Sam and Ruby. And maybe retiring from Deo. That feeling cross my mind but--." Alex stops. She look at Lena who look like really serious right now, listening to her story.
"But when everything ends, it seems like that i just love Ruby. I want to have a child like Ruby someday. And then i realized that have a grown feelings for another woman who is not Ruby's mother." Alex took a breath then start talking again.
"And the woman I start to have feeling is doesn't look like she want to have what I've always wanted, it's complicated, right? So i can move nowhere. And i'm not ready yet for another Maggie.. then i choose to ignore my feelings. I didn't kill it anyway, Not yet.. But also didn't let the feeling grow any further. I don’t want another broken heart."
"But...” Alex smiles like a child. Like she really enjoying doing this. “You know I'm taking care of her from far distance. I cheat on DEO things just to check on her sometimes. It’s a secret.. And i feel happy when i know she's just fine, and happy with her life, with someone she loves. And i'll always ready to catch her when she falls. I thought that's a better way for loving someone. It's easier than push a person into relationship."
Lena was so sure she saw tears on Alex's eyes even if she’s smiling. And Alex struggled to endure it for not to fall.
Hiding it with a smile.
"You know i swear to my life if anybody is dare enough to hurt her, I can make up any way possible to hurt that people back."
Without realizing it, Lena's hand was already in Alex's. Alex plays it with her fingers. Rub it gently. Kara never been like that. Neither James.
"Now let me know why baddas CEO Lena Luthor is crying today?" Alex ask Lena softly, so softly before she kneeled down in front of Lena, carefully placing her hand on the other woman‘s knee.
For a moment Lena just forgot how James's words hurt her so much deep today.
She feel really hurt when James told her to stop taking part of his every problems. And when Lena told her that she love him so much and she would across any boundaries just to make sure James is safe, then James told her that he doesn’t want that kind of love, not even interest on it.
It hurts like hell..
But now having Alex Danvers so close to her, telling her that kind of feeling she felt, that so unselfish love story that Lena can even believe it's exist.
She drown to Alex's story which is very beautiful. And what a lucky woman Alex has told her..