Kxjxr 2
“James! Hey! Can we talk to you?” Keith asked, stepping in front of him. “I’m busy.” He said, walking past.
“”Please?” Keith asked, following. “There you are! Can we talk?” Ryan asked, falling in stride besides them. “I have to run diagnostics on the MFES and finish my reports.” James said, still not taking his eyes off his tablet.
“There you three are!” Shiro said, jogging over. James finally looked up from his tablet. “James, Nadia needs you. Her ship is being weird and she wants your help fixing it. Ryan, Ina has some reports from you guy’s last mission that she wants you to go over, Keith, Pidge needs you to help her move some of her tech stuff into her new office and set it up.”
James nodded. “Understood. Shiro. Kogane, Kinkade.” James said, nodding to each of the men.
They watched with wide eyes and dropped jaws as James walked away. “Shit. He used your last names. What’d you do?” Shiro asked.
Keith huffed. “I don’t know! I mean, I have an idea, but I'm not sure.” “Well, figure it out. Because I think the girls and Pidge are asking for each of you to figure out what’s happening.”
“It wasn't our anniversary, wasn’t a birthday, wasn’t Valentines or Christmas. So what was it?” Ryan asks Keith. “Um, well, we did.. kinda sorta have a vent session in the room about the missions we’d been doing…... while drinking, and not only did we get drunk, we might’ve said some things.. about… James?” Keith admits sheepishly, voice climbing in pitch.
“What?” Shiro exclaimed. “Guys! Really? You know he has issues with that.”
Regardless of many people's belief, James did not have a perfect childhood. Yes, his parents were rich, but he didn't have everything he ever wanted. With two successful older siblings, a brother and sister, and with his parents heading a multinational company, their expectations knew no limits. Everything he ever did, everything he ever was, wasn’t good enough. He was constantly chided for not meeting their expectations, constantly picked apart by his family’s words and disapproving looks. Their motto was “if you’re not first, you’re last”.
Since Keith was a better pilot, he was second, and therefore last. His parents also got divorced, shaking his already unstable homelife to the core. His sister went on drugs for some time, his brother was part of a harassment lawsuit, and his parents were battling it out in court for who had to take him. Not who got to, who had to. They literally listed reasons they shouldn’t have custody of him. His sister has a kid, and his brother has three from a wife whom he divorced.
“I know! But I- I was drunk, and tired and I don’t know what I was saying. But we might’ve said some things. I don't even remember! Oh fuck, no wonder he’s been avoiding us.” Keith says, more to Ryan than Shiro. “Wait wait wait. Been?” Shiro asks. The other two men exchange a look. “Um, yeah. He didn’t come back to the room last night. Or the night before.” Ryan admits, and Shiro sighs. “Guys.. you need to fix this. Right away. I’ll clear all three of your schedules for later today and tomorrow morning.” “But tonight Alice is dropping Lelani off!” Keith whined.
“Oh sit. Wait, that’s it. She doesn’t know. Alice doesn’t know the three of us are dating. Maybe that's why.” Ryan hummed. “I dunno. If that was the case, James would just tell us.” “Or, he wouldn’t, because then he’d have to explain the whole thing to everyone and he hates talking about it.”
"Jamie?" Keith asked, poking his head in the room. "Hmm?" James asked, not looking up from his tablet. He was sprawled across the bed in his PJs, black boxers and an old black hoodie. "Can we talk to you?" Ryan asked. "Yeah, sure." James answered, still not looking up from his tablet. Keith and Ryan shuffled over, sitting on the bed on opposite sides of him. "Jamie?" ""Kogane. Kinkade." James replied.
Keith sighed and took the tablet from his hands. "What?" James snapped. "Why are you mad at us?" Ryan asked simply. James looked thrown off by the directness of the question. "'You don't know?" "Was it something we said that night me and Ry were drinking?" James looked down, pulling his legs into a criss-cross in front of him. "Yeah. you guys said... a lot."
Keith studied him, trying to gauge his emotions. Unfortunately, James's eyes showed most of his emotions, and Keith couldn't see them. He was very guarded about how he felt, especially after the war.
