Chapter 19
Clarke wakes up with a start. She’s been gently shaken awake, but it still activates her flight or fight response. Lexa’s sitting on the bed, giving her a sweet smile. Clarke turns to wake up Madi, but finds her missing.
“Where’s Madi?” Clarke asks, quickly jumping out of bed.
“She’s with Bellamy. I passed them on my way out of the council meeting. He said that he came by to see if you and Madi wanted to walk to breakfast together, but saw you still sleeping. Madi was awake so he took her so you could keep sleeping,” Lexa explains. Clarke relaxes a little. She sits back down.
“Oh,” Clarke says. Madi’s with her dad and for the first time in a long time, Clarke feels without responsibility, at least for a little while. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing Clarke,” Lexa laughs. “You were still sleeping and it is nearly midday, I was worried something was wrong with you.”
“Midday, really?” Clarke asks. It’s been years since she slept in that long. She hasn’t gotten much sleep in the past few nights, and has been stressing, so it makes sense that she would need some sleep. She is surprised that her anxiety didn’t wake her up like it had done in the past.
“Yes.” Lexa says with a nod. “Also, we had a war council meeting. It is strange not leading it,” Lexa chuckles bitterly. “Anyway, Octavia wants to lead our people into a massacre. We are trying to talk her out of it, but she will not listen to anyone.”
“She listens to Madi,” Clarke adds, but she doesn’t know why. It’s a stupid thing to point out, especially with their fight the other day.
“Maybe we should let her talk to Octavia,” Lexa jokes. Her smile drops soon after, and she looks in Clarke’s eyes. “I have a terrible idea.”
Clarke knocks on Octavia’s office door. She hears a muffled ‘enter’ from the other side and opens the door.
“Hi Auntie O!” Madi says, skipping into the office. Octavia’s eyes light up, but dim as quickly as they lit. Madi either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, and climbs up onto Octavia’s lap. “What are you doing?”
Octavia looks up at Clarke before answering. “Just grown up stuff. What are you doing?” She folds her papers and maps in half, and sets them to one side of the desk.
“Nothing,” Madi shrugs. “I heard we’re going to war.”
“Who told you that?” Octavia asks, glaring at Clarke. Madi shrugs, but she’s lying. Her mom and Lexa did. Clarke quickly leaves now that she sees that Madi’s got the ball rolling. “Yes we might be, kid. Some bad people stole your home and I’m trying to get it back for you.”
“What about this home? I like this new one,” Madi says, repeating what her mom told her.
“This home is a temporary home- do you know what temporary means?” Madi shakes her head no. “For a small time. We’ve already been here too long.” Madi nods, Auntie O makes sense. “And anyway, no one steals from my niece and gets away with it.”
“Why can’t we share?” Madi asks. “My mommy says sharing is a good choice. I always make good choices.” Madi brags.
“I’m sure you do,” Octavia laughs. “Sometimes good choices and bad choices are hard to tell apart.” Madi shrugs. It’s not hard for her. Listening to mommy is a good choice, and being mean to mommy is a bad choice. Easy.
“I don’t want you to go to war. My mommy said sometimes people die in war. I don’t want you to die.” Madi says quietly. She is breaking off from the script her mom told her to say, but she wants her auntie to know that she loves her.
“Yeah, sometimes people do die.” Octavia admits. She doesn’t know how to comfort her. She doesn’t want to lie to her, but she also doesn’t want to say too much. Maybe she should just call Clarke back in. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.” Octavia takes Madi’s little hands in her own. Madi looks back up at her. “If I do, you still have your mom and your dad, and Lexa,” she adds nearly hissing. “It’ll be okay.”
“What about them? What if something happens to them?” Madi asks, her eyes getting wide. Octavia blinks at the question. If something happens to her parents and Octavia was still alive, of course she would take her. If something happens to all of them, she doesn’t know. If something happens to Lexa, Madi is the last natural nightblood. She becomes Heda. Madi’s only five, Octavia thinks. She can’t lead Wonkru, especially if they’re at war.
“You shouldn’t worry yourself about grown up things,” Octavia responds finally.
Madi shrugs. “My mom told me to.” She slaps her hand over her mouth. “Oops, she told me not to tell you that.”
Octavia clenches her jaw at Madi’s response. “You never have to keep a secret from me. Okay?” Madi nods. “How about this? Any time you hear anyone say don’t tell me something, you come tell me. You can be like a little spy.”
Madi’s eyes go wide. “Like Echo?”
Unfortunately, Octavia thinks. “Exactly,” she says, pasting on a smile. “But it’s a secret, don’t tell your mom or Lexa or your dad. Don’t tell anyone.”
“My mom said never to keep a secret from her,” Madi remembers.
“It’s not a real secret,” Octavia clarifies. “It’s like a game. Do you like games?”
Madi nods aggressively. “I love games.”
Octavia offers Madi her pinky. “We’ll play a game, just the two of us.” Madi smiles and links her pinky with Octavia’s.