Chapter 31
Amity POV:
“Luz?”
The room is dark. So dark that I can barely make out the outline of Luz as she sits crumpled in the far corner of the room. Only the fire flickers, casting long shadows across the floor. She doesn’t respond to her name, a fact that pollutes my mind with worry. I don’t know how long she’s been down here, but there’s a certain atmosphere in the room that tells me nothing good has happened since I have been asleep. I am by her side before I realize it, collapsing down in front of her. A sticky red substance stains my fingers as my hands cup around her face.
“Oh my Gods, Luz!” my voice is soft, but filled with worry. “Are you okay?”
She lifts her head to look at me, offering me a weak smile. I run my thumbs over her cheeks, battered and bruised. She’s focused now on my frightened eyes that search over her, as I move her hair out of her face. Her lips are slightly parted and bleeding, letting out soft breaths, and her eyes are set on mine. She brings a hand up to mine, which pauses my circular motions against her cheek. I can’t ignore the soft circles her thumb traces over my hand.
“What happened?” I whisper, not wanting to look away from her. She sits in silence, leaning back against the wall, never taking her eyes off me as I continue to talk to her. “I try so hard not to care, but you know I do Luz.” My voice cracks a little, and she hears it.
Her soft hand, shaking slightly, still grips around mine. The corners of my eyes are glassy, and I blink quickly in an attempt to chase away the tears. I swallow hard as she reaches her other hand out to me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. My eyes bear down at her, now wide with confusion.
“What’s going on?” I ask her, trying to keep my tone level. “Are you...Luz?”
“Serena was right.” she whispers breathlessly, watching my expression melt. “I don’t know when to quit.”
Her arms wrap around my neck, pulling me into her. I let out a strangled sound of surprise as our lips meet and my entire body stiffens, including the hand that is still cupped around her cheek. When the initial surprise fades away, I relax, leaning in towards her to deepen the kiss with my own intensity. Pressing her gently back into the wall, I bring a hand into her hair, aching to be closer to her. Through all of this, I don’t try to force our lips apart, because I am sure that if I do, realization will dawn on me and the moment will be broken.
She pulls away first, bringing both hands towards me. I allow her to pull me gently down towards her, falling down at her side. We sit together for a long while, my head resting on her shoulder as she runs a hand through my hair. We sit in comfortable silence, and everything feels warm and safe.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I ask her after the longest time. She shakes her head, so I don’t ask anymore questions, instead waiting for her to say something.
“Your girlfriend is going to kill me.” she eventually declares with a soft laugh.
I frown, realization hitting me. “Is that what- did Serena…?”
She says nothing. I don’t think I really expected her to. Her eyes are filled with the kind of emotion that isn’t meant to be shown. My whole life, I’ve been told that to feel is to be weak, but now I have never thought Luz to be stronger.
“I’m sure she didn’t mean it.” I lie, looking down at the blood staining my hands. “I’m sure it was an accident.” My voice isn’t more than a whisper as I lift my head off Luz’ shoulder. “I’m sure if I just talk to her she’ll-” I am cut off by the look Luz gives me, like I should have known she was like this.
The truth is, I did. But no one around me said anything. So I didn’t say anything. Instead, I succumbed to my silence, choosing pruning as a means of growth. Survival. No promise, just an exercise of will behind a wet smile. I don’t try to fight it, as I don’t see a way out of this.
Letting out a sigh, I lean back against Luz’ shoulder, listening to her steady breathing. I reach a hand down to hers, holding it between my fingers and gently tracing her knuckles, now bloody and bruised. I have so many questions, but I’m not sure Luz would know the answers. I’m not sure she’d even tell me if she did.
We both say nothing, sitting in the comfortable silence of each other's presence, our fingers entwined, breaths correlated. For a moment, it feels like two years ago, when we were young and happy and naïve. For a moment, I almost forget who we are.
After a long time, our silence is broken. “What now?” Luz asks me, her grip on my hand tightening just a little in a way that lets me know she never wants to let go.
“I don’t know.” my voice is quiet and hoarse, so I try again. ”I mean, I don’t- you said you…” I swallow unable to find the words, before shrugging in defeat. “I don’t know.”
Luz shifts slightly, leaning over to place a soft kiss onto my forehead. A smile finds its way onto my face, as I lean into her, squeezing her hand gently. Neither of us know what to say, so we settle for silence, just enjoying each other’s presence as both of our minds race.