Chapter 7
Days passed by painfully slow and colorless since Kara’s disappearance.
Everyone had gone through sky, earth and sea in search of the Kryptonian, but all in vain as no one had been lucky finding trace of her. Not even a single clue of her whereabouts had been found and it was frustrating.
It wasn’t easy for anyone. Kara being gone was as if the sun itself had stopped pouring its light on their lives. Everything seemed so dark, dull. Lifeless. Her absence left a cold and empty space in their hearts as there were more welcoming hugs, no more bright smiles, no more warmth that could fill the hole.
Lena would lie in her bed at night staring at the ceiling with her mind drowning in a whirlpool of what ifs, unable to close her eyes because sleep was adamant in avoiding her. What she had done assaulted her in form of terrible nightmares every time she dared to try and sleep. Lena knew she had no right, but she yearned to have Kara’s warm arms holding her, protecting her, like in many of their sleepovers, but in the coldness and emptiness of her bed the silk sheets were the only ones offering their embrace. Within a few days restless nights were her new normal, and at work coffee was her best ally.
The lack of sleep and proper care had taken a toll on the CEO. Every day since finding the letter on the countertop Lena had used all of her time and resources to locate Kara. She spent millions in the latest tracking technology, enough to cause a small hit on her bank account, but she didn’t care about the money at all, in fact she didn’t care about a lot of things anymore. Even with all her efforts Kara was nowhere to be found, and with her, Lena’s happiness was lost too.
It was during an especially cold night when Lena found herself leaning against the concrete rail of her penthouse balcony. Her cheeks and nose were pink due to the almost freezing breeze, but despite that she was enjoying the clear view of the night sky with those beautiful stars. The faint sounds from the city below were calming and had a somewhat soothing effect on her. Even though it was pointless Lena waited for a dash of red and blue to pass by at any moment, it was a blind faith and she knew it, but she still waited.
Sure enough, no dashes of primary colors showed at all, but Lena did catch sight of a shooting star. Kara had told her about how she should close her eyes and make a wish with all her heart whenever she saw one. Of course Lena wasn’t one to believe in childish stories like a space rock granting wishes since she was a woman of science, but the way Kara had looked at her with expectation and wonder in her eyes that night years ago had been enough for her to start believing.
Lena remembered the night when she and Kara shared a blanket in a clearing at the outskirts of the city watching Lena’s first live meteor shower. It had been magical, but not because of the falling stars (Lena had seen many of those throughout her life and none of them had felt special at all), but because of the way she and Kara laid side by side whispering secrets while Kara softly held her hand, looking at her like she was the reason the sun raised every day, and the way the light of the passing stars reflected in Kara’s face illuminating every single one of her delicate features almost ethereally.
In the balcony, Lena closed her eyes and fondly smiled at the memory of how excited and happy Kara had entered her office to invite her to see the stars with her. Lena had been busy but couldn’t bring herself to say no when Kara asked her with those puppy eyes of hers, and after the show ended she was happy she accepted the offer as Kara’s sweet, bright, beautiful smile made her heart beat faster.
A strong, cold wind made Lena’s hair flow freely out of her poorly made braid. With her eyes shut she took a deep breath and her grip on the railing tightened as she finally dared to make a wish.
‘Please bring Kara back…’
A single tear rolled down her cheek, feeling uncomfortably hot compared to the cold air. There wasn’t any sign that her plea had been heard but Lena still hoped, pouring all her soul into the sentiment. It wasn’t only one wish that she had, but many others that if given the chance she would try her best to make them come true. Deep inside she wished to be able to cup Kara’s face and tenderly kiss her lips. She wished with all her being to have another opportunity to tell and show the Kryptonian just how much she loved her. But first thing in Lena’s list was to apologize to Kara for everything if the universe granted her another chance to see her.
Lena glanced back over her shoulder to the coffee table, where a single wrinkled sheet of paper rested. She had developed an aversion to the letter and just looking at it made her stomach churn, reminding her of everything she lost and everything she could’ve have if she hadn’t been so stubborn. She still had trouble getting the words ‘ I love you’ through her skull. It just seemed impossible, and yet the proof was there on the table in the form of a white paper marred with tears.
Kara loved her back.
Sweet, kind, sunny Kara loved her back.
