Apologies
“I dunno. I hurt them pretty bad.” Keith says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay, what I’m about to say might surprise you, but looking at someone and verbally telling them ‘I’m sorry’ can do wonders.” James says. “Yeah. Like, shiro said sorry to Adam a bajillion times, and they made up.” Lance agrees. “And me, Matt and my dad have been apologizing to my mom a lot, and she’s getting better.” Pidge adds. “I’m not sure if they’ll talk to me. I really, really, really messed up. They probably hate me.” Keith mutters. “Keith, the only people that hate you are the people who’s plans for universal domination you foiled.” James assures. “Really?” Keith asks. James nods. “Really. Now stop moping about it and go apologize.” Keith grins and stands, walking off.
“I thought you hated each other.” Lance says. “Never hated each other. Just had disagreements.” James answers, messing with his tablet. “One day, we need to have a sit down and go over what happened during your Garrison days. I hate not knowing.” Ryan decides. James shrugs. “Sure. Later though. I have to go.”
Nadia found him running diagnostics on his ship.
“Come on James, I know you like him. Just tell him already.” Nadia jokes, poking James. “Nadia, shut up.” James grumbled. “But it’s so obvious. You’re in love with him. Why don’t you just tell him already?” “Nadia, it’s not that easy.” James says. “Yes it is. Just walk up and go ‘Hey Keith. I think you’re hot and I’m in love with you. Wanna go out?” “Shut up.” “Aw come on Jamie, go tell your boyfriend you love him.” She prods, poking him again.
“NADIA, WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?” He yells, whipping his head around to face her.
She’s shocked. He’s never yelled at her, and his eyes are filled with pain. “Just shut up.” “James, if you like him, tell him.” She says softly. James shakes his head. “It’s not that easy Nadia. Maybe- maybe for you it is, but not for me. So can you- can you just drop it?” He asks, voice soft and pleading. Nadia nods. “Okay.” James nods and walks off. Nadia can’t help but wonder what happened that’s made this such a sore topic for him.
Keith was already in front of his room, hands shoved in his pockets. “Can we talk?” He asked. James nods, opening the door silently. He sits on the edge of the bed, and Keith sits in his desk chair. “I’m sorry.” He blurts. “James, I am so, so sorry. I was such an ass, and I hurt you and used you so much. I shouldn’t have done that, and I definitely shouldn’t have left you alone. I’m so, so sorry and I hate myself for doing that to you. And for ever hurting you or using you and breaking your heart.” James sighed and got up, opening the desk drawer, and pulling out two familiar bottles. Keith accepts one, popping the top off and sipping it.
“Can I go off?” James asks. “Like, just tell you everything?” Keith nods.
“I never hated you. Never have, never will. But I- I hate myself for loving you. Even after all these years. After 6 years and all the shit you pulled, I still love you. When you disappeared, I was terrified. I thought you were actually gone. And yeah, you hurt me Keith. You hurt me a lot.” James’s voice cracks a bit, but he keeps going. He’s needed to say this for years, and this might be his only chance. “And I- I let you do whatever. I let you use me, but you should’ve known not to. And I- I know you didn’t love me back, and I appreciate you never lying to me and saying you did. But when you-” He takes a shuddering breath. “When you- you said all those things, you fucking broke my heart. You took it and broke it into a million pieces. I thought I hated you for so long, but really, I hated myself for loving you.
And when you- you didn’t show up that day, it broke again. I’d only ever asked for you to do one thing for me, but the second things went south for you, you bailed. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to, but I was so scared. And I had no one to turn to if it went wrong. I only had you. You were my only friend.” James says, voice small. “The only actual friend I ever had, the only person I’d do anything for, with no question, and you- you left me. You’re not the only one who has problems with people leaving. The one time I needed you, and you couldn’t even be there for me.” James feels a warm arm wrap around his shoulders, and he leans into the touch.
“James, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left. I know how much you wanted me to be there.” James nodded, tears prickinling his eye as he sniffled. “James, it’s okay to cry sometimes.” Keith whispers.
That's all it takes for James’s face to crumble and tears to stream down his cheeks. “I hate you. You- you left me!” He cries. “You left me! I only ever asked you for one thing, and you couldn’t even do that for me!” He shoved Keith away.
“GO AWAY! I HATE YOU!” He sobbed, curling himself inwards. He felt Keith wrap his arms around him again, and tried to push him away. “I’m staying. I left you once, I’m not doing it again. You loved me, and I took you for granted. I took your affection, and let you take care of me. Now let me take care of you.” He stayed in Keith’s arms, shoulders shaking a bit as he cried all of the pent up emotions out of him.