"Is my laugh really that annoying?" James asked, uncertainty in his voice as he looked up at Keith. "And do I- do I look weird when I smile? Are my bangs weird? Do I really act like a ass when I'm leading my team or giving directions? Are- are my eyes really that weird? Do I look that bad without my shirt on?" James asked, voice wavering more and more with each question.
"Baby, no." Ryan said, cupping his cheek and brushing away a stray tear. "Am I- am I that bad?" "Jamie, no." Keith said, taking his hand. "I mean I- I know you guys- you're- you're amazing, and can do so- so much better than me, but I thought- I thought the three of us worked."
"But darling, we do. We love you, so, so much." Ryan said, brushing away another tear. "And you two- you two know how had it is for me to be so- so open with people about my emotions, and how- how insecure I am, especially- especially with how I look, but then you- you said all those things, and I- I can barely do anything without thinking about it and-and-" James took a shuddering breath. "Do you two really think that way about me?"
"Sweetie, no." Keith cooed.
"We don't think your laugh is annoying. We just don't hear it that often so it surprises us." Ryan explained. "And your smile is beautiful. It's gorgeous. But you always hide it behind your hand, or look down and hide it. And I like your bangs. Not only does it give me something to hold onto when you blow me, but it suits you. Kinda hides your eyes from view sometimes, makes you look hot." Keith added. "And baby, you don't look like an ass when you give orders. But you tense up, and look so serious, like the higher ups, who are assholes. And your eyes aren't weird. Just... unusual. I've never seen eyes that color before. They're kind of impossible to describe. But they're stunning." Ryan explains.
"And without your shirt.." Keith let out a low whistle. "I have to resist the urge to fuck you into the mattress. You're beautiful James, in every way. And we love you."
James nodded, wiping at his eyes and sniffling. "Oh Jamie." Ryan said, pulling him into his lap. James cried into his shoulder as Keith rubbed his back comfortingly, occasionally placing a soft kiss to his neck or cheek. "God, I'm sorry." James said. "here I am, dumping all my problems on you two. You must hate this. You should just break up with me, you guys could do so much better than me." "What? Who told you that?" Keith asked, brushing some bangs out of his face. "People. I overhear them in the halls and the hangar. And they- they're right. You two are fucking amazing and could do so much better than me."
"No, James, you're perfect for us." Ryan assured. "We wouldn't want anyone else. We love you."
Ryan held James against his chest as he slept, letting him cuddle into his side. Him and Keith intertwined their fingers, and he placed a tender kiss to his bruised knuckles. "Why wouldn't he tell us he felt like this?" He asked his violet-eyed lover. "He's closed off. Doesn't like showing emotion. His parents taught him that it's a weakness, showing your feelings to other people. And he has big self-esteem issues." Ryan nodded, running his thumb over Keith's knuckles. "Its not our fault. I mean, partially it is, but not entirely. James is just so used to people talking negatively about him. When we were cadets, people used to say he was doing.. other favors for the higher ups." "Oh." Ryan said, and Keith grimaced. "Well. We may not be able to fix it, but we can help. We could compliment him more, treat him better." Keith nods. "That sounds like a good idea." Then he yawned. "We should probably go to sleep. Night babe, love you." Keith said, pecking him on the lips. "Night love."
James yawned as he sat up, stretching. "Hey darling." Ryan said, sitting up besides him. "Morning." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and looking around. "Where's Keith?" "He." Ryan said, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. "Is in the kitchen, making chocolate chip waffles for the three of us." James gasped. "Really?" Ryan nodded. "Really." James smiled and hugged him, throwing a leg over his thighs. Ryan laughed and hugged him back, placing another kiss on his cheek. "Thank you." James said into his neck. "For last night." Ryan hummed. "No problem darling. You know you can tell us anything, right?" James nodded. "I know. I'm just- I'm still getting used to it. You know, being open about my feelings." "I know. So does Keith. But we're here for you, 'kay?" "M'kay." James said, pulling back. He pecked Ryan on the lips, and moved to get off of him, but Ryan grabbed his waist, pulling him back into the kiss. James smiled into it before standing, heading for the bedroom door. "Love you." Ryan cooed. "Love you too."