Lena never imagined that she could have any chance with someone such as Kara, settling for only her friendship. It being more than enough for her as she believed nothing else could bloom. Knowing that her feelings were actually reciprocated was exhilarating, but that happiness didn’t last and it became instead a weight on her heart. Lena knew that the chance for a happy life had slipped through her fingers just like a handful of sand would, and the mere thought made her feel like an idiot. How in the world had she managed to waste an opportunity like that one? If only she’d been brave enough to take the first step and confess her love. If only she hadn’t reacted the way she did… But she was hurt! That’s why she said all those hurtful things! She was too blinded by rage and betrayal to think clearly… And now she saw everything clear as water.
Lena had realized a bit too late that no matter what Kara did she would always forgive her, because she loved her. Lena was truly and madly in love with a Kara Danvers, and if she was honest with herself, she knew it in her heart since the moment she saw the blonde inhale an entire plate of potstickers at the Gala.
A soft knock on the door brought Lena back from her thoughts, it wasn’t hard to miss since the room was in complete silence. Lena had since given Alex a key and complete access to the building so that she had no trouble with the guards, and patiently waited for the agent to come through the door.
Alex made her way in carrying several folders under her arm, the bags under her eyes made it clear that she was just as tired as Lena. They had been working together all week trying to find Kara, and though nothing had worked so far, both women found refuge in their company. Maybe it was easier for them to bear the pain knowing they were not alone.
Alex sat on one of the stools in the kitchen isle and Lena followed leaving the balcony door open behind her, as if she were expecting the other Danvers to arrive at any moment. The agent took notice of this but didn’t comment, she hoped the same even though she wouldn’t voice it.
Soon, reports of possible sightings, people declarations, and lists of potential places to investigate were scattered on the counter. Both women were looking through the papers with tired eyes while slowly draining big mugs of really strong coffee. Time passed without any of them noticing and it was late by the time they finished dissecting the information of the endless paragraphs. Turned out that most of the leads they had recollected throughout the week were useless in the end, and the frustration in the room was heavy.
While preparing another load of coffee Lena’s eyes landed on a decorative mirror close enough for her to clearly see her eyes. Emerald green was a beautiful color for sure. Lena liked her eyes, it was one of the few things she shared with her biological mother. She was really young when she was snatched by the Luthors and didn’t remember a lot of stuff from her childhood happy days, but she did remember her mother telling her that she would always carry a piece of her in those eyes. It was a comforting thought, that she once had a loving mother who genuinely cared for her, even if now the face was blurry in Lena’s mind. Lena wondered for a moment how would her life be like if her mom were still alive. Maybe she could have been a happy child running in the streets of the old place she once called home without a care in the world, or she could’ve had holidays worth rememb— wait…
That was it!
Lena’s eyes went wide in sudden realization. She remembered telling Kara once about her past before changing her last name, or at least what she could recall from those days.
“Ireland!” Lena turned so fast as soon as she connected the dots that Alex threw the stack of thick folders she was organizing in surprise, sending the papers flying all over the floor.
“Wha—!” Alex barely had time to properly react, her hand midway to grab the gun on her thigh, before Lena quickly crossed the space between them and grabbed her by the shoulders with a death grip.
“We have to look for her there!” There was urgency in Lena’s voice.
“Whoa, easy there. What are you talking about?” Alex gently removed Lena’s hands off her shoulders.
“Ireland! We have to look there. Comb the place, search under every rock. We must!”
Alex sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I get that you’re desperate, Lena. I am too, but why there? Of all places in earth why would Kara be there?”
“She just has to be there!” Lena knew she was making no sense, but how to explain Alex what it meant to her, to them? She had shared a part of herself with Kara, something so close to her chest that pretty much no one but two people knew about. Lena didn’t feel ready to tell Alex, and probably never would be, but she needed her to understand. Lena settled for telling her no more than necessary. “I mentioned it once years ago, and it’s a long shot, but what if she’s there?” Lena looked at Alex with nervous expectation.
Alex returned the gaze, searching herself for something in Lena’s eyes before sighing again. “I guess we are out of leads, so we might as well try. I’ll text the others to let them know.” said Alex with a small smile, in fact the first one in days, before pulling her phone out and looking through the contacts. “Let me see if there’s any plane available in the DEO…”
“No need.” Lena let out a sigh of relief. “We’re taking my private jet there. I’ll arrange the flight for tomorrow at six in the morning.” Lena started picking up the papers on the floor. “You go home and sleep, i’ll need you well rested.”
Alex wasn’t a very affectionate person, but she couldn’t help it to hug Lena. Whether it was to comfort or thank Lena, she didn’t know, but she felt the need to do it before rushing out of the room with a quick i’ll text you later .
