Chapter 18
When Madi turned two she became incredibly independent. To Clarke, it felt like an overnight change. One minute Madi was her baby and needed Clarke for everything and the next she could and wanted to do everything herself. She scared Clarke a few times when she ran too close to the lake and refused to listen as her mom yelled at her to come back.
Soon Clarke realized she spent too much time worrying. Growing up on the Ark, Clarke obviously didn't learn to swim. Once she got to the ground, she was always too busy to even think about learning. She knew she needed to teach Madi to swim in order to ensure her safety around the water. For a week, Clarke would bring the rover down to the lake and put Madi to bed inside after dinner. She would then enter the water, a little deeper each night, and practice what she’s seen in old movies. She started out by just kicking, and then included her arms. By the fifth night, she was swimming very well. By the seventh, she convinced herself that she could be a professional swimmer, and laughed to herself that she won every race because she swam alone.
The next week, Clarke started teaching Madi the basics. Mostly how to survive if she accidentally fell in the lake (or knowing Madi, belly flopped in the deep end). Madi struggled at first, but after a while she got it.
After that Clarke and Madi’s favorite activity was swimming. In the summer, they could spend all day in the lake.
Clarke abruptly realizes that they’ll never have that again. They will never have the peace from the mundane, painstakingly similar days they once did. Madi will grow up in a world defined by war like she did. The numbers of human beings already painfully small, another war will be almost as catastrophic as the one that sent her ancestors to space. The future that Clarke envisioned is starting to look very bleak. Clarke just wants to crawl into bed with Madi and hold her tight.
Octavia, on the other hand, wants to call a war council meeting. Unfortunately, with the truce she made with the former commander she will have to listen to Lexa’s perspective. They have almost equal power, at least for now. Octavia wants nothing more to slit Lexa’s throat as she sleeps, but she knows that will not be good for the reunification of her people. More would defect. And there’s Madi to think about. From what Octavia has heard, the two are growing quite close. Octavia desires for a close relationship with her little niece, but every time she looks in Madi’s eyes she sees the reflection of someone much better than she. Madi loves a version of Octavia that doesn’t exist anymore, one that hasn’t existed for years, if she did at all. She sees the same look in her big brother's eyes. But at least with Bellamy, she can see the disappointment and acknowledgment of this new Octavia. There was something, however, about Madi that made her want to be the Octavia that Madi sees her as.
They make the return trip in only three and a half hours. No breaks were taken or even wanted, everyone just wanted to get back.
They slide down the ropes the prisoners left for them, and all quietly walk in different directions. Clarke walks deliberately in Lexa’s direction. She feels lucky to be alive, and lucky Lexa is as well. They could have very well just been in the direct path of the missile if they had not been warned. In her relief and exhaustion, all of their fighting seems quite ridiculous. Her indiscretion, should she say, was so long ago. They could very well be dead tomorrow and why should they go down fighting with each other? Right before Clarke makes it to Lexa, a hand catches her on the shoulder. Bellamy doesn’t look good, Clarke thinks. The stress is getting to him.
“Could I go with you to see Madi?” Bellamy requests.
“Yeah, of course.” Clarke responds, sounding exhausted.
“Clarke!” Clarke looks up at her name. Harper stands on the other stand of the fence in front of Octavia’s office. The door is open and Clarke can see her friends inside as Octavia enters as well. “Monty started a hydrofarm down here, he’s in there waiting talking to Octavia and Lexa about it.” It’s a good idea, Clarke acknowledges, but Octavia won’t like it. She is ready to go to war for the valley and making the bunker more livable won’t fit into her plans, especially if the people feel like there’s another option. They won’t go to war if they don’t have to.
Clarke nods, but is more preoccupied with another thought. “Where’s Madi?”
“Gaia gave her back to me when she started getting tired. She’s passed on in your room. I heard you guys come down, and I wanted to give you an update on what’s happening down here.” Harper tells her. Clarke is mildly annoyed that she left her alone, but she did the same thing last night so she can’t be too mad. She also knows that Harper isn’t a childcare expert, she’s just the first one to volunteer to watch her. Clarke nods.
“What happened with Gaia? Did Madi say anything?” Clarke questions. Did Gaia say anything to her about training? Being Heda? To Madi, there’s very little cooler than being Heda (maybe Skairipa coming very close) so she would jump at the opportunity to be the next commander if it was offered to her.
“She didn’t say anything to me. She was almost sleeping already when Gaia brought her to me. I told her a little story about being on the Ark and she was asleep within minutes. I think Gaia was just showing her the school and introducing her to the other little kids. Though, um, Madi’s the youngest kid here.” Harper explains. Clarke doesn’t like what she hears.
“Find me tomorrow, I need to know more, but right now I just want to go to sleep. I’ve been walking for hours.”
Clarke and Bellamy enter the room quietly. Madi is asleep, sprawled out in the middle of the bed. Clarke knows it’s going to be a long night of kicking and rolling over. Clarke walks over to Madi, and sits next to her on the bed. She looks so beautiful when she’s sleeping. So sweet and opposite from the craziness she usually takes part in during the day. Clarke feels overwhelmed with gratitude that Madi is hers. She rubs Madi’s back lightly.
Madi blinks awake. “Mama?” Clarke nods, leaning down to kiss her cheeks. Madi turns to Bellamy. “Daddy?”
“Yeah Madiren, I’m here too.” Bellamy says, walking over and hugging Madi. He picks her up, and Madi hangs on to him like a koala.
Clarke groans. “I hate that name.” Madi looks up at her with big eyes.
“Mommy you said a bad word!” Madi says in surprise. Bellamy looks up at Clarke shaking his head.
“That’s a bad choice, right?” Bellamy asks his little girl. Madi nods her head yes. Clarke rolls her eyes at the silliness. She takes Madi from Bellamy. Madi snuggles right into her.
“I think we should get you back to bed. Say goodnight to your dad, we’ll see him tomorrow.” Clarke says, lying Madi back in bed. Madi makes a grumpy face, but she doesn’t complain- she’s too tired.
Clarke and Bellamy make their way back into the hallway so they can talk without waking up Madi.
“I don’t want to go to war.” Clarke admits quietly. “I don’t think we have enough people, and not to mention their technology is superior to ours. We’ll lose.” Bellamy nods his head.
“Octavia seems to think-”
“Octavia is power hungry and a control freak.” Clarke argues in a hushed tone. “I love Octavia, but when she’s blodreina, I don’t trust her.”
“She’s my sister.” Bellamy reminds her, his anger growing. No one can talk badly about Octavia to him, not even Clarke. She’s his baby sister, even now.
“I understand that Bell, but this Octavia, the one we locked down here six years ago would sacrifice just about anything for control. I don’t want Madi to get put in the middle.” Clarke continues. “And I don’t want Madi’s childhood to be shaped by war. I don’t want her growing up alone.”
“She won’t be alone, she has us,” Bellamy says in attempt to comfort her.
“How many wars and battles have we been a part of? Our luck will run out eventually. With how few of us there are, I have a feeling it will be soon.” Clarke looks back to the partially closed door to her room. “Talk to your sister. See if she will see reason.” Clarke turns to leave, but she stops and turns her head, “for Madi.”