Negative to Oneself
For as long as Grey could remember, he always did this to himself.
Constantly talking down to himself, telling himself he couldn’t do certain things, or telling himself he wasn’t good enough to be in the presence of people he considered as friends.
Growing up, saying those things out loud made it seem he was just a regular child, either trying to gain attention or being dramatic and after a while, Grey simply stopped saying those things out loud only to be terrorized by his thoughts.
It was how Grey preferred it though.
It was better to keep it inside so he didn’t bother anyone else with how he was feeling because other people needed help more than he did. Besides, helping others always made Grey feel good inside, knowing that he helped someone feel better, either with themselves or helping them with a problem always brought a smile to his face.
Though, sometimes he wondered what person he would have become if he didn’t stop saying how he felt.
“If you’re thinking that hard after what we did, then I didn’t do a good enough job.”
Grey jerked in alarm, opening his eyes and looking toward the man beside him.
Mason had a smirk on his face, though he wasn’t looking at Grey. One arm was tucked beneath his head and the other laying beside Grey. Grey thought about reaching out and taking it but instead rolled onto his stomach with his arms beneath his head to resist the urge.
“No, it was good,” Grey nodded absentmindedly and blushed when Mason looked at him with his brow arched. “You know what I mean.”
“You wound me, handsome,” Mason lifted his arm from between them to hook his fingers underneath the blanket over Grey’s shoulders. He gently dragged it down, revealing olive skin underneath. “Especially when you’re hiding all this.”
Grey laughed shyly, burying his face in his arms. Mason himself chuckled lowly and kept dragging the blanket down until it settled around Grey’s hips. Grey shivered, both at the loss of warmth and the feeling of fingers tracing up his back and into his hair, where they gently carded through the strands.
“It’s not like you’re missing much,” Grey said, turning his head to look at Mason and was shocked to see the vampire looking mildly confused.
It was the truth, though.
Grey wasn’t noteworthy. He almost always blended in the crowd with his average looks and his shy personality. He was noticed sometimes by his somewhat girlish looks and his fashion sense, but other than that, Grey wasn’t worth anyone’s attention.
Grey’s hands clutched at the pillow beneath him as his thoughts started becoming more consistent. He could handle it though, he’s been doing it for the past fifteen years, but he wants someone to be there for him just as he’s been there for others.
The thing is, Grey’s just not worth it.
“That’s not a good look for you, handsome.”
Mason reached out with his other hand, rubbing at the furrow in Grey’s brow to smooth it out. It was usually a sign that Grey was holding back crying, and Grey crying was surprisingly not that common for such an emotional man, and something Mason never wanted to see.
“Sorry,” Grey chuckled, moving to wipe at his eyes. Mason removed his hands from Grey, giving the man room to compose himself. “Ugh, I hate when I’m like this.”
Grey twisted around onto his back, sitting up and scooting back to rest against the headboard. He rubbed his hands against his face and then abruptly slapped them which resulted in a quiet, “ow.”
Mason snorted in amusement and made to move so he was sitting beside Grey against the headboard. The small smile that Grey sent him made Mason feel warm in a way he wasn’t familiar with.
No, that was a lie.
Mason was familiar with the feeling, and he always felt it around Grey. Whenever Grey smiled at him, whenever their gazes met when the other entered the room, and whenever Mason’s senses were being overwhelmed, Grey always seemed to notice because he grasped Mason’s hand in his own. The more Grey took his hand in those moments, the more Mason was expecting it and wanting it, and needing it.
Mason frowned when he looked at Grey, remembering his earlier comment. The man was too attractive to ignore. His hair falling into his eyes, eyes that were quite mesmerizing when the sun hit them, the beauty mark under his left eye, and his mouth that was almost always parted open.
Grey was oblivious to how much he affected Mason, and in more ways than one, but Mason would have to change Grey’s thought process, so he held out his hand toward Grey.
Grey, when he noticed Mason’s hand held out to him, simply blinked at it before placing his hand in Mason’s own. Mason grasped his hand tighter and pulled until Grey was seated on his lap, a comfortable and warm pressure.
Mason nosed at Grey’s jawline, moving his hands to grasp at Grey’s hips, and began his quest of pressing kisses to the bare skin on display that Mason could reach. Grey giggled when the kisses were being pressed against his face and wrapped his arms around Mason’s shoulders and making a low sound when Mason made his way down to his neck, tilting his head to make room for Mason.
Just as Mason was going to flip them around to really show Grey what he thought, he felt warm hands on his face, pulling him away. Looking up at the sight of Grey smiling down at him with tears in his eyes, which shone with happiness, made Mason’s breath hitch. His arms, which were now slung low around Grey’s hips, tightened.
“I don’t deserve you,” Grey whispered, pressing a kiss on the tip of Mason’s nose, then traveling up to press a kiss on his forehead, too.
“I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around, handsome.”
Grey laughed in embarrassment, and when it took more effort to keep himself from crying, his laugh turned into choked sobs. Grey leaned in, pressing his face against the crook of Mason’s neck, and moved his arms until he was holding Mason’s head.
The thoughts wouldn’t stop, not today at least, but they were quieter and Grey hoped that one day he wouldn’t hear them at all.