Lena froze in place, not knowing how to act, until Alex was not longer in her sight.
//
The early morning was cold. Light rain wet their coats, but nothing could damp the mood as both women entered the plane and took their respective seats. Sure, they were nervous but at least they had renewed hopes.
The flight wasn’t fast enough for Lena. Lillian would no doubt lecture her for showing signs of impatience improper of a lady such as bouncing her leg, but Lena didn’t care about propriety at the moment, she was in fact impatient and nothing would change that besides seeing Kara face to face once again. Alex was asleep on her seat, with the exhaustion of a stressful week finally catching up to her, and her soft snores were the only sound in the cabin besides the plane turbines that kept Lena distracted from her negative thoughts.
Lena looked through the window and watched how the sunlight beams began slowly illuminating the fluffy clouds and wondered if Kara got to see breathtaking sunrises like that one flying over National City saving the day.
Kara…
The day Lena told Kara over lunch about her childhood in Ireland was still fresh on her mind. Kara had been really upset that day, Lena remembered, which was a rare thing to happen as the woman’s happy mood wasn’t easily affected. Kara’s gloomy expression was a strange sight that made Lena’s insides feel uneasy, and it took her the good part of their lunch time for Kara to open up to her about what was on her mind. With comforting words and a lot of patience, Lena cooed the blonde into telling what was bothering her, and after a while Lena finally discovered that the reason for Kara’s sadness was something that Lena knew pretty well but didn’t know that her friend had gone through the same; the loss of a family.
For Lena, her life before the Luthors was a part of her she needed to keep heavily guarded. But after hearing Kara’s voice cracking while telling the story of how she had lost her parents in a fire Lena felt the need to comfort her, feeling bold enough to expose an unhealed wound. It turned for the best, as she felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders after keeping it hidden in the depths of her mind for so long, and Kara also felt better knowing that Lena understood the hollow feeling in her heart. They bonded over the shared experiences, them becoming something that pulled the women closer, and needless to say, their lunch that day had extended a few extra hours.
Now that Lena thought of it, Kara’s story about her parents dying in a fire was probably not accurate, at least not the part of the fire. Lena knew about the death of Krypton and connecting the dots she presumed that Kara’s parents actually died with the planet, but she couldn’t really blame Kara for changing the details. It didn’t change the fact that Kara had lost so much, and now Lena could understand why she had been so sensitive about her secret identity. In the letter Kara left her she said something about how she put the people she loved who knew about it in danger. It was clear to Lena that Kara was afraid to lose somebody again.
//
The pair finally arrived to their destination after a long flight. Lena couldn't remember the last time she had set foot there and it was strange for her to return to her birthplace after all those years. The happy memories felt so far away when Lena took in her surroundings.
Lena had mixed emotions as she walked alongside Alex in a crowded street in search of the hotel where they would meet with the others. On one hand, it was great to be back to her roots and enjoy once again the fresh air and familiar scents, but on the other there was still the dread in her stomach that they wouldn't find Kara there.
The familiar buildings were a sight for sore eyes, but Lena didn’t have the chance to properly appreciate them before a child (that apparently appeared out of nowhere) bumped into her leg, falling onto his butt and dropping his ice cream cone with the impact. Lena worried for a second that the boy was hurt, but the kid instead apologized to her. A woman came running towards them calling for the kid and tenderly helped him up, also apologizing for the trouble and walking away with the boy. The woman was blonde with beautiful blue eyes and dimples adorning a big smile. Lena’s breath hitched at the sight of her. The resemblance with Kara was undeniable, and Lena wondered for a split second what it would be like to raise a family with Kara. She wondered how they could be woken up by a little child jumping in their shared bed demanding cuddles and hugs with a pout on their face because "You're huggin' mama. I want hugs too !", and of course them obliging to their child's wishes because they'd be good moms…
“Lena, are you okay?” Alex worried voice pulled Lena back from her thoughts. Apparently Alex had told her something else but Lena didn’t respond.
“…yes. I’m fine, let’s keep moving.” Said Lena as her jaw clenched and the grip on the strap of her purse tightened. The image of her and Kara in an impossible scenario leaving a bittersweet taste in her mouth.
Alex gave her a wary look but still nodded and began walking again. Of course Alex had noticed the resemblance too, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t believe for a second that the stranger woman was her Kara.
They kept walking for a while until the building they were looking for came into view, and just like they expected, the others were already waiting